I am in love with Jane Rizzoli. Sex wasn't meant to change like to love but it had, oh it had. I love her hopelessly and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't shout if from the rooftops, I can't make it go away, I can't fall in love with someone else, and I can't tell her. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
"Good morning Doctor Isles" Jane greeted Maura the next morning giving her a little nudge as the medical examiner arrived on the crime scene, she handed the blonde a Boston Joe's coffee she stopped off and got on the way to work and Maura took it gratefully.
"You're certainly glowing this morning" Jane teased and Maura did one of her favourite Maura faces, where she would purse her lips to try and hide a smile but it would fail and she would just end up looking ridiculously cute.
"Shut up" she told the detective bluntly taking a long needed sip of her coffee and then crouching down beside the victim, pulling her blue latex gloves on.
"Did you sleep well last night?" Jane asked and Maura tried to ignore her blatant innuendo.
"Having sleeping troubles Doctor Isles?" Frost asked and Maura tried to contain the blush that rapidly warmed her cheeks, keeping her head down she tried to distract herself with the body.
"Oh not anymore" Jane said from behind her "Isn't that right Doctor Isles?"
Jane knew she shouldn't be making these inappropriate remarks around her other colleagues but she couldn't help herself, watching Maura trying to contain herself was too amusing, and she knew she wasn't doing any real harm. Plus she still had such a rush from the unexpected events from last night she wanted to just scream them out to anyone who had ears.
"That's correct" Maura said looking up at Frost and Jane "Jane really has the most amazing technique for getting to sleep, I'm sure she'd love to show you some time"
Jane's eyes widened at the medical examiners sudden response, she was impressed and tried to hide the smile by sucking on her lips.
"Mm" she said "Although that technique was pretty specific just for you Doctor Isles"
Frost raised an eyebrow at the two women's exchange. "Are you two alright?" he asked and Maura let out a comforting laugh. He was used to their extremely close relationship and strange inside jokes but sometimes he just wondered if there was actually something else going on with them.
"We're fine, thank you Frost" Jane said and sipped her coffee, the smile on her face permanent.
"Now tell us about the body doc"
"Well" Maura said carefully prodding around the young girls bloodied head.
"It appears she was hit with something large and hard… most likely on purpose" the doctor explained, and Jane stood behind her looking blankly into the distance.
"Thank you Maura" she replied sarcastically at the obvious information the medical examiner was stating "very helpful"
Maura looked up at Jane shooting her a be quiet look "She would have died instantly" the doctor began examining the rest of the body, she picked up the girls arm and pulled up the sleeve seeing bruises and red marks on her wrists, she frowned and began to stand up, she wasn't going to be able to tell anything more until autopsy.
"She was most likely assaulted…the bruises on her wrists suggest someone was holding her forcefully" Maura sighed pulling her gloves off "poor girl, she can't have been more than 16"
"It's tragic" Jane frowned, she was standing close to Maura so close that their shoulders were touching. Maura resisted the urge to turn around and kiss Jane right then and there, instead she turned just to admire the brunettes face; her striking cheekbones and messy curls. The two them were constantly surrounded by death and injustice, Maura was known as Queen of the Dead, yet she had never had such an urge to make the most of every moment of her life as she looked at the young girl who lay dead at her feet. The two women exchanged a longing look at one another, before Maura forced herself back into professionalism and cleared her throat looking around for the guys that were meant to be getting the body back to her morgue.
"Maur" Jane said stopping the doctor dead in her tracks. Maura turned around, aware of all the people around them she knew she needed to act… well the opposite of what she was feeling.
"Yes?" she replied simply.
"I was just wondering if…" Jane found herself getting distracted by the plunging neckline of the medical examiners black jumpsuit, she couldn't help but question whether Maura had chosen that particular outfit on purpose, with the white blazer pushed up past her elbows and the black stilettos all Jane wanted to do was grab the doctor and kiss her hard.
"If?" Maura echoed when Jane's voice trailed off.
"If you wanted to help babysit TJ tonight" she said quickly snapping out of her longing daze.
"I'd like that" Maura smiled at Jane's request, she loved seeing TJ and she was even more excited about getting to spend more time with the detective, since the tension between them seemed to have disappeared after last night. Of course there were still a thousand and five complications and questions that needed answers but neither of them cared about that at the moment. They just wanted to be near each other, always.
