One Night Standing
Hola, ya' strangers! I hope you enjoy this rather eventful chapter and new installment in the One Night Standing fic! I AM AWARE that I'm the sucky authoress who can't update worth a *bleep* but I want you guys to look PAST, to the RIGHT of, the LEFT of, BEHIND, UNDERNEATH, DIAGONAL to, ADJACENT to…OR WHATEVER THE HELL ya want! Hehe…*looks over what was just typed* Please don't think I'm INSANE…never question my insanity, people!
Before I creep any of you out more so then I already have I'll just say I hope you enjoy the chapter and all and here's my disclaimer!
Disclaimer: This is "THE" Disclaimer! AKA, Goody in a cosplaying Sasuke suit that she sewed together out of emo fabrics, a mutilated big bird costume that was raped offa the dude in the costume, and the throw up from a unicorn (glitter, Koolaid powder, and other sparkly shit…) Goody/SasuGay: I don't own Naruto. OR SASU-UKE patty here…hope you're happy! *glares in mirror in hatred towards the duck-ass boy*
Check it Out:
~Sakura and other people talking: "Here…"
~Inner Sakura: "Like This."
~Sakura arguing with Inner self: "This way…"
~Regular words: Same as talking but w/out quotes…
Chapter 10: Another Damn Escape PLUS Victory
Sakura's Point of View
Deidara opened the door two down from Hidan's that we'd just left and I quickly raced towards Deidara's suitcase and dug through his clothes.
He kinda just stood there and gaped at how I was acting like an effin' cartoon character slinging each clothing article over my shoulder if I felt it not worthy to be upon my glorious body! Yeah…I could so show Hidan that I can be snobby and conceited!
I smirked to myself at my own little joke and fell backwards suddenly gasping for breath and about to scream at the tops of my lungs at the thing I grabbed out of the blonde's things.
No, it wasn't a mouse…not a used condom…but a man thong! Oh the eye clawing agony of the mental pictures! I couldn't help but whimper at the idea of all of Dei's junk being wrapped up in such an, err, disturbing leopard skin with pink lace…and the phrase 'sex magnet" on the ass…
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Yep, giving the guy a heart attack because of my antics! He ran over to me, probably wondering what the hell I was screaming about.
"What the hell are you screaming about!" OH, HELL YEAH! I'm a fucking mind reader, bitches! Though, he seemed to catch on as soon as I flicked the article of very revealing…not-so concealing undergarment into his face.
Haha, what was really comical was how Deidara just looked like he had no earthly clue as to explain why he has a man thong in his possession.
We both heard a knock at the door a moment later, probably because of me being my overdramatic self.
"Well, you have the overdramatic part right!" My Inner laughed out, rubbing in my stupid confession.
I huffed, refusing to argue with her, instead waiting for Deidara to open the door. He still had the disgusting…thing, yeah that'll describe it…in his hand when he used his other to unlock the door and swing it open.
There was this long, disturbing silence that followed…not that I had any clue as to why. Okay people, I'm feeling really sarcastic so get over it!
"O...M…Fucking…J…" Hidan said under his breath, his jaw hitting the floor as he looked at the man-panties.
Itachi had that cringing look on his face as I'm sure he just had the same mental pic as I did a moment or two ago…who knew Uchiha was a pervalicious playa? I bet HE'S seen that thong before!
I snorted rather loudly at how drunk they could've gotten and all the havoc that would ensue with Itachi mistaking Deidara for some flat-chested girl…no references to me WHATSOEVER are being made.
Sasori had on his pouty face and I couldn't help but wonder why…?
"Deidara, you weren't thinking about having some fun without me, were you?" The redhead stated in a sulky tone, effectively mortifying me along with everyone else including Deidara who turned red like a damn tomato.
I honestly didn't like the perverted, way-too revealing pictures racing through my equally perverted and oh-so corrupt mind…I HAD to get out of this place.
"I-uhh…n-no, yeah." The blue-eyed wonder puppet of Sasori's danced under his contradicting, accusing stare…Deidara was sooo screwed, haha!
I continued to watch the scene play out while edging closer and closer to the window…totally so ninja that no one would even think I was escaping!
"Deidara, man. Are you fucking SERIOUS! You and Sasori are…fags for each fucking other?" Hidan coughed out trying to hide his obnoxious laugh that sounded like a chipmunk high off of helium and fruit loops.
"Dude, Hidan's right, hn. How many times have we missed out on this? A love affair in the band?" Came Itachi's less deep, almost girl-discovering-best-friend-and-boyfriend-making-out hysteria undertone edging its way up his throat as he debated whether or not to punch something or not.
Then there's me, now with an efficient, functional rope made out of several bed sheets slowly being stuffed out the opened window and tied to the heater on the wall…damn are these guys engrossed in their own little dramas!
"Power to the man hamper known as Deidara's snake sack! So long, fuckers!" I shouted loudly, everyone's attention flipping towards me now as they all were able to take note of my psycho, crazed hysteria face.
