Celluloid Heroes

Part 1

It's been two hours since the purple portal spat out the Exiles and disappeared, but Nico was still dizzy. The contrast between Chicago and Los Angeles was overwhelming.

"Look what I've found," Captain Spider summersaulted through the cluster of ventilators and demonstrated a fresh issue of Daily Bugle. "Battlestar spotted in Seattle during tornado. Masked adventurer saves lives." The front page showed a bald middle-aged man in a tux shaking hands with a man in power armor with a star on a chestplate.

Nico mumbled, "Now that's weird."

"What do you mean?"

"Hard to imagine Daily Bugle writing about superheroes and not demanding to lynch them." The witch added with distaste, "I bet their editor isn't Jerk Jameson."

Flash did a double take, "No way! He wrote something about you?"

"Jameson accused Young Avengers for conspiring with Skrull invaders. And that was a week after we saved his star reporter from Crusher Creed! What an ungrateful prick!"

Captain Spider nodded ruefully, "Tell me about it. I caught Terrible Tinkerer when he was robbing the Brooklyn Museum. I tied him up and left for the police to like a big Christmas present. The next day Jameson claims on the front page of the Bugle that I hired Tinkerer to rob the museum, but then double-crossed him! I was tempted to give him a piece of my mind, but with a proportional strength of spider..." He made a face like he swallowed something bitter, "Let's say I didn't want any accidents."

Nico mused out loud, "I wonder what this world's Jameson is doing".

"You better pray that we'll never meet him."

"Amen to that".

Darwin did his best to hide the amusement; it was a rare occurrence to see the wall-crawler and the witch agreeing on something.

Yelena decided to steer the conversation back on track, "Darwin, you were going to tell about our mission."

The mutant shrugged, "The Tallus was silent so far... wait... You must prevent Scarlet Witch from going insane and destroying Avengers."

Iron Fist narrowed his eyes at the mention of Scarlet Witch, "Tallus gave you any clues what caused her meltdown?"

Darwin answered, "Only the name of the person who triggered the chain reaction."

Nico Minoru and Iron Fist exchanged glances. Nico was the first to break the silence, "Let me guess, it was Vision?"

"Close, but no. Timebroker mentioned Wonder Man."

Nico moaned, "Oh, great! Ten bucks that he cheated on her. "

"Let's not be too fast. It's not the same world you knew; for all I know, Wonder Man could be the paragon of virtue."

Darwin was weighing his options and trying to decide what's next for them.

Obliviously, we don't know enough. And Yelena can't find the information we need by surfing through the Internet – it wasn't invented yet. We have to do things old-fashioned way, which means surveillance and undercover work.

At least they still had some time before the explosion; Wonder Man took a temporary leave of absence to resume his acting career in LA, while Scarlet Witch stayed in New York with the Avengers.

Darwin said with aplomb, "Welcome to the Factory of Dreams. Now you see what I was talking about? Nobody's running screaming because they all see is a couple of actors in funny suits".

Raza nodded; while the concept of hiding in plain sight was foreign for him, he had to admit that Darwin was right. In about five minutes they met Roman centurion, two White Rabbits, Count Dracula and a gorilla. Nobody paid attention to the pointy-eared alien and bald mutant.

Darwin's chameleon mode proved to be extremely useful when he climbed through the ventilation shaft to plant bugs in the changing rooms, while Raza was on lookout for trouble.

The adaptoid mutant run into a little bit of trouble only once, when two actor entered the changing room he just bugged.

"Trent, he can't just fire us! I know my rights!" A slightly pudgy man dressed up a Viking looked visibly upset. The angry tears were ruining his make-up.

"Give up, Carmody," the big-headed man in a lab coat with a swastika painted on a forehead answered wearily, "Jameson does whatever he wants."

"But..."

"But nothing! Carmody, you are not Melvin Potter, you can't afford to sue Jameson!"

Jameson, Darwin thought. He was hanging over them, camouflaged as a part of the ceiling. Speak of the devil.

Peter Parker was a bespectacled young man with brown hair and a tight smile, slightly hunch-shouldered. Nobody gave him a second glance as he sat in the corner of the crowded café, staring at the busy world outside through a glass barrier. His cup of coffee was still untouched.

Peter's heart started beating faster when he noticed Mary-Jane Watson. The customers gave her appreciative glances, one of them wolf-whistled. MJ ignored the stares with the professional indifference.

"Hi, Pete I hope I'm not too late," she said, taking a seat in front of him, "the traffic was terrible."

"Hi, MJ. Don't worry about it."

After exchanging a few meaningless comments, MJ was talking non-stop about her new Jameson's movie, Liberty Legion. She recently signed the contract to play British superheroine Spitfire. Peter was listening and nodding at appropriate times, trying his best not to look down her cleavage.

"Melvin Potter was casted as Black Knight. You might not remember him…"

"Best actor Oscar for his role in Death on the Nile?"

She teased him, "Never pegged you as his fan girl."

Peter smiled sadly. "Aunt May liked this movie."

The death of his Aunt was still a sore topic for Peter. No matter how many times Uncle Ben told him to stop blaming himself for being at the cinema when she had a heart attack. The rational side of Peter accepted it. But the other side, the one that had nothing to do with logic, was still hurting.

There was nothing Mary-Jane could say to make him feel better, so she started to talk about the movie again.