Jane stood in front of the board where Frost and Korsak had pinned all the photos they had so far of the case, it was looking like an assault, a brutal murder of a teenage girl. But something seemed off the Jane, she wasn't sure what and she knew it was too early to confront any of her colleagues with her hunch, but something didn't feel right about this. Her phone buzzed on her desk and she quickly snatched it up seeing she had a new message from Maura.
Finished the autopsy. Come see me xxx
She tried not to smile as she slipped her phone into her pocket, and made her way to the elevator almost crashing into Frost as he stepped out returning from his lunch break.
"Hey" he said "Find anything else yet?"
"Not yet" Jane frowned "We need to get going on these interviews, but Maura just texted she finished the autopsy and might have something"
"Okay" Frost nodded, there was something on his mind Jane could tell, something he wanted to say but wasn't going to unless she drew it out of him.
"Something you wanna say Frost?" Jane arched an eyebrow.
"I mean…nothing about the case" he said suddenly acting nervous "It's probably not my business anyway"
"What is it?" Jane asked curiously.
"I was just wondering… if there was anything going on between you and Doctor Isles" he asked looking at the floor and anxiously peeking up at Jane's reaction to see if he had completely overstepped or not. But Jane just stood there looking at him with the same curious expression.
"Why do you ask that?"
"It's just, you two act like you've just had sex but I know that can't be because you have a boyfriend"
Jane opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it again. Was it really that obvious?
"I'm not sure I have a boyfriend anymore" she said finally and held up her empty ringless hand.
"Hey" Frost said holding up both hands in surrender "No judgement, you two would be kinda perfect for each other anyway"
"Excuse me?"
"You and Doctor Isles" he said with a relaxed shrug.
Jane narrowed her eyes before stepping around Frost and getting into the elevator.
"Shut up" she said as the doors were closing and Frost just grinned at her.
"There you are" Maura smiled as Jane came through the doors of the morgue.
"Hey" Jane said walking over to the table where the body was lying, still feeling baffled from Frost's sudden confrontation.
"Did you find anything?"
"Well, no" Maura said looking down at the body frowning.
"Nothing?" the detective questioned, the surprise in her tone apparent.
"There was no trace of semen and there was no bruising or tearing so she wasn't raped, there are no other assault wounds other than a couple of older bruises on her ribs, and some scratch marks on her right leg which are consistent with feline claws"
"A cat" Jane said bluntly. Maura gave Jane an apologetic shrug and the brunette sighed loudly letting her head fall back.
"Do I look like I've just had sex?" she asked Maura.
"Yes" Maura laughed "Why?"
"I think Frost knows somethings up" Jane leaned back on the empty autopsy table behind her.
"Is there something up?" Maura lifted an eyebrow giving her a cute smile and Jane rolled her eyes returning the smile.
"Nothing he needs to know directly about"
"So" Maura said dragging the word out slowly "Do you want to bring TJ over to mine tonight?"
Jane beamed at the mention of her adorable little nephew.
"Yes" she agreed "We'll come by about six?"
"Would you like me to make dinner?" Maura couldn't help but notice how routine their conversation was, as if they were an old married couple who had been doing this for as long as they could remember.
"I would like that very much" Jane said then glanced at her watch "Shoot, I should really get back to work"
Maura nodded and handed a copy of the autopsy report and Jane took it from her, both their hands lingering as they looked at each other, the craving for each other burning inside them like wild fire.
"I'll see you tonight then" Jane said, her voice was deeper, huskier, as she tried to contain the ache of her yearning. Maura just nodded, unable to force any other type of reply.
It was a cool night, the chilly autumn breeze blew the fallen leaves down the street scattering them carelessly. Maura felt content inside the warmth of her kitchen, her lights were slightly dimmed making everything feel more comfortable. Angela was out tonight with Cavanaugh and Maura was pleased with the idea that there would be no unwanted interruptions. As much as she enjoyed Angela's company, tonight the only Rizzoli she was interested in having present was Jane…and TJ. The sound of a car pulling up outside her house indicated Jane's arrival, she quickly wiped her hands on the nearest tea towel and quickly glanced down at her outfit, she didn't entirely like the idea that all of a sudden she was dressing to impress Jane, Maura always had a strong handle on her fashion and dressed only for herself and the sake of an aesthetically pleasing presentation. But suddenly since Jane had complimented her outfit she had wanted the detective to notice and like what she was wearing, and today she had certainly checked both of those boxes. Her elegant black jumpsuit had a rather low dropping neckline, she had paired it with her favourite black stilettos and white blazer, unintentionally making the only bit of skin she was revealing her neck and chest; which Jane had most definitely noticed. Glancing down at her shiny black skinny jeans, and loose, white (slightly see through) buttoned t-shirt she decided she looked nice, casual for her standards but still nice. Seconds later there was a knock on the door, a smile automatically stretching across her face she dashed out of the kitchen and pulled her front door open, being greeted by a grinning Jane Rizzoli clutching a gorgeous little boy and a giant bag of baby needs.
