Again, apologies for the late upload. Busy, busy, busy. As always.
Anyway, Q&A (actually me just reacting to comments XD) at the bottom, as normal.
Enjoy.
Star Wars Rebels – E3 P10 – Small Steps
Sabine lay back on the bed with a heavy sigh. She'd just been fitted with a brace for her left leg, letting her walk around when she wore it, albeit slowly. It was currently leaning on the side of the bed, where it was easily accessible.
A fait yellow glow emitted from under the door, illuminating the floor panels a few feet away from it. Aside from that, the room was pitch-black. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, but she didn't really have much of a choice. She couldn't just sleep with the lights on 24/7, not that they would've stopped her from doing so. She needed to get back to normal though, and she wouldn't recover by pampering herself.
It'd been a rough day. The others had tried to get her to talk to Ezra, but she'd punched him as soon as he came in range, and proceeded to hurl insults at him until he'd gone.
And then she'd had another flashback.
It was humiliating, she thought, to be powerless to control your own mind. To break down in front of others, some of whom you don't even know.
She hated it. She hated Ezra for bringing it upon her, even though she didn't remember much of the incident. But he left her. That was all that mattered to her.
He'd betrayed her.
There was a faint murmur of voices talking just outside the door. Hera, and one of the doctors, their words indiscernible.
The door slid open and a white-robed figure strode in, the light momentarily blinding her. When her eyes adjusted, she got a glimpse of a concerned Hera looking through the doorway, then the doctor got in front of her and placed a cup of water on the table beside the bed.
"Are you ok sweetie?" the nurse asked gently. It was the woman, the one who'd calmed her down on the day of her rescue.
"Yeah," Sabine said with a nod, not really focusing on the nurse, enveloped in thought.
"Ok. Just push the button if you need me," the nurse replied, reminding Sabine of the button on the wall that could be used to summon the nurse on duty, as she did every evening.
Sabine got another glimpse out the door, seeing Kanan with a hand on Hera's shoulder, as Hera looked down, arms crossed.
She knew why Hera was upset. Ever since that night where she'd had the first nightmare, she'd get flashbacks if she had any prolonged contact with the rest of the crew, or even just a few seconds, if it was a bad day. To communicate successfully required someone else she knew to act as an anchor, one that the Empire didn't use in the Citadel, which meant Wedge, or one of the few other rebels she'd known closely. Most of the time, they were unavailable, on scouting missions or patrols, and so there wasn't much that could be done.
Sabine sighed as the door clicked shut, plunging her into darkness again.
Sleep didn't come easily. It never did now; the fear of the nightmares always delayed her, but she did manage to drift off after a couple of hours dreading the nightmares that would undoubtedly come.
Sabine was in a forest of sorts. The trees were large and evenly spaced, as though lining a pathway, and their branches coiled around each other, forming a dense overly of branches and twigs without leaves. They grew around each other, branches twisting slowly, new ones extending off the old ones to make more, but somehow the number of branches never seemed to grow.
And they were silver. Silvery trees, white light shining through the gaps, leaving no shadow. The trees only stretched for 20 meters or so, but as she stepped forward, more began to materialize, jagged, translucent shards flying into place to form a smooth, seamless trunk. The floor was flat and seemingly clean, but somehow also muddy, curving upwards slightly at the base of the tree trunks. A quick glance at her body revealed that she was in her armour, in its normal, colourful condition, albeit a bit muddy and faded. She was the only thing that was dirty. The trees were spotlessly clean.
"Hello there," a voice said. A familiar voice.
She turned and gasped at what she saw.
Sabine stumbled backwards, away from… herself. She was grinning at her retreating form, laughing as she slipped in the mud.
"Who… who are you?" Sabine demanded from where she lay on the ground, staring in horror at her own mirror image.
The girl, herself, laughed at the question.
"Isn't it obvious?" she smirked, laying a hand on her hip. "I'm you. Or what you used to be. Before you became weak."
Sabine spluttered and shook her head, scrambling to her feet.
"I didn't become weak."
"Pshh," her mirror snorted, flicking some colourful hair from her face. "Please. You put your undying trust in some complete strangers and then can't believe that they don't like you. Too weak, too needy, too naïve, to realize it."
She poked herself in the chest.
"And don't even get me started on that stupid Bridger boy."
Sabine tried to shove herself back, only to meet empty air. Her double vanished and appeared just outside of Sabine's reach, arms folded, smirking.
"I'm not weak," she stated angrily, glaring at the apparition. "I trust them. We have saved each other's lives more times than you could imagine. They're my family."
The other Sabine laughed in pure mirth, bending double and clutching her stomach with one hand while the other slapped her leg.
"Is… is that really what you believe?" she managed to ask between laughs. "That they LOVE you? That they want you around? That they even like you?"
Sabine charged her other, but again met empty air, and crashed to the ground. She leaped up and spun to face her other, who stood there, giggling.
"You could've had so much more, if you'd stayed with Ketsu," she grinned at herself. "The two of you, working for the Black Sun. Is that not what you wanted?"
