Oh, crap! Maura thought to herself. She had really thought she was only dreaming...or rather that this was only a nightmare. She had read a peer-reviewed article supporting the ability to sense smell while asleep, but the screeching of the tropical birds, the oppressively humid air and the pounding in her temples were certainly products of the waking world.
There was also a moaning in the distance. It sounded muffled but desperate. She struggled to discern if it was coming from a human or an animal. She would look around if she could manage to open her eyes. Unfortunately, very little of her body seemed to be responsive to commands. She was curled on her side. Her hands were tucked into her chest and her knees were pulled up seemingly to protect her stomach. She felt a rolling wave of spasms building in her core. At the same time, that awful, distraught moaning grew so loud it vibrated the inside of her head. The wave of pain receded and the groaning followed. Finally, Maura understood. The sound was coming from her.
Before she could reconcile the meaning with reality, she felt hands moving around her. Someone was touching her face. There was a hand on her back. She sucked in a shuddering breath at precisely the wrong moment. Her mouth had been filled with water and her panic response was to gasp. The liquid was sucked into her trachea and straight to her lungs. She was drowning.
Oh, crap! Jane handed the bottle to Sarah and struggled to pull the choking blonde upright. She didn't mean to drown her, but the moaning was getting worse and she knew she had to get some liquid into her friend or she may never wake up. It wasn't like she could fashion an IV out of coconuts and bamboo.
She was able to sit Maura up and pat her sharply on the back until she coughed out the water in her lungs. She tucked the weary blonde under her arm in a sort of half hug.
"Maura, honey. I'm sorry, but I have to get some water into you. You are always telling me when I feel crappy that is it dehydration. I think if you can drink this, you'll feel better." She motioned for the girl to hand Maura the water.
The blonde nodded weakly and took the plastic bottle between shaky hands. The first couple of sips were taken cautiously, but they were followed by longer drafts until the doctor had downed everything. Jane offered her a second bottle, but she waved it off.
"Do you think you know what is wrong with you?" Jane asked. "Is it something like malaria or yellow fever?"
Maura cleared her throat. The simple act seemed to take quite a bit out of the fragile woman. Her voice was thready and she didn't even bother to look up from the nook of Jane's arm.
"I can't say for sure, but there are a few potentials."
Jane smiled. Of course the woman who wouldn't call a blood spot a blood spot without a mass spectrometer wasn't going to guess.
"I believe I ingested something yesterday afternoon. I had not had any water and I took the chance to drink from a questionable source."
"So like a stomach bug or something? Will that just pass?"
"There are still several possibilities...cryptosporidium is a mesenteric parasite. Bad, but probably not fatal."
"OK," she knew her friend's scientific mind too well. "What's the bad possibility?"
"Hepatitis E."
"Okaaay...how do we decide if it is that?"
"Jaundice...liver failure causes the build up of a blood cell byproduct called bilirubin...that gives the skin and whites of the eye a yellow tint. If you see that..." Maura suddenly pushed away and looked at Jane with wide eyes. "Jane...you have to get away from me. Hepatitis is highly contagious."
"Maura, you don't even know if you have it."
"Oh no...no...I'm so sorry." She seemed to be suddenly talking to herself. "What have I done?"
"Calm down. Shhh...It's OK. It's not like you sneezed on me or anything."
Maura put her hands up to her own face, fingertips grazing her lips. "No...much worse...I...I kissed you."
There was a very stale pause. Maura stared at Jane. Jane stared at her hands. Sarah shifted her gaze back and forth between the two women. If it weren't for the crashing waves, wild parrots and cicadas, you could have heard a pin drop. Jane sighed and chose eye contact with the kid over the doctor. Sarah's face was a blending of innocence and mirth. She suspected the 8 year old was more savvy than she let on.
The detective stood and looked out through the palm trees. Her voice was distant. "It's probably just the crypto-bug thing." Then she walked silently out toward the beach.
Maura and the girl sat for a few quiet moments before Sarah began to fidget and Maura had to lay back down. The water was definitely helping, but she feared the rolling cramps in her stomach might be the precursor to more vomiting. If she could just lie still for a bit, maybe the fluids would have a chance to enter her system. She could hear Sarah kicking at the dirt. With more effort than it should have required, Maura open one eye to look at her.
