Hey all! Thanks so much for the love last chapter! I know the email notifications were all messed up and I think they're fixed now hopefully! Anyway, here's Chapter 10! Please read and keep those reviews coming!
..Bella's POV..
'What do you want to watch?" Edward asked me.
I shrugged. "You pick it out. I'm gonna go put my pajamas on," I replied, extracting myself from his embrace.
"Bella?" he questioned, pulling me back to him. "I was thinking. Instead of sleeping in the guest room, would you sleep in mine with me? Just sleep. We won't do anything you don't want to do, I promise," he said hurriedly.
"O-okay," I stuttered, blushing. Even though I slept at Edward's every weekend, I still slept in the guest room. I was a little nervous to be sharing his bed with him. What if I said something embarrassing during my nightly sleep talking sessions?
Edward smiled. "Go get ready for bed. I'll meet you in my room," he whispered, kissing me before letting me go.
I quickly went through my nightly routine in the guest bedroom and bathroom, brushing my teeth and putting on my comfortable pajamas. They weren't sexy by any means; just a large t-shirt and sweatpants with a hole in them, but Edward never complained. He said he liked seeing me comfortable. I went into Edward's room to see him putting a DVD in, all ready for bed in his usual attire; boxers. I blushed like usual when seeing him like this and lightly knocked on the doorframe.
Edward turned around. "Sweetheart you don't have to knock," he chuckled softly. "You take your contacts out?" he asked.
"Knew I forgot something! I was wondering why I could see clearly without my glasses on," I said lamely. "Be right back." I headed back to the guest bathroom and quickly removed my contact lenses, putting my old glasses on in their place. I went back to Edward's room and he was already waiting for me on the bed. He looked perfectly at ease being practically naked and I was jealous of his confidence.
"Hey, you. Come here," he whispered, holding his arms out to me. I shut the light off and climbed into his giant king sized bed, crawling until I was in his arms. He held me tight, kissing my forehead.
"W-what movie did you p-pick out?" I asked, attempting to calm my rapidly beating heart. I pretty much hyperventilated whenever we were this close to each other. Edward thought it was cute. I thought it was embarrassing.
"Back to the Future. Haven't seen it in forever. Is that okay?" he asked.
I nodded. "It's fine. I like that movie," I replied.
Edward smiled. "It is a classic. As I said before though, I don't think we'll be watching much of it," he said, removing my glasses. After putting them on his end table, he pulled me close again and pressed his lips against mine.
I could kiss Edward forever and never be unhappy. His lips were so soft and warm and he always tasted so good. I couldn't get enough of him. His fingers tangled in my hair and gently pulled my head back, our lips breaking contact. I was breathing too loudly, but I couldn't find it in me to care once Edward's lips placed kisses down the expanse of my throat. I moaned embarrassingly loud, but it only seemed to egg Edward on. His kisses were wet and left a trail of blazing fire in their wake. I could feel his slight stubble rubbing against my skin and it made me even hotter. Edward never failed to turn me into a pile of goo when he kissed me like this. He made me ache in places I didn't even know could ache. "Edward," I sighed, bringing his lips back to mine.
"Mmmmm" he moaned. His fingers left my hair and made their way down my arms, finally resting on my hips. My shirt had ridden up somewhat and his fingers caressed the sliver of skin that was exposed to him. "You're so soft," he whispered against my lips. His hands moved up my back more, making me moan. His fingertips against my flesh felt so good.
I wanted more. I pressed my hips against his, trying to soothe the ache that had built between my legs and gasped when I felt him. Edward was hard. His erection was long and thick and pressed up against my hip. When the hell did that happen? I quickly pulled away, moving myself until there was some distance between us and pulled my knees up to my chest,
"Bella?" he asked concerned. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"
I shivered and buried my face in my knees. I couldn't help thinking about when James pushed himself up against me and I felt him hard and ready. I couldn't handle this right now.
"Bella, talk to me," Edward pleaded, running his fingers through my hair. I flinched slightly at the contact.
"I can't do this," I whispered, tears coming to my eyes. I swallowed hard, willing the tears to go away.
"Do what?" he asked.
I looked up into his concerned face. "I'm not ready for it," I said.
"For what? What aren't you ready for? I don't understand." He sounded scared. Did he think I was going to break up with him?
"That," I whispered, motioning towards his erection. Edward looked down and blushed.
"Oh. I'm sorry, Bella. I told you before that I wasn't going to make you do anything you weren't ready to do and I meant it. This happens all the time, especially when I'm with you. I can't help it. It even happens when I don't want it to. It has a mind of its own. You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right?" he asked.
I nodded. "I know… I just wasn't expecting it. I'm sorry," I apologized.
Edward pulled me into his arms. "Don't be," he whispered. "You turn me on, Bella and I think I turn you on too," he said, laughing lightly.
I smiled. "You do," I admitted.
"Good. Then I'm doing my job right," he said, laughing. Edward placed a kiss on my temple and gave me back my glasses. "I think that was enough for one night. Let's watch the movie."
The next day, I met up with Angela for lunch.
"So how was your night with Edward?" she asked.
"It was really nice. We laid in bed and watched a movie," I responded.
She raised her eyebrows. "Watched a movie? That's it?"
"Well we did kiss a little, but mostly just watched the movie," I said with a shrug.
"How far have you and Edward gone?" she asked.
I blushed. "Just kissing. Why? Is that bad?"
