Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They belong to Eric Kripke and I wouldn't have it any other way!
Summary: Sam and Rowena make a deal to "save" Dean, and Dean ends up paying the price. Hurt!Dean and Protective!Sammy. SPOILER ALERTS for episodes S10E17-S10E19.
"What'd you find out, Cas?" Sam asked, attempting to prepare himself for more bad news.
The angel's gaze flickered uncertainly towards Dean, worried that his information might upset the man further. "Perhaps we should speak outside, Sam."
Dean fixed him with an annoyed glare, refusing to be treated like some delicate damsel in distress. "Just spit it out, Cas."
The angel nodded reluctantly, then continued. "The cure Rowena gave you, Dean, acts as a purification process for your soul. Basically, it's like antibodies attacking a virus, only in this case, the virus will mutate and become more ferocious with every inner battle you win, attempting to tear you apart from the inside out."
"Awesome…" Dean groused unenthusiastically. "So what am I supposed to do then, stop fighting it?"
Cas shook his head and sighed. "Unfortunately, that is not an option. Without any resistance, the curse will devour the cure and your soul along with it. Your only choice is to keep fighting until the purification process is complete."
"Or until the cure kills me and the mark takes over," Dean added wearily, bringing a restrained hand up to massage his reddened eyes, attempting to push back the ever-intensifying headache.
Sam gently squeezed his brother's shoulder in comfort. "We're gonna get through this, Dean. Whatever it takes."
"Yeah," the older man grunted back absently, running his fingers through his spiky hair before sitting up straighter to put on a convincing show of fortitude. "Hey, Sammy? We got anything to eat around here?"
Dean could see Cas frowning intently at him from across the room and quickly averted his eyes. Somehow, the angel knew he was lying and clearly didn't approve.
Sam's expression, on the other hand, brightened instantly at his brother's request. "Whatever you want, man."
Food was the absolute last thing Dean wanted at that moment, but he had to say something to get that shattered look off his brother's face.
And if sending him on a fool's errand was what it took to score some alone time to regroup, then so be it.
Dean forced a smirk to cross his lips, hoping it didn't look as fake as it felt. "How about the 'Dean Winchester' special?"
"Done. You want extra onions?"
Dean's stomach convulsed at the thought, forcing him to white-knuckle the edge of the cot he was sitting on until the nausea settled back down. "Better hold off on those unless you wanna deal with my death-breath afterwards."
Sam grimaced in disgust. "Fair enough. Need anything else while I'm out?"
Of course, Sam already knew the answer to that one. Dean could be completely destitute and eating out of garbage cans and still never ask for a damned thing.
Money was always tight when they were growing up, so Dean had quickly learned to live off the bare essentials. If that meant nothing but PB&J or Ramen for two weeks straight, then so be it.
But heaven forbid Sam was ever denied the most expensive cereals with the cool prizes or the badass Batman Band-Aids. Dean always did right by his little brother, no matter the cost, and now it was Sam's chance to return the favor.
Dean's reply was as predictable as ever. "Nah, 'm good. But get whatever you want. We're probably gonna be stuck here for a while, so grab yourself some crossword books or something."
Sam snorted dismissively. As if he were going to be playing word games while his brother relived the worst memories of his life, chained to a metal cot inside a supernatural dungeon.
Dean could be pretty thick sometimes.
When the older Winchester started reaching for his wallet, Sam stopped him with a hand on his elbow.
"I've got it, man."
Some things never changed.
Dean hesitated but couldn't muster the energy to insist, so he shrugged nonchalantly and pushed the worn leather back into his frayed jeans pocket.
While his brother was resituating himself, Sam took full advantage of the opportunity to surreptitiously rake his eyes over Dean's body, taking in the painfully rigid set of his shoulders, the pinched expression on his gaunt face, and the shadowed bruising around his eyes from lack of sleep and improper nourishment.
Sam's mental shopping list was growing by the second, but it sure as hell didn't include any crossword puzzles.
"I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? Try to get some rest. You'll need it to keep up your strength."
Dean had an inkling that strength wasn't going to be a problem. He could feel the mark's power coursing through his veins more than ever now, vying to take over his body and soul. It made his skin crawl.
He instinctively rubbed at his forearm, a habit that was proving difficult to break even though the mark was no longer branded there.
