Zone's Guide to Pornography.
Greetings, my friends! As you know, having a lady is the most special way to spend a night...or an hour...or a coffee break....Well, anyway, sometimes, you just can't get yourself a lady. Therefore, I come to you to give a frank discussion of the next best thing...NAUGHTY MAGAZINES. I myself have some expertise at this level, having a very storied collection of these things. ::ughh...my stomach...:: Well, I've given you the main total ::groan:: , so let's get it on!
Question 1. IS PORNOGRAPHY A SIN?
Glad you asked that, generic question man! A lot of people out there will say "Pornography is evil in the Bible!" or "Pornography is a sin against God!" However, I've managed, since I am THE MAN, to get the actual proof of this by getting HYNE himself...
"Um, Zone, Hyne cancelled."
"::ARGGGHHH:: Well, did you get his son?"
"On a tortilla somewhere in Arizona."
"Well, what did you get me?"
"Some dude who thinks he's the Second Coming."
Okay, scratch that, we've got a guy who swears he's the second coming to talk about whether it's a sin or not!
"Hi, folks. I'm Alan Smithee. If you actually sit down and read the Bible, you'd see that NOWHERE does it say that you can't have pornography. The one scene where it is anti-masturbation is in the realm of actually being anti-deception rather than this stuff, making the act of it technically okay if you're doing it in front of someone (which could be read either way) and perfectly fine when you're just doing it to pictures, i.e. a naughty magazine! Well, good day..."
Thanks, Alan, for that talk. As you can see, naughty magazines...or tapes...or life size blow-up dolls with realistic features...are NOT sins. Next question?
Question 2. Does Pornography count as degradation of these people?
In my expert opinion, no. I do this because of the "Logic" clause. As such, I use the following law for this:
If it's consensual, it's logically not a problem.
Most porn is consensual.
Therefore, most porn is logically not a problem.
As you can see, this is also perfectly fine.
Question 3: How do I get some prime-quality porn?
Well, this is a problem. First off, you need to either be over 18 (this rules!), look over 18 in person (Once again, this rules!), or carry yourself to be over 18 (three for three!) Once you do this, you're in clover, any legitimate porno shop will sell you that sweet sweet stuff. However, if you're not over 18 (or haven't gotten your I.D. yet), I'd advise you to search out gas stations which have people who don't care. There, it doesn't matter if you have them or not, you can get it without problem! ::groan...:: I needed to try that a few times around my 18th birthday. Then, of course, I got into legitimate porn shops, and the rest is history!
Question 4: How much porn do you have, exactly?
More than you can imagine. I'm a lucky boy!
Conclusion:
::groan...my stomach...end this quick...:: PORN RULES! THANK YOU!
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Note from the author:
Zone's a perv. Porn's bad, mmkay?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Greetings, my friends! As you know, having a lady is the most special way to spend a night...or an hour...or a coffee break....Well, anyway, sometimes, you just can't get yourself a lady. Therefore, I come to you to give a frank discussion of the next best thing...NAUGHTY MAGAZINES. I myself have some expertise at this level, having a very storied collection of these things. ::ughh...my stomach...:: Well, I've given you the main total ::groan:: , so let's get it on!
Question 1. IS PORNOGRAPHY A SIN?
Glad you asked that, generic question man! A lot of people out there will say "Pornography is evil in the Bible!" or "Pornography is a sin against God!" However, I've managed, since I am THE MAN, to get the actual proof of this by getting HYNE himself...
"Um, Zone, Hyne cancelled."
"::ARGGGHHH:: Well, did you get his son?"
"On a tortilla somewhere in Arizona."
"Well, what did you get me?"
"Some dude who thinks he's the Second Coming."
Okay, scratch that, we've got a guy who swears he's the second coming to talk about whether it's a sin or not!
"Hi, folks. I'm Alan Smithee. If you actually sit down and read the Bible, you'd see that NOWHERE does it say that you can't have pornography. The one scene where it is anti-masturbation is in the realm of actually being anti-deception rather than this stuff, making the act of it technically okay if you're doing it in front of someone (which could be read either way) and perfectly fine when you're just doing it to pictures, i.e. a naughty magazine! Well, good day..."
Thanks, Alan, for that talk. As you can see, naughty magazines...or tapes...or life size blow-up dolls with realistic features...are NOT sins. Next question?
Question 2. Does Pornography count as degradation of these people?
In my expert opinion, no. I do this because of the "Logic" clause. As such, I use the following law for this:
If it's consensual, it's logically not a problem.
Most porn is consensual.
Therefore, most porn is logically not a problem.
As you can see, this is also perfectly fine.
Question 3: How do I get some prime-quality porn?
Well, this is a problem. First off, you need to either be over 18 (this rules!), look over 18 in person (Once again, this rules!), or carry yourself to be over 18 (three for three!) Once you do this, you're in clover, any legitimate porno shop will sell you that sweet sweet stuff. However, if you're not over 18 (or haven't gotten your I.D. yet), I'd advise you to search out gas stations which have people who don't care. There, it doesn't matter if you have them or not, you can get it without problem! ::groan...:: I needed to try that a few times around my 18th birthday. Then, of course, I got into legitimate porn shops, and the rest is history!
Question 4: How much porn do you have, exactly?
More than you can imagine. I'm a lucky boy!
Conclusion:
::groan...my stomach...end this quick...:: PORN RULES! THANK YOU!
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Note from the author:
Zone's a perv. Porn's bad, mmkay?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________