Disclaimer:

Things I Own: The weasley looking motel clerk, Sullenward and Determinella.

Things I Do Not Own: The name, character or ideals of Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, et al - Stephanie owns, I just emotionally gut them and occasionally make them do dirty things!

Thanks once again to philadelphic. This chapter is what earns the story it's M rating. It is my first lemon, be kind.


BPOV

Without a word I immediately went walked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I pulled my dirty, torn shirt over my head before tossing it on the floor, hissing when the fabric rubbed over my injuries. I braced both hands on the sink and took inventory of my body.

There were bruises forming around my collarbone area, and turning to look at my back I could see some deep cuts on my right shoulder. Bruises dotted my arms and circled one wrist. That seemed to be about the worst of it. I sighed wearily.

I rinsed my mouth with the little sample bottle of mouthwash on the sink. It was not a good brushing but it would have to do.

Luckily for me Edward kept a small first aid kit in his trunk and brought it in along with the bag he'd packed. The scratches on my shoulder were turning bright red around the edges and I knew they needed to be cleaned before I put my t-shirt on.

I closed my eyes in frustration. I'd been taking care of myself for years but I knew that I wouldn't be able to reach my shoulder blade with the antiseptic, and that the kit was in the other room with Edward.

I grabbed a towel, wrapping it around me and tucking in the little flap I'd made. When I was sure it was secure, I opened the door a crack. I poked my head out and could see that he was sitting in the chair in the corner - his eyes were closed and as I watched the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest I figured he must have fallen asleep.

I took this moment just to look at him. His time away at school had changed him. He was still beautiful as he'd always been but his face had a definition now that it had lacked before. Edward looked incredibly tired.

My eyes roamed his still form as I took inventory of his injuries. His clothes were dirty and rumpled but the actual battle damage seemed to be centralized to his face. He had a welt on the left side of his face and there were several scrapes, as well as a thick coating of dried blood that had made its way to his shirt and neck.

My gaze traveled down his arms and I could see that his knuckles were bloody on one hand. My eyes narrowed and I cocked my head to one side in contemplation. If he had a head injury he might have a concussion and in that case he really shouldn't be sleeping.

"Edward?" I called quietly.

I crept out of the bathroom silently and over to his chair, nudging his leg with my knee. His eyes flew open and he sat straight up, hands gripping the arms of the chair.

"What? What's wrong?!" he practically shouted. I cringed and stepped back.

"Nothing is wrong!" I said loudly. He calmed instantly, but tensed when noticed my state of dress.

"I have cuts on my shoulder and I need you to help me." I explained quietly. I nodded to him and pointed to my temple in reference to the blood the covered that area of his face. "You should probably get cleaned up too."

His jaw flexed for a moment while he stared at me before getting up and grabbing the first aid kit from his bag. He motioned towards the bathroom and followed behind me as I made my way into the tiny room.

He got the supplies ready to clean my wounds while I let the sink fill up with hot water and put a wash cloth in to soak. I couldn't help but remember all the times he'd done exactly this - fix me up after I'd clumsily fallen or bumped into something. We could help each other this time. I had a small smile on my face and he noticed this in the mirror.

"What?" he asked as he used a cotton swab to wipe the antiseptic over the first scrape. I hissed at the burning sensation and then smiled when our eyes connected in the mirror.

"I was just thinking about all the times you've done this for me."

He, too, gave a small smile and continued to clean the cuts. I was lost in the memories of better times for a moment before I saw him once again tense and a hard look came over his face.

"Who did it for you while I was gone?" he asked. It wasn't hard to guess who he was thinking of and I knew that his question went a lot deeper than who had been tending to my clumsy ways in his absence.

"I told you it was never like that." I said in a whisper, wrapping my arms around myself defensively.

Edward huffed behind me he finished and applied a bandage over the scraped flesh. He threw the cotton swabs in the small trash can beside the toilet and went to grab the wash cloth from the sink but I put my hand on his arm to stop him. I tightened my grip and shook my head.

"Let me." I said softly. He said nothing as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor before turning the injured side of his face to me. I grabbed the wash cloth and wrung it out before gently wiped the blood away, rinsing the cloth in the sink when needed until his face was clean. As I rinsed the wash cloth he turned to walk from the room. I threw the wash cloth down and it hit the counter with a wet smack. I clutched my towel and quickly grabbed his arm and he turned back to me, glaring.

