Author's notes:

Thanks to all of you who've read and reviewed... our journey through the blank pages in NM continues...

I know you're all waiting until Edward heads to Italy, and I thank you for your patience. Hopefully the wait (painful though it is) will be worth it! But as hard as it is for you, it's many, many times more difficult for Edward. (It's not particularly fun for me, either...)

Alice returns to speak for you all again in this chapter...

Thanks to my wonderful betas NoMoreThanUsual and Roo - poor Marcy was sick! So glad you're doing better, my dear!

As far as a song for this chapter, I have to go with Sarah McLachlan's "Angel":

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
Ill find some peace tonight


Trick or Treat

Victoria was getting careless. She didn't even bother to try and disguise the body this time – leaving it in a roadside ditch where the police easily found it. I knew she'd been in town less than a week, but had killed already. Pickings in the wild had gotten slim when the cold weather had taken hold and driven the hikers and hunters back to their warm homes, so she'd changed tactics. She'd led me to the city, her new choice of prey particularly disturbing.

"How many nights will you be with us in Hamel, Mr. Randall?" the night clerk said as the clock on the wall chimed four times. Her eyebrows rose, inspecting me, wondering why I would be checking in at this ungodly hour.

"Until tomorrow morning," I said, picking up the pen chained to the counter. Next to me sat a stack of the latest edition of the Star Tribune. The headline announced the latest in a string of murders the Twin Cities had experienced over the last month. So, Victoria was more cunning than I thought, masquerading her kill as one of those committed by the serial killer.

Victoria's head would roll… soon. She couldn't hide in a city as big as Minneapolis for long, and the human world was much more my home than hers. Her last meal had been a small one, a child, so she would be hunting again, probably at sundown. That gave me one day to prepare. We would both lay low on this bright, sunny day, then I would finally end this.

The mousy woman across the counter smiled sweetly, waiting for me to complete the check-in form. "Are you here for business or pleasure?"

Becky, her nametag read. Her eyes and her thoughts started to wander down from my face, and I hastily handed her the paper. The rude thoughts that rattled through her mind made me appreciate the silence of the wilderness.

"Business," I said sternly, capturing her eyes with my own. As I stared my throat warmed, and the monster in me quickly ticked off twenty ways to end this vulnerable human's life. The effect was not dazzling.

Her lust turned to fear in an instant as she remembered the vague description of the serial killer and compared it to me. Tall, young, dark hair. His eyes are so black…so empty… so cold…God, where is Bob? Should I call the police?

I tried to soften my gaze. "I'm consulting at Polaris, just up the road."

Becky didn't buy my story, and her flight reflex took over. When she calculated her chances of escaping, her heart picked up speed again, seeing the odds were not in her favor. "Th-that's great," she stammered, sliding my key across the imitation marble. She immediately backed away, reached for the phone, and pressed a single speed-dial button. Without waiting for an answer, she began speaking overly loudly. "Butch, sorry to interrupt your workout. I'm ready for you to mop the lobby…" Her eyes darted back to mine furtively, as she mentally searched me for weapons.

On the other end of the phone a computer's voice informed her that she had no new voicemail messages. "Fine, see you in two minutes," she said, speaking to the machine as if it were a person. Her charade would have worked on another human, but I knew there was no one hearing her conversation but me.

With my key in hand I had no further interest in her, and she was more than relieved to see me stalk away. Her brush with the immortal world was swift and painless. Becky didn't know how lucky she was. I might be scary, but Victoria was deadly.

"What do you mean by scary?" Bella's voice said naively as I walked down the hall to my room, drowning out the cheesy music drifting through the roadside motel. The rest of the building was quiet, most minds slept dreamlessly, and the others couldn't compete with my recollection of her words. And the memories were returning stronger every day.

My own remembered voice intruded on hers. "Don't I scare you?"

"No more than usual."

Gritting my teeth I got to my room and went straight to the TV, trying to find something to mask the sound of my traitorous thoughts. A rap video appeared, and I turned it up. The revolting sound worked better than I could have hoped. Now, if I could just keep from closing my eyes.

My thoughts grudgingly returned to tonight's list of activities. That was what my life had been reduced to, a list. The longer the list, the better; each task leading to the next, like a setting up a row of dominoes. I had to will each one into place, force my mind to focus on each ivory rectangle, minimizing the opportunities for my thoughts to wander back to that rainy corner of the world where my heart resided. Unfortunately, I knew that one day the dominoes would fall, leaving nothing to keep me from her. My greatest fear was that some day I would succumb, running back to her, dooming her. But not today. At least that's what I told myself for the thousandth time.