"No," she assured me. "I just figured you'd be doing more than making out by this point."
"I want to, I really do, but I have no experience. I wanted to last night, but when I felt him… ya know… hard… I just froze. I freaked out and made a total fool of myself," I admitted.
"Why did you freak out? Edward is attracted to you and you obviously make him feel good. It's a great form of flattery," she told me.
"I don't know, Angela. I just panicked. I couldn't help it."
"It's okay to not be ready to move forward sexually, but did you freeze up because you weren't ready, or because of what happened on your birthday?" she asked quietly.
"I…" I trailed off. I was completely at a loss for words. How did she know?
"Bella maybe you should talk to someone about it. It'll really help you to move past it and deal with it."
"I'm fine, Angela. I am dealing with it," I whispered, not meeting her eyes.
"Just think about it. That's all I'm saying. I'm not telling you to go to a shrink, but maybe talking to me, or Alice, or even Edward would help things. We're all here for you and know what you went through was traumatizing. We want to help you," she said kindly.
I swallowed back the lump in my throat, tears stinging my eyes. "I don't want to be afraid anymore. I hate James and I hate what he did to me. I hate that he made me scared. I just want to pretend it never happened and move on with my life," I said quietly.
"But it did happen, Bella. You can't change the past and you can't burn it from your memory no matter how bad you want to. Have you even cried about it? Maybe that will make you feel better."
I hadn't cried about it. I convinced myself everyday that I was fine. I tried to convince myself that the nightmares would eventually go away, but would they? I'd never seen Edward so worried than last night when I woke up screaming. He held me tightly and hummed softly to me until I calmed down, but I wasn't with Edward every night. I couldn't expect him to chase the nightmares away all the time. "I do want to talk about it, Ang, but not here."
"You can talk to me if you want anytime," she told me.
After lunch with Angela, I went back to Edward's to hang out with him, Alice, and Jasper. Alice had an idea that she wanted all four of us to cook dinner together so we all agreed. Who wants to face the wrath of Alice?
"Bella! Yay you're here!" she exclaimed, letting me into the apartment.
"I'm here, Alice. What do you need me to do?" I asked.
"Well the boys are pretty much useless, so I put them on salad duty. That'll keep them busy for a while. You and I are going to be handling the chicken," she said.
"What do you mean they're useless? Edward's cooked for me before. He's really good at it," I said.
"I know he can cook, but he worked out hard today so he's being lazy. Come on, let's go," she said.
"Two seconds. Let me use the bathroom and wash my hands," I said. I headed down the hallway and went into the bathroom. After shutting the door, I washed my hands and splashed water on my face. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and cringed. I didn't even recognize myself. The dark circles under my eyes were now a prominent feature and my cheeks looked sunken in. What had happened to me?
"Cry, Bella. Just cry. It'll make you feel better," I heard Angela's voice in my ear. No. Not now. Not here. Without warning, I choked on a sob. I hadn't even noticed the tears falling hard down my face as I sunk to the ground. I shoved my fist in my mouth hoping to stifle the next sob, but it just made it sound louder.
"Bella? Are you okay?" I heard Alice ask through the door. I couldn't answer. I could only sob again. "Bella I'm coming in," she warned. The door opened and she gasped, running over to me. "Bella! What's wrong? Why are you crying?" she asked frantically, throwing her arms around me. I pulled my fist out of my mouth and sobbed openly in her embrace. "EDWARD!" she yelled. After a chorus of stomping feet in the hallway, Edward and Jasper were at the bathroom door.
"Jesus! What happened?" he asked, coming into the room and hugging me on the side that Alice wasn't.
"I don't know. I came to see if she was okay and I found her sobbing!" Alice exclaimed.
I couldn't stop crying and it actually felt good, like a giant weight was being lifted from me with each tear and each sob.
"Shhhh, Bella. Everything is all right. You're all right," Edward said soothingly. Alice let me go and Edward pulled me onto his lap, holding me tighter. "Can you get her a glass of water?" he asked Alice.
"Of course. Come on, Jazz," she said, pulling Jasper with her towards the kitchen.
"Why the tears, sweet pea?" Edward asked.
"I-I'm s-s-s-s-sorry," I stuttered in between my hiccups.
"Shh, baby. What are you sorry for?" he asked, rubbing my back soothingly.
I took a few deep breaths and wiped my eyes. "Last night. E-everything," I whispered.
"Bella you don't have to apologize for last night. You did nothing wrong," he assured me.
I shook my head. "I d-don't want to be a-afraid of him any m-m-more," I cried.
Edward sucked in a deep breath. "James?" he spat, making me flinch. "You don't have to be afraid of him, Bella. He will never hurt you again. Your testimony will make sure he's behind bars for a long time."
"I'm not afraid of that," I whispered.
"Then what are you afraid of, Bella? Tell me so I can make it go away," he pleaded.
"What he did to me," I admitted.
Edward held me tighter. "Bella, you know I would never do that to you. You don't have to be afraid. I never want to hurt you. I want to make you feel good. I can make you feel good," he whispered. "I told you, you set the pace for our physical relationship. That won't ever change."
"I want to move forward, Edward. I'm sick of being held back by this fear. He's not worth it," I said with conviction.
"Just don't rush yourself, Bella. We'll take things slow, okay?"
I nodded. "Thank you, Edward."
"You're welcome, beautiful."
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