"What about your hand?" I asked. He looked at his hand and flexed it, wincing with pain when the skin around the edges of the wounds pulled. I grabbed his uninjured hand and pulled him closer to me. I pulled his hand down under the faucet and the warm water run over his raw knuckles. I gently rubbed them with the wash cloth and then dried his hand on a hand towel from the stack on the back of the toilet.

As I was applying the antiseptic, I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up and met his gaze. Unconsciously I licked my bottom lip and I watched as his eyes followed the movement.

"I thought blood made you sick." he questioned quietly after a tense moment of silence.

I turned away from him as I shrugged and wrapped gauze around his hand. I disposed of the cotton swab then turned back to face him.

"It's gotten better as I've gotten older." I replied.

He nodded once and then turned to leave the small room. I followed behind him, turning off the bathroom light as we left.

"Edward." I said.

He was facing away from me but I could see his back tense up as I spoke his name. He didn't turn to face me.

"It wasn't what you thought." I insisted. "You never even asked. You just left."

He spun around then, his fists clenched at his sides.

"I'm not blind Bella - I didn't think there were any questions necessary. I walked into your room and you were sitting on his lap half naked!" he hissed. "It was pretty fucking clear."

"It wasn't what it looked like Edward and you would've known that if you would've given either of us a chance to explain!" I said. I was trying to keep my voice down but after what we'd been through today I needed him to hear me. Even if he didn't believe me, I would know for the rest of my life that I had tried to explain what really happened and let that be enough to give myself closure.

"I saw all I need to see when I pushed open that door and saw you on top of him!" he said harshly.

"Ask me what really happened!" I said, begging.

He didn't speak. He stood glaring at me, furious. I clutched my towel tighter around me and sat down on the bed.

"Jasper says it was love at first sight with Alice, did she ever mention that? They both say it was just something they felt the moment they saw each other. After we started spending time together as a group Jasper decided that he had to do something about his feelings - he came to me and asked for help - he knew how close Alice and I had gotten." Edward didn't move a muscle and remained silent, so I continued.

"We started meeting in a diner in Port Angeles to plan a way for him to win Alice over. The night you left we planned to meet at nine. We both were running late and I waited at the diner but he never showed. I waited until the diner was closing and then left.." I trailed off as he turned slightly towards me. I was hopeful to get a reaction from him but he didn't look in my direction. His face remained locked in a steely gaze at a painting on the wall.

"While I was at the diner there was a group of guys sitting in the back and they followed me when I was walking out the truck. They cornered me in an alley and if it hadn't been for Jasper pulling up right then I don't know what would've happened."

At the profession of the mess in Port Angeles that night his head swiveled toward me, searching my face as if to convince himself I was telling the truth and that it had all been a misunderstanding.

"He brought me home and I thanked him and told him to leave - I went to clean myself up and change - the outfit that I was wearing was supposed to be a surprise for you." I said, quietly.

I bit my lip as I watched him process what I'd told him and I felt my stomach churn with anxiety. Surely after all this time, when Edward finally has all the facts he'd finally believe that there was never anything between Jasper and I. Right?

"When I came back in the room Jasper was still there and I was furious. I yelled at him and told him to leave and I went to pull him off my bed but I tripped over some stuff on the floor and that's when you came in."

He moved towards me after a moment and I watched his face, willing him to believe the truth. He grabbed me and pulled me up off the bed, his hands gripping my shoulders.

"Edward - there's never been anyone but you."

EPOV

My heart was racing a mile a minute and I felt sick to my stomach. I shook her lightly and growled.

"How do I know that's the truth?!" I asked.

I wanted so badly to believe that this was the truth. I knew Bella was clumsy, she tripped over her own feet more often than anything else but dammit, I saw her on top of him dressed in next to nothing.

"You know." she whispered and put her hand on my chest over my heart. I could feel our electricity surging between us at the her touch and I tried desperately to ignore it so I could think with a clear head.

