Chapter 9: Escape
Bowselta knew it was morning even though she couldn't see the sun. Today was the big day – not because of the impending jailbreak, but because of what happened 15 years ago. Bowselta wasn't a really a sentimental person, and she could care less about birthdays and holidays, but today did mean something: it was her anniversary. She had been stuck on Earth when her and Bowser's ten-year mark passed, so fifteen would have to do as the big one: a testament to their love and commitment.
Even as she formed the words in her mind, Bowselta wrinkled her snout at how corny it sounded. In the old days, all you had to do was jump in the sack to tie the knot, and the only proof that mattered was children, even if they only materialized a few years down the road. But with the rise of government and worldly possessions, paperwork soon became a staple of the process. Fortunately, the Koopas still kept to the basics: the paperwork consisted of a single piece of enchanted parchment upon which both parties copied the same lines, one on top of the other. It was ratified with the Koopan equivalent of a signature: a handprint. Whoever had the larger hand would go first, and the other would place theirs overtop. The inks would be different colours, and would dry so that each individual's handprint and writing could be clearly identified, if ever the need arose.
The contract basically stated what happened when someone died or got divorced: what was acceptable in that particular marriage and what was taboo. Bowser and Bowselta's was simple: "All things split 50/50 until death." Meaning divorce was out of the question, which was fitting, since Bowselta would simply kill Bowser if she grew tired of him. Kammy had supervised the signing; there were no other witnesses.
Bowselta thought it was all a bit silly: she had decided to spend her life with Bowser long before they put it in written words, and she and Bowser had already consummated their relationship three months before their "wedding". But it was much easier to just go by the formal date, as opposed to the "engagement" anniversary, as Bowselta euphemistically labeled it. So, today was the day, and she was still behind bars.
Finally she heard the distant patter of bare feet on the cement floor. She stood up and was waiting at the door by the time Fawful sprinted into view. "I am being HERE!"
"You are being late," growled Bowselta.
"The Princess of Stupid Peaches sleeps with the lightness of an ant made of feathers," explained Fawful irately. "I could only have the stealing of the key when she was in the showering."
"Why'd she have the key anyway?" asked Bowselta, as skeptical as ever.
"How should I have the knowing of this?" said Fawful. "But that is being beside the point. I am needing your charm of expensiveness firstly! You have seen the key – the brine for the cucumber of our deal, soon to become the delicious pickle of victory against the cavities who are Red, Green, and Pink. Freedom is upon the one who is you! But now is the handing over of the charm."
Bowselta sighed and slid the leather strap over her head, handing it through the bars to the young Bean. "Rururu, it is having the beauty of a plumber that is encrusted in diamonds."
"How is that beautiful?" snorted Bowselta, as the snickering boy fiddled with the lock across the hallway.
"Becausing, if a plumber is being encrusted in the diamonds, they are not being alive as well."
"That's… rather morbid, actually – I like it!" said Bowselta, opening the door and stepping through the deactivated barrier. "It makes me sorry for what happens next."
"What are you-" Fawful was cut off as Bowselta's hand closed over his face. Frozen in astonishment, he was unable to prevent the Koopa Queen from wresting her charm from his slackened hand and hurling him into the open cell. He activated his headgear and shot forward before he could hit the ground, but as Wario had done to her, so to did Bowselta slam the door in Fawful's face.
"Gaahhh!" cried Fawful, bouncing off the forcefield, "I HAVE FURY! How could you have the betraying of me?"
"Simple," said Bowselta, slipping her pendant around her neck once more. "This charm's got too much sentimental value for me to just trade away." As she spoke, the queen reached forward and snapped Wario's handcuffs onto the cell door.
"What is that being?" demanded Fawful.
"You've been a big help Fawful: I never would've gotten out of there without you, and I certainly don't want the Mushroomians to catch you," with that, Bowselta unlocked the cell and deactivated the forcefield; now the handcuffs were solely responsible for keeping Fawful detained. "It took me a couple minutes to pick those – you shouldn't fare much worse. You might even manage to break them with your helmet-thing, though it'll take a while – they're very heavy-duty."