I set my satchel and shopping bag on the bed and another domino was set into place. No, I was strong enough to stay away. She deserved a normal, human life, the one thing I could still give her. Before my mind conjured her again I returned to my list. Next task, I commanded.

Today had more dominoes than usual… time to restock, recharge, and clean up. Pretend to be human for a few hours. Weeks in the forest had left me unkempt, and though I didn't care, interacting in the bustle of a large city demanded a certain level of civility. I may be a monster, but I'm not an animal.

As I ripped the tags off the new clothes, a new face appeared in my mind. Alice would've spent much more time and effort shopping for the shirts and jeans I'd purchased, but she would've been much more upset to see the filthy clothes I was discarding. I wondered how she was, my favorite sister. I wondered if she'd forgiven me. I doubt it.

The other point of this exercise was to recharge my batteries, though in a much more literal sense than what was plastered on the brochure next to my bed. Electricity, clothes, and if I had the courage, a phone call were the reasons I'd wandered into town. The clerk's fear had reminded me of another task I needed to attend to when my brief stopover in civilization was complete – I needed to hunt.

I dug through my leather bag and found my cell phone and new laptop. The latter had become a necessity when I'd been unable to get close enough to Victoria to sample her thoughts or define her patterns. After losing her scent on more than one occasion, I'd had to resort to searching the Internet for mysterious killings and maps to find them. After two weeks of nothing, I'd finally caught her scent around the latest victim here.

But first things first. I connected my phone to the charger and plugged it in next to the bed. The small silver device sat on the bedside table, waiting for me to make the call I'd been dreading. Carlisle wouldn't wait much longer, though. The laptop got plugged in next, before I meticulously folded and packed the extra set of new clothes I'd bought. The phone seemed to grow larger as I dawdled.

I'd ignored Carlisle's last two calls, knowing he would leave a message if there was an emergency, but my voicemail remained empty. He could only want one thing, then. For me to fulfill my promise to check in. I owed it to him to keep in touch; I owed it to Esme.

Shower or call first? Like the coward I was, I picked up the set of clean clothes and headed for the bathroom. The call would wait a few more minutes. Guilt washed over me along with the hot water as a different face appeared next to Bella's in my imagination. My mother's soft features frowned back at me as I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. So much distress I'd caused…

The shower was only a short delay, and too soon I stood in front of the mirror, toweling off my hair. When it was wet it was a darker brown, and I focused on my eyes before I could compare the color to anyone else's. My irises were so dark I couldn't discern my pupils. Yes, I definitely needed to hunt.

I regarded the face in the mirror, noting with a sigh how different I looked. Removing the layer of grime and filth that came with living a nomadic existence couldn't erase the lifelessness that stared back at me.

"I've seen corpses with better color." It was my voice narrating Bella's pale, nauseated image from my past life.

I'd returned to my true state, a predator with only lures and hooks. The beauty had faded, the dazzle had fled. Was this how I'd looked that first, murderous day, contemplating the multitude of ways I could end Bella's life? What could have drawn her to me, a hideous monster, so obviously dangerous? "Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds," I quoted to myself.

I remembered the photos I'd secreted in her room; how the Edward that was hers seemed to glow with adoration. She'd seen through the deathly image hunched and brooding before me, and had impressed her light on me. That's what it was, I realized. Just like the sun lit my hard, statue's skin into a rainbow of colors, the richness of her spirit, her soul, was reflected in me as well. Her absence left nothing but a cold, empty vessel – a mirror in a darkened room. No, that wasn't quite accurate. I was hardly a passive looking-glass hanging silently in a dusty frame.

A killer's eyes bore into mine, the black circles and hollowed cheeks exuding the vacant, soulless evil that I embodied. I swallowed the trickle of venom on my tongue, reminding myself that I would have to kill again tonight, even if it would just be a helpless animal that fell victim to me.

The burn in my throat didn't flare at the prospect, but remained a dull ache, easily ignored these days. The pain I felt every time I closed my eyes eclipsed the thirst, for with each blink she was there, begging me to come back. Her eyes… her hair… her hands reaching out on that last day… Stop it.

Victoria… I had to keep my strength up if I was to finish the cunning vampire. The full moon hanging outside my window highlighted my negligence… it'd been a waxing quarter when I hunted last… three weeks ago.

My own words haunted me again. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand…"

No, I couldn't let myself dwell on Bella, and tossed the towel aside. The bottomless pit that lived where my heart used to be stretched wide, threatening to pull me into its black depths. I threw the towel aside and turned away.

Next task: the call. I was here for a reason, not to reminisce.

Once dressed, I took a deep, useless breath, then picked up my cell phone. It rang only once.