Sam noticed the subconscious gesture and frowned in concern. "Dean?"
The older man realized what he was doing and quickly shifted his fingers down towards his wrist, massaging around the restraints. "Think I put the cuffs on a little too tight," he added for effect. "Feels like the bones are rubbin' together."
"Here, let me loosen…" Sam reached out for his brother's wrist, but Dean pulled away.
"Just leave it, Sammy. Tighter is better. I'm not takin' any chances."
Those damned words again…Sam crossed his arms over his chest, giving off his best John Winchester vibe. "If you start losing feeling in your fingers, Dean, you better tell me. We can find another way to keep you secured that won't result in amputations."
Dean raised both hands and mockingly wiggled his fingers. "My circulation's fine, dude. See? No numbness or discoloration. My stomach, on the other hand, is still empty."
Sam was preparing to lecture his brother on how difficult it would be to eat a burger without any hands when Cas moved further into the room.
"Go ahead, Sam. I will watch over Dean until your return."
Cas's tone sounded more like a threat than an offer and Dean's back automatically stiffened in response.
Sam could feel the tension rising in the air, and judging by the way his brother was purposefully keeping his head down, Dean fully expected the angel to tear him a new one as soon as Sam walked away.
The two of them still had unfinished business to discuss now that Dean wasn't in any immediate danger.
Sighing, Sam gave up the fight and headed towards the door, pausing as he reached Cas's side and lowering his voice so Dean wouldn't hear him.
"Take it easy on him, alright, Cas? I know he messed up, but he thought he was doing the right thing. That's gotta count for somethin'."
After a brief moment of inner debate, Cas gave a minute nod and Sam clapped him on the back in gratitude, then he left the two of them alone to clear the air.
Minutes passed and no one said a word.
Dean shivered slightly in his brother's absence, finally noticing the coolness of the room now that Sam's body heat wasn't hovering over him anymore.
Feeling exposed, he pulled his arms in tighter to his body, wishing Sam had at least thought to give him a shirt before he left.
Eventually, Dean couldn't stand the quiet any longer and he let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well? What are you waitin' for? I know you're still pissed at me for goin' to Crowley, so let's have it, Cas. Smoldering in silence isn't gonna make you feel any better."
When the angel didn't respond, Dean looked up only to find Cas wasn't there anymore. Dean frowned, scanning the room carefully as his nerves started getting the better of him. "Cas?"
He was caught off guard when the angel suddenly reappeared in front of him and wrapped a light blanket around his bare shoulders, practically swaddling him in it like an infant.
Dean quirked an eyebrow at him. "Uh… Cas? What are you doin'?"
"I told Sam I would take care of you in his absence, and your body temperature is starting to rise again. I read online that a light blanket could ward off chills and induce sweating once the fever has spiked."
"Right…" Dean muttered, making a mental note to keep Cas away from WebMD wherever possible.
"Speaking of Sam, you shouldn't lie to your brother, Dean. He is only trying to help."
Dean rolled his eyes. "The kid needed a break, Cas. He's wound tighter than a two dollar watch. Some fresh air will be good for him."
"And you?" Cas's calculating gaze was so piercing that Dean had to wrap the blanket more securely around his chest, afraid the angel could see all the way into his battered soul.
"I'm fine," he responded automatically, then swallowed hard when Cas's lips pursed with anger at the blatant lie.
"You should get some sleep, Dean," Cas replied coolly. "I will wake you when the food arrives."
The angel turned towards the door, planning on keeping vigil there so Dean could rest in peace.
"Cas, wait," Dean forced out before he could stop himself, a faint blush coloring his cheeks and the tips of his ears when the angel turned back expectantly.
"I umm… I don't think I ever thanked you for gettin' me outta the pit. I know you were just followin' orders from on high back then, but still… I'm sure it couldn't have been an easy feat pullin' my bacon from the fire."
Cas stared at him for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face, before looking away. "It was a hard won battle, but you didn't belong there, Dean. Gratitude is unnecessary when it comes to righting a wrong."
"All the same… Thank you."
The angel inclined his head slightly. "You're welcome."
Dean let out a slow breath, knowing he was about to start World War III, but he had no other choice. "Look, I hate to ask, but I need you to do something else for me, Cas."
Cas' bright blue eyes connected with Dean's determined green ones. "I don't like the sound of this."
"…I need you to bring me Crowley."
