"So, you've fought the urge all day? How does that make you feel?" she asked, pushing her plate away from her before taking her napkin and wiping the corners of her mouth.
"I don't know exactly. My feelings are all over the place. One minute I'm angry and frustrated and I just wanna grab that bottle and down 'em all. The next minute I don't wanna be alone, I'm scared and I just want help." he answered simply, taking a sip from his iced tea.
"Well, those feelings are all normal and for the next week or so you're going to feel a range of emotions that are going to confuse you and make you feel like your going absolutely insane. If this is what you want and you seriously want to get help, you can do it. I know you can. Is this what you want?" she asked?
"Yeah, I mean, I think so. I'm confused already. Like I said about my feelings being all over the place, one minute I wanna be sober and the next I just wanna take some pills and be me again." he said.
"Jeff, the first thing you have to know is that when you take those pills, that isn't you. Is who the pills perceive you to be; it's how they affect you that day that makes you who you are. It's almost like split-personalities. With pills, one day you're happy, the next angry, the next challenging." she smiled weakly, recalling their first encounter.
"I wanna do this. The one clear thought I had today was how I didn't want to upset myself anymore. I don't wanna let myself, my family, my co-workers, my boss.. I don't wanna let anyone else down." he answered. "I've got a question for you, though." he said, leaning back with somewhat of a sly smile on his face.
"What's that?" she asked, feeling somewhat uneasy.
"Why didn't you have me detox from the start? Why didn't you say or do anything when you knew I was still on drugs?" he asked.
"Well, I was hoping you would go through something like this without me having to intervene. I figured it would me access your situation a little better and I was hoping the meetings had some kind of impact on you." she answered truthfully.
"They did. More than anything, actually, I've learned coming away from those meetings." he answered, as the waiter brought their check to the table.
She reached for the bill, but Jeff grabbed her hand gently, causing them to stare at each other for a minute. She saw the same set of comforting, easy, understand eyes she was met with earlier, and smiled, feeling the warmth growing in her cheeks.
"No. Let me." he urged, grabbing the check and bringing some cash from his wallet. He threw a ten dollar bill on the table before standing and holding out his hand to Janine. She excepted the warm gesture, as they both stood and walked towards the register for Jeff to pay for their meal.
Once they got outside, she closed her eyes for a second, letting the warm summer breeze blow through her long, brown locks. She enjoyed the summer time, and today was a very eventful day for Jeff as well as herself. She felt like she had made a difference in someones life and it made her feel rather good.
"So, you had me bring the pills for a reason, right?" he asked, finally turning around to stare at Janine.
She smiled gently, not wanting to bring up the subject, but knew she had to address it sooner or later. She nodded her head before speaking, collecting her thoughts before she spoke.
"Yeah, I did. I'm gonna follow you home and I'll show you what we're gonna do with them." she said easily.
"Alright, but I have one favor to ask you." he said, squinting his eyes from the bright sun.
"Alright, what's that?" she asked.
"I don't think I can drive home with them in my car. I fought the entire way here, even though I did lock them in my trunk, but just knowing there there, I don't think I can do it again. Would you..."
"How about I ride with you, for legal purposes. If I get pulled over with your prescription bottles in my car..." she began.
"That's fine, I understand. That would be just as helpful." he answered, as he lead the way to where his car was parked.
He unlocked the passenger door and opened it for Janine, allowing her to slip inside before shutting the door behind her and making his way to his side. He adverted the trunk by all means, instead taking an easier route in front of the car and slipped into the drivers side.
"You know Jeff, you had a breakthrough today and you've made major progress in one day. I don't know if it means anything to you, but I'm proud of you." she said, smiling at him.
"Thank you. It does mean a lot to mean." he said, squeezing her hand gently, as he turned onto the familiar, winding road.
"Is your family supportive of you? I mean, have you talked to your brother or your father at all about what you've faced today?" she asked.