"Hi" Maura smiled at the sight.
"Hey" Jane bit her lip, was she nervous? The two of them stared at each other for several seconds before Maura realised the baby was out there in the cold.
"Here" she said holding her arms out "Let me take something" Jane tried to pass her the bag but Maura almost took a step back disgusted and then lifted TJ out of Jane's arms and twirled around so the two of them were safely inside.
"Baby stealer" Jane mumbled as she dragged the bag inside and shut the door behind them. Maura couldn't help but smile as TJ squealed happily and reached out to touch her face. He was really a gorgeous little boy, with Tommy's blue eyes and Lydia's blonde hair, and a smile to die for Maura couldn't help but love him. She placed a small kiss on his forehead and inhaling the sweet scent of the baby's skin.
"Don't sniff the baby Maur, unless it's diaper checking" Jane smirked and Maura rolled her eyes.
"But you smell so nice" Maura said softly to TJ who looked at her with his big blue eyes and a cheeky grin on his face.
"And you're so cute" she added tickling his stomach lightly making him squeal with delight.
"You're so good with him" Jane observed after watching them quietly for several seconds.
"So are you" Maura replied looking up at the brunette with a kind smile.
"Can we eat?" Jane asked her eyes scanning the counter for food. "What are we having?"
"Kale and quinoa salad with pomegranate" Maura said pointing at the covered bowl that was behind the detective.
Jane lifted an eyebrow at the words that had just come out of Maura's mouth.
"Maura" she pouted "I thought you were making something we could actually eat"
Maura laughed and moved TJ onto her hip as she walked over to Jane and pulled the bowl towards them, uncovering it with her spare hand.
"If you try it, you'll like it" she said and Jane scrunched her nose up in uncertainty. "There's frozen yoghurt, but only if you eat this"
"Are you blackmailing me with frozen yoghurt?" Jane asked her eyes widening "Give me TJ" she said holding her arms out.
"He shouldn't be near you, you're sly" Maura laughed and looked at TJ who sat comfortably in her arms.
"And your aunty Jane won't eat her vegetables unless she's force-fed" TJ titled his head then giggled, deciding that what Maura had said was wildly funny.
"See" Maura smirked "He's doesn't want to be cuddled by a vegetable hater"
"Maura" Jane said slowly narrowing her eyes at the honey blonde.
"Give me the baby"
"No" Maura pouted pressing her cheek gently against TJ's so they were both looking at Jane with big doe eyes, that almost made her heart entirely melt. It was one thing to see Maura with such an adorable expression on her face, but Maura holding a baby… Jane needed to get herself together and fast.
"Fine then I'm having frozen yoghurt for dinner" she decided turning towards Maura's fridge, but Maura was faster.
"No" she yelped and weaved around Jane, depositing TJ into her arms before leaping in front of her fridge with both arms out in defence.
"Not until you've eaten your kale!"
Jane looked at TJ and shook her head "she ditched you for leafy greens, you need to think carefully about whose side you're on little man"
After dinner, and yes Maura managed to get Jane to eat all of it, the two of them made themselves comfortable on the couch, with TJ on the floor in front of them surrounded by toys. "Where's the turtle?" Jane had asked her earlier, nervous Bass would make an appearance and scare the baby. "Tortoise" Maura had corrected her "and he's in his room"
"his room?" Jane had looked horrified.
