Name: Confessions
Date: April 1st, 1999
Rating: M
Genre: Romance/Hurt-Comfort
"If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find."
- John Churton Collins
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Harry had decided weeks ago that meeting Ginny off the Hogwarts Express for Easter break was not a good idea. Instead, he was eagerly awaiting her return at the Burrow, pacing a hole in the floor of the sitting room and glancing eagerly at the Weasley Clock every few minutes, beyond frustrated to see that her arrow still pointed towards 'travelling'.
It had been only a week after Harry had proposed that the news of their engagement had become common knowledge. It had been front page news for ten days. How the press had found out about the engagement Harry was unsure, but he had a feeling the large diamond on Ginny's left hand may have had something to do with it.
In the end Harry, fed up with the constant media scrutiny and speculation, and on Hermione's advice, issued a short press release that Ginny had approved. The statement had simply confirmed that Harry had proposed and been accepted, that they were very happy, appreciated the public's best wishes, and were yet to set a wedding date. Despite Harry's best hopes, it hadn't worked, the speculation continued and even now, three months later, was yet to die down.
Glancing at his watch, Harry's pacing increased. The Hogwarts Express should have almost arrived by now and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny should be home at any minute. When the fireplace flared green, Harry stopped short, despite knowing that Ginny and Mrs. Weasley were Apparating back to the Burrow. When Charlie Weasley came through the fireplace, Harry stared in shock.
Charlie looked awful.
Of all the Weasley's, Harry had spent the least amount of time with Charlie. However, despite the lack of time, the pair had bonded over their mutual love of Quidditch and their equal share as Gryffindor's greatest Seeker in living memory. After the Battle of Hogwarts, Charlie had relocated to Wales and taken a position at a dragon reserve there, much to his mother's delight. But despite his much closer proximity to home, the Weasley's had seen Charlie almost as infrequently as they did when he was living in Romania.
"What in Godric's name happened to you?" Harry blurted out, more in the manner of his best friend than himself.
Charlie glared at him, slumping down in the chair closest to him and burying his head in his hands. Harry wished Ginny and Mrs. Weasley were already home, for surely they would know how to deal with this situation because he had absolutely no idea.
Summoning a glass and a bottle of Firewhiskey, Harry poured Charlie a sizable shot, before shoving it in his hands. He waited until his future brother in law had downed the liquid in one gulp, before pouring him another and saying simply –
"Talk."
"Who says I want to?" Charlie retorted, raising the glass to his lips again.
"Please," Harry snorted. "If you didn't want to talk the Burrow would be the last place you'd come."
Charlie glared at him again, mostly because Harry was right and Charlie did want to talk to someone, even if he wouldn't admit as much.
"I'm in love," Charlie bit out, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.
"And?" Harry tried not to smirk; he'd suspected something of this nature was going on with Charlie the weekend he had proposed to Ginny.
"It's never going to work," Charlie groaned, downing the rest of his Firewhiskey .
"Why not?"
"Because we can't….tell anyone. Mum and dad would never understand…or approve," Charlie sighed, his voice tapering off and Harry rather suspected that if the older man had have been alone, he would have been in tears.
"Why?" Harry was genuinely perplexed. Arthur and Molly Weasley were the most accepting, loving people he knew. He couldn't envision a single situation where they would not accept one of their children's partners, particularly if the Weasley in question was happy. "Is there something wrong with her?"
"It's just that," Charlie bit out, half in anger, half in despair. "It's not a her."
"Oh…"
Harry was genuinely gobsmacked. Never in a million years would he have even considered that Charlie might be gay. Rumor had it he'd been a renowned womanizer at Hogwarts and Harry had always assumed those habits had continued after he had graduated.
"So now you see why I can't do anything about it," Charlie spat bitterly. "Mum and Dad would never understand, never mind the rest of you and Drew…Drew refuses to be kept a secret, can't say I blame him really…"
"Hold on just a minute Charlie," Harry was more than a little offended. "I don't think you're giving any of us, especially your mum and dad, enough credit here. I mean everyone will be shocked of course, I'm shocked, but you can't think any body would react badly?"
"That's exactly what I think Harry," Charlie groaned. "Why do you think I've never told anybody?"
"You've never told anybody?" Harry echoed, unable to imagine denying such a vital piece of himself for so very long. A wave of sympathy crashed over him as he imagined what Charlie had gone through for so many years. "Charlie... I'm so sorry. That's awful."
"Well who was I meant to tell?" Charlie asked, a little despairingly. "Bill and I went through Hogwarts together and he's got years of memories of me sneaking girls up to the Astronomy Tour. He'd never understand that I was trying to convince myself that I was more interested in those dozens of girls than any of the boys in my dorm. Why do you think I chose to work in Romania all these years? Nobody knew me there and I could date whoever I wanted…without having to worry about anybody seeing me and telling Mum or Dad."