Sabine swung a punch, but she dodged and stepped aside. The flurry of desperate blows all missed, Sabine being outplayed by herself, fighting an enemy who knew her better than she did, and could not be physically hurt, at least by her.
Suddenly, she was tripped up and landed hard on her back, winding her.
"Idiot," she smiled down at herself. The trees above twisted and coiled around each other as they grew, silvery light shining through the gaps.
Sabine staggered to her feet.
"I will never give in…" she rasped, wiping some of the mud from her face. It smudged, but the mud on her hand evaporating as it came down.
"Just not our style, is it?"
Sabine shook her head to get rid of some of the blurriness that was present in her vision.
"I will keep fighting you… until I can fight no longer."
The other stepped forward and scolded her gently.
"Don't be stupid. You can't fight yourself. I know your thoughts and actions before they materialise in what little of a brain you have left."
She stepped towards her exhausted other, until they were basically nose-to-nose.
"You can't deny yourself. Once you realize, you will get rid of your 'family' and go off, look after yourself for a while."
Sabine raised her fists and got into a fighting stance, legs planted in the ground, fists raised.
"I will not let you hurt them. Through me or otherwise."
The other Sabine shoved herself and knocked her off balance.
"You think people can forgive you for what you've done?"
The other Sabine seemed to be growing in size, the trees growing taller at the same time.
"You think they actually like you?"
Sabine collapsed onto her knees, head down, hands on the floor.
"They're just using you for your skills!"
"No…" Sabine gasped under her breath, shaking slightly.
"They will get rid of you as soon as you're of no use."
Sabine pressed her head to the floor and planted her hands over her ears as though it could block out the sound.
"T-they… won't," Sabine cried, unable to believe her own words.
"You really believe that!?"
"Yes…"
"WE BOTH KNOW THE TRUTH!" her other self screamed at the figure collapsed in front of her. "YOU ARE AN OBJECT TO THEM! DISPOSABLE! WAKE UP SABINE!
NO ONE LOVES YOU!
NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!
NO ONE WILL EVER FORGIVE YOU!"
"no…"
"GIVE UP AND LET ME FINISH THIS!"
Finish this… her mind echoed. Images flashed.
The bodies lined up by the road
Finish this…
The Imperial banner flying above Mandalore
Finish this…
A planet's surface enveloped in fire.
Finish this…
Thousands of faceless beings staring at her, condoning her for her crimes.
FINISH THIS!
Her other stood before her, faceless and lifeless as the others.
Sabine lunged forward and swung with all her strength, a desperate war cry ripping from her throat.
Everything went black.
Sabine woke with a gasp, bathed in sweat. She was in the medical room, staring at the ceiling. The air was sharp against her skin and she shuddered as she recalled what had happened, feeling weak within her core.
That nightmare had been different, and she didn't know what it meant. She wondered if she could be directing her pent-up anger, and fear, at her friends without knowing it.
"Sabine, are you OK?" asked a voice.
It was Hera, waiting outside the door.
"I'm fine," Sabine replied quietly.
"Are you sure? It's the middle of the night."
There was a sigh when Sabine didn't answer.
Hera turned to leave, but a whoosh stopped her. A door had opened behind her and she turned to see Sabine in the frame, head down, shoulders slumped. The light from the star coming through the skylight illuminated Sabine, her uninjured arm clasping the other defensively.
"What happened?" Hera asked, concerned. She put a pair of gentle hands on Sabine's shoulders, looking into the teen's face, searching for an answer, and a way to help.
"Hera, please answer honestly," Sabine said, avoiding Hera's question.
She looked at the Twi'lek sadly, the light revealing the red eyes and downturned mouth.
"Do you like me? Even after everything that's happened?"
Hera didn't reply immediately, taken aback by the question.
Sabine lowered her head. "I understand."
"Sabine, you are family to me. Of course I do," replied Hera.
The woman took her hand off Sabine's shoulder and gently pulled Sabine's chin up so that their eyes met.
"Sabine Wren, we all love you. Don't ever tell yourself otherwise."
Sabine nodded slowly, eyes flickering to the floor and back up, as the light from the star dissipated, obscured by an asteroid or some such blocking the light, plunging the corridor into darkness and leaving them illuminated by the soft, blue floor lights.
"What made you think that we didn't?" Hera asked cautiously, removing her hands from her shoulders.
"I don't know," Sabine replied hesitantly, biting her lip as she thought. "I… it just seemed that, after all that'd happened… and how much of a burden I'm being…"
"You're not a burden, Sabine," Hera comforted, leaning forward and staring into Sabine's eyes, daring her to disagree, in the kindest way possible.
"But when I was imprisoned," Sabine responded uncertainly. "I thought you guys betrayed me. When I was lying on the ground and crying in pain…"
A memory flickered in her mind and she hesitated, a sudden surge of emotion threatening to rise up and come crashing down on their conversation. The dark, gloomy corridor, lights off for purposes of sleep, did nothing to help the atmosphere.
