Chapter 8
The duelling room was packed.
Those students of Piccolo's first two periods that had come back from his class unharmed were so excited that others made fun of them behind their backs, usually whispering references to Colin. But they were curious anyway and wanted to know what was so great about this quiet green giant. So by the time of his third period the Namekian's room was filled not only with his regular students but also with at least forty-two others who either had an off-period or were skipping.
All were chatting enthusiastically, wondering where "that beanstalk" had gone (and not noticing that he was actually hovering close to the ceiling watching the teenagers). Their wands were already out.
S: Tha-...
C: And don't say it sounds dirty! How else am I supposed to say that?
...They already had their wands ready for whatever new spells and curses they were going to learn, although most of them had noticed in their previous classes that their new "competent" teachers didn't even know what wands were, let alone what to use them for.
Neville was teasing Simba and Nala, who tried in vain to perform simple spells even he could do. Every time they tried, they dropped the wand. "These sticks are not made for paws!", Nala complained. "Who needs a piece of wood anyway?" Simba said arrogantly. "We have claws and fangs, after all!" "I wish I had some", Neville answered glumly. "You want longer teeth and fingernails? That can be helped!", Malfoy, who had been listening, grinned evilly and raised his wand to put a curse on Neville.
Piccolo rolled his eyes. Those annoying kids. After a sigh he soared downwards with a small swooshing sound and landed right between Neville and Malfoy. "Look, boy, what you're doing is completely wrong", he said, talking to the Slytherin student, who was now slightly scared but determined not to let it show. Neville gave a sigh of relief. The teacher was going to defend him.
"What you do is point your finger at your enemy – or... your... " he gave Neville an almost pitiful look "...your victim, and release your energy all at once. Like this" he said, not even turning around to Neville but rather pointing his finger somewhere behind his back in a lazy gesture. A flash of light erupted from the fingertip and hit Neville right in the chest. He fell on his back without making a sound.
"See. This way you don't have to bother with little wooden sticks".
Malfoy gulped and nodded slowly. Then a devilish grin started to spread on his face. It looked like he had found his new favorite teacher.
Meanwhile, down in the dungeons.
The students, among them Hermione, Harry, and Ginny, watched Rafiki intensely as he half ran, half danced through the underground classroom, inspecting Snapes stock of potion ingredients. Some of the things he seemed to like and he carried them to the front of the room, putting them on or next to the teachers desk. Everything that was useless in his eyes, most of them things he didn't like the smell or the color of, he smashed on the floor or threw them into a corner.
"What is he doing?" Hermione whispered. "That was dragonblood! Does he even know how valuable that is?"
Ginny snickered. "I doubt it."
"And I doubt that he cares", Harry added.
This very moment Rafiki seemed to be done with organizing and faced his students. "Now", he said. "Would everyone please get their shiny melon-halves?" Nobody moved.
"I think he means our cauldrons", Harry grinned and the amused teenagers began to put them up next to their desks.
"Wonderful", Rafiki beamed, showing a frightening number of pointed teeth. "Now, you will each mix a bottle of this with a flask full of that. Then you will add a handful of these and stir them for... stir them until I say stop."
They continued to follow instructions of this kind for about an hour with the vague confidence that the monkey knew what he was doing. Their potion went from a light blue color over purple to dark green, and the students' mood became better by the minute. Potions class had never been so easy.
"I think our time is almost up" Rafiki said. "Would you please each swallow a big spoonful of your potion?"
They hesitated, not fully trusting a professor who had more grey hairs than Dumbledore. But he smiled and said kindly "It is okay. It should not harm you." Everyone took a big gulp of the now neon orange fluid in their "shiny melon-halves". It was silent for a minute when they all waited for something to happen. Finally, a tiny Hufflepuff boy spoke up. "So... what is the effect of this potion, sir?"
Rafiki started laughing loudly. "Effect? I don't think it has one. But it tastes delicious, doesn't it?" They were stunned for a moment. Then they all started giggling until the dungeon walls echoed with their laughter.
