Chapter X: Playing With the Queen of Hearts
The Fish-Faced Footman bowed as he entered the throne room. At the other end of the short, domed hall of red and black stone—illuminated from behind by three red windows—was the Queen, who fanned herself with a similarly red and black paper fan.
"Ah, you. What is it," she said in a silky voice.
"The visitor that I informed Your Majesty about is waiting right outside the door for his audience with you."
"I see. Let him in," the Queen ordered, snapping the fan shut and tossing it to the floor. A water rat, dressed like a miniature maid, immediately picked it up and darted out of the court.
The Footman nodded in respect, and went to the door...
If there was a way to slam a door OPEN, the Doctor had found a way. He smiled and nodded at the Footman.
"Thanks, but no thanks," he chortled. "Don't mind me; I'll be more than happy to let myself in. Come along, Ace!" he added, talking over his shoulder. Then, he tossed his umbrella into the air, catching it with his other hand, as he marched into the room.. His companion followed behind him, with a hand on the strap of her backpack.
The Queen smirked, head held high, crimson eyes settling imperiously on the Doctor as he approached. The fingers of her right hand drummed thoughtfully on the armrest of her golden throne.
The Doctor stopped in the very center of the throne room, and bowed theatrically, sweeping his hat off his head as he did. He took no notice of the door behind him as it shut, with the Footman hurriedly leaving the area.
"Well, well. Queen Kardamyne," he intoned. "It's been a while."
"Indeed?" the Queen of Hearts said darkly, raising one eyebrow. "And might I ask who you may be, demanding an audience with me, wasting my precious time?"
"You mean, you don't know me? I am none other than Time, himself."
The Queen's eyes widened. She smiled, revealing perfect, pearly teeth.
"How nice," she crooned. "And here I thought my soldiers were going to have to fetch you, after all..."
The Doctor said nothing as he stood back up, replacing his hat upon his head.
Then the Queen noticed Ace. She frowned.
"What's your name, child?" she snapped, pointing at Ace.
"Ace."
The Queen snorted.
"Nonsense; all my Aces are elsewhere. Such fraudulent claims are to be punished. Off with her head!"
"Oh, I hardly think so, your highness," said the Doctor, taking a step forward, and gestured for Ace to stay where she was. "Not today, at any rate. Her head will be staying where it is."
The Queen glared, taking a deep breath.
"As you say, Time. I did not recognize you at first; it has been many years—yet none at all—since any of my subjects last saw you. We have all awaited your arrival quite...eagerly."
"I can imagine. And, judging from my means of arrival, I suppose you could not wait any longer."
The Queen raised an eyebrow again. It was the other side this time.
"'Means of arrival?' You did not come of your own free will?"
"Not this time. Rrrather, someone opened a time corridor with some rather nasty, yet effective, piece of temporrral technology, a hole in the fabric of the time vortex. And so we went down the Rrrabit Hole and through the Looking-Glass, so to speak."
The Queen let out a short huff.
"Indeed. How curious. I shall have them found and executed as swiftly as possible for their insolence towards a Time Lord-"
"Yes, well, I rrreally don't think that would be necessary, or rather even possible," the Doctor interrupted, "Seeing as how, unless I'm quite mistaken, you no longer hold any power."
There was a pause.
The Queen blinked.
"I beg your pardon, Time?" she asked, in a voice like aged honey.
"You heard me. You have no power. No control. None whatsoever."
"What a...preposterous notion," the Queen said slowly, standing. "Wherefore does this come from?"
"Interesting question. But I think the real question is, what is that strange, buzzing noise emanating from behind your throne?"
The Queen's already pale-painted face blanched.
"Wh-what?"
The Doctor smiled a little wider, and moved even closer.
When he was at the foot of the throne, the Queen held out a hand.
"STOP!"
The Doctor grinned, almost as wide as the Cheshire Cat.
"Have I pressed a button?"
The Queen said nothing, but just glowered at him, eyes blazing.
"No. No, I think not, actually...seeing as that button in question is..."
The Doctor lunged forward. The Queen tried to stop him by standing in the Time Lord's path, but his umbrella's tip landed on one of the rubies that studded her throne.
"...Right there!"
With a soft HUMMM, the throne's raised platform began to slide backwards. The Queen yelped, and tripped on her high-heeled shoes, falling to one side.
"The Queen of Hearts has fallen," the Doctor murmered. "How very fitting."
