Anyway this update is late because I've been pretty busy with finals/soccer/karate. But enjoy! Apologies in advance for spelling/grammar errors.
Thank you to everyone who has left reviews, they really mean so much to me!
***Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters
***Warnings: Language, Yaoi, Mentions of self-harm, Depression, Drinking(?)
Chapter 10
Gilbert let out an audible sigh of annoyance as he turned the corner into his neighborhood. All kinds of expensive sports cars lined the long driveway of the manor. He was left to park his truck on the sidewalk. The German practically sulked the whole walk to the front door, not even bothering to knock as he pushed his way inside and through the crowd of people. He was almost to the stairs when he heard his father's familiar voice call out to him.
"Gilbert!" The albino winced and slowly turned to face the man. "You knew what time you were supposed to be home. Where the hell were you?"
Gilbert's cheeks flushed at the memory of dancing with Ivan. "W-with some friends," he said.
His father just sighed and placed a hand to his forehead. "Just, get upstairs and get changed. Roderich and Elizaveta are here."
Finally some good news. Gilbert's heart soared with the promise of seeing his childhood friends once again. His mood lightened as he bounded up the stairs to his room. Roderich, Elizaveta, and him had known each other since elementary school, which was when he had moved to America. The three had been drawn to each other instantly and it helped that their parents were all major business owners in the area. Their parents would work and the children would play. Unfortunately when high school came, they were forced to take separate paths. Roderich and Elizaveta attended a private school in the city while Gilbert and his brother were sent to public school. He never understood why but he guessed his parents wanted to give Ludwig a shot at a normal adolescents. Either that or they didn't want Gilbert's failure to be broadcasted for their fellow snobs to see.
Upon arriving in his room, the albino noticed a set of nice clothes already laid out on his bed. His mother must of left them. He cringed at the sight of the horrid suit and tie. It was way too formal for his taste, and being the rebellious spirit he was, he dug through his closet to find something more comfortable. Pulling out a pair of gray jeans and and a blue and white flannel, he quickly changed. Admiring himself in the mirror, he felt a rush of confidence wash over him. It only lasted a moment as his scarlet eyes landed on the gruesome crack that cut through the mirror's reflective surface. He tugged his sleeves further down his wrist and took a deep breath before putting on his bravest smile and walking downstairs. He weaved in and out of the crowd of snobs, as he called them, and arrived at the kitchen. He saw Elizaveta and Roderich hunched over the snack table. Their fingers were tightly intertwined and Elizaveta was trying to shove a tart in Roderich's mouth. They were giggling like idiots and the sight brought a smile to the Germans face.
"Still going strong, I see?" Gilbert interjected as he approached. The pair turned to him with wide smiles, happy to see their friend again. Elizaveta momentarily let go of her boyfriend's hand to pull the albino into a hug. She was wearing a beautiful satin dress that hugged her curves in all the right places, the elegant purple fabric fluttered gracefully behind her as she moved. Her ever present flower clip, given to her by Roderich for her birthday, was pinned in her chestnut curls.
"Gil!" She exclaimed as she pulled back from the hug. "It's so nice to see you again."
"Likewise," the albino grinned as he pulled Roderich into a side hug.
"Gilbert please," The brunette sighed as he escaped from his friend's embrace and straitened his black jacket. He was wearing an expensive looking suit with a tie matching the purple hue of Elizaveta's dress. His hair was combed back neatly, his peculiar curl bouncing as he adjusted his glasses.
"I see you haven't changed much," the Austrian said with a hint of sarcasm. "As rambunctious as always."
"Roddy, be nice," Elizaveta scolded him. Gilbert couldn't but think the two acted like an old married couple. He was happy they finally admitted their feelings for each other. The albino knew they were head over heals for each other since seventh grade.
"Jeez Rod," Gilbert teased. "Please do us all a favor and pull that massive stick out of your ass." Elizaveta's hand flew to her mouth to stifle her laugh. She gave up after seeing he look of her boyfriend's face and erupted into a fit of giggles.