Noticing how I was soon to escape from their imprisonment, I decided now was the perfect time to make my getaway. So, sliding out the window and fiercely holding onto the cool, icy covers I started to scale quickly down the rope.
It was actually harder than I intended, you know? How I never predicted it to be so damn slick as I kept on losing my grip because of the side of the hotel had a layer of ice over it and I didn't have on any shoes on for traction…
Or maybe it was the feeling that I was going up…? Like the hellish karma that was mine, the guys MUST be pulling me up!
I gave up on trying to be a perfectionist escapee and opted to be a little less graceful…as if I was graceful anyways! I scoffed quickly and then hastily wrapped my legs around the ice crystallized bed sheets and with only Hidan's boxers, a pair of dirty socks, and a black muscle shirt slid down the pole like a firefighter…or a drunken stripper, whatever works for ya!
Sakura Haruno-one million, Akatsuki Jerk-Offs-negative five hundred! I hit the ground running, my feet burning at how cold the sidewalk was. I could hear the guys yelling and cursing at each other from a few stories up.
It was just now six o'clock, approximately anyways. It was about five fifty when I started my hellish descend and now, aw, screw it! Math is for such loser dumbasses!
I continued on my slightly frenzied marathon running past each block, trying to desperately remember something to help me find out where my IPod was, most likely still being at the café where I'd deduced it to being left at.
The sounds of footsteps behind me, running was shitting-self inducing and I started to hyperventilate and picked up whatever came into my sight first…a flower pot with the decaying, frosted remains of a plant and discarded cigarette buds.
I chunked it over my shoulder and heard a 'kerplunk!' along with a groan and that all-too familiar collapsing of someone behind me.
I decided that I could spare at least a minute or two to find out who had became part of my increasingly large collection of victims…oh, snap!
K-Kabuto…that means O-Orochimaru isn't that far behind…
'Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!' I screamed while running around in little, unimportant circles in clear freak out mode like an idiot.
'Dammit, Sakura! Get a hold of yourself! I just had a fucking terrible realization!' My inner shrieked in return, making me yelp in surprise at her serious tone for once.
"What could be more important than fending off Orochimaruuuu!" I yelled out loud, wanting my old teddy bear that I used to mutilate whenever I got pissed when I was four years old.
'TICKET. HOTEL. THEM. YOU. SCREWED.' Then there was something that felt like a brick hit me over the head, shattering my light bulb and any hopes of my sanity.
I hit the cold, uninviting ground while mumbling incoherently to myself…then I heard VOICES.
Actually, little scented bubbles talking to me…what the fuck is right! They were whispering! I blacked out after that, last hearing one of the bubbles say, "holy cow, that's one hell of a big dipper."
When I regained consciousness or whatever, it was in the middle of a fight scene pretty much. I could hear the punches making contact and the heavy breathing of whoever was around me and I wondered if hell was actually perpetual battlefield action where everyone fought while dancing on hot coals…
I heard Deidara's voice first, telling me that everything was going to be okay…then it struck me.
What if they found me naked and raped in some street alley? I began to fidget and struggle against his muscular arms as I tried to free myself to find some answers.
"WAS I RAPED?" I hissed loudly, trying to keep my unstable mental health from scaring away the only person who seemed to give a damn about me at the moment.
"Umm, no…yeah, we found you knocked out and ugh, Tobi somehow in hell held his own against Mr. Pedophilic freak until we got here, yeah. What the hell is up with you, anyways? YOU could have KILLED yourself earlier!" Deidara nagged on, making the situation even more of a headache for my throbbing skull.
Then, relentlessly, he continued! Ugh…aspirin, please overdose me now and save me the eye-twitching agony! Spare my bloody soul, I beg of you!
"You are so damn irresponsible! Why can't you just act like a normal girl for once, yeah! Beating the bat shit outta people and clawing your way through fights isn't NORMAL!" The icy blue-eyed twenty-year old bitched, making me feel like he was my older brother or something.
Yeah…scratch that all to hell! I'm not for sibling incest and Deidara kissing me is sooo saintly! I think I can feel hearts in my eyes…he's sooo smexxy!
As we kissed passionately somewhere in the streets, I have no fucking clue what time it is, and honestly couldn't give a damn even if I wanted too!
He's just sooo yummy…I literally felt myself melting into his arms as he made me take back all my doubts of ever wanting to back down from getting their ticket.
We broke away swiftly and in ragged breaths as I wondered why the hell I always fell for hot, richer-than-me guys who I should know aren't going to feel the same way…but, Deidara has always had this effect on me.
He way he'll stand up for something he believes in at the drop of a hat, his artistic talent at how he had singlehanded perfected the Akatsuki label and band art stuff that I adored so much…just his appearance his drop dead gorgeous.
Then again, it would be selfish for me to deny some pompous pig her rights to him…yeeeeet, I've shown my dedication and it's about damn time I'm rewarded without having to pay for my own self-indulgence with an even bigger problem than before!