J. Jonah Jameson was considered eccentric even by the loose Hollywood standards. His successes were tremendous; his failures even more spectacular. For a while his name became synonymous with the Western genre, and with a good reason. But Jameson was getting tired of the Wild West and wanted to try something new. His experiments with the romantic comedy had mixed success. But his epic historical drama Spartacus got four nominations for Oscars and was a box office success worldwide.

The latest idea of Hollywood's enfant terrible involved revolutionizing the superhero movies. To accomplish the impossible task, Jameson decided to make a biopic about Liberty Legion, the real superhero team formed during WWII and disbanded soon after the war was over. Peter doubted even the genius like Jameson will be able to succeed in crossing over the genres as different as superhero movie, biopic and the war drama. But Jameson proved the others wrong before.

Consumed by the thoughts, Peter lost a track on the conversation.

"Sorry, spaced out for a moment there. You were saying..."

"…Simon Williams to play Super-Patriot! One of the Avengers in our movie! Isn't that great?"

"Uh, sure," he tried to sound enthusiastic. So that's why she agreed. Peter didn't share MJ's obsession with superheroes; every time she mentioned one of them, he had to bite his tongue before saying something that can destroy their friendship.

She looked at the watch, "I must be at the airport in two hours. I wish I could stay longer, but…"

"I know. Good luck, MJ... I mean, break a leg."

She smiled wryly, "Too late, Tiger; you managed to jinx me either way. Good thing I'm not superstitious."

As he escorted her to the exit, she promised, "I'll call you as soon as I settle in LA. I promise," Peter couldn't afford long distance calls, but Mary-Jane was too tactful to mention it.

The middle-aged man with moustache was literally fuming.

"Brant, tell me where did you get those clowns? What they were doing before - playing potatoes in ketchup commercials?"

"Mr. Jameson..." a pretty brunette clutching a thick file folder tried to say a word; stopping the avalanche seemed an easier task.

"Brant, I'm not in the mood for your lame excuses! These two were awful! Or I have to spell it for you? A-W-F-U-L! If it was a real axe, Trent could chop off his leg after the first swing! And he was going to play Siegfried?"

"Mr. Jameson…"

"I thought you can't get worse than Trent, but Carmody topped him. Nazi scientist with the artificially enhanced mind can't speak like he barely made it through High School!"

"Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

"Go on."

"Mr. Jameson, Sir, with all due respect, we are already behind the schedule. The shooting must start tomorrow, Zemo's. stunt double broke his leg, and I don't have the replacements for Trent and Carmody."

Mary-Jane Watson was watching the heated exchange out of the corner of her eye. The audition was… okay, she guessed. She felt uncomfortable in Spitfire's outfit; she was ogled more than she thought was possible, the mask was itching and blocking the view. But despite the discomfort Mary-Jane was a poster of serenity until she heard "CUT!"

Keeping the facade was one of the valuable lessonsshe learned in High School. Never show them that you are upset. They'll eat you alive. And Hollywood was much worse than her old school when it comes to exploiting the weaknesses.

Her agent advised her against auditioning for Spitfire. He was right; Liberty Legion was a step down from The Importance of Being Earnest. But she had her own reasons to sign the contract, just like Melvin Potter. The aging actor jumped at the chance to play Zemo after he was typecast as an action hero for years; Mary-Jane wanted to play Spitfire because it was her opportunity to work with one of the Avengers.

Nobody in High school knew about her secret obsession with superheroes. MJ didn't want to be branded as a geek. Nobody knew except Parker, but Peter proved more than once that is trustworthily.

It's hard to look up to your parents when your father is a hopeless violent drunk, and your mother teaches you how to hide the bruises and pretend that nothing happened. Mary-Jane almost hated her mother for being too weak to protect them. With no parent figures worth mentioning, the red-haired girl needed a guardian angel, strong and selfless figure to watch over her. Peter Parker, no matter how kind and considerate he was, just couldn't foot the bill.

When the pictures of the Avengers were splashed across the papers' front pages across the country, Mary-Jane knew where to look for.

Azazel scared MJ more than the villains he fought. Battlestar was never seen without his armor, he took the whole secret identity thing too far. Scarlet Witch was enigma wrapped in mystery; too little known about her to associate with her. U.S. Agent was attractive if you like a scruffy rugged look… but he was too cheesy. Maybe he could inspire the soldiers with his star-spangled uniform and long patriotic speeches, but MJ wasn't a soldier; she needed a different kind of inspiration.

Wonder Man was perfect. Before the accident that gave him powers, Simon Williams wanted to make a career as an actor; something Mary-Jane understood perfectly. He never wore a mask, so his handsome features were exposed to the admiring gazes of the women. Mary-Jane felt the sting of jealousy when she read that Wonder Man is dating Scarlet Witch. But she wasn't a mindless groupie who dreamed about riding to the sunset with her hero.

Wonder Man deserves happiness. If Scarlet Witch could make him happy, who I am to begrudge him?

The fascination was short-lived. It took a week in L.A. to learn that Simon Williams was far from the perfect gentleman she imagined. In fact, he bears an uncanny resemblance with some of the jerks Mary-Jane dated in High School.

What did I get myself into?

Mary-Jane wished Peter could join her in Los Angeles. Somehow he always knew what to say to make her feel better. But he was too busy juggling two jobs and trying to pay the bills.

Five months. Just five more months. I survived High School Hell, I can survive this.