"Yes Roderich, lighten up!" Elizaveta grabbed his hand as the music switched to a more upbeat song. The trio maneuvered through the mass of bitchy ladies arguing over jewelry and their drunken husbands struggling to stand upright. God Gilbert hated these parties. They arrived at the dance floor and Roderich wasted no time in grabbing his girlfriend's waste and swinging his hips in time with the music. Although he preferred classical music he would never pass up an opportunity to dance with Elizaveta.
Gilbert watched the two and felt a familiar pang of jealousy. He was jealous of their relationship. He was almost baffled at how tight the bond they shared was. They knew more about each other than Gilbert knew of them combined. His mind wanders back to his time with Ivan. The memory of their ridiculous dancing brought a smile to his pale lips. Never in a million years had he found himself wishing the stupid Russian was with him right now. He walked over to his friends and grabbed Roderich's shoulder.
"I'm gonna take a quick breather," he said over the loud music. "I need a break from all these snobs." He grinned as he back away.
Once his back was to them he let his smile drop from his face like a ton of bricks. Sneaking a beer from the kitchen he made his way to one of the secluded balconies. Cracking the bottle open on the railing he took a sip. He was obviously underage but it wasn't like anyone in his family gave two shits about what he did. Taking another gulp he stepped to the edge and leaned against the iron railing. He was on the second floor of the house overlooking the barren gardens. The moon reflected off the elegant fountain in the center and illuminated the various flowers and trees that littered his surroundings. Looking right below him he saw a small patio set up with a table and chairs. How would his blood look splattered across the stone? Would anyone care if he jumped to his death? Would they even notice he was gone? How would it feel to die? Would it hurt? Would it be peaceful? The questions buzzed through his mind and the sight of the ground was almost too much for him to take anymore. He shifted his gaze to the sky and looked at the stars as they twinkled in and out of focus. He wondered what Ivan was doing right now. He wondered about Francis and Antonio. Those two were probably out partying or something. He was growing apart from them. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew their relationship wasn't as strong as before. It was his fault though. He didn't make the effort to contact them anymore, the depression he felt was beginning to consume his soul. He felt as if his grip on reality was slowly loosening until he finally let go. Slipping into the obis knows as death. Or would it just be darkness? Maybe their was a tunnel of light waiting for him. Maybe there would be Angels singing his name and golden gate opening just for him. Maybe there would be nothing. Nothing would be better than anything he felt right now.
His thoughts were broken by the sound of the balcony door being opened and shut, briefly letting the music from inside drift to the outside world. Gilbert turned around to find Roderich and Elizaveta stumbling outside.
"It's a little chilly out here isn't Gil?" Elizaveta asked, shivering from the cold breeze that graced her exposed arms. Roderich wasted no time in shrugging off his jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders. She look at him with a smile that made the brunette's heart melt.
"Eh, I'm fine." Gilbert shrugged and turned back to stare at the garden below them, feeling the familiar sensation of jealousy pool in his gut.
"Something's bothering you." Roderich said strait faced. The albino sighed. He couldn't hide anything from the two people who knew him better than his own parents. Defeated, Gilbert turned back to them and sunk down against the railing, bringing his knees to his chest. Roderich and Elizaveta took a seat on either side of him. They didn't say anything, they just waited for their friend to open up. When Gilbert finally spoke the two turned their full attention to him.
"I feel so fucking useless." He sighed. "I don't have a place in this world, my own family hates me and everyone else favors Ludwig. I love my brother with all my heart but something about living in his shadow is slowly killing me from the inside, I feel like the loneliness is consuming my fucking soul. And there's nothing I can do about it!" His voice was raised to a yell as tears threatened to fall. "Do you know how much that fucking sucks?! Do you know what it feels like to know no body would care if you died? In fact they would probably benefit from my death!" The German took another swig of beer before calming down.
"I guess I just want someone to love me. As pitiful and stupid as it sounds I wish there was someone who I could turn to at all times. Someone who would hold me in their arms. Someone who would dance and sing with me. Someone, anyone." He refused to meet the eyes of his friends. The shining emerald eyes full of compassion and understanding. The striking deep purple orbs that held their own kind of love and encouragement.
