It was all too much for Santana. Her first birthday without Brittany had been going so much better than she could have ever hoped and then that happened. It had been unexpected, unwelcome, and know that it had happened it was unfathomable.

So, Santana did all she could do and cried into her pillow while clutching a photo of her and Brittany until her knuckles turned white. The photo was a candid one from when the group went camping together in upstate New York and it had been a big deal because they had invited Cameron along to test if he would work well as one of the gang. The weekend trip had been fun, relaxing, and everything you would expect any sort of excursion into the outdoors could be for them (semi-disastrous but a blast nonetheless).

The morning of the last day Brittany had woken up Santana while it was still dark out. Santana, being the total morning person she isn't tried to resist being pulled out of their tent. But, Brittany being Brittany, Santana ultimately was unable to say no and found herself cuddled up with Brittany on a rock overlooking the landscape with a blanket draped around their shoulders. There they sat and watched in a tired awe as the sun rose and dazzled the land around them. Little did they know, Rachel had snuck up behind them with a camera and snapped a picture of them before quietly leaving them be once more. They didn't know about the picture until Rachel had developed and framed it as a gift for their anniversary later that year.

"Santana?" A light knock came from Santana's door, snapping her from the memory. "Santana? Can I come in?"

Kurt, not Quinn. Santana sniffled and didn't even bother trying to wipe her still flowing eyes when she got up and opened the door before quickly falling down onto her bed once more. She heard Kurt sigh before she felt a dip in the bed and a hand beginning to rub soothing circles in her back. The comforting gesture just made her start crying harder and she quickly grabbed up the photo once again.

"She wouldn't be mad you know," Kurt said softly. "She loved you enough to want you to move on rather than torture yourself like you're clearly still doing."

When Kurt got no response he tried again.

"If she were in your place right now and you had been the one who gotten sick, would you want her to move on or spend the rest of her life agonizing over you?"

"Fuck you," Santana choked out. "You have no idea so don't you dare say those things."

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad," Kurt remedied quickly. "I'm just saying that she'd want you to be happy and you know it."

"Easier said than done," she sniffled.

"Are you more upset because you feel like you just betrayed Brit or because this took you by suprise and it wasn't something you were ready for?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know, both I guess," Santana mumbled, tracing her thumb over the photo. "It just doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't make sense?"

"All of this!" Santana said loudly, putting the picture on the bedside table and finally sitting up to look at Kurt. "I mean where the hell did that even come from? We were just watching tv and all of a sudden she's on me!"

"You'll have to talk to her about that," Kurt shifted uncomfortably, not feeling as though it were his place to tell Santana about Quinn's feelings. "I really don't think she meant to hurt you though."

"Well she did," Santana spat out with enough venom to suprise both her and Kurt. "I just feel like she was the person I could really rely on through all this shit and then she betrays my trust like that."

"How was it a betrayal of trust?" Kurt asked.

"Because I let myself be vulnerable and she took advantage of it!" She exclaimed. "She of all people should know how much I'm hurting and still she does something like that! I'm not even close to ready to be... intimate with me like that at all!"

"So a lot of this is about Brittany," Kurt stated.

"Fine, yeah, is that what you want to here?" Santana sneered and tried to paw away some of the tears that were continuing to fall as she stood up and started pacing the floor. "I still feel like I can't do anything that would hurt Brittany if she were here!"

"Don't hurt me when I say this but maybe you should see someone," Kurt said, keeping his voice gentle but not patronizing. "Apparently you aren't able to self-heal on this so I think you need to talk to someone."

"Oh so I should do something just because the great and wise Kurt Hummel says so?" Santana snapped.

"You think it's just me?" Kurt asked in exasperation. "Santana we all think you should!"

"Even better! You all sit around and talk about how broken I am and how I need to talk to some doctor because I'm fucking crazy!" Kurt flinched slightly as Santana yelled at him.

"Santana we talk about you because we love you and quite frankly we're scared! We saw you hurt yourself once and yeah there are days where it feels like we have the old you back but some days we feel like we're just waiting for you to try again! We don't think you're crazy we think you're hurting and none of us, least of all you, know how to make you stop hurting. Just swallow your pride and let someone help," Kurt pleaded.

Santana stopped her pacing and looked at Kurt, her face distorted with sadness.

"I scare you?" she asked softly.

"I'm scared for you, sweetie. Not of you," Kurt said, standing up and walking towards her. "We just want you back to your happy and spiteful self full time, not just one day out of the week."

