The next day Remus and I decided to lock ourselves in our apartment and try to design the house that we really