Chapter Two: Initiate (Fridas, 5th of Hearthfire)
When the two warriors returned to Jorrvaskr, the sky was beginning to lighten on the horizon, but there were still a few hours before daylight. Skjor was awake, awaiting their return in the main hall. He eagerly received the fragment from Aerenwen and met Farkas's eyes. The taller man simply nodded, and Skjor cracked a half smile, patting Aerenwen on the shoulder in a congratulatory manner.
"Your initiation will be tonight after dark in the yard behind Jorrvaskr," he told her.
"I guess that means I passed?" Aerenwen asked with a grin to Farkas after the older man had retreated down the stairs to the living quarters.
Farkas chuckled. "Always knew you would, Little Ren. Get some sleep."
Aerenwen opted to get a few hours of rest in the welp's dormitory rather than returning home and risk waking Hamish or Lydia. She removed her boots and the heavier pieces of her armor, climbing beneath the warm furs and falling into a deep sleep almost as soon her head hit the pillow.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to her, she was the topic of heavy conversation in Skjor's quarters.
"It was a trap," Farkas told the other members of the Circle, minus Kodlak. The old man was often left out of their meetings as of late. "There was no way either of us would've gotten out alive if I hadn't shifted."
"Aerenwen saw you?" Aela asked, fearful of her would-be lover's reaction. She knew this day would come. She had dreaded it and had avoided intimacy with Aerenwen because of it. She would never keep such a secret from her chosen partner, but she was under oath to not reveal their nature to anyone outside of the Circle and would not break her oath.
Farkas nodded. "I'm sorry, Skjor. I know I broke the oath, but I had no choice." The large man hung his head in shame. He looked up and met the gray eyes of his elder. "Little Ren is trustworthy. She won't tell our secret. I would bet my life on it."
"He's right," Aela agreed. "If this had to happen in front of any of the welps, it's good it was Aerenwen. She can be trusted."
Vilkas, meanwhile, was studying the older man. "You knew," he accused.
At Aela and Farkas's questioning looks, he continued.
"He knew it was a trap. He knew Farkas would have to show her what we are," Vilkas stated.
"I didn't know," Skjor replied, "but I suspected. "When that scholar came and met with the old man, there was something off about him. Kodlak and I both suspected it may be a Silver Hand trap. He suggested we send two members of the Circle. I chose to send Aerenwen instead."
"Why?" Aela asked. "You put her in unnecessary danger! You made Farkas break the oath."
Skjor shook his head. "Farkas did not break the oath. Our oath states we cannot tell anyone outside the Circle of our beastblood without inviting them to join us. It says nothing about a necessary shift in front of witnesses in order to save yourself and said witness. Kodlak senses a leadership in Aerenwen. I see it as well. Times are changing, and this battle with the Silver Hand is only getting closer to home. I needed to know if there were any among our newer members who could handle the truth.
"We haven't had a member worthy of rank within the Circle in five years," he continued with a nod toward Aela. "Whether she chooses to be one of us or not, I needed her to know the truth. Gods know the old man won't tell her."
"Kodlak won't like this," Vilkas stated.
"Kodlak is not our leader," Skjor replied. "We do as we choose, and the fact is, our Harbinger is getting on in years. When the time comes, one of us will be chosen as his successor. The Circle must continue. Must grow. We must look toward recruiting worthy members instead of the lot of rabble we've been getting over the last few years. Kodlak has chosen in his old age to look at as a curse what he once thought a blessing, and you, Vilkas, have chosen to follow his lead on that. I choose to bare my beastblood proudly, as does Aela, as did our forebears. Farkas has yet to make his choice. Aerenwen will be given her choice as well. It is not Kodlak's call. She has proven herself worthy, and as is tradition, when the time comes, she will make her choice."
Vilkas nodded, though he clearly wasn't pleased, and left the room. Farkas shrugged and cast a small smile in Aela's direction before following his brother out of the room.
Aela studied Skjor for a moment. "Why the subterfuge?" she asked. "Why not just tell her?"
"I knew we would face opposition from Kodlak and Vilkas," Skjor replied. "I knew there was a chance they would tell her it was a curse or let her believe the folktales. This way, she has gotten to know us. She knows we are honorable. She has seen us live fairly normal lives. She can come to terms with the idea before it is ever even presented as an option to her, and I think it will lead to a more open opinion on her part than it would have if we had followed tradition and let the old man tell the tale."
Aela nodded and began to walk toward the door.
"I did it for you as well," Skjor added.
She turned back, her surprise evident in her eyes.
