Chapter Ten

A/n: So it has been a long time coming. But you can't have any of our drugs. Because it is the air we breathe. And LSDTS. Mostly LSDTS. Short for Lizard Sucking Ducks Through Straws. Very hard to find out side of your mother. Enjoy. And we will just add the second to this fic. Hope you like our ending. And if you don't...well, I am sorry. Well, not too sorry. And there is hurt, and no comfort. It is full of lies! Unless Worf counts. But I have no clue how that works. Any woo, have fun!

Data handed the wire baby a lolly pop. "Now you be a good boy and make that asshole ship go away." He cooed at it and then turned to Worf. "Load him." He said as Crusher busted on the scene.

"What the hell has been going on? No one has been answering my pages-"She started.

"Because I turned them off..." Data muttered to the baby, very lowly.

"There are about 30 people in my sick bay with broken noses, and a damn horse on the bridge. Can some please explain what is going on?" She looked at the rest of the senior staff, minus Picard and Troi.

"Weren't you at the meeting?" Riker asked, looking at her.

"What meeting?" Crusher asked, "Was it, lets not call Crusher and punch every ensign to make her job harder meeting."

"Someone is pmsing." Data said, which caused Geordi to snort.

"What is the point to having a senior meeting if no one shows up? They are not optional people!" Riker asked aloud, finally over the whole ordeal. He was going to have a long drink and find a hot ensign to make out with when this was all over, he decided. One with big tits. Size of his head big. She would keep him warm.

"What happened to Data?" Crusher rounded on Riker as though he was the cause of all her problems, "He's making jokes."

"That wasn't a joke. We all know how you get. And it is one word...Bitchy." Data said, with an attitude that would only be described as ghetto white trash. "I didn't feel like dealing with it. So there."

"You...You been punching people, haven't you?" Crusher asked, looking at Riker.

"Bev...You don't want to get into with him, trust me, I know." Riker said, rubbing his neck.

Crusher looked between the two men, then turned on Riker, "And what did you do with Wesley? He won't look me in the eye and tell me what happened. Just said you and Picard were asking him questions."

"We caught him masturbating." Data said, nodding to Worf to load the torpedo.

"I told you," Riker said, pushing pass her. "Are we ready Mr. Data?"

"Yea, Yea, keep your pants on," He looked at Crusher, "It isn't like anyone worth while is here."

"I am going to steal one of your hands the next chance I get, robot boy," Crusher said, finally having enough of Data's abuse.

Data at this moment, got hit with a mood swing that caused him to burst into tears, "I do not know why everyone hates me." He began to wail.

Riker looked at Crusher, "This is why you need to be at the meeting...He has post postpartum depression. Troi diagnosed it."

"Troi did? I AM THE MEDICAL OFFICER!" She shouted.

"WHICH IS WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN AT THE METTING! AND DATA ISN'T FUCKING HUMAN!" Riker had enough. When Riker has had enough, you know the party is over.

Crusher blinked a few seconds, surprised Riker had snapped back at her, and Data began to rant about how one day he would be a real boy and how he really wanted a cup cake.

"One day, when the blue fairy turns me into a real boy I will have a cup cake and all you fuckers will not bother me any more. And that Cup cake, Would taste ammmmazzzzing," he said in a Gir voice, (if you don't know look it up) "And no crappy space whale will eat me."

"Data, first of all, there are no space whales to eat you-"

"Yes there are! It tried to kill us, remember?"

"Goddammit. What is space, an ocean for freaks?" Riker asked a god, whom he was sure wasn't listening. "Yes Data, that whale tried to kill us. But he isn't the whale from Pinocchio. He didn't try to eat us. Now. Focus for me." Riker began to speak in a voice that sounded like he was talking to retard children. "There is a war ship outside, trying to kill us. You remember the bitching explosion you promise me. I would like to see it. Now. I need a bitching exposition."

Data forgot about his wailing and jumped right up. "I have to do one more thing before we do this!" He threw his finger into the air, got back into his heroic pose, then ran for the door.

"Sweet Zombie Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. Is he ever gonna give me the exposition?" Riker asked Geordi.

"I don't care any more. I am gonna drink before we are all dead." Geordi said, looking at Worf, "You coming?"

"Sounds like a plan. Today is a good day to die." Worf said, and the two headed for ten forward.

"No. NO this is not a good day to die!" Crusher started to rant, "I have a sick bay full of people and-" She didn't get to finish as suddenly Riker's lips where pressed over her own. His tongue in her mouth, and his hand gripping into her hair, holding her head in place. She hadn't been kissed in such a long time she gave into the sensations kissing back. When they broke apart both breathing heavy, Riker gave one of his shit eating grins.

"I don't know what the Captain sees in you." Riker said, pulling away. "Lets get a drink and toasted to the end of our existence." He said, patting her on the head.

"Was...was I at-"

"Like a dead fish." he said, turning to leave.

As Riker and Crusher got into Ten Forward, there was a sight that made the rest of this story, seems okay. It was Data. Mooning the other ship, his ass pressed against the glass as he was shouting the phase, "Bite my glorious golden ass!"

"Well. That seals it. We are so boned!" Riker said, taking his seat at the bar. "Gin. Your whole bottle."

The bartender nodded and gave him the bottle as the whole crew watched Data rub his ass over the windows shouting things about his rear. This continued for a few more moments before Data pulled his pants back up and tapped his combadge, "Now Ensign Ricky."

Ensign Ricky, still in horse form, hit launch button on the bridge. Picard silently wished he was dead while face palming. He did not want to deal with Worf going on about horse prints on the station. The war bird explosive, solve both problems with one big stone. Well. Yea. Both problems.

Data pulled his uniform jacket and got down off of the table at which two female ensigns were eating. "Sorry ladies." He said, before walking away from the two girls.

They looked at each other, then at their food which had boot prints. "Well," one of them said, "At least it was a glorious ass."

"I will drink to that."

Troi, who had been drinking since Data yelled at her, had enjoyed the show. She followed the science officer out of Ten Forward, and into the turbo lift. As Data ordered it to the bridge, she leaned on his arm, "So...Data."

"Yes Troi."

"What are you doing tomorrow after your shift?"

"Well I-" Data paused a second. "Troi...is that your hand on my rear?"

"Well, it is a glorious ass."