Almost seven days had passed and I refused to answer any calls or texts from Maura or Jane. Sometimes Josh would pick up and try to get me to talk to her but it was pointless because I wasn't going to. Josh dropped me at school and gave me a kiss goodbye "I'll be back at 4pm for you babe" he said sweetly "it's Friday I'm finished at 1pm but I know you've work so I'll just go to town for a bit" I said getting out of the car.
"Okay, I'll call you when I'm finished.. Love you" "love you" I replied closing the car door. As I went to my locker my phone started ringing it was Jane's office phone. At first I was going to ignore it but Jane was stuck in middle and had her own problems she didn't need to be worrying about me.
"Hey Jane" I said casually. "Oh my god Rebecca! Thank god you picked up I was really worried about you, I miss you when are you coming home?" She said sadly. "I'm not" I said bluntly. "What? No! Why?" She started running her words into each other and getting upset. "Hey I've got to go to class... But I'm finished at 1pm, why don't I grab us something to eat and spend lunch with you?" I said postponing the conversation to later.
"I'd love that" she said shyly. "Okay later then". I then text Josh 'hey I'm going to see Jane for lunch instead of going to town xx'. I knew he would see it eventually and he'd be thrilled that I was talking to her. I spent most of my classes trying to decide what I would be telling Jane of why I wasn't coming home. I put all my books in my locker and got my purse and jacket. I went down to the cafe and ordered mine and Jane's lunch.
Then I got a taxi across town to the station as I entered I seen Kim. "Hey Rebecca!" She called as I went by, I waved at her. I went upstairs to Janes office. "You better be hungry I waited in line FOREVER" I said sarcastically. She didn't even answer she got straight up and charged straight into me "oh I've missed you so much!" She said hugging me. "Oh really?" I said hugging her back.
"Well I don't know about you but I've had the worst six days of my life" she said exhaustedly. "Why do you say that?" I asked concerned. She went and sat down, running her hands through her hair. "Jane? You can talk to me." I sat on her desk facing her. She started to massage her scar on her hand, she tended to that when she got nervous or scared.
"Jane?" I said lifting her chin up. "M-my eh nightmares have just been bad, I-I eh haven't been sleeping.. I was really sick this morning too.." She whispered. "Jane, you don't have to be afraid to say what's going on in here" I said putting my hand on her head "I know.. I know.." Her voice dropped "I don't like being a needy person, I hate annoying you".
How could I not have seen it before now by ignoring Maura I shut Jane out. "If I ever gave you that idea I am so sorry" I said hugging her "I should have answered your calls.. I guess I just let everything block out my reasonable side but that's not an excuse and I'm sorry.. Is there anyway you can forgive me?". She looked at me "I could never be mad at you sweetie". Suddenly she sat back and winced in pain. "What's wrong?" I asked panicked.
"I've been having really bad cramps all day" she said almost doubled over with pain. "I'll be right back" I said heading out the door and darted down the stairs to Maura's office to get her microwaveable teddy. I put him in the microwave for a minute and headed straight back to Jane. She was really pale and almost crying in agony. "Stand up for a minute" I said helping her up and walking her over to the couch.
I sat down behind her and placed the teddy on her tummy. I started to massage her lower back. "That's actually helping" she said taking a deep breath. I guess social health class was good for something I thought. "We need to get you home" I said as she rested her head on my shoulder. By the time I had Jane home the pain had got much worse. She was lying on the couch screaming in pain.
"Try what you did earlier" she said irritated, trying to sit up. I sat behind her and massaged her lower back. "It's not working" she said frustrated, she began to cry. "I'm going to call the doctor" I said going out to the kitchen, she didn't argue one bit she really must be in unbearable pain I thought. "Doctor will be here in about ten minutes" I said sitting beside her.
She nodded and then hissed in pain. When the doctor arrived he asked me to wait outside but Jane refused to let me leave. Hesitantly he let me stay, he asked Jane different questions about the cramps and examined her. He was quiet then for a few moments. Eventually he spoke "I'm sorry to say this but your miscarrying your baby, the worst of your pain should be over.
Your experiencing labour contractions, soon waste product, the embryo and the placenta will come when your waters break. I can send you into the hospital or I can give you a strong pain killer and leave you here. The decision is yours." Janes face was blank, she was in so much pain and then to hear she was having a miscarriage sent her to shock mode. He looked at her waiting for an answer then at me.