"I have confusion!" shrieked Fawful.
"You'll be long-gone before any guards come this way, but I'll be gone too. I can't have you stopping me from escaping, but feel free to stop by the Koopa Kingdom and I'll be happy to reward you for your services," said Bowselta brightly as she started down the hall. "Just… not with my charm."
"Grrr! FINK QUEEN!" spat Fawful, as Bowselta ran out of earshot. He growled in frustration and sat down to begin work on the handcuffs. He could see she was right in that they wouldn't take him much time, but he muttered darkly as he worked all the same. She'd regret double-crossing him, one way or another. "Grr, I HAVE FURY!"
-xxx-
Bowselta sprinted through the dungeons. She didn't meet any guards until she reached the stairs: alerted by her echoing steps, an unlucky Toad guard appeared at the landing, and was roasted for his troubles. Bowselta barreled through the other guards that came running, clearing the hallway with a barrage of her deadly flares. Once she knew reinforcements weren't immediately on their way, she turned her attention to the cells.
To her pleasure, Kammy and Bowser were the first prisoners Bowselta found.
"Your Freeness!" cried Kammy as the Koopa Queen unlocked the cell with her skeleton key. Bowser was still unconscious.
"How is he? The last thing I heard from Peach wasn't very cheery," said Bowselta, kneeling beside her husband.
"Oh don't worry, he's fine now," reassured Kammy. "The potion worked – as usual – and while he won't be ready to fight just yet, he should be up and about any time now."
"I'll deal with him, you free the soldiers," ordered Bowselta, handing Kammy her little gold skeleton key. "Are there many left with the Toad doctors?"
Kammy shook her head. "His Debilitatedness was the last patient to be discharged, as it were."
"Good. Have some soldiers stand guard for more Toads, or worse. Once enough are free, have them start to move out with the able-bodied fighters in the lead, protecting the wounded troops. Don't worry about reclaiming the weapons: just get outside and to the Koopa Cruiser. Bowser and I will be with you shortly.
"Yes, Your Domineeringness," saluted Kammy, scurrying out of the cell as fast as she could.
Bowselta turned her attention to Bowser. She shook his shoulder and hissed his name, but he remained oblivious. Growling she moved in front of him and grabbed his face in her hands, lifting it off the ground as she screamed, "BOWSER!"
He jerked to consciousness, and jumped at how close Bowselta's snout was to his. "What the- what's going on? What happened?"
"You swallowed a bomb and blew up," said Bowselta, releasing her mate's cheeks and hoisting him to his feet by his arms.
"I- That's… sorta familiar," said Bowser, though he still looked confused.
"We were all captured, but I escaped – it's a long story. Kammy's getting the others out, can you walk?"
"Urgh," Bowser was still leaning on Bowselta heavily. "I feel like crap."
"Don't we all? Now answer the question."
"I... think," Bowser slowly took his weight off Bowselta. He swayed in place for a movement, but took a hesitant step nonetheless. He brought his foot down harder than usual, but felt confident enough to continue with another stride. The third brought him to the door to the cell. "I think I can manage," he said.
"Well, you're gonna have to be faster than that," said Bowselta, taking the king by the arm and dragging him forward into the hall. The Koopas were already moving out, Kammy wasn't even there anymore.
With a grunt Bowser set off after his troops, wrenching his arm from his wife's grip and thudding down the hall. She caught up and by the time they reached the stairs Bowser was back too his old self. "Oh yeah! I'm gonna pummel that Wario! To think, I actually worked with him and Waluigi a couple times."
"Yes, yes. But all we're doing now is escaping, mind you," warned Bowselta.