"I would say something stupid like 'we love you'." It was Roderich that spoke. "But we both know that sometimes the love that we give you just isn't enough. Sometimes it takes more. Gilbert, you know I love you as if you were my own brother. Yes, you piss me off, you're loud, self centered, and obnoxiously, but that just makes you you." Gilbert forced himself to look at his friend. "And I think you're pretty great. Besides, it might not seem like it, but it would kill me if you were to die. It would kill both of us." He said looking to his girlfriend.
"Ya," Elizaveta chimed in. "I know we've been pretty shitty friends lately. I know that we're not always here for you. But what I do know is that if there's every anything troubling you, if you even just need someone to talk to, someone to yell at or cry with, don't hesitate to call either of us. You might be a fuck up but you're our fuck up." She finished with a small smile and nudged his shoulder.
Gilbert couldn't help but let out a small laugh. His friend's words of encouragement lifted a small portion of the massive weight off of his shoulders.
"Fuck it, I love you guys." He said, hugging both of them around the neck as he pulled them into a group hug. "Let's get back inside," the albino jumped to his feet. "I haven't gotten a chance to show off my awesome dance moves yet!" He said with a smirk.
"Ya, awesome." Roderich sighed as he grabbed Elizaveta's hand and followed their rambunctious friend back into the manor.
Ivan sat at his desk, fiercely scribbling away at a blank page in his sketchbook. He was doing a charcoal portrait with a solid black background and intense shading. Sketching the eyes, he slanted them at an angle giving them a strong look. The nose and jaw line were brisk and angular. The mouth set in a straight line. The hair was short. It glided across the paper in elegant wisps. The Russian discarded his charcoal in favor of his favorite paint markers. He used this specific brand for pieces he felt a strong connection to. He knew this one was going to turn out great. He grabbed his set of skin tones and briefly shuffled through them until he found the lightest shade. Using is as a base he carefully layered darker and darker, giving the face depth but keeping its pale tone. Next was the hair. His fingertips graced over the various colors before stopping over a light gray. He decided to keep the hair white and shade it with light and dark grays. That just left the eyes. He couldn't stop himself as he grabbed a couple different pinks, purples, and reds. He never normally used this many colors for the eyes but there was something about this portrait that was different. Ivan started with a light pink base, layering the purples then finally the deep reds. Satisfied with his work he sat back to admire it.
Oh my god.
He had just drawn Gilbert Beilschmidt.
It wasn't even a sketch, it was a full detailed, outlined and colored portrait! The German was staring back at him with an intense expression. He wasn't laughing or smirking like usual. He almost looked as if he was preparing for battle.
Ivan blushed nearly a hundred shades of red as he slammed the sketchbook shut.
What was he thinking? He couldn't just go around sketching the stupid albino. What if he saw it? What if he showed it to everyone? God, that would make it seem like Ivan had a silly schoolgirl crush on the German. Ivan blushed darker as he tried to push the thought from his mind. It didn't work. Instead images of him and Gilbert walking hand in hand down the hallway started to circulate. Him and Gilbert sitting on the park bench where he had encountered him that one fateful evening. Gilbert smiling. Gilbert laughing. Gilbert blushing. Gilbert, Gilbert, Gilbert!
Ivan nearly screamed as he buried his face in his scarf in pure embarrassment. It wasn't like anyone could read his mind. Hell, no one was even in the room with him! Still, the thoughts made his face burn. He took a deep breath and slowly put his art supplies back in their rightful places. He thought back to dinner, it had been the happiest the Russian had felt in a while. He was surprised that Gilbert had been the cause of the newfound excitement considering he was responsible for his unhappiness in the first place.
Ivan sighed and slipped under the covers of his bed. It was just like Katyusha said one night after one of their father's drunken rampages.
People change.
A/N: OK OK OK I KNOW I USED ELIZAVETA EARLIER IN THE STORY BUT I CHANGED MY MIND OF HOW I WANTED TO USE HER. So she was originally going to go to the same high school but I thought it would work better like this (in fact I already went back and changed where Natalia had mentioned her).
Also just to clarify something, Gilbert isn't jealous of how Roderich is dating Elizaveta, he jealous of the relationship they have. He wants to share that love with someone as well. Aw poor Gil ;A;
Well thanks for reading! Reviews are very much appreciated!
- Caramel-Buns