"Charlie, that's…"
"Awful, I know," Charlie grimaced. "When I moved to Wales, I met Drew. He's older, you know and a lot more…accepting of what he is than I am. And I've fallen for him, hard and he knows it, but he doesn't want some hidden relationship. He said it's all or nothing and I don't know how to give him everything…"
"Charlie, you honestly can't believe that your parents would…I don't know, kick you out or something, over this," Harry protested.
"Please Harry," Charlie sighed. "Don't try to make me feel better. Mum constantly goes on about how she wants me to 'find a nice girl and settle down.'"
"Molly just wants you to be happy," Harry insisted. "She never would have considered that you…preferred guys. Let's be honest Charlie, you don't really fit the stereotype."
Charlie still didn't look convinced so Harry tried a different tact.
"Charlie your parents are the most understanding, accepting people I know. It would break their hearts to think that you had been keeping this from them for so many years. Trust them, I'm sure you'll be surprised."
Two identical pops from outside the kitchen alerted Harry to Ginny's arrival.
"Harry, please don't say anything yet," Charlie implored. "I'll talk to them, I will… just let me get my head around it all. This has been a secret for so many years that I don't know how to share it with anyone."
"I think you did a pretty good job with me," Harry smiled and clapped Charlie on the shoulder. "I'm looking forward to meeting Drew."
Harry left Charlie sitting by the fire and went to great his fiancé.
After dinner that night, when Harry and Ginny had slunk off to a private corner of the Burrow somewhere and Charlie and Arthur had helped Molly with the cleaning up, Charlie steeled himself for his revelation and said –
"Mum, dad, I have something I need to talk to you about,"
His parents looked around, sensing from the tone of his voice that whatever was bothering their second eldest son was no small thing.
"I've eh…met someone, someone special, and I was wondering if it was okay for me to bring them home for Easter lunch,"
"Of course you can Charlie," Molly beamed; this was exactly what she had always hoped for each of her children. "Your father and I are looking forward to meeting her. What's her name?"
Charlie took a deep breath, closing his eyes.
"Drew," he sighed. "His name is Drew."
Molly gasped, Arthur's eyes widened in shock and neither said a word. For several moments, nobody spoke and Charlie's eyes filled with tears. He sniffed, unable to help himself and moments later his mother had launched herself at him, throwing her arms around him, while his father's hand clamped down bracingly on his shoulder.
"Oh Charlie," Molly gasped, smoothing the hair that fell across his forehead lovingly.
"We're looking forward to meeting your Drew, son," Arthur spoke gruffly, his voice choked with emotion.
"Mind you tell me his favorite dish Charlie-poo," Molly murmured, kissing his cheek softly. "I'll make sure to include it on Sunday to make him feel welcome."
Charlie heaved a great sigh of relief, years worth of tension and fear seeping out of him, as he cried in his parent's arms.
Much later that night, Charlie Apparated directly to the front stoop of his cabin, just off the dragon reservation in Wales. Like many of the dragon keepers, Charlie elected to live in the cabins available to them, located on the edge of the reservation. It was convenient, especially when dealing with ill animals that needed round the clock care, as was often the case. It was a common and unfortunately mostly true stereotype that dragon keepers were obsessed with their jobs. Very few that Charlie had ever met had maintained successful, long term relationships and those that had were more often than not in relationships with other keepers. Charlie tried to block these negative thoughts as he ignored his own front door and instead headed for a different cottage, some two hundred meters from his own.
Charlie hesitated before knocking, steeling himself for whatever might occur. The last time he had spoken to Drew it had not ended well and he knew it would take a lot to make up for the damage he had done on that occasion.
Despite the late hour, Charlie knew Drew would be awake. Like him, Drew thrived late at night. In fact, that was how they had truly got to know each other, after both volunteering for late night shifts on the reservation. It was during those late nights that they had discussed nothing and everything, and Charlie had fallen in love with the soft-spoken older man. He had kept his adoration a secret, not wanting the mortification of exposing himself and being rejected and worst of all, not wanting to risk his friendship with the man who had become his closest friend.
Until one night it had all changed.
Relieved of their duty and unwilling to part, the pair had instead both retired to Drew's cabin, sharing a few drinks. It was there that Drew had calmly informed Charlie of his sexual preferences.
To say Charlie had overreacted would be something of an understatement. He was in equal parts elated and horrified, unsure how to react and unsure what Drew had been suggesting. Calmly, Drew had explained that he had long since realized that Charlie was gay and was open to pursuing a relationship with him.
"I realize you're not comfortable with this Charlie," Drew had told him serenely. "I've had a lot longer than you to come to terms with who I am and what that means. I'm prepared to wait, but not forever. I also want you to know that I won't be kept a secret. I expect to meet your family, your friends and be acknowledged for my role in your life. I don't have the patience nor the inclination for a fling; I'm far too old for that now. If you're in, you're all in, if not, I hope we can still be friends."
Charlie had left then and he hadn't spoken to Drew since. It had been five long, lonely weeks. And as Charlie raised his hand to knock on the door to Drew's cabin, he could only hope he hadn't left it to late.
"Charlie," Drew masked any surprise he felt as he opened the door. "Come in. Drink?"