Then, without another word, he waved to Ace. He and the girl jumped down into the hole in the floor that the throne had revealed.
A large, strange looking machine, sat there in the space under the throne, placed just behind where the throne itself normally sat. This piece of alien machinery was covered in flashing blue lights, with a crooked antenna on top, buzzing and whirring like a giant gnat.
"Wicked..." Ace whispered.
"Indeed it is," said the Doctor. "So, this is how the Rabbit Hole was generated; a crude wormhole that was strong enough to create a localized temporal disturbance and ensnare the TARDIS in flight. Interesting..."
The Queen dropped down herself, and gaped at the machine.
"I...I don't understand," she whispered, as if awestruck.
"I think you do," said the Doctor. "You just can't."
The Queen glared at him.
"What deceitful trickery is this, Time?" the Queen of Hearts hissed, circling him like a vulture. "How can I be aware of a secret room, yet not know what is stored within it? Why would I be so eager to guard it, without even realizing its contents? How can I be of two minds in such a drastic way?"
The Doctor said nothing, but just stared at the Queen, coldly.
"Speak!" the Queen rapped, pointing with one long finger. "Or else I tear out your tongue and sever your blasted skull from the rest of you! Off with your head!"
"Don't be ridiculous," the Doctor said, very calmly. "You can't behead me. Besides, if you do, I'll quite likely grow a new one."
The Queen blinked.
"You...you can't do that..."
"Can't I? Can I? You don't even know anymore, do you? Just as you no longer know the workings of your own castle. Nay, the workings of the Madhouse Kingdom in which you claim to rrreign supreme!"
The Queen eyed him suspiciously, lowering her hand slowly.
"What are you saying, Time?"
"First and foremost, take a look at this," the Doctor said, pointing at the machine in front of them. "Only a person with an enormous and intimate knowledge of temporal physics could build such a device. Someone with a very capable hand in terms of inter-dimensional dimensional technology and temporal control could figure out how to intercept a TARDIS with just a few gears, springs, chrrronium-titanium plates, and a lovely, hand-made generator."
"Enough!"
"You are a Drahvin!" the Doctor snapped, speaking louder. His eyes grew wide as they glared at the Queen; he looked almost as mad as her. "Even the most scientifically skilled minds of your race, as I am well aware, could not even begin to conceive of how to put together such a machine, let alone build one. And an even bigger question that you have not considered, Your Majesty, must be taken under account as well!"
"And what is that?" the Queen snarled.
"Your Court, and its distinct masculinity."
There was a pause.
"Professor, what do you mean?"
"Think about it, Ace," the Doctor said, without looking at her, eyes always locked on the Queen, whose own eyes had suddenly glazed over, settling on the floor before her. "What do you recall from the book?"
"About her?" Ace asked, nodding towards the Queen. "Well, she had a husband, a goon called the Knave of Hearts, a pack of Card Guards, some lords, maybe one lady..."
"And what did I tell you about the Drahvins?"
"That they were ruled by the women, and...oh..."
"Exactly. Why would a Drahvin queen, even one as deprrraved as you, Kardamyne, hold court without the superior gender at your command? How can you even stand ruling over a land so utterly overrun by inferiors and incompetents such as the male species? That is what you have been taught, no? An idea so thoroughly rooted and ingrained in the minds of your species for countless generations to the point where it is practically instinctive. It makes you wonder just how someone managed to wipe even that cultural indoctrination from your mind."
The Queen's eyes settled on the Doctor again. She sneered.
"Silence, man."
"Not likely. I think it is YOU who ought to be silent, for once, and become aware of your surroundings. Everything I say is true, and you know it deep down somewhere. You have no power. You never did."
"No...no, no...lies! All lies! Off with your head!"
"Your mind is not your own."
"Off with your head!"
"You are nothing more than a puppet. The Queen of Fools is your only title!"
"QUIET!" the Queen shrieked, hissing like a wildcat. "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD! GUARDS, GUARDS! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"
There was a pause. Slowly, the fight seemed to leave the Queen. She gazed around, confused.
"Guards? Guards! Imbeciles, where are you?!"
"They won't come to you."
The Queen took a step towards him.
"What have you done?" she whispered, dangerously.
"I have done nothing. You're so far gone that you can't even recognize what's happened. Those Rrraston Sentries would be here right now if they still were still programmed to obey your command."
The Queen took another step.
"I don't know what's going on."