I swallowed heavily as I searched her face - what for, I didn't know. Without my permission, my hands moved up from her shoulders to her neck and softly brushed the bruises before moving up to cup her face in my hands.

Her little body was radiating heat and I had this urge to wrap my arms around her and warm myself - I'd been cold for so long. I did just that and wrapped both arms around her, pulling her tight to me. One hand moved up her back and underneath her hair to her neck while the other rubbed small circles on her back.

My forehead dropped to her shoulder and I inhaled deeply - even after everything we'd been through today she still smelled like strawberries.

"I'm so sorry Bella." I whispered into her ear.

I pulled back to see her face and she was gazing back at me intensely. I wasn't sure I was telling her sorry for. Doubting her? Not being the one to save her Port Angeles? Or was it not being able to protect her from James? I'd tried but the words had spilled out before I could censor the thought.

The idea that everything I'd believed for the last three years to be true was a lie was fucking with my head. If I believed her that meant that I hadn't been there for her when she really needed me. I didn't want to deal with anymore guilt than I was already feeling. I hadn't been able to protect her from James today and she was bruised and torn.

Did I believe her? I didn't know. I wanted to believe her so badly. The jury was still out but I could pretend I did. Just for now. I could shut the world out and it could just be her and me again like it had been before everything came tumbling down on me.

She started to speak but I didn't want to hear it - I just wanted to feel her next to me right now and know that she was real - not just a memory that I tried to keep locked away. Before she could get a word out I lowered my head and covered her mouth with mine.

She stiffened in surprise but after a moment I felt her entire body relax into me.

I took her mouth roughly then and darted my tongue out to brush against her bottom lip. She sighed into my mouth as her lips parted. Every glide of my tongue against hers pushed me further into this spinning I was feeling through my body. I was desperate for more of her.

My fingers on her neck moved up to curl into her hair and I tightened my hand gently into a fist to pull her head back. I moved my kisses slowly from her lips to the corner of her mouth, lingering there before moving to her jawline. I heard her ask me what we were doing but I pressed another kiss into the sensitive area underneath and the question died on her lips. I flicked my tongue out to lick the spot I'd kissed and she whimpered.

Making a trail of kisses along her jaw and down her neck, I'd now come to her collar bone where the bruises were. I paused there and pushed back guilt as it washed through me while I returned my attention to her mouth.

Bella's small hand bunched the fabric of my shirt when she made a fist around it, our lips meeting again and again. I guided her backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed and then laid her down. Moving to lay beside her, I shaped my hand to her face and tilted it back up to mine. My free hand traced lightly down her neck to her shoulders and then to the towel that was covering her from me. Without breaking the kiss I pulled it away and threw it to the floor.

Through the haze of lust clouding my brain I remembered the scratches on her back as she put a slight pressure on my chest and I rolled onto my side and pulled her up so she wouldn't be hurt.

I focused my attention on the side of her neck I'd neglected as I moved my hand down to her waist, my fingers digging into her hip and pulling her flush against my body. I knew she would feel my arousal and a surge of electricity hit me as we were finally completely molded to each other, head to toe.

I moved to my back and pulled her on top of me returning to her mouth as I fumbled impatiently with the clasp on her bra. I wanted to feel her against me and this scrap of cotton was keeping me from what I wanted.

Her legs fell on either side of mine and I pushed us slowly into a sitting position and gasped as she straddled me - the feeling that was caused by the friction of her heat rubbing against my erection was indescribable. Flames threatened to consume me as her hands slid from my shoulders over my neck and into my hair. She tightened her hands into fists and tugged as our kisses grew frantic, surges of current crashing between our bodies with every stroke of my tongue against hers.

The bra was finally undone and joined the towel on the floor. She was bared to me and I groaned as I felt her soft skin press against my own. I laid us back down and slid my hands down her back to cup her ass and pull her against me. I needed her to feel the effect she was having on me, to know how badly I wanted her.

I rolled her onto her side, one hand in her hair cradling her head and my other hand curved around her breast. I shuddered at the feeling of her underneath my hand. It had been so long since I'd touched her, I'd willed myself to forget the feeling of her body against mine believing I'd never touch her again. I traced my thumb over the sensitive skin and gently ran my thumb across her nipple before lowering my head to take it between my lips.