That was it, my mind was made up. Deidara was my favorite! He protected me from Hidan, Sasori, and even now…surely I can MAYBE let go of the fact that he did eat my awesome epic cookie.
"You know, yeah, I didn't mean to yell at ya' like that, Sakura…you're just a kickass bombshell and I love that about you…yeah." He said, blushing in the morning daylight while around us the rest of the guys started to brush themselves off after pummeling those nasty Sound kids of Orochimaru's.
"Haha, no offense taken. I like being spontaneous…until Karma comes by and kicks me in the ass for being reckless!" I giggled, making a huge joke about the many weird things that have occurred in the past twenty four hours…ugh, SUCH an UNDERSTATEMENT!
Walking towards us now was Hidan who looked ecstatic over having some bloodshed, Tobi who was chattering away to no one in particular, Sasori who had a rather unappealing black eye, and Itachi who looked like he wanted to just take a shower and crawl up somewhere and have a catnap…such an interesting crowd, no?
"Ah-ha! So, Deidara DID punch you after you made a fool out of him, huh?" I pointed and laughed at the now scowling and pissed redhead who just nodded in agreement and kept his distance from the blonde.
"Yeah…you don't want to know the story behind why I own them really, yeah. You might be scarred, seriously! But, if you must know why I have them it's cuz they are good luck." Deidara said while picking me up bridal style while I discovered he had wrapped his band jacket around me.
"I'll just nod my head and take your word for it because I've had my mind corrupted and mutilated far too much for one day, thank ya!" Was my reply even though I might have to ask him later on after I've recovered from this…this nightmare I've had to endure.
So, it was still snowing…in October, here at Konoha as I sat at home with Deidara in my living room sipping on some hot chocolate as I read the lyrics to a song I had personally written.
As I finished with the last note I could make out the sounds of what could be mistaken for a dying opossum choking on a chicken bone. Sadly though, it was just Deidara cackling up a storm for hell knows whatever reason!
"Damn, I'm glad you didn't actually sing it like I first asked ya', yeah! I might've died, haha!" He choked out between rolls as he looked similar to my old dog Blaze whenever he had seizures…
"Deeeiii! I'm serious here! Was it really THAT bad!" I asked, pouting at how childish I sounded and how he seemed to have zero respect for my suckish singing voice.
"No, yeah. The lyrics themselves were awesome! Really something that the guys would like, yeah! You should show some of your songs to Pein! What is this song, by the way?" He said while chuckling a few more times and catching the piece of paper I handed him.
"Hmm, yeah I guess I could show Pein…but what good would that do me, anyways? I'm only your girlfriend, Dei. It's not like he's just going to let me join the band or something." I sighed, wondering what Deidara was getting at.
"Just Dusk?" He asked, referring to the title of my song before continuing, "Well, we've been wanting to hire a songwriter since we're running out of creative ideas but Pein's been a lil' pessimistic since most songwriters want too much in return and all. If you were to become our songwriter then you might as well be an official member of the band, yeah!" He cheered in his brilliant, I-had-a-perfect-idea-for-once voice.
I contemplated what he said for a moment and reached over towards the coffee table and plucked out my pride and joy before showing it off for the umpteenth time.
It was true, after he had carried me to their car and everything we drove by the ticket stand to see that everyone had rented out the hotels, motels, and every boarding house around and laid out their own markers to hold their spot in line.
Being the natural opportunist I was, I just slipped in my own pink ribbon to symbolize a spot that was second in line to guarantee myself access to their concert whenever it was rescheduled.
Not only had I got my ticket later that day but now, thinking back exactly twenty two hours ago I can say that I actually survived the hell house that consumed my time.
As an added plus, I even got my IPod back! I swear I must've kissed and latched onto Deidara for thirty minutes straight just showing how grateful I was that he actually gave a damn about my stupid sentimental possession.
"Hmm, I'm sure my pathetic story will also convince him of my obvious worthiness haha! So, you actually think that I'm the victor in this entire mission?" I grinned in a cheesy, can't-believe-it way only I could muster.
"Hell yes, yeah. I'll call him later on to give him a heads up about you wanting to join too. After the concert, I'll introduce you to him and his girlfriend, Konan. That is, whenever the concert is, yeah." He nervously stated but was otherwise reassuring.
The only thing I'll have to wait for is the actual concert and hopefully it'll be worth my one night of standing, falling, busting my ass, sliding down ropes, escaping pedophiles, beating hobos, getting scorched by coffee, and all of the other shit I've gone through…
SOOOO SORRY! I'm so damn late at updating! I swear I'm pathetic at it! You would think that I'd learned how to update and post after had this story for over a year! *sweatdrop* I hope that this chapter kinda made up for my lack of consistency and all hehe…
*nervous* I KNOW that I've prolly worn down your patience to a thread that couldn't even be used as floss but forgive Goody-chan!
ANYWAYS, I'd appreciate it if you guys will continue to fave, alert, and subscribe me and my story which will have about one or maybe two chapters left…since I've really covered a lot of the plot in this one…
Talk to you guys later,
~~Goody-chan :)