Enough To Make The Angels Weep
Chapter 10 - Secret Agent Men
McGarrett Residence
Catherine turned off the engine of Steve's truck and just sat behind the wheel. Since Steve had been shot Cath had only driven his truck, it kind of made her feel closer to him. She knew how silly that was, it was not like Steve was dead and she needed something to hold on to. It just made her feel better, just like sleeping in his tee shirts did.
Catherine sighed loudly and tried to reflect on what had happened back at the hospital. Your boyfriend threw you out, Cath thought with a snort. Even though she had left without any kind of fight she was not willing to let this slide. But she had felt that Steve had not been in the frame of mind to talk about anything in a rational manner.
He practically exuded exhaustion. Not just the physical kind but more so the emotional one. She knew that Steve was mentally strong, but the situation was getting to him. That much was obvious. She had no doubt that he thought telling her to leave him was in her best interest, and she knew that he would come to his senses. Eventually.
She had to smile at the thought that he was probably thinking about her right now. About what he had said and done. She truly hoped he would talk to Mick about it. She felt like he was a person who could set her stubborn friend straight.
But even though she could understand Steve's reasoning, she was also angry at him at this moment. How dare he downplay her feelings for him? How dare he think she would leave him in a situation like this?
"Idiot," she muttered under her breath.
Catherine slid out of the truck and tiredly made her way over to the house. A house that had felt pretty empty the last few weeks. Sure, her friends from Five-0 had come over a few times, but without Steve it just wasn't the same.
She had learned to go through endless lonely nights during her time in the Navy, but now with Steve seriously injured in the hospital? The nights were much more lonely than ever before. She was missing him so much. Not just his gentle touch or their lovemaking. She just missed his whole being. She just missed him. Period.
Cath went into the house and straight into the kitchen. Work had kept them all pretty busy today and her last meal had been breakfast way before 'normal' people got up. So, despite all the stress and emotional turmoil she was hungry.
There was some leftover chicken in the fridge from last night, when Chin had come over and brought her dinner. She could go for some hot Orange-Chicken right now. She had to smile thinking that Steve wouldn't like her choice very much; he was not a friend of the hot stuff she loved so much. He liked it spicy, but he always said he liked to taste his meal, and not just burn it away.
She took a cold beer out of the fridge and sat down at the table waiting for the chicken to be heated up in the microwave. Cath's thoughts again wandered to her injured friend.
Of course, she had thought about what would happen if Steve did not get the use of his legs back. Despite her attitude toward Steve she was a realist and knew that possibility was very real. She knew in her heart that no matter what, her feelings for him wouldn't ever change. And if things didn't go as she hoped and he ended up in a wheelchair… well, they would adapt to that too.
She just couldn't understand why Steve thought she might be better off leaving him. Her morose thoughts were interrupted by the ding announcing her chicken was ready. Cath took her plate and went out to sit on the lanai. Since it had started to drizzle she sat under the roof, listening to the light rain. There really wasn't much to see, the sun had set a short while ago. The overcast made it a pretty dark night without any stars to light the darkness.
When the weather was like this, rainy with a fresh breeze, it didn't matter that one lived in sunny Hawaii. Their rainy nights looked just like it would on any other coast, warm climate or not. But it was a weather she really enjoyed; she loved the wind and even the drizzle. And tonight it even matched her mood.
After eating her chicken she just sat and gazed into the night. She let her mind drift until she realized she was about to nod off.
Gathering her things and getting upstairs only took a few minutes. Then she had to face the empty bed again. Like all the other nights, that was the hardest. She crawled into bed, hugging his pillow and thinking about the man she loved and missed dearly.
H50 - H50 - H50
Steve looked at his phone and wasn't sure he should call or not. It was almost three in the morning and Cath for sure was asleep. He didn't want to wake her, but also knew that he would not be able to sleep if he didn't talk to her. And if he didn't call now, he might even lose his nerve to call altogether.
He sighed again and then made the call. He listened to the phone ringing and was just about to end the call when he heard a mumbled " 'lo?"
"Catherine?"
"Steve, is that you?" He heard his girlfriend still half asleep.
"I'm sorry I woke you," Steve softly said.
"Are you alright? Did something happen?"
"I'm fine… I just needed to talk to you."
"Are you serious? Now? At… ten to three?" He heard rustling and then a sigh. "OK. I would guess this is about your stellar performance earlier?"
"Uh, yeah… I can understand that you're mad, Cath-"
"I'm not mad. I'm hurt," came the soft answer over the line.