She moaned softly as I lightly touched my tongue to her, grinding her hips into mine. I drew in a shaky breath and pressed my lips against the valley between her breasts before moving to attend to the other.

I could feel Bella trembling beneath me and I moved south leaving wet open mouthed kisses down her belly and stopping at the waistband her panties. I hooked my fingers into the waistband, slowly moving them back and forth while gazing up at her asking her silently for permission to pull them off.

She nodded and I pulled the material down off of her and then moved to rest my forehead against her soft belly. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly against her. She sighed my name and I closed my eyes.

"I want to taste you." I whispered against her skin, holding my breath waiting for her answer. This was something we'd never done and when she said please softly I exhaled to slow my excitement - I wanted it to be good for her.

I kissed the space where my head had been resting before lowering my head to her. I pressed soft kisses along her thigh up to her pussy and inhaled deeply, wanting to remember the smell of her want for me.

I gently nudged her thighs apart and settled myself between them. I was awed by the sight of her, slick with arousal. I propped myself up on my elbows and lowered my mouth to her. I lightly touched my tongue to her and slowly slid my tongue from her slick entrance to her clit. I moaned at the taste of her as she bucked beneath me.

I pushed reached up and put my arm underneath her body, lifting her to me and her hands threaded themselves through my hair, fisting when my lips closed around her clit. I sucked it gently into my mouth and flicked it with my tongue, wringing soft cries from her. The need to be inside her was quickly taking over my desire for her taste and I slid a finger inside her entrance as I thrust my against tongue against her.

She moaned loudly and I carefully added another finger testing her readiness for me. My fingers slid in easily and the feeling of her body clenching around my fingers caused my patience to snap - I needed her now. I moved my hands to her waist before moving up her body to reclaim her mouth.

I kissed her deeply before speaking against her lips. "I need you."

She nodded and I pulled away, quickly ridding myself of my jeans and boxers. I returned to the bed and lowered myself over her. I peppered her stomach with kisses, making a trail up her belly, between her breasts and up to the hollow of her throat. I grazed her there with my tongue and she breathed my name against my lips as I kissed her mouth. Finally I aligned myself with her, the head of my cock became wet as I slid it against her. Our eyes met and held as pushed into her slowly, her body pulling me in.

She was incredibly tight and my eyes rolled back into my head at the feel of being inside of her. I felt her tense as I filled her completely and felt her body cringe at my invasion.

I stilled and I moved my hand to cup her cheek and tried to get her to look at me.

"Bella?" I asked, concerned that this might not be what she wanted.

"I've never done this." she whispered, not meeting my eyes.

I swore a blue streak in my head and rested it against her neck. How was it possible that Bella was a virgin? Surely she'd had other relationships since ours ended? I felt guilt wrack my body as I realized that she was telling the truth about everything. My heart swelled with an ache that was indescribably painful. We'd lost so much time because I'd been a stubborn asshole. I pushed my wallowing aside and swallowed hard, my body trembling with the effort to keep still so I wouldn't hurt her.

"We can stop." I said quietly against her neck. I felt her hair brush my cheek as she shook her head in protest and pulled my face to hers. She touched her lips softly to mine, holding my face with both hands.

"Don't stop." she said, pleading. I was overwrought with the excess of emotions crashing over me in this moment and rested my forehead against hers, swallowing roughly before speaking.

"It's going to hurt." I said softly. She nodded and wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me to her. I licked my lips before pressing them to hers. I hoped to distract her as I pushed forward again and felt her barrier give way. She cried out softly against my mouth and I stilled again, clenching my teeth at the effort. I moved my hand between us, circling her clit to try and help her along and take her mind off the pain.

After a moment her body relaxed and she lifted her hips to me, causing a moan to wrench from my lips. I moved my hand down her hip and back up her soft body as I slowly withdrew and then pushed back into her. She again lifted her hips to me as I pushed into her and we kissed, moving faster against each other.

My breath caught in my throat as I felt her moving beneath me. I buried my face in her neck, placing wet kisses against her skin while I moved my hand down her body to pull her leg up and over my hip, pushing deeper into her.