"Edward, it's about time," Alice said, and my hand trembled. She was not who I'd been trying to reach. Why did she have Carlisle's phone?

"Where's Carlisle?" Had something happened?

"He's here, don't worry, but I wanted a word first. Are you ready to go back yet?" I pinched my eyes shut, only to see Bella laughing freely in my mind.

"Let me speak to Carlisle, Alice. I have nothing to say to you." If I didn't hear Carlisle's voice in five seconds I was hanging up. She would tell them I was all right.

"Bella is still hurting, you know." I cringed at the sound of my love's name. "She can't live without you any more than you can live without her. You're pushing her to the edge, Edward. She may just jump." Her voice was dark.

I knew Bella – she would never do anything so drastic. No, she had her father and would do anything for him. "Bella…" her name broke in my throat. "Bella promised. She will take care of herself for Charlie."

"Maybe you should just check on her, to make sure."

Damn her. She'd been watching me again… seeing the temptation to do just that cross my path every day. If I went back I wouldn't be able to leave again—I knew that—and so did Alice. She was ruthless.

The knowing tone of her voice made me suspicious. "Alice, if you went back, so help me I'll…"

"No, I haven't," she sneered, "But my bags are packed. I'll be right behind you when you give in. You aren't that strong."

"I'm betting on Alice," Bella's memory murmured.

Grimacing, I scolded my sister and myself. "Stop keeping tabs on me. You aren't supposed to be watching." A montage of Bella's bloody past flashed through my mind, stoking the fire in my throat. The sensation disgusted me and empowered me at the same time. I couldn't go back. She had to be safe.

"This is all wrong, Edward. You're going back—the longer you wait the more pain you inflict on us all. You're not the only one suffering, you know."

Of course I knew, why did she think I was calling? The only reason was to give Carlisle and Esme a little peace of mind.

Her five seconds were up. "Are you going to let me talk to Carlisle, or not?" I snapped as I slid my thumb over the 'End' button.

She didn't speak into the phone again. "He wants to talk to you," she said.

"Edward," Carlisle said, and the pain twisted in my chest. His voice was even, almost warm, but I could hear the concern lurking behind the façade.

I returned the greeting with the same false lightness. "Hello Carlisle. I just wanted to let you know that I'm all right," I lied. At least I could keep this promise…the promise to keep in contact with him.

"Are you coming home? Your mother is very worried about you." The pretenses fell with a nearly audible crash, the sadness in his voice tearing at my conscience.

"No, I have a fresh lead, but since I had a moment, I thought I'd check in."

"Thank you." He couldn't contain his disappointed sigh. "Where are you? We could meet you, just for the afternoon. Esme misses you terribly."

In the silence I heard his hope, and it only added to the ache. "Maybe, but Victoria is exceptionally mobile. She doesn't stay in one place for long." I should just say no, but I knew that it was Esme who'd really made this request. Crushing her hopes was too brutal. "I'll call you if an opportunity arises." The silence continued, and I steeled myself for the next question. "How is Mom?"

Carlisle shifted; papers rustled in the background. "She is… coping. Rosalie and Emmett decided on a small wedding for a change, if you can believe that." I could see the smile that had to be cracking his lips. "We all went to Niagara and got soaked as they said their vows in the spray of the Falls." The sound of his smile faded. "Jasper stood in for you."

Another stab—I'd been Emmett's best man in each of his and Rosalie's many weddings. "Good, it's about time he started shouldering some of the matrimonial burdens," I said casually.

He cleared his throat unnecessarily. "Ahem, yes. He's out hunting with Esme now."

My fingers found the bridge of my nose. Esme wasn't coping very well; neither was Carlisle if Jasper had to have a one-on-one session to calm my mother. I continued on, though. "Please give Rose and Em my congratulations."

"I will, when they call. They chose to honeymoon in Europe this time, Paris I think." All emotion vacated his voice. No wonder Esme was so upset; I wasn't the only one who'd abandoned her.

Carlisle didn't give up. "Edward, please, this hunt is…"

"Very necessary," I finished. I couldn't go home, my presence would only add to Esme's sorrow. "Victoria is an unscrupulous savage and has to be stopped. If you'd seen her latest victim, you would agree. He was twelve, Carlisle, still dressed in his Halloween costume." I'd seen the body through the minds of the investigators on the scene, the few who could stomach the sight, then traced her scent back to the quiet neighborhood where she'd stolen the boy as he trick-or-treated before I realized I'd been following the wrong trail.

The silence lasted longer than I would've expected. "Then let me help you. Together we could stop her, and you'd be free to come home."