"You've always been a loner," he continued. "I know you have a father, but I've always seen you as a daughter since you showed up on our doorstep seven years ago, telling us you were Ester's daughter. You're a strong woman, Aela. An excellent archer. A fierce warrior. You deserve someone at your side as more than simply a shield-sibling. I've seen you with this Aerenwen. You're different with her. At first, it concerned me, but in the short time she's been here, I have grown to respect her and see that she is of good stock. At the end of the day, after the battle is over, we all crave the comfort of a familiar touch. You've been so closed off, I feared you would never find that. But then the elf came along. You could have that companionship with her, girl. A true partner for life. Just as Kodlak has with Tilma. Just as I once had with your mother."
Aela's eyes widened.
"Aye," Skjor replied with a sad smile. "I didn't think you knew. Niall is a good man, Aela. Your mother truly loved him," he said, referring to her father, "but he was not a man who took well to having a warrior for a wife. Just as he tried to stop you, he attempted to keep her from joining our ranks. When she took the time off while she was expecting you, he grew even more adamant that she was to stay home. But that wasn't Ester. She would have been no more happy tending a house than you would be."
Aela smiled at that. It was true. She had loved her mother and cherished the memories of the times she would break from her adventures and visit her in her father's small cabin, but she had never questioned why she chose the life she had. Aela was born with the independent warrior streak that ran through her mother's family, and, to her father's dismay, she had dreamed of following in her mother's footsteps since she'd been old enough to pretend a stick was a sword and a plank of wood was a shield.
"Ester was heartbroken when Niall made her choose," Skjor continued. "He told her she could visit you, of course, but that he was finished being husband to a woman who insisted upon risking her life everyday. She had loved him. And for a long time after, she was lonely. Unfortunately, that outcome is all too common for those of our chosen life path. Whether our spouse is a man or woman, if they don't understand the warrior spirit, the need for adventure, they often come to resent it and all the nights they spend alone wondering if we're dead or alive. It's rare to find someone who understands you, and even rarer to find someone who will both have your back and hold your heart. After a time, Ester and I found that together. When I lost her, I lost a piece of myself, but I know she awaits me in the hunting grounds. I see in you and Aerenwen what was once between your mother and I."
Aela shook her head, unable to process all the usually private man had just revealed. "What does that have to do with sneakily revealing our lycanthropy to Aerenwen?" she asked.
Skjor chuckled. "I know you, Aela. You are stubborn, independent, and often infuriating. Just like Ester. And also like your mother, you're one of the most honorable women I've ever met. You don't have a dishonest bone in your body, and I knew that our secret would prevent you from seeking more with Aerenwen but that you would never break your oath of secrecy. Now she knows. Whether she chooses to become one of us or not, whether Kodlak is able to prevent us from even making that invitation, now she knows it all. There are no barriers left in the way of you finding happiness."
"Thank you," the woman stated, though in her current state of mind it sounded more like a question. She turned back toward the door, resting her hand on the doorknob, but before she opened it, she spoke. "What if she hates what we are?" she asked so quietly if there had been any other noise in the room Skjor wouldn't have heard her. "What if she spurns me because of what I am?"
"My instincts tell me that won't happen, child," Skjor replied, "but if it should, your brothers and I will help you through it."
Aela nodded.
A short time later she sat in the chair beside Aerenwen's bed, watching the beautiful elf sleep. She wondered what she was dreaming. Was it of her? Of finding love with her? Or of her being a hideous beast? When the other woman began to stir, Aela stood and quickly left the room, disappearing from Jorrvaskr and Whiterun for the rest of the day.
It was another cloudless night. A fire burned in the courtyard behind the mead hall, and all the Companions were gathered around it. The moons were full, and with her new knowledge, Aerenwen could see the barely discernible agitation of the members of the circle whose beasts were being called forth. She scanned the crowd, her golden eyes finally falling upon the woman she had searched for ever since waking. Aela hadn't been around, and no one seemed to know where she was. Aerenwen had begun to fear something had happened to her, but there she was, standing beside Skjor and the other members of the Circle on the opposite side of the fire.
Farkas stood beside Aerenwen, one of his big hands resting on her shoulder, as Kodlak stood in front of the group.
"Brothers and Sisters of the Companions," the old man began, "tonight we welcome a new soul into our mortal fold. This woman has endured, has challenged, and has shown her valor. Who will speak for her?"
"I stand witness for the courage of the soul that stands before us," Farkas announced proudly.
"Would you raise your shield in her defense?" Kodlak asked.
"I would stand at her back that the world might never overtake us," Farkas replied.
"And would you raise your sword in her honor?" Kodlak asked.
"It stands ready to meet the blood of her foes," Farkas answered.
"And would you raise a mug in her name?" Kodlak asked.
"I would lead the song of triumph as our mead hall reveled in her stories," Farkas stated.
"Then this judgement of the Circle is complete," Kodlak announced. "Aerenwen, your heart beats with the fury and courage that have united the Companions since the days of the distant green summers. Let it beat with ours, so the mountains may echo, and our enemies may tremble at its call."