I never thought that this would happen and I felt the last wall that I'd built up around my heart fall when she shivered in my arms and said my name softly in my ear. I'd been kidding myself to think that I could ever forget the love I had for this woman.

I felt a familiar coiling in my belly and knew I was close. I pushed into her with force, and my thumb returned to the little nub between her legs. I wanted us to come together. Her hands were in my hair as I crashed my mouth to hers. I felt her body tighten around me and her soft cries in my ear set off my own release. I buried my face in her neck with a shudder as she pulsed around me and I came with her name on my lips.

We laid that way, still connected as our breathing slowed. She was playing with the hair at the nape of my neck and I kissed her shoulder before rolling us over onto my back.

"Bella..I-" I began, but she cut me off with a shake of her head against my chest.

"Shh.." she murmured, not meeting my eyes. "I don't want to waste more time on things we can't change. We need to let go of what happened and start fresh."

When I remained silent she looked up hesitant at me, resting her chin on the hand on my chest.

"If that's something you want, of course." she said, chewing on her lip nervously.

I brushed the hair out of her face and leaned up to kiss her mouth before pulling her tighter to me. I didn't ever want to leave this room.

"I'd like that." I said softly.

She laid her head down again and I buried my face in her hair, holding her tight.

My heart was a tangled mess of emotions. Being with Bella this way, or anyway at all for that matter, was something I'd locked away in a hidden part of myself long ago. When I walked into the room and saw her with Jasper on the bed my entire world had been destroyed. I hadn't been able to comprehend what I was seeing, I'd just known I needed to get out of there. I hadn't waited for my send off at the airport the next morning. I'd driven straight home and booked a six thirty am flight to London without a second thought.

I'd cowardly left a note for my parents explaining that I couldn't wait for the group send off the next day and had to go right then. I'd pleaded with them to understand, even though I knew my leaving would hurt my mother deeply. I'd left a second note for my father, explaining in short clipped sentences that something had happened and I needed to go before having to face the family. I didn't give them a chance to stop me, I'd left with my bags long before dawn and had spent the time until my flight sitting alone in the airport terminal.

Bella shifted in her sleep and sighed my name softly, rousing me from my walk down memory lane.

The agony I'd felt then was nothing compared to the thought that Bella had been killed by James. Seeing her lying in a heap in the mill today had brought things a little more clearly into perspective. Regardless of where the relationship between us stood, loving her was never the issue.

There had been many times I'd tried to convince myself that I was over it and able to move on but it always ended with me comparing the girl I was with to Bella. I'd never stopped loving her. I wished that she'd never existed but the truth was without Bella there was no me. It had been me who just existed until I'd met her. From the very first minute she'd entered my life I'd felt like a complete person and that there was a reason I was put on this earth - for her, to be with her.

I resolved myself then that I would make up the time we'd lost and we'd never be apart again after this whole thing was said and done. I couldn't imagine ever living without her.

I knew then what I had to do. I gently slipped out from under her so I wouldn't wake her and dressed. I went over to the desk and grabbed a piece of paper from the pad and began to write.

Bella,

I have no words to tell you what last night meant to me. I was a fool for so long. Please believe me when I tell you that all of me is yours, I never stopped belonging to you.

Love,

Edward

I left the note on the pillow beside her and bent down and softly brushed my lips against hers before locking the door behind me.

BPOV

The sunlight filtered into the room through the ugly brown curtains and I squinted as I tried to determine what time it was. It took me a minute to realize where I was. A motel in Oregon. I wasn't sure if we're were still in Gresham but I knew we hadn't crossed into another state.

The night before flooded my consciousness suddenly and I felt a fiery blush sweep across my cheeks. I bit my lip to hide a nervous smile and slid my hand across the sheets expecting to find Edward next to me.

That side of the bed as cold and I felt nothing but cool cotton underneath my fingertips. My head snapped up and I looked around the room for him with no luck.

"Edward?" I called.

There was nothing but silence.

I sat up in bed and tucked the sheet around my naked torso and saw a piece of paper wrapped up in the sheet. I picked it up with shaking hands and felt my heart shred. It didn't really matter what the note said - he had left.

I was alone.

A/N:

Don't kill me!

Well? How did I do? Reviews get a teaser for Chapter 11!