"I gave up on you. I didn't care if you guys were alive or dead. I just wanted to be free."
Hera's eyes widened slightly as she processed what'd just been said, then pulled Sabine into an embrace.
"I understand," she said simply, voice reassuring and strong.
There was no way for Hera to have known that information beforehand, yet she accepted it in her stride, and Sabine couldn't help but be grateful for her understanding.
"You might've given up on us Sabine," Hera stated, gently easing out of the embrace. "But you never gave up on yourself."
"How do I know that? When all I wanted was for the pain to stop?" Sabine folded her arms and shivered, looking down as memories of the days spent in the Citadel, and the room she had grown all-too familiar with, echoing in her mind. Even the darkened corridor here reminded her of the sinister passages of the Citadel, and a flicker of fear stabbed at her mind, a question.
Was this real? Or was this just another well-constructed lie, designed to crush her even more?
"If you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation," Hera's calm, reassuring voice cut through the darkness the plagued Sabine's mind. "If you'd given up, the Empire would know where we are, and we'd all be dead. You'd either been executed for treason against the Empire, or brainwashed to become a servant of evil. The fact that you can talk with me now, proves that you were strong enough to survive. And maybe now you'll be stronger because of it."
Sabine gave a small smile and relaxed, the tension easing from her body in an emotional catharsis.
"Thank you, Hera," the smile broadened as Hera returned it and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, guiding her back to her room. The light began to fade back, illuminating the hallway and chasing away the darkness.
Notes:
So I hope you enjoyed that.
I apologize again for the long wait and maybe less descriptive / enthusiastic end section. I've been unbelievably busy recently. I will upload the next chapter in TWO weeks, because I haven't written much on the next chapter, and will be out of contact that entire weekend, so I'll be unable to upload.
On another note, how many of you know Knights of the Old Republic? I'm tempted to do a story on that sometime, because there is so much potential. Let me know what you think of both that idea and this story. Did you like this chapter? I want to hear about it.
Again, shout out to ja54591 for continuously checking my work even though he doesn't have to! Check out his page, he's a great writer.
Q&A: Fanfiction
Nathan: Hi, I just wanted to let you know that cortosis is a metal impervious to lightsabers, and some varieties could disable lightsabers with their strange magnetic field, which destabilized the magnetic field that kept lightsabers from extending infinitely. This could cause the lightsaber to shoot bursts of flames and possibly explode.
Me: I know :) That's my I chose it.
SkytanDemigod15: Plz I now you havent updated this story in a while but i really want to know what happens next please keep going at least one more chapter plz! :)
Me: I Every 1-2 weeks! I will keep updating until the story ends or no one supports it.
RebelStarbirdPadawan: This chapter was good even with the graphic torture. I was kind of confused the second time Sabine saw the rest of the crew and I wasn't sure if they were real or not. Overall it was good even though I was hoping for more of Sabine's interactions with the crew. Can't wait for the next update
Me: The time where she was 'rescued' and saw the others killed was not real, but in her mind, while the bit with Ezra in the cell was real, but it wasn't Ezra. The bit where she was in the hospital bit was real, and she did tell Ezra to bugger off (as most would've done)
Sleepless-Actual: You gotta gotta gotta gotta keep going please!
Me: YES!
Dustyspartan32: This chapter was really good. I feel so sorry for Sabine. She's gone through absolute hell from the constant nightmares. I can understand why she hates Ezra so much. She's in this mess because of him and I doubt she'll forgive him anytime soon.
Me: I feel so guilty for doing this to her as well :/ I have plans though. What they are, you'll have to wait and watch them unfold.
Your fan: I do say this is one fine chapter, I love the sweet smell of drama that is flowing around in your story, do keep up the good work, and now that you have made me "Hooked on to the story" I think thats how they say it? It would be nice of you if you could drop another chapter tomorrow or the day after, and mabe add a little sabine trying to kill ezra, It would give the drama a little spice, a little ummpfh. But like I said before I am hooked and would like to see a continuation of this very great story, I can see the workings of a writer in you.
Me: As much as I'd love to, I can only upload at least once a week (but the next one will be in 2 weeks, unfortunately, because I'll be away. However, things will happen between them. Maybe good, maybe bad.
And thanks so much for the compliments :) I do appreciate them.
L1B1TR0N: I am loving this. I think that how you showed how Sabine is broken was amazing. You did a really good job on this chapter.
Me: Glad you like it :) I was honestly very worried about this when I first posted it, because I was worried it'd be too extreme, but I'm glad it wasn't for you.
Q&A: Archive of Our Own.
EyeLoch: well gosh, this part was enjoyably dark! I look forward to Sabine healing from this trauma.
Me: *Cackles evilly* I agree. I have some (in my opinion) great ideas for their re-union.
Stiletto Ren (Stiletto929): Poor Sabine - and Ezra! The Empire has some effective interrogation techniques!
Me: IKR. I can't wait to get onto the next bit