"I know," said the Doctor, simply, flatly. "It's another sign of how lost you are. Well allow me to cut the strings: Like a perilous house of cards, your reign has been toppled."
"ENOUGH OF THIS! OFF WITH YOUR HEAD, I SAY!" the Queen roared, and suddenly pounced on the machine. A flood of sparks and a flash of flames broke off as she wrenched away some of the pieces...
"NO!" the Doctor shouted. "STOP!"
But the Queen of Hearts wouldn't listen. With a scream of both pain—from the burns that now covered her arms—and pure, boiling rage, she pried away a long piece of jagged-edged metal, and swung it with all her might at the Doctor.
"ACE! GET OUT OF THE PIT!" the Doctor roared, ducking the attack.
Ace and the Doctor hurriedly clambered out. The Queen climbed up after them, panting and growling in fury.
"Cut them...smash them...OFF WITH SOME HEADS!" she wailed, and took another swing. The Doctor and Ace dived to one side, as the makeshift blade got stuck in the mortar of the tiles. The Queen snarled, and released her grip, lunging at the Doctor, wrapping her hands around his neck. The Doctor gasped, the Queen falling after him, throwing him to the ground.
"OFF WITH IT! I'LL TEAR IT OFF!" she spat.
The Doctor gagged and spluttered, trying to pry the maddened monarch off him as she tightened her grip on his throat.
Then, a loud THUNK echoed out, and the Queen grunted in pain, her body falling limp as she entered a state of unconsciousness.
The Doctor pushed her aside, and scrambled to his feet. He looked to Ace, who held her baseball bat in both hands.
"You okay, Professor?"
"The answer to that one's obvious, Ace. Let's get out of here!" the Doctor snapped, and took off, sprinting towards the throne room door.
Suddenly, the doors burst open before the duo could make their exit. Revealed was whole hand of Cards, each one holding their blades at the ready, making any attempt of resistance most futile.
Ace and the Doctor stopped mid-run, trying to find a break in the Sentries' line-up, to no prevail.
"I think that's quite enough, Time," came a rough voice from behind them.
Both Ace and the Doctor turned, as the Knave of Hearts stepped out from behind the throne, smiling cruelly.
"I've been expecting your arrival," the Knave cackled.
"And I've been expecting your treachery," the Doctor sneered. "Whether you are stealing tarts, or usurping a throne, you just can't be trusted, can you, Jacoby Heart?"
The Knave grinned nastily.
"Insult me if you wish; Although, I must thank you for your help in dethroning the Queen," the Knave said, waving a dismissive hand towards the unconscious Kardamyne, "But now, as you shall see, the Age of the Jabberwocky summons forth a new ruler of Wonderland. Isn't that right, m'Lord?" the Knave added, calling out and passing his gaze beyond the Doctor.
Slowly, the Doctor and Ace turned back again, both gaping...
"No..."
"It can't be..."
The Hatter, Hare, and Dormouse came out from behind the sentries, the former two smirking coldly.
"Indeed," the Hatter said, smoothly. "Everything has gone precisely as planned...
Holy Hatracks!
The Mad Hatter? A TRAITOR?!
The Knave? NOW THE KING?!
It seems these authors have taken what might (or might not, we hope) be the most obvious twist imaginable!
But, now, the question of the century: what will happen to Ace and the Doctor?
The answer to this next time on "Doctor Who: Descent Into Madness!"
Same Van-Time! Same Van-Channel!
...
Me: There. Happy now?
VS: Indeed! The Great & Powerful VanSkittles is quite pleased with this new outro.
Me: Excellent. Because we're not keeping this one, either.
VS: WHAT?! That's it: I'm adding a unicorn into the next part!
Me: NEVER!
VS: Oh, come on! There WAS a Unicorn in "Through the Looking-Glass..."
Me: It matters not! I refuse to include such Brony-ized things in this adventure!
VS: Oh, please?! It couldn't be any worse than Spock imitating Shatner in "Star Trek: Into Darkness..."
Me: Oh, get over it, you...you...you YOU!
VS: ...Was that a quote from "Alice: Madness Returns"?
Me: Well, unless I'm wrong, the line was deleted from the final project, so...
VS: Never mind.
Me: Anywho, that's all for now, folks! "Spin ya later" with part three of "Doctor Who: Descent Into Madness!"Coming soon...very soon...
VS: ...Mustard...
Me: QUIET, YOU DUNDERHEAD!