"No, I haven't. I tried calling my dad and my brother wasn't home, so I suppose they don't know. I kind of wanna do this first and then sit down with them both and let them know. I know I've let them both down so many times in the past, especially here lately, and I just don't wanna do that anymore. There's something about seeing your older brother cry and knowing you had everything to do with it. Especially when he's like the closest person to my, beside our dad." he answered.
"That's sweet Jeff. So, you and your brother, you're close?" she asked.
"Very. He is completely different than me. We're polar opposites, but I like it that way. Honestly, I don't know if I could handle someone that's just like me." he answered, truthfully.
"Jeff, you're not a bad person. I see that from the 2 hours we've spent together today. You're sweet and funny, caring. You're just lost and you need help. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you need help, especially when it's there for you." she answered.
"I know, but it must go along with being a man; not admitting they we need help or whatever. I just can't do it anymore. And I do need help." he said, shaking his head.
They feel silent as he pulled into his brother's driveway and parked his car beside Matt's large SUV. Seeing his brother home bothered him a little, only because he still hadn't talked to him since there fight.
"My brothers home." he whispered to no one in particular, but worried about the reaction he might get by entering the house.
"Is that alright?" she asked, grabbing his shoulder before they got out of the car.
"Yeah, it'll be fine. I think I would like my brother there to witness whatever we're going to do with the pills. Maybe it'll help him heal a little bit." he said, smiling gently, before making his way towards the house.
"Jeff..." she called from behind him, as he turned slowly to face her.
"The pills." she said softly.
He shook his head and walked to the trunk. He pushed the button on his key chain as the trunk came to life and opened before them. He didn't give it much thought, not wanting to acknowledge they were there. He simply grabbed the bag, slammed the trunk and continued walking towards the house.
She followed close behind, wondering the type of reception that was to follow. She didn't have to wait long, as Jeff entered the back door as they entered a kitchenette area. She looked around the clean, blue and gray kitchen, before her eyes fell on the dark-haired man sitting at the table just before Jeff.
"Um, hey Matt." Jeff said, trying to sound as cheerful as he could. "I want you to meet someone. This is Janine. Janine, my brother, Matt."
"Is that your dealer?" Matt shot back, not looking up from his Golden Grahams.
Jeff sighed and turned around, looking her in the eyes, hoping she would understand. She waved it off and stepped forward, hoping to ease the tension somewhat.
"Actually, I'm your brother's counselor from his treatment and recovery meetings. It's nice to meet you." she said, smiling.
Matt looked up and shook his head, before standing up and extending his hand. He gave his brother a confused look before looking back at Janine with an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. I meant no disrespect." he said, shaking her hand.
"It's alright. I understand." she said, shaking her head and assuring him it was alright.
"So, Jeff, does that mean you're taking these meetings seriously?" Matt asked, sitting back down at the table.
"Actually...," he began.
"Actually, we're glad you're here. Jeff was saying how he wanted you to witness this exercise we're going to do." she said, shaking her head at Jeff, letting him know the floor was now his.
"Matt, I'm sorry. For the past two weeks, I wanted my brother back, but until today, I didn't realize that it was my problem and completely my fault. I don't want to upset you or dad anymore. I don't wanna upset myself or let myself down anymore. I've been through hell today, and now, I know what you guys have been going through these past few years." he said as he felt the tears filling his eyes.
"I just want my brother back, Jeff. I love you regardless. You know that, but I want my artistic, caring, sensitive brother back. I liked Jeff when he was crazy as hell, but high on nothing else but life. You used to be like that and I don't know if Beth drained it out of you or what it was, but dude, you can get it back. Dad and me, we'll support you. You know that." Matt said, standing up and embracing his younger brother.
Janine took the opportunity to excuse herself to the open living room, allowing the brothers to share a moment alone. Jeff allowed the tears to fall from his eyes, as he cried silently on his brother's shoulder. He knew this was it. He knew he was getting help and with the support of his brother, his father and his new friend, Janine, he was sure everything would be fine.