Hermione groaned and banged her head on the desk.
Not meanwhile, but later.
The disadvantage of Astrology class was its lack of flexibility concerning the scheduling, which some students found disturbing due to its placement in the later hours of the day.
S: That sentence is way too complicated.
C::sighs and rewrites it for idiots::
Astrology was taught at night.
It was past eleven when the students walked up to the Astronomy tower and they were all tired because of the long school day they had already had. Some had been injured during Defense Against The Dark Arts class. Others were still suffering from the disappointment of not having a class with Sekhmet or Bastet yet. And even those who had had a relatively good day – well, it was the first day of school.
All in all, the students were in a pretty bad mood when they climbed the stairs to the high tower. And the weather did nothing to cheer them up. It was raining slightly, they had no shelter of the cold wind, and no stars could be seen.
Their teacher had a completely different view of things.
"Welcome to your first lesson of this exciting subject" Colin beamed at them. "Isn't this a glorious night? Oh, we are going to have so much fun! I love all of you already!"
"That is not mutual" came a voice from the back of the class who was now huddling closely together on the high rooftop. The remark was followed by a murmur of agreement.
"Wonderful" Some of the lights on the robot were flashing and the students concluded it was probably his way of smiling broadly. "Now, let us start the lesson! As you can see, there are not many of the beautiful blinking lights you call stars in the lovely sky tonight, because it is amazingly clouded! But that doesn't matter, we will stay outside and enjoy the pleasant breeze and the incredible absence of warmth."
The students gave a howl of complain and shivered. The rain became heavier.
"We don't like robotses, do we, precious? No, we don't..." Everyone turned around to see where that had come from, including the teacher although with him the motion was not as obvious. About half the people jumped back in disgust.
"Who is that?" Eve Steve whispered.
C: I just decided to increase her popularity a little.
S: That's fine. I invented her, after all.
"You mean what is that?" someone corrected her.
"We are a good person, aren't we, precious?" Gollum said, moving forward. "And we like nice little wizardses, yes we do. We would not harm them, no."
"Well, I'm not a 'wizards', I'm a 'witches' if you don't mind" Eve replied sternly, slapping Gollums thin hand away as he tried to pat her knee. His expression changed very suddenly. Before he had looked seemed like a beaten dog, now he looked like a cornered cat preparing for attack. And attack he did.
"Oh, we all like each other here", Colin cheered. "So it would be absolutely awesome of you not to, er, jump at her, if it doesn't make too many problems... and I think it is not such a pleasant sensation, the way you are clawing on her back... wouldn't it be even more courteous of you if you didn't, er, bite her arm like that...?"
"Move out of the way, cyberball, I'll show you what to do" came Malfoy's voice. He pointed his finger to where the long-haired girl and the... new student were fighting, and released his energy all at once. A flash of light erupted from the fingertip and-
"Oh really. Where did your creativity go, Crowley?" A very well-known smelly little creature was leaning casually against the wall surrounding the rooftop. "You cannot just copy sentences from earlier in the same chapter, hoping that nobody will notice... what will the readers think of you? If you have any, that is..."
The imperial spaceship was so dark that it could hardly be seen in the black night until its sliding doors opened and Darth Vader stepped off a platform onto the rooftop. "Sid... this is your final warning... you will never again insult the authors. Actually... since I'm here already... why not make my purpose clear?" He used to Force to lift Sid up into the air, over the edge of the rooftop, and then he carelessly dropped him from the high tower.
Then he stepped back into the spaceship and it flew off as if nothing had happened.
Malfoy was still standing still, aiming uselessly at Gollum and Eve who had long stopped fighting.
"That was marvellous", Colin squealed delightedly. "And I bet you all can't wait to go back to our excellent lesson!"
But the students just stood there in their drenched school uniforms, listened to a cybernetic ball babbling about stars, and silently suffered from boredom.