"No thanks," Charlie wanted to keep a clear head.
"Tea then?"
"Alright," Charlie agreed, sensing that Drew needed something to keep his hands and thoughts occupies for a moment. As Drew prepared the tea, Charlie sank into the recliner he had come to think of as his after all the time he'd spent in Drew's cabin.
Drew Rees was thirty-nine years old, with the elegance and physicality of a much younger man, and the wisdom of one much older than his years. He was softly spoken, considerate in his responses and just as comfortable in silence as in conversation. His hair was dark and curly, even when cut closely to his head, and peppered with streaks of grey around his temples. His eyes were dark, dark brown, his features soft and he loped with a natural grace when he walked. He stood several inches taller than Charlie and like Charlie, and most dragon keepers, was covered in burns and calluses. Through rose-colored glasses, Charlie thought him to be the most attractive, charismatic man he had ever met, with a kind heart that Charlie was simply awed by.
"Thank you," Charlie murmured, as Drew handed him his mug of tea, prepared exactly as he liked it, black and sweet.
"You're welcome," Drew replied softly, his South-African accent still prominent, despite the fact that he had not called that country home for two decades, even after being born, raised and educated there.
They lapsed into silence, and Charlie fidgeted uncomfortably. He knew he had been the one in the wrong, and that it was up to him to make amends. He wanted to make amends, but now that he was sitting there, opposite the man he had come to love, he had no idea what to say.
"I've been a git," Charlie eventually exclaimed, in true Weasley fashion. "I've been an absolute prat and I'm sorry."
"Thank you," Drew inclined his head. Charlie waited for him to say more, before realizing that saying sorry wasn't yet enough. He had some serious bridges to mend here.
"When you… told me what you told me," Charlie started awkwardly. "I was shocked. I'd never dared to hope…."
Charlie broke off, unable to continue. He took a large gulp of tea, a deep breath and started again.
"Nobody in my life knows…. Knows that I'm gay," it was the first time in his life Charlie had ever admitted as much out loud. "So when you knew, I…."
"Panicked," Drew supplied wryly.
"Yeah I did," Charlie felt himself blushing with shame. "But today, I had a talk with my sister's fiancé and… I told him."
Drew raised his eyebrows, but didn't speak, gesturing for Charlie to continue.
"He chewed me out," Charlie continued with a dry laugh. "Told me I was doing my family a disservice in not trusting them to accept me, no matter what. And he was right."
"I asked my parent's if you could come for Easter lunch," Charlie finished, daring to look at Drew in the eye now. "I told them you were special to me. Mum wants to know your favorite dish, so she can make you feel welcome."
Drew didn't move. For several, long, drawn out, torturous minutes, neither man spoke.
"Bread and butter pudding," Drew responded eventually. In response to Charlie's nonplussed look he added. "My favorite dish, to tell your mum."
"You'll come?" Charlie asked, disbelieving. "You'll really come and meet my crazy, huge family?"
"I don't have any family I chose to acknowledge Charlie," Drew told him. "A crazy, huge family sounds really nice to me."
"They are actually pretty great," Charlie grinned. "When they're not driving you crazy that is."
Sending his teacup to the kitchen with a flick of his wand, Charlie moved from his chair, to kneel in front of a very surprised Drew.
"Thank you," Charlie murmured earnestly. "For forgiving me, for giving me another chance." Hesitating only a moment, Charlie reached out and took Drew's hands in his. "I've never done this before…been in a relationship. I'm bound to stuff it up sooner or later."
"As long as you're willing to try," Drew smiled softly at him, raising their joined hands and pressing a tender kiss against Charlie's callused palms. "You're worth the stuff ups Charles Weasley."
"I love you," Charlie confessed. "I've fallen in love with you and I want every body to know. I could never be ashamed of you Drew, or of what we have together."
"That's all I can ask of you Charlie," Drew reached for him. "I've loved you for a long, long time."
Their lips met then in a kiss that soon escalated from a chaste consummation of the vows they had just shared, to a passionate, desperate caress that spoke of just how long the moment had been in the making.
They stumbled together, unwilling to break away, towards Drew's bedroom, shedding their clothes as they went. There was no urgency, only passion and shared desire as they fell to the bed together, kissing, caressing, tasting, loving. As they moved together, teaching, receiving, giving, their lips never leaving the others, Charlie, somewhere in the deepest corners of his mind, those not consumed by pleasure, came to a realization. This was love, this was life and he had nothing to be ashamed of by giving himself to the man he loved.
I had originally intended to portray the Burrow at Easter and how everyone reacted to Charlie and Drew, but I felt it was more poignant to leave it here. I'm sure we can all imagine how the Weasley's would have responded, some confusion, some teasing and a whole lot of love. We'll see more of Charlie and Drew in the future.
For all those that review I have a 500 word excerpt of George and how he copes with his first birthday without his twin.
Chapter Eleven will be posted within the week.
Thank you for your continued support, your kind words mean the world to me.
SR.