Bowser grumbled as they started up the stairs, but sounds of a battle ahead wiped the scowl from his face. Bowselta doubled her speed and joined the Koopas keeping the Toad guards at bay while their injured comrades rushed, unmolested, through the castle. While the Koopas were unarmed, they still held their own in hand-to-hand combat with the pitiful Toads, though Bowselta was all too happy to relieve them of their charges. She finished off each guard that survived her soldiers, except one, who Bowser squished.
"You really shouldn't be fighting," scolded Bowselta.
"What? I got 'em didn't I? And I didn't have to use any magical abilities or anything," huffed Bowser.
"Good: you're still recovering from the explosion, and unnecessarily straining your body is a bad idea."
"Pbbfftt, you sound like Kammy!" joked Bowser.
Bowselta rolled her eyes. "Come on, I'll go ahead and knock out more guards. Think you can handle bringing up the rear and picking up any of our soldiers who get injured?"
"Hurt by the Toads? As if!" mocked Bowser.
"Peach could get involved, and who knows where Daisy, Wario or the Marios are. That's why we gotta be fast."
"Okay okay, I'll bring up the rear," surrendered Bowser as he and Bowselta started after the group of Koopas. "But if I get attacked I'm not just gonna run away like a sissy."
"Just be careful," snapped Bowselta, speeding up as another skirmish became visible through the doorway.
-x-
Bowser burst into sunlight through the backdoor of Mushroom Castle. Ahead he could see Bowselta blasting more Toads in the garden. As the Koopas neared the Cruiser, the smell of blood became quite prevalent. The place was still pock-marked with bomb craters, and Bowser was pretty sure he caught a glimpse of the spot he blew up. He felt a bit nauseous contemplating the chunky, brownish-red debris that still glistened in the sun.
"Bowser, watch out!" cried Bowselta. The King of the Koopas looked over his shoulder, but what he saw didn't ease his mind: the Mario bros. had just appeared via. Warp Pipe.
The soldiers were already boarding the Koopa Cruiser. All the Toads in the garden were lying dead or comatose in the grass, or cowering in fear behind the bushes, but Bowselta knew how fast those plumbers were. She ran over to Bowser. "Get inside the ship and help dispatch the Toads. Try to throw them out the windows, I'd rather we avoid this sort of mess inside our own property." With that she waved her hand over the ruined garden.
Bowser growled. "No way, I'm not running from Mario. And I'm not leaving you to fight him alone."
"Don't make this about me," snorted Bowselta. "They'll flatten you in your state."
"What state? I'm fine!"
"You're never fine after those sorta death experiences. You're drained, and pale-"
"That's just cause my guts are lying all over that hill!"
"You see? You've been through hell, now go before they send you back," snarled Bowselta, taking her eyes off Mario and Luigi's approaching forms to glare at Bowser.
But he wasn't having any of it, and stared her down. Suddenly an explosion drew both their gazes back to the plumber twins.
"What the-" they gasped in unison upon seeing the black smoke that now engulfed the Mario bros. and hid the entire castle from view. Suddenly Kammy and a wave of Magikoopas appeared on their broomsticks through the cloud.
"Your Startlednesses!" called the Chief Advisor. "I'm sorry to say I disregarded your orders and went back for our weapons. Us Magikoopas are useless without our wands, you see."
"Nice going Kammy!" responded Bowselta, before turning back to Bowser. "Now we can both get to the Cruiser."
"But that couldn't've finished off Mario," protested Bowser. "Now's our chance-"
Bowselta shook her head. "No, the Stars'll probably resurrect him, or Peach will show up, or Wario. We'd better not push our luck. They could even be relatively unharmed, just momentarily delayed. Kammy bought us time, not victory: getting out of here's the best we can do."
"That's quitter talk," growled Bowser. "Don't you want revenge?"
"Of course!" spat Bowselta. "But I have the sense to know I won't be getting it today. Now move – or we'll leave you behind."
Without waiting for a response, Bowselta turned and sprinted towards the Koopa Cruiser. It took Bowser a moment to follow.