"Well the study…he likes it in there"
"God you're weird" Jane had laughed and Maura had felt her cheeks flush temporarily pink, she knew Jane was only poking fun at her but still, it was enough to make her blush. She had been called weird all her life, she was used to it and she knew Jane loved how weird she was, she didn't understand why her body reacted that way. She looked over at Jane who was gazing adoringly at TJ, and she felt an unusual love flood her heart it wasn't everyday she got to see Jane like this, the soft side, the nurturing side of fierce detective, the side that came out when she was around children, it was beautiful and it tugged on Maura's heart, why she did not know. Maura had never been certain whether she wanted children, but seeing Jane and the way she was around them made Maura want to rethink every thought she had on the subject, she may have been leaping a bit too far forward but she couldn't help it. She took a long sip from her red wine, still watching Jane intimately.
"Can I ask you something?" the words left her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. She was only on her second glass of wine, but even that small amount of alcohol proved to be enough to give her that push of extra courage she didn't have otherwise.
"Yeah" Jane replied her eyes not moving off the infant on the floor.
"It's about last night"
That made Jane look up and over at the doctor who sat running her finger lightly around the rim of her wine glass, her hazel eyes looking intently at her.
"Go on…"
"Well, we've had sex Jane" she said after a moments hesitation "that's not nothing"
"Of course it's not" Jane answered matter-of-factly. Maura opened her mouth to reply but only a small breath of air came out. She had more to say but with those dark brown eyes looking at her so intensely she found herself intimidated. Butterflies filled her stomach and she felt a her heart was beating nervously in her chest. That it was it, her courage was gone. The question had been swallowed.
Do you chose me over him?
She took another sip of wine wondering if it would return.
"Was there a question there?" Jane asked.
Maura looked down into her glass of wine in contemplation of her answer before looking back up at Jane. She had her dark brown curls pushed messily over her head, her eyes were fixated on Maura in a way she couldn't possibly ignore and she had an arm outstretched across the top of the couch that was screaming 'come here let me cuddle you'.
"I want to kiss you" Maura said confidently.
A smile formed on Jane's face "that didn't sound like a question either"
"It wasn't" the cheeky smile on Maura's face reached her eyes.
"I want to kiss you too" Jane said tearing her eyes off Maura and looking a TJ "but not in front of my nephew"
"So, put him to bed" Maura shrugged.
"Doctor Isles" Jane gasped and Maura laughed quietly.
"What? He should probably be asleep anyway" she said glancing at her watch.
Jane knew Maura was right but she didn't know why she was suddenly feeling nervous about the idea of them being alone together. She tried not to think about it, knowing that too much thinking could only make it worse, but the nerves that were pumping through her body made it hard to forget. Maura is still Maura Jane told herself as she scooped TJ up off the floor and took him into the downstairs guest bedroom where they had set up his portable crib. She's the same person she always was, there is no need to be nervous. Yet the Maura that followed behind her cooing at TJ was not the same Maura she always had been, this Maura looked at Jane as if she was the only person in the world, as if nothing else in the world even existed, this Maura made Jane's heart beat faster every time she saw the honey blonde, it made her skin tingle in memory of her soft touch, and her eyes made all the other colours in the world seem dull. Maura was her best friend, and this was uncharted waters for both of them it made Jane terrified that this Maura could ruin her.
They put TJ to bed and Jane turned on the baby monitor while Maura adjusted the teddy that played soft lullaby's to get the little boy to sleep, then they quietly left the room pulling the door to. As soon as they were both out, Maura stepped in front of the detective and pushed her against the wall going up on her tip toes and placing a long overdue kiss onto her lips, she opened her eyes to look at the brunette before their lips parted, Jane's eyes were shut everything about her face looked peaceful, the troubled tension Maura had noticed that had been wearing in Jane's body language was now gone, she opened her eyes slowly.
"Maura" she groaned softly, wrapping her arms around the smaller woman.
"Come here" she mumbled leaning in and kissing the doctor again, then scooping her up off the floor Maura wrapped her legs around Jane's waist as the detective turned and pressed Maura's back against the wall.
Hellooo loves, I hope you're all having a good weekend! Sorry this chapter is a bit of a muddle, it was written with a multitude of interruptions, I tried to write in my break at work and then while I was babysitting...and then when I got home in the middle of the night and could barely keep my eyes open, but I was so keen to get it up for you all as soon as possible.
Hopefully you all like it :) As usual I encourage you to let me know everything you're feeling and thinking! Also for those of you wanting a bit more drama...all I can say is be very careful what you wish for ;)
Thank you for all the ongoing support. More is coming very soon. Much love xxx