I took her hand and kneeled on the floor next to her, "Jane sweetie he needs to know what you would like to do" I said as I watched the tears fill up in her eyes. "s-s-stay" she then said holding on to my hand. He administered the painkillers and left. I went back in and sat with Jane she had started to fall asleep. "Please don't leave me" she said still crying. "I wouldn't dream of it" I said kissing her on the forehead and taking her hand. "Don't worry, I'll look after you". She smiled back "I know you will".
Tears swelled up in her eyes "this is my fault" she cried. "No this is not your fault and I won't let you think it is" now I was crying too. " I said that I hated being pregnant remember... I jinxed myself" she sobbed. "No definitely not Jane" "I'm not like Maura I don't take care of myself I mean I pushed myself to work when I wasn't able to half the time." Then I thought Maura, she was awful quiet and not around. "Where is she?" I then asked.
"She decided to go away for a few days.. She couldn't bare you not talking to her.. Since that day everything's just gone to crap with all of us" she said resting her head on my lap. "I'm sorry Jane I should have been more considerate" I patted her arm. "Do you want me to call her?" "How yer not speaking?" "I'll call her if you would like me to Jane" "no she has enough to deal with she doesn't need me on top of it all". She winced in pain again.
"I need to go to the bathroom" she hissed. I helped her up and brought her to the bathroom, she was hardly able to stand she was so weak. She cried with the pain for about two more hours and then thankfully it started to ease for her. I gave her more pain killers and got her settled on the couch.
She looked at me as I fixed some blankets around her "thank you, I don't know how I would have got through this on my own" she said sheepishly. "Even if Maura and I never speak again you can always count on me Jane... Now you need to rest, is there anything you would like eat or anything you want?" "You want to know what I really really want?" She said sweetly.
"what's that?" I answered "for you and Maura to be speaking to each other again.." She smiled "that's all I want, I know that it will take time but please try.. her life is better with you in it she told me that and maybe she said all that but it was just words when she was sad, hurt and scared, you found her that night you know what kinda of a state she was in and really your mother caused all of this in my opinion".
Jane was right, how could I be so stupid and naive. Maura wasn't in her right mind that night at all and I just cut her out without letting her explain. I did what I promised I would never do, ice her out and leave her alone. "I'll fix it I promise, now you've had a long day get some sleep".
I ended up falling asleep in the chair and woke up sometime in the early hours of the morning with Maura's favourite blue fluffy blanket over me. She must have came home sometime late last night I thought. I checked on Jane and made sure she was okay. Then I went to the kitchen to make some coffee. As I get a cup out of the cupboard I hear Maura moving around upstairs.
She went into the bathroom, her morning sickness I thought. I turned off the kettle and went upstairs. I knew how weak she could get from it so I went to check on her. She was kneeling down with her hands on the floor trying to hold herself up, I thought she was going to pass out. She didn't even notice me, still vomiting.
She probably wasn't even expecting me to come up to her. I kneeled down beside her, putting my hand on her back. "I'm really sorry Maura, can you ever forgive me?" I said trying to not let myself cry. She looked at me as pale as a ghost and as weak as water. She threw her arms around me and hugged me like her life depended on it. "I thought you would never speak to me again" she sobbed. Now I was crying "I know, I'm sorry I never should have iced you out"
"No you were hurt, I know that from the way you looked at me.. You've never looked at me like that before I hated it, it really killed me..I hurt the most important person to me and I'm sorry Rebecca I really am... I told you I always screw up with the people that I love and that it was only a matter of time before you hated me.."
I hurt her more than I was hurt by what she told Gareth, I was gutted. I couldn't find words to express how bad I felt. "I love you" I said hugging her again "and I missed you" she replied. "Jane will be happy we're talking again". Then I thought I needed to tell her what happened to Jane. "Something happened to Jane yesterday" I said staring at the wall.
"What?!" She said concerned. "She had a miscarriage". Maura started crying again. "How?" She sobbed. "She called me in the morning and she was fine. I had told her I would meet her for lunch and when I got there she was alright.. Then we were talking and she got really bad cramps, she said she had them all day. So I went and got your bear for her and massaged her lower back which worked for awhile.. I made her come home but by the time we got here she had got so much worse, she even let me call the doctor without any arguing.. Then when he came he told us what was happening and said she could stay or go to the hospital but she wanted to stay, I told him I would look after her".
Maura's expression was hard to read. "Why didn't you call me?" She said put out. "Jane didn't want bothering you" I said "and you didn't want to talk to me either" she added. "No I-" I began to tell her I offered to call her but she cut me off. "Thank you.. for staying with her and taking care of her" she said hugging me. "Of course" I replied, hugging her back.