"Which is even worse." Steve stopped speaking, unsure how to voice his regret. "Cath, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you," he spoke quietly over the phone. "I'm really sorry."
"You already said that."
"You are mad," Steve said and despite the situation, had to smile.
"Maybe a little," Cath admitted with a loud sigh. After acknowledging her anger, she was ready to talk. "Listen, Steve, I just don't get what you were thinking. Why would you do that?"
"I didn't want you to feel obligated to me," he admitted. "But it didn't take long to realize how stupid that was."
"Stupid?" Catherine asked in confusion.
"Yeah, stupid. I reduced our feelings to an obligation, to a duty," Steve paused to gather his thoughts. "If our roles were reversed, there would be no way in hell I would leave you. I would love you just the same… no matter what. And I wasn't allowing you the chance to have the same feelings. Catherine, I'm truly sorry for what I said," Steve told her.
Steve listened to the silence on the line and hoped he hadn't made it worse by calling at this late hour. But he couldn't fall asleep; first from the thoughts running through his head and then from the pain in his legs. His right thigh was killing him, and the left ankle was sending bursts of pain into his foot.
About an hour ago he had discovered that he could slightly bend his left ankle. Strange as it was without feeling much of anything while doing so. And he could contract the muscles in the right leg at will, without actually moving it.
"Cath?" He tentatively asked after a moment.
"I'm still here. I just wonder about this about face, you know?"
"I… I realized that no matter what, I'm still me. And our relationship is not defined by me being able to walk," Steve answered. "Is it?" He asked as an afterthought.
"You are such an idiot, Steve," came the answer over the phone. But thankfully he could hear the smile in her voice.
"Heard that a lot tonight," Steve mumbled. "Catherine, I am really sorry, can you forgive me my stupidity?"
"Promise me we will go through this together. No noble acts anymore."
"I promise," Steve honestly answered.
"Good. Then you're forgiven. Now, call the nurse and take something for the pain."
"How did you…"
"Your breath hitched a few times. So, unless you're doing something else…" Cath said with a chuckle at his snort. "You're in pain."
"They gave me some pills, but they are not helping," Steve confessed. "My leg hurts, and my left ankle. But I guess that is a good thing."
"It's not a good thing to be in pain, Steve. Please call the nurse."
"OK, I will," Steve promised. "Cath?"
"Yes?"
"Are we good?"
"Of course we are," came the answer over the phone. "I love you."
"Love you, too. Good night, Cath."
"Night, Steve."
H50 - H50 - H50
Steve was tired. After a short night with little sleep, he just finished his PT. It had been really hard to practice sitting unaided. Ben had helped him sit on a therapy bench and Steve had to keep his balance to not fall off it. In the beginning he had needed Ben's help to stay seated, but after a few minutes he managed to control his muscles enough to sit on his own.
The brace helped him achieve that, and he was sure he wouldn't be able to keep his upper body upright without it. But since he was not allowed to leave the bed without the brace that was not really his concern just yet.
While he was sitting Steve also managed to move his right leg. He couldn't lift it, but he managed to move it forward. And the best part was he could actually feel the movement.
"You did really well, Steve," his therapist praised him.
"Thanks, Ben. It actually felt really good. It felt like I was in control," Steve said.
"You were. You managed to control your upper body really well. That was a really good session," Ben answered. "I didn't really expect this much progress in such a short time."
"It feels like it was just yesterday that I couldn't really move at all," Steve confessed.
Ben had to laugh at that. "It was just yesterday that you could barely move your arm. But sometimes there is progress over night. But you still need to keep working to get better."
"Of course." Steve had no intention of not working hard to get better. "I still can't feel my left leg though," Steve said and massaged his left thigh with his still uncoordinated left hand.
"I'm sure your doctor also explained to you that this," he waved at Steve and the other patients in general. "It is not an exact science. Every injury is very different, and every patient reacts differently. There is no exact plan how your body will come awake again. Or to what degree."
"It's all pretty much guesswork?"
"Well educated guesswork. There is a 'norm' of what can be expected, but there are still way too many variables to predict an exact outcome. Someone with your kind of injury might not ever walk again, whereas you might make a full recovery," Ben explained further. "Steve, we will make every effort to get you back onto your feet, but there are no guarantees."
"I know. And I appreciate your frankness about it."
"Anytime. Are you ready to go back into bed?"
"No, but I'd like to go back into my room. And can you please help me into the power chair?"
"You're not planning another escape, are you?"
Steve had to grin at that. "No, no escaping planned. But Mick and I want to go outside, meet with his wife for lunch."