Cas's expression immediately hardened again. "For what purpose?"
Dean stared back, refusing to back down. "You already know the answer to that."
The angel's eyes flared in anger. "This conversation is over," he growled, then turned to walk away again.
Dean's hand shot out from beneath the blanket and latched onto Cas' wrist before he could take more than two steps.
"Damn it, Cas, just listen to me for a sec, alright?!"
Cas spun back around furiously and gripped the front of the blanket with both hands, shaking Dean hard enough to rattle his teeth. "No, Dean, you listen! What is it going to take to get you to understand?! Your soul is no longer yours to give!"
That took Dean by surprise. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You gave yourself over wholly to serve God, Dean. Mind, body, and soul."
Dean blinked up at him, utterly perplexed. "Was I drunk? Cause I don't think that's legally binding."
Cas was not amused.
"When Sam was intending to kill Lillith and stop the apocalypse, you prayed for help and agreed to follow Heaven's rule in order to spare your brother a terrible fate. You gave your word, Dean… Or does that mean nothing to you?"
Dean's eyes widened in sudden comprehension. "Oh, come on, Cas! That was like six years ago! A lot has changed since then."
"Oaths to Heaven do not come with a shelf-life, Dean," Cas responded indignantly, releasing him with a small shove. "Many of my brothers and sisters died in the siege to free you from Hell, and then you threw their sacrifices back in their faces by turning right around and purposefully trying to walk back in!"
"I get how it looks, man, but I didn't have any other choice!"
"There is always a choice!"
"Fine," Dean responded in a clipped tone. "You wanna leave Crowley out of this, then you have to do it."
"Do what?" Cas huffed back, his anger now tinged with wary curiosity.
"Kill me," Dean stated flatly, though there was a slightly apologetic tone to his voice.
The angel drew away from him, looking like he'd been slapped. "What?"
"I'd do it myself if I could, but you can't let me hold the First Blade again no matter what, you hear me? I can't trust myself around that thing, but you… Cas, you I trust."
"Dean, I…"
"I'm runnin' outta options here, man," Dean stated softly. "You were right. I'm not fine. I can already feel the mark gettin' stronger, and I don't know how many more rounds of this I can take. So as soon as the mark is vulnerable enough to destroy, you shove that blade into my heart and end this freakin' nightmare."
"No, Dean. We will find another way."
Dean scoffed cynically. "There isn't one, okay? It's time to face reality, Cas. I know I'm not walkin' away from this mess, and I've already made peace with that. As for who gets to lay claim to my soul after I'm gone, I don't give a crap. Heaven or Hell, it makes no difference to me.
"But what I can't accept is makin' my little brother responsible for pullin' that metaphorical trigger. He won't survive it, Cas. You can't let that burden fall on him."
Cas turned away, unable to witness the pain and desperation in Dean's eyes any longer.
"Dean, I can't. You don't understand what you're asking of me."
A heavy door opened and closed in the distance, announcing Sam's return.
"Cas, please," Dean whispered, his voice faltering as a stray tear, born of pure desperation, escaped from the corner of his eye. "I'm beggin' ya here. I gave you the Blade for a reason. You've gotta do this one last thing for me, or bring me someone else who will."
Cas shook his head, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides as he wavered between wanting to hug Dean and wanting to strangle him just to shut him up.
"I rebelled against Heaven for you. I fought my way through Hell to raise you from perdition, and I've killed my own kind in order to keep you safe. I would do anything for you, Dean. Anything but that."
The angel made his way towards the door as Sam's heavy footsteps reached the top of the basement stairs.
Dean twisted around on the cot, watching his friend's retreating back. "Cas…"
The angel paused by the entrance, turning back to look at the broken man one more time. "You may not think you're worth saving, Dean, but I do, and you will not die by my hand."
Cas brushed shoulders with Sam as they passed each other in the doorway, refusing to stay one second longer than necessary.
Dean closed his eyes and hung his head, locking his jaw against the frustrated scream that was clawing at his throat as his only remaining chance for salvation turned his back on him and walked away.
TBC
Happy early Thanksgiving for those of you who celebrate it! I am grateful for all your support and reviews!
A/N: The next few chapters are going to get pretty dark while Dean deals with skeletons from the past, so please heed the trigger warnings I will be posting at the beginning of each chapter!