Three weeks later, Spock was packed and ready to leave her.
She didn't know where he was going; he'd only told her that he would be testing a new Vulcan/Terran-made space craft – larger than a shuttle, but small than the smallest class star ships currently available. He'd been chosen as a beta-tester because the design had been largely his own.
She suspected he had also been chosen because the High Council still deemed him somewhat more expendable than other Vulcans.
"If I have not returned by the end of your mission, I encourage you to reconsider my father's invitation," he suggested, taking her hand, as had become their custom. "I am not sure how long I will be away and do not like the idea of you being alone in my absence."
From her perch beside him on the sofa, she settled herself for what she was sure would be a serious conversation.
She didn't have to wait long to discover she had guessed correctly.
"I would also like to you to consider something else," he said gravely. "You should not cut yourself off from so many who care about you in an effort to avoid further contact with one person.
"You have found solace here, in your work, in my company and in that of my father. The time will come, however, when you will need and want more. And although your uncle will be joining you in just over one month, I believe it would be best that you try to maintain, or reestablish, the friendships you made during your time at the Academy and on the Enterprise.
"I include Commander Spock in those numbers, Nyota.
"Circumstance had led him to acknowledge the human element of his psyche at a much earlier age than I did. In that way, he has some advantage over me," Spock told her. "However, perhaps because he lacked the many decades I had to come to a similar point, he has not yet come to embrace, or even accept, that side of himself. He continues to struggle, Nyota."
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He waited as she absorbed what he had said. Her shoulders did not slump, but he saw that she was not holding herself as tensely as before.
"Do not excise him from your life completely," he advised. "You were his friend long before you were his lover. There will be times when you will need that friend as much as he needs you.
"I do understand the difficulty inherent to what I am asking of you. I can only assure that I believe the benefits, in the end, will outweigh the pain of this time. You will both be better off for the strength you have shown, and continue to show, Nyota."
Only then did he stand and pick up his small bag. After another long assessing gaze, he turned and began walking away.
Her footsteps sounded behind him before he reached the doorway. He felt her hand slide into his and halted, turned to her.
Staring up at him, her eyes earnest and a little sad, she said, "Thank you, Spock."
Then she stepped close and pressed a hand to his chest. As she rose to her toes, the hand slid up to caress his neck before coming to rest on his right cheek. Before he could deduce a prediction regarding her intentions, she pressed her lips against his.
Without thought, he returned the kiss. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest. His mouth opened, deepening what had started out as little more than a chaste brushing of lips. He allowed his tongue to explore hers and when he felt the faint bite down, he shuddered at the resulting familiar sensation. His Nyota often employed such tactics to inflame him before his departures.
His Nyota.
The thought of his t'hai'la, and the knowledge that the woman in his arms was, and yet was not, the same, brought him back to the present. He pulled his lips away and rested his forehead against hers. He made no move to release her from his embrace.
"Do not give up on him yet, Nyota," he murmured, his voice still rough with passion.
He snatched one more brief taste of her lips before releasing her and continuing on his way.
Nine hours later, she established a connection with the Enterprise and requested a conversation with Commander Spock.
Her request accepted, she was put through to his quarters.
The room, as had often been the case, was darkened.
He still wore his uniform shirt, although by now it was deep into ship's night. Each glossy black hair was perfectly in place. The posture was elegantly straight without being rigid. That face, so coolly composed, was more familiar than the face that stared back from her mirror every day. And yet, everything seemed… different.
This Spock held no trace of the barely held back emotional explosion she'd observed nearly a month ago. These dark eyes, though watching her intently, betrayed no sense of his love for her.
I cannot pretend you don't yet hold my heart, or that that will ever change, he had said.
Part of her was grateful for the effort he made on her behalf. A larger part of her felt bereft in the absence of obvious affection.
Her eyes traveled down to the lean, muscular torso covered in close-fitting blue. Memory washed over threatened to take over. Her fingers recalled the feel of the hot skin beneath that shirt.
"Lt. Uhura, is there a reason why you have contacted me tonight?" he asked.
Startled, as much by his use of her title as she was to realize she'd been staring at him, unspeaking, for what likely amounted to several minutes, she couldn't remember what she's intended to say.
Her mouth opened and closed several times before she gave up with a sigh. Her eyes fell to her feet. Her fingers tangled around one another.
"Nyota," Spock said, his voice warmer now. She looked up to see his eyes had softened, as well. "Why did you wish to speak with me?"
"I — I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay," she lied. "Since… everything. Because… last time, you said you weren't functioning and I — ." Damn it! What kind communications specialist couldn't get a simple sentence out without tripping over her thoughts and words? "I just wanted to — ."
"I am uninjured and am in full health," he interrupted brusquely. "Was there anything else you needed?"
"No!" She blew out a violent puff of breath. She was lying again, and it shamed her. "Gods, Spock. That's not why I needed to see you. I mean, I wanted to make sure you were okay, but I needed to see you because I needed to see you." Silently, she begged him to understand. She didn't believe she had the strength to translate her words if he couldn't catch their meaning.