All the members of the Circle spoke in unison then. "It shall be so."
Aerenwen finally met Aela's eyes across the fire. The other woman looked at her with pride, but Aerenwen could also tell that she was worried about something.
"Well, girl, you're one of us now," Kodlak stated, approaching Aerenwen and pulling her attention away from the woman who was coming to mean so much to her. "I trust you won't disappoint."
"Thank you, sir," she replied simply.
"Are you enjoying your time here?" the old man asked. "You seem to be rising through the ranks quickly."
"It is an honor to keep company with my shield-siblings," she answered. "I . . . I'm curious about something. Well, a lot of things, really," she chuckled, "but one thing in particular is at the forefront of my mind."
"You may ask me anything, child," the Harbinger replied. "It's what I'm here for."
"How did the members of the Circle come to be werewolves?" she asked discreetly.
Kodlak's eyes widened in surprise, and he frowned slightly. "I see you've been allowed to know some secrets before your appointed time. That, lass, is a story for another place," he glanced around at the other Companions lingering just out of earshot. "Come see me in my quarters when you have the time. I shall answer any questions on that topic you may have."
Aerenwen thanked him and looked around for Aela. She spotted her again, finally, sitting on the stone steps leading up to the large porch on the back of the mead hall. She made her way toward the other woman, progressing slowly as she was stopped frequently to receive congratulations from those gathered.
She finally reached Aela who was in the midst of a hushed conversation with Skjor. The older man cast his crooked smile at the elf and welcomed her to the family before giving Aela a look full of meaning and walking away, leaving the two women alone. Well, as alone as two can be in a yard full of celebrating warriors.
"Congratulations," Aela stated with a smile, raising her flagon of mead as she looked up at the elf.
"You've been avoiding me," Aerenwen accused.
"I . . . " Aela started to deny the accusation, but Skjor was right. She hated lying, especially to those she cared about. "I have."
"Why?" Aerenwen asked.
Aela shrugged and actually felt as though she could cry. She blinked quickly, hoping to hide any sign of moisture in her eyes. "Fear," she replied with a dry chuckle. "I'm not afraid of much, Aerenwen. I can't remember a time in my life I've truly been afraid. Through all the hunts, the battles, the adventures . . . I've never felt fear. Yet ever since last night when Farkas told us what happened at Dustman's Cairn, I've been overwhelmed by this absolutely paralyzing fear, and I don't even know how to handle it."
"What are you afraid of?" Aerenwen asked.
"You," the other woman replied simply.
"Me?!" the elf answered, unable to hide her surprise. "Why on Nirn are you afraid of me, Aela?"
"I'm afraid you'll see me as a monster now that you know the truth," the Nord answered.
Aerenwen sighed and took a seat on the step beside the other woman who looked so sad. "Is that how you see yourself?"
Aela shook her head.
"How do you feel about the beastblood?" she asked.
"Proud," Aela replied. "It's a blessing. I'm stronger in so many ways. I'm a better warrior because of it."
"Aela, why should I view you any differently now than I did before?" Aerenwen asked. "You're not a monster. You've never tried to hurt me. You've never shown any sign of losing control. I was surprised . . . shocked . . . when I found out, but not because I was opposed to the idea but rather because I never expected it." She paused for a moment and glanced over at Farkas who was laughing boisterously near the fire. "Before this place, my only experience with this were the stories, but you've all shown me there is another side to things." She turned to Aela and waited for the other woman to meet her eyes. "This changes nothing. Everything we said my first night here, how I feel, how I see you, what I want . . . nothing has changed, Aela."
Aela sighed audibly in relief. "Thank gods," she stated, leaning into the other woman's shoulder. "The thought of you not wanting to see where this could go . . . it just . . . I couldn't . . ."
"Sssshh," Aerenwen soothed, resting her head atop Aela's. "There's nothing to worry about. Nothing has changed between us. Except maybe that we don't have any secrets anymore."
"Skjor apparently shacked up with my mother for years," Aela announced, speaking of secrets.
Aerenwen glanced down at her in surprise.
"I know. I just found that out last night," Aela replied.
"Sort of makes those rumors about you and Skjor even more disturbing," Aerenwen commented.
Aela laughed at that. "You still haven't told me why you're a fugitive."
Aerenwen nodded. "I will. Another time, though? Tonight our friends are celebrating. I'd rather not ruin the mood."
Aela agreed and stood, taking Aerenwen's hand and helping her to her feet.
"Get over here you two!" Farkas called out. "I'm getting ready to tell them about the hundred draugr we faced in the deepest chamber of the cairn!"
Aela glanced at Aerenwen. "A hundred draugr?"
The elf chuckled. "A few dozen maybe."
Aela laughed and wove her arm through the other woman's, leading her toward their friend.