"Oh, that's great. Sure, I'll get you into the other chair," Ben promised on their way back to Steve's room.
When they entered they were surprised to see a large package on the desk in the room.
"Is that your daily delivery from Grace Williams?" Ben asked and looked at the package. "It's from 'The Supply Store'."
"Great. They promised to deliver it today," Steve said delighted.
"Do I want to know what's in it?" Ben eyed Steve with suspicion.
"Probably not," Steve said with a chuckle. "Relax. Mick and I only want to have something to play with. It's harmless, I promise."
"Huh. Don't get in trouble, Steve. You don't want to get thrown out of here," Ben warned.
"What? Because I ordered some games and stuff? Hardly a reason to throw anyone out," Steve grumbled but thought he had to put 'the stuff' away from prying eyes.
Ten minutes later Ben had Steve sitting in the power wheelchair and fastened the belt that held him upright. Without it he would be in danger of falling forward.
"Are you OK like this?" Ben asked when he was finished placing Steve's feet on the footrest.
"Yeah, it's fine. Thank you," Steve answered and moved the chair toward the table.
"Alright, I'm on my way now. Come to the gym at 1600 hours, we'll do some more walking then."
"Sure," Steve said and waved at his therapist without paying much attention. He was already trying to open the box. Without much success. "Fuck," he grumbled under his breath.
"Hey," Mick called from the door. "Wow, our package is here!"
Steve turned to look at his friend who just came back from various tests. "How did it go?"
"The same. I don't know what they expect. There is no progress to speak of; I really don't know why I have to do these stupid tests," Mick answered in annoyance. "Want me to help?" He asked and motioned to Steve's fruitless attempts to peel off the tape that the store used to close the box.
"Yeah," Steve huffed and pushed the box over to Mick.
"Oh, look at that beauty," Mick said and took out a thin state-of-the-art laptop after he had peeled off the tape. "A card reader? What do we need a card… blank cards? Steve?"
"We might need access to some departments, and for that we need keycards," Steve explained the equipment.
"Uh huh. And how do you plan on getting the information onto the card?" Mick skeptically asked.
"I'll hack into the server where the information is stored and create a master key," Steve explained the obvious.
"Isn't that illegal?"
"Well. Kind of. But nobody will know. Trust me, I've done this for a living," Steve told Mick. "I'll download the software from Five-0 and we're good to go."
"The task force has illegal software on their server?"
"First of all, the software is not illegal, only making fake key cards is… in a way," Steve added. "And second, the stuff is on my personal secure server. There are files on it nobody should have access to." Steve didn't elaborate on what kind of information he had parked on his encrypted server. Not only 'stuff' from the Navy, but also information about his ongoing investigations into his mother and her connections to various agencies and Wo Fat. He had made sure that every little bit of information he gathered would be safe. In case anything happened to him he made sure the information would fall into the right hands.
"Wow, look at this. Night goggles. What the heck do you want with night goggles?" Mick asked but tried his pair on and looked around the room.
"Don't switch them…" Steve warned
"Argh!" Mick called out and ripped the pair off. "Damn," he said and rubbed his eyes.
Steve only shook his head at his friend. "They are NIGHT goggles. For seeing at NIGHT," Steve told him with a chuckle. "Check out the spyglass," Steve said and turned on one of the high-tech equipment pieces.
"Wow. Man, this is cool. What else is in the box? Any weapons?" Mick asked in excitement.
"No, of course not," Steve answered and shook his head. "But communication. In case we get separated," Steve explained and took the two ear pieces out of the box. "They have a range of a few miles and we can even tap into HPD frequency or Five-0 if need be."
"You know that they will have our heads if they find out what we're doing."
"No, they won't. I might be off duty right now, but I'm still the head of Five-0, and the Governor didn't take any privileges from me. So, if I want to investigate something, I can very well do as I please."
Steve glared at his new friend when he only snorted at that explanation.
"I actually meant the Navy, specifically our doctor. He had been livid when you left without permission. If he catches us someplace where we're not supposed to be…"
"Guess we need to make sure then that we don't get caught," Steve answered with a grin.
H50 - H50 - H50
I'm on vacation at the moment, and had tons planned for my time off work. A big project just fell through due to unforeseen circumstances. No, that is not a bad thing. LOL But due to it I have some spare time. And that is why you might, repeat MIGHT, get an extra chapter this week. How is that for a vacation plan? ;-)
Again a huge thank you to all readers, and especially to everyone who takes the time to review. It really motivates me to write more. That could be considered as a little hint. :-)
And thanks to Cokie for her ultra fast work on this one.