Author's Note: Wow! You know I am a little surprised with some of the hate mail for Edward I'm getting via reviews. Interesting, because when you think about it, this is totally in character for him and I'm betting most of you are team Edward? The only one in this story that I'll admit is a little OOC is Rosalie, and she's not really a starring role. In any case, keep the reviews coming, I don't get a chance to respond to all of them, but I do read them all! Things are going to be angsty for a while here- big surprise, right! Know that I do believe in the happy ending, and though you probably doubt it, I promise I will be able to get them there- without compromising the story or belittling Bella's trauma. With all that in mind, I give you: Alone.

Alone

Awareness slowly crept over me as I drifted away from the darkness. The first sensation I felt was pain. In my disoriented state I couldn't locate the source of the hurt only that it was there on so many levels. I fluttered my eyes open softly squinted in the bright light. I felt a soft, cold squeeze of my left hand and heard a familiar melodic voice speak.

"She's waking up," he spoke softly. "Bella, can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes and looked around me. I was in Edward's room, tucked into our soft bed. There were some bright lights and an IV bag hanging above me. Everything else looked as I remembered it. I didn't remember falling asleep though. How had I gotten here?

Besides the pain, I knew my brain wasn't functioning on all pistons- I felt slow and confused. They my eyes met his and I was so afraid. My heart stuttered in my chest picking up pace as I squirmed away from him. The movement revealed the source of my pain as I curled and hunched over in the bed trying to find relief.

"Does it hurt? Lay back sweetie, let us take a look," Edward urged.

I squirmed away from him more, I didn't want him touching me, though I still didn't fully understand.

"Edward, back off," another familiar voice spoke. I glanced around to see Carlisle. I stopped squirming as Edward stepped away, but still felt fearful. The room was quiet for a few moments. I squinted my eyes shut trying to clear my head.

Then it all started coming back to me. I was pregnant, was. Little Masen. Running from the Cullens, hiding, being so ill and the foreign emotions that weren't mine. I was suddenly sick and nauseated. A plastic bowl was quickly placed in front of me but I only managed dry heaves.

Once I stopped I curled into a fetal position and shook uncontrollably. The tears streamed down my face as blankets were pulled up around me.

"She's obviously in pain Carlisle- give her something!"

"Edward we can't keep her sedated forever, she will have to face this as will you. Our choices have consequences, you knew the price-"

"I don't care about me! I don't want her in pain anymore- she has suffered enough."

His words rang familiar in my own ears: I don't care about me! Edward don't do this, please don't do this. Edward had done this, but I had let him, and the rest of them had aided.

"Jasper?" I heard Edward's soft voice call out.

I sensed him walk in the room. "She's afraid of you- terrified. Devastated…" he trailed off. I glanced up enough to see him sink to the floor at the foot of my bed with his head bowed. The fear dissipated, but the pain lingered.

Edward walked toward the door with his head bowed, he turned back before walking out, "I know I will never gain forgiveness for my sin against you, but I am sorry. I'm sorry that you got pregnant, I'm sorry that I let it get so far, I'm sorry that we hurt you…" he seemed to choke up on that as his eyes met mine.

"Not yet Edward," I heard Jasper say, "She's not ready yet."

Not ready? Not ready for what? Not ready for him to beg my forgiveness? No- he understood fully what he was doing and what the consequences would be. He would never earn my forgiveness- besides he was sorry for the wrong things.

I didn't even know that I could ever forgive myself.

Exhaustion overtook me though pain still rippled through my abdomen. Darkness took me anyways, and I slept like the dead- if only it were that easy.

I had no comprehension of time that had passed. I awoke to find Alice and Esme there with food, Jasper still stationed at the foot of my bed. They kindly coaxed and encouraged me to eat, but I had embraced the emptiness inside me- I deserved the pain.

I think Jasper kept me from breaking. He couldn't keep the darkness from over taking my heart though. I had messed up, made a bad move and Masen's life was lost. I was supposed to protect him, and I had failed him.

"Bella, I get the anger and even the fear- but the guilt? None of this was your fault. So unless you are feeling guilty for running away from us, or for forcing Edward to make such a decision on his own, stop it. And even if that is the case, Bella, you weren't in your right mind. I think even you are coming to realize that."

Forcing Edward to make such a decision on his own? I didn't force Edward to do this. This was entirely in character for him though, so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised. They say people don't change- it applies even more so to my vampire. Edward was the same man he had always been, the man I had fallen in love with and the man I now feared and hated. He is the same man who lied to me repeatedly, withheld important information like when the Victoria was creating her newborn army and perhaps the worst yet: Edward was still the man who left me in the forest after deciding for me that it was safer if he left me.

"There you go, I'm alright with the anger. The guilt over failing the monster that was growing inside of you is not fair. You never had a chance hiding from all of us- it was pure luck that you evaded us as long as you did."

On some level I wondered if maybe he was right.

There was a soft knock on the door and my head snapped in that direction. Carlisle and Esme walked in.

"Jasper, you need to hunt," Carlisle spoke to his son.

I saw Jasper rise from the foot of his bed, but he turned to me before walking out and met me with coal black eyes, "I'll be back soon, you'll be fine." He gave me a calm smile before walking out the door.

I felt him leave. Really felt him leave. My body started to shake and tremble as I broke out in a cold sweat. It was overwhelming: the fear, anger and guilt all merged and collided in my heart.

"Bella?" Carlisle spoke softly to me, "Just relax, I know you're frightened. I need to check your bandages, do you think you could let me do that?"

I was still shaking as he walked slowly over to me, Esme following behind. I was still lying on my side and cured in on myself. He looked up to the IV bag hanging above me and seemed to contemplate something before looking back to my eyes. Esme had walked around to the other side of the bed and was no longer in my line of sight. I felt Esme gently pull on my shoulder, forcing me to lie on my back. My legs flopped down on the soft mattress as my hands still rested protectively on my abdomen.

Then I realized: what was I protecting? I had nothing left to protect, nothing left to love. No life growing inside of me, no husband, no family- I had nothing.

I let my hands fall to my side as my tears dried up and emptiness filled my soul again. My body stopped shaking as Carlisle and Esme shifted and folded back the blankets to reveal my bandaged mid-section. I felt the tape being peeled back as I just shut my eyes in attempt to block it all out. Cold fingers lightly prodded and occasionally caused me to flinch and gasp.

"Bella, some discomfort is to be expected, but I can help with pain management. Can you rate the pain you are experiencing for me?"

I didn't respond to him. I didn't know if I would ever find my voice or be able to speak again, I didn't have words for anything yet. I just continued to zone out with my eyes closed until I felt the blankets cover me back up, then I resumed my fetal position on my side.

"Would you be alright with me sending in Edward? He would like to see you." I felt my heart speed up at the mention of his name. There were a few moments of silence before they Carlisle left the room, just leaving me with Esme. I figured out they were taking turns with me and unwilling to leave me alone.

I was alone regardless of who was in the room with me.