I couldn't read his thoughts, but his tone was clear. He had switched camps and was batting for team Alice. The betrayal stung, but I couldn't muster any anger, not while he worked to pick up the pieces of the mess I'd made. "No. Esme needs you more than I do. Victoria is alone, I can handle her."

Carlisle swallowed out of habit. "Edward, I think you should reevaluate your situation… and your decision."

Again I ignored him, at least the authority he tried to impress on me. "No. The decision is made. Nothing has changed." The conversation was over. "I'll call you again when I get the chance. Give my love to Esme and the family," I muttered, wishing I could turn back the clock for my family and give them the happiness they'd had a year ago. They didn't deserve to suffer for my mistakes.

He blew out a useless breath, defeated. "Very well. Be safe, son. We love you," he said sadly.

The memory his words evoked caught me by surprise.

A wrinkled piece of paper lay on the desk next to a sleeping Bella. I'd carefully unfolded the tiny square, noting how the creases were tattered and on the verge of tearing. How many times had she read the two simple words that stared up at me? Be safe.

"Be safe," Bella had murmured in her dreams - and now repeated in my head. "For Edward."

I closed the phone, the sight of Bella's tangled hair and sleepy smile lingering in my unfocused vision.

"Please be safe," I whispered, unable to say her name.

Maybe you should just check on her. Alice's words echoed in my mind, and I nearly crushed the phone, trying to force my thoughts back to the present. I picked up the laptop, intending to search for more crime in Minneapolis, but my fingers didn't obey. The domino in my mind tipped…

Just a quick visit. Before I knew it, I was staring at a map with a blue line drawn from Hamel to Forks. 1,790 miles… I could catch an early flight and be back before Charlie returned from fishing. No, no, no.

The computer fell from my hands. Before it hit the polyester bedspread I'd curled up in the corner, my knees pulled up tight to my chest. The dominoes in my mind tumbled down, each knocking over the next, falling with a soft, imagined thump that resembled a human heartbeat. Her heartbeat. It was all I could do to stop myself from running out the door.

Alice had emphasized that Bella was suffering—had she seen something? Was Bella in the hospital yet again?

No, my sister was just baiting me with vague innuendo… She wanted an excuse to go back herself. Bella was safe – safe from me – with a life free of mythical killers and immortal demons. I couldn't go back. And I'd promised…was my word worth nothing?

My fingers slid through my hair before tightening into fists. I'd made another mistake – taking a break from tracking was an idiotic idea. Without the need to concentrate on the scent, the clues, my mind went straight to the one place it was barred: straight to Bella.

As my forehead hit my knees, my heart took up where Alice left off, egging me back to my longing…my love…my life…

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too," Bella said softly, blushing behind my eyelids.

I fell deeper into the despair I'd been avoiding. Space seemed to close in on me as she called to me, holding her arms wide. In my mind her heat swirled around me, mixing with her scent. The sensation was so real that when I opened my eyes I expected the room to be filled with freesia and flames.

It was the keys in my pocket that burned, calling to me. It would be so easy… I imagined myself standing in front of her house, climbing through the window and finding her asleep, like I had so many times before. So peaceful, so fragile… but no! I hurled the keys across the room, embedding them in the drywall above the headboard.

A fine demonstration… It was her peace, her beautiful, delicate fragility that had to keep me away. The only thing I could bring her was pain, death, or worse, damnation.

Bella is still hurting… Alice's voice intruded again. The thought of Bella crying because of me drew my eyes up to the door. I hugged my legs tighter, keeping them from betraying me. She would live and move on. In fact, Bella probably already had—Alice was a more accomplished liar than I was. That was it... Alice could've seen Bella burning her tongue on a Pop Tart, nothing more, and exaggerated the story for my benefit.

Slowly I rocked, out of sync with the rap music on the TV, trying to pull myself back from the brink of temptation. It wasn't until the sun set twelve hours later that I stood, grabbed my things and left at a run. The motel was filling up for the evening, and I escaped my self-imposed prison before the thoughts of the happy, the busy, and the lively could overwhelm me.

Check out. Feed. Then scout Victoria's most probable hunting grounds. My latest list formed easily. A new stack of dominoes accompanied it, and I started over, pretending that mine was a life worth living.

I dropped the room key in the check out box, setting up the first domino in my mind before glimpsing the date on the top of the lone remaining newspaper. The irony took my breath away.

Today was November second, Día de los Muertos

Day of the Dead.

End Notes:

Sorry, I know Edward was in the shower, and we'd all love to stay there with him, but that's not what this story's about ;-(

For a sexier shower scene, check out my other story, Spontaneous Combustion. A little diversion sounds pretty good, right about now.

And you get ten points if you can name the author of the 'I am become death' quote without using Google. (I had to look it up, too... 8-)