"You like her, but she doesn't like you."
Maura cracked a bit of a mental smile. She found young kids to be familiarly straightforward. Not unlike the literal scientist, their worlds were binary - black and white, yes and no, friends or not friends. If only everyone operated in that space.
"It's complicated."
The little girl snorted her displeasure at that answer. "Adults always say that."
The tone was clear. The little girl recognized when she was being given the brush off. Perhaps it was her own history of being dismissed that brought Maura back to the conversation.
"I...I betrayed her trust. I...I did something I shouldn't have."
"Can't you just say you are sorry?"
"I can...I did. But...she sees me differently now...and I don't think that will ever change."
"So that means you can't be friends anymore?"
The innocence of Sarah's conclusion cut Maura to the quick. Tears flowed unbidden and her throat tightened. Again, she wondered at how much everything had changed in the span of just two days. Carefree friends...playful banter...casual flirting. Single tears became a steady flow. The furrowing of her brow inflamed the tension headache already pounding at her temples. Maura fumbled the zipper on the BPD sweatshirt
tight around her chin and rolled over to put her back to the young girl.
It was after sunset, but before dark when Jane returned back to their camp. Despite the energy drain from her marathon swim, she had found herself pacing the half mile back and forth in front of their hideout, her lithe body buzzing with coiled energy.
She hated that Maura could do that to her so quickly. It was the very opposite of what she counted on from her friend. Maura was her safe spot, her diffuser...no matter what crazy volatile mood she was swinging though, Maura would bring her back to center. Jane counted on that.
Maura was supposed to be steady. She was a wall that Jane could push against and know it would always hold. She was reliable, consistent, predictable. What you saw was what you got...now all Jane could do was look back at years full of friendship moments and wonder. She felt like an idiot. And that made her mad.
Sarah was leaning against one of the trees playing with a compass. The doctor was laying still with her head facing away. Regular breathing suggested she was asleep again. A pang of guilt was followed by thankfulness that the girl had opted to stay with Maura. Jane knew she probably shouldn't have been gone as long as she was.
"Hey, kid. You hungry?"
Jane opened the gear crate and took out the camp stove and a propane tank. Again, she was reminded that camping was not her thing. Though they were considerably better off than last night, primitive survival techniques was not part of her repertoire of skills. And if she didn't get a move on, she'd be attempting their first meal in the dark.
"What does MRE mean?"
"It stands for Meal-Ready to-Eat. It's like a military field ration, a full meal and dessert." The detective perked up. "Hey, if I remember right, there is even some toilet paper in there."
About an hour later, they were awkwardly eating reconstituted chili mac by flashlight. Given the caliber of the dish, Jane thought the less light to see it, the better. Still, given their calorie count over the last 48 hours and the rapidly dropping temperature, a hot meal of any kind was a welcome sight.
Jane had fished a blanket out of the supply crate to cover Maura. The suffering woman was still asleep and Jane was reluctant to push food on her and risk a long night of cramps and vomiting. Best to try that experiment in the daylight of morning. She got Sarah set up on a pile of clothes and then settled herself in a semi-seated position at the foot of Maura's mat. She needed to be close in case...well, just in case.
Morning came and brought with it the beginning of a routine of sorts. They tidied up the camp area and hung the dew dampened items out in the sun to dry. Jane was elated to discover that the MREs contained instant coffee. It certainly made the protein cakes easier to eat. She also had to hand it to Sarah. After their initially rocky start...which Jane had to concede warranted some crying, the girl proved to be pretty hearty given the circumstances.
She helped to go through the crates and sort out what they had and what they needed. They went through the food and water rations to see how long they could comfortably stay on the island. And after one afternoon's surprise rain shower, the two worked together to string the largest tarp over their makeshift camp. It was even Sarah's idea to rig it to collect rainwater. Well, the idea was hers, but the engineering was left up to Jane. She tied it with a dip in the middle and a slope toward the beach. Then she lined up one of the waterproof crates to catch the pour. Once they were done, the two could hardly wait for the next rain to test their scheme out.
