Jacob's eating eggs on toast in the kitchen. Esme's drying a pan by the sink. She's humming quietly a tune I don't know.
I stand in front of the table in silence. He glances up at me and looks at me strangely, but quickly lowers his eyes back to his breakfast.
So I'm not interesting to him? I probably should be. Whats should I do? I'm not sure. I keep standing awkwardly opposite to Jacob and bite my lip again.
After a few minutes Jacob finishes with his meal and gets up, taking his plate and glass. He gave them to a smiling Esme. "Thanks. It was delicious", he said to her and her smile just widened. She started scrubbing the dishes as soon as he turned around to face me again.
"Let's go for a walk, shall we."
He didn't wait for my answer and led our way out through the glass door to the backyard. He held my hand tightly as we went outside in the sunshine.
My skin began shining immediately. Jacob's head turned to look at me in amazement. I looked at his expression carefully observing from it what he was thinking about me. To my surprise, he opened his mind for me.
You're so beautiful. Your fair skin is made of diamonds. Your eyes made of pools of gold. Your lips are made rose petals. Your hair is made of caramel wreaths. You're so Goddamn beautiful, Edward.
I'm stunned by this and I have to cast my eyes away from his intense eyes. His thoughts still swirl around my "beauty" and I can't bear them, to be honest. I keep walking and he follows me as my hand nudges his as he still has his grip on me. He keeps his mind open for me as he admires me from my backside. I frown and grit my teeth, my jaw tense and my walking speeds up. I want to get away from him right now. I can't stand his thoughts.
I think he picked up my intentions of running away from him, because as I began speeding up even more he grabbed me by just launching at me, throwing his arms around my chest. He held me tightly against his chest and I shut my eyes tighter and put my hands over his wrists, making a weak attempt at pulling them away.
Listen to me! You're fucking beautiful. Inside and out. You're perfect and it's a time you realize that yourself. No point in torturing yourself thinking that you're some kind of a monster, because you're the total opposite of that!
His thoughts yelled in my head. My nose scrunched at them in disgust. He seemed to know everything I did even if he couldn't see my face from behind me. I could feel his eyes watching down at me. His grip only tightened with time as if that was meant to reassure me that I was safe.
I am safe! Jacob protects me. He's right. He's always right.
"Edward... Why can't you love me? What am I doing wrong here?" Jacob asks suddenly very sincerely.
"I do love you", I tell him through my closed teeth. I probably look like a predator ready to jump on his prey, but I can't help it.
"You would believe me if you loved me. You don't. What has happened to you? What had made you believe all these other horrible things about yourself that are really full of bullshit?"
Why the Hell he cares about what I think about myself? Who would it help if I thought myself as a beautiful creature instead of the darkest and most terrible thing that has ever existed on this planet? Who would ever care about that? Who could care about me?
"I think I can read your thoughts better than you can read mine", Jacob states after a moment of silence on my part.
"You're probably right", I say quietly. I let my face relax into it's blank expression after that. I open my eyes to see him in front of me. When did he move there?
"And I don't like what I'm hearing. You're clearly lost and scared. Is it this situation that's making you like that? I see that you're trying to adapt to it, but it's only making you lose yourself completely. I don't want that. I'm genuinely in love with you and if you're gone, who I'm supposed to love then? Edward, I'll always love you. And I can wait a forever for you to love me too. But if I lose you now, will I ever find you again?" he asks me looking surprisingly worried about me.
He continues: "I can't let you leave me, Edward. You don't have to love me before you're ready. But you can't leave me now."
He's always right.
And this time I believe what I'm thinking.