"She would be so mad at me," Santana whispered, Kurts words were sinking in and she was feeling ashamed of herself. "She would be so mad that I'm just wallowing in self pity and being such a shit friend."

"She'd be dissapointed not mad," Kurt said honestly. "You know she was the happiest person out there and she would never want to be the reason someone was unhappy or felt the need to restrain themselves."

"The worst part is that I know that but something inside me doesn't believe it," Santana's voice wavered as she spoke. "I'm so fucking sorry, Kurt."

With those words, yet another rounds of sobs racked Santana's body and she all but fell into Kurt's arms and cried into his shoulder. Kurt just wrapped his arms tightly around her and held her, perfectly willing to stay like that until she had cried herself out.

xXxXxXxXxXx

In the living room Quinn and Blaine were seated on the couch. Quinn had explained everything that had happened throughout the day to Blaine and was currently hugging a pillow to her chest with her knees tucked up to keep it in place.

"I'm such a bastard," she laughed bitterly. "I can't believe I let my emotions take over like that."

"What are you gonna do about it?" Blaine asked.

"I have no clue. She probably hates me."

"Well, you know that when the time comes for her to be with someone else she should be the one to take the first steps," Blaine said and Quinn buried her face in the pillow and groaned.

"Yeah I know all of that shit," her muffled voice replied. "I know that she has to be the one to make a move but I'm a selfish bitch who ruins her best friends healing process while she's getting over the worst thing that could ever happen to her."

"What you did definitely wasn't good but I don't think you need to be so hard on yourself," Blaine offered in consolation.

"God you just have no idea how hard it is!" Quinn yelled suddenly, tossing the pillow she was holding at the wall where it hit with a dull thud. "For years I've say around and watched her love someone else! I had to keep it all a secret because I loved both of them and couldn't have done that to them. Then Brittany's gone and I have stand by and watch as Santana kills herself from the inside out. Oh and all the while I'm still keeping my feelings secret. It's exhausting, Blaine!"

"Kurt and I know how hard you've been trying and in the grand scheme of the things one slip up in all these years is understandable," Blaine said, putting a calming hand on Quinn's knee.

"That slip up just happened at the worst time possible," Quinn groaned and slouched back on the couch. "I have no idea what to do."

"There's nothing you really can do except talk to her. I'll tell you this much, no matter what happens she'll come around at some point as a friend because you are far too important to her for her to just let you go."

"Yeah, as a friend," Quinn echoed.

Before Blaine could respond, Kurt and Santana came into the living room. Quinn tightened her jaw and inhaled deeply when she saw that Santana had a duffle bag around her shoulder.

"Santana and I are gonna head home, are you coming now or will you meet us there later?" Blaine asked, throwing Quinn a sympathetic smile.

Blaine was just opening his mouth to tell them to go ahead when Quinn put up a hand a stopped him.

"It's fine Blaine, you can go with them," she said, putting on her bravest smile as she tried to ignore the massive elephant in the room.

"All right, Blaine how about you and Santana go call a cab?" Kurt asked. Blaine nodded and got up, grabbing Santana's bag for her and leaving the apartment with a final nod to Quinn. Quinn couldn't help but feel beyond hurt that Santana hadn't even acknwledged her. She looked up to Kurt with broken eyes and silently pleaded for answers.

"That's not all her stuff," he said quietly. "She wasn't really specific but I think she just wants a few days to clear her head. I actually got her to agree to talk to a professional. Blaine knows a really great grievance couselor so we'll try and get her in tomorrow or the day after."

"Good," Quinn smiled weakly, unsure of whether to be happy or heartbroken that her kiss had made Santana finallly conceed to therapy.

"Give it a few days and we'll see about getting her to talk to you, Blaine will keep you posted," Kurt said, walking over to Quinn and pulling her into a hug. "She's hurting and she's angry now but she'll come around to you. Maybe not like you want her to but you'll always be her friend."

"Yeah, that's what Blaine said," Quinn sighed as they let go of each other. "I guess I'd rather have her as a friend than not at all. Maybe we both need therapy."

"Whatever works for you," Kurt smiled and headed to the door. "I'll see you later, Q."

"Bye," Quinn mumbled as he closed the door behind him. The clicking of the latch echoed through the painfully empty apartment and Quinn felt more alone than she had all these years.

"Please come back," Quinn whispered to herself as a new wave of tears began to lull her to sleep.