Jane also let Sarah explore a little bit around the camp. The rule was that the girl could go into the jungle counting to 100 and then she'd have to hurry back and check in. She was out looking for fresh fruit to add to their freeze dried and jerkified meals. Sarah would bring back what she found and they'd wait for Maura to wake up to ask if it was edible.
Maura.
She was slipping steadily downhill each day.
Jane was able to help her up walking the first day and even get a couple of bottles of water in her. But food was another matter. Maura had tried to eat a bit for lunch and thrown up so violently that she slept until the following morning. The second day, she would drink, but refused any food at all. She was awake less and less and suffering terribly when she was. While Jane took every roused moment to try to get her to drink, she welcomed the long naps if only to see the lines of pain dim on her friend's face.
The first couple of days were filled with activity that could easily occupy the detective's busy mind. The hard labor and the humid heat made for an early and exhausted sleep. But by the fourth day, things that needed to be done had been done. Sarah had explored every place she could within her 100 count. Restlessness was creeping in. And restlessness led to wondering.
"What are we going to do?" The youngster questioned simply.
Jane let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know. I was really hoping that a fishing boat or a tourist group would come by. I just don't know how remote this island is. We could be a hundred miles from the next nearest one."
Jane slipped back into quiet contemplation. Sarah, in her innocence and adventure, seemed to take that information in stride. She bounded over to the woman and plopped down across from her holding up her treasure.
"Hey, do you want to play cards?"
Truthfully, it was the last thing on Jane's list. But there was little else to do and her mind was getting nowhere on the "how" of escape. She scooted back to make room between them and waited while the kid shuffled and dealt. They were on their second hand of Go Fish! when they heard the first drops of rain hit the overhead tarp. About 30 seconds later, it was a full tropical downpour. Sarah was elated that the cover held and when the first rivulets of fresh rain water began to drain into their container, even Jane jumped up to celebrate. She danced up and down in their wonderful dryness with the little girl then spun around with the intent of boasting about her accomplishment to Maura. Her body instantly sagged like a deflated balloon. Her friend was completely out but shaking either from fever or chills or both.
Jane's shoulders bowed, and she dropped to her knees. She cautiously reached out a hand to push the matted blonde hair from a sweaty brow and feel her temperature. Maura was very, very hot.
Jane looked at her friend and felt the walls closing in on the inside of her brain. It was as if her life compass had crossed paths with a powerful magnet and she could no longer see north. The unambiguous kiss from Maura was a shock to her system. At first she was angry. Then she didn't know how to feel or how to react or how to even engage with Maura. Like she could no longer trust her own judgement. So she busied herself and avoided dealing with the situation. And Maura was left to suffer on her own.
Now Maura was sick…really sick and Jane couldn't decide if she should hold her or run away. She felt like every nerve ending was being pulsed through a blender. As if she wasn't raw enough, glassy, hazel green opened to look at her. The woman whom she had called a best friend gazed at her with sad, sunken eyes set against pale, clammy skin.
"Jane," it came out in a rasp. "Jane...I am so sorry. I..."
"Maura," the detective steadied her with a gently squeeze to the shoulder. "It's OK. You need to rest."
The doctor seemed determined to express herself. She closed her eyes to gather strength then looked slightly unfocused at Jane. The detective had to struggle to hear her above the rainstorm.
"I know you can't love me back." Tears ran down trembling cheeks. "I'm not going to make it...so it will be OK, you will be OK...I just...I want to thank you for the love you were able to give me. It's more than I ever thought I would get."
Jane felt as if the inside of her chest was crumbling on itself like a sandcastle in high tide. She had no response because she couldn't swallow past the lump in her throat. For a moment, she thought the tarp was leaking, but it was her own tears wetting her chest as they ran down cheeks and chin and neck. That never dormant sense of failure surfaced like a black cloud, mocking and challenging her.
Green eyes fluttered shut, brows knit in pain then relaxed as fatigue won out. It was clear that outside of whatever unresolved conflict she and Maura had, the doctor needed help and she needed it fast.