Spock's eyes never left her face, and she forced herself to meet his gaze, though she wanted nothing more than to bury her face in her arms. Her face burned, but she didn't look away.
"I miss you, too," he said after what felt like forever.
His eyes flicked away from her, to somewhere over her shoulder, she thought. "Are you traveling?" he asked.
The abrupt change of subject left her startled, again.
"Oh! Uh, yes! I am," she said, half-turning and waving a hand at a small dun-colored rucksack. "Some of my more experienced engineers and I are going scouting. We want to test some of the equipment we've fabricated and see if there are any other obstacles we might need to overcome.
"The areas have already been officially surveyed, of course. And I have access to all of that data, but… ."
Realizing she'd provided far more information than he'd asked for, she trailed off.
"But human genius often manifests itself in the face of tangible stimuli," he finished for her.
For the first time since the elder Spock had left early that morning, she smiled.
"Yes," she agreed. "Well, I didn't exactly put it that way, but yeah, that's what I told them. Some of them actually appeared… eager to go on this mission with me."
A familiar almost-smile touched his lips.
"Curiosity is one emotion Vulcans are not adverse to expressing," he explained. "It is likely that your students wish to see if genius will strike in their presence. It is also likely that they wish to see how well you will fare in the wilderness."
She grinned at that. And at the fact that she was having such a normal conversation with Spock. Suddenly she realized that she felt little of the strain that had existed between them since he'd announced his intentions. She was relaxed. She was very nearly… happy.
They chatted more about her trip and Spock offered to look over her gear and she chose not to be offended that he thought that might even be necessary.
"I've been living on the colony for months, Spock. I know how to pack for a camping trip," she said with a mock frown, but she pulled everything out of her pack anyway.
Upon receiving his approval, she offered him an amused "I told you so," and began repacking her bag.
"You are different now," he observed. "I did not know what to expect when I received word that you wished to speak with me. Though I am pleased with the nature of our conversation tonight, my Vulcan curiosity" the almost-smile flashed across his face "demands an answer: why tonight?"
She continued her repacking while considering her answer. There really wasn't any reason not to be honest with him. Not if she was determined to follow the elder Spock's advice.
"I'm lonely, Spock," she confessed with obvious reluctance. "With everything that been going on, I haven't had a chance to feel anything as simple as loneliness." She cracked an ironic grin. "It probably doesn't make sense that I'm feeling it now, when I'm up to my eyeballs in work."
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Spock was not certain what response was required of him. He knew that his elder counterpart had left the colony, and didn't wish to think about the connection between what Nyota was feeling and the older man's absence. Moreover, he'd experienced many of her moods, but this one foreign to him.
It had long been his custom, when unsure of how to reply, to remain silent until more information was offered. This was not a tactic he wished to use with her now. He did not want to give her any reason to end the communication, but he also did not wish risk allowing her to believe he was anything but supportive of her endeavors.
"In the past, you have not expressed a dissatisfaction with occasional solitude. I recall several instances when you actively sought it," he said. Though he asked no questions, his curiosity was evident.
"In the past, I was surrounded by friends," she explained. "Things are different, here. I feel it a bit more. That's all."
Most would not have been able to read his face as concern briefly flooded his eyes. Uhura was not most people..
"I understand your commitment to the duties you have undertaken, Nyota," he said. "However, if lack of close companionship is having such a detrimental effect on your ability to function, perhaps a short leave, merely for the duration of Ambassador Spock's undertaking, is in order."
"It's fine, really," she said, sighing. Today, his words didn't feel like a knife in her side. She could accept his worry without the rush of anger and loss and frustration that had so affected her before. "Your father has been very kind to me. My students and colleagues have been surprisingly accepting. But, he's my only real friend here."
Spock tilted his head. Comprehension dawned.
"You care for him. Deeply," he observed.
Something in his voice made Uhura stare at him intently.
"Of course I care for him," she told him at length, her voice somehow at once both matter-of-fact and gentle. "He is Spock. How could I not?"
Spock was silent for a moment. He did not trust himself to speak as Nyota's confirmation — revelation burrowed through his mind, making relevant connections, seeking its place in his knowledge of the universe.
In the end, all he said was, "Please be safe, Nyota."
A/N: Serious computer injury has meant this chapter was entirely reworked from memory. Hopefully, this is better than what I originally wrote, but if data retrieval is successful and I find that this is not in fact better, I will post that version elsewhere.
Unfortunately, this is only about an eighth, story-wise, of what I originally wrote. So, the entire fic is going to be grossly expanded. However, in the interest of preserving everyone's sanity, I'll try to keep what was formerly Chapter 10 down to three or four chapters.
Usual disclaimer: I don't own the characters, most of the chapter titles are songs or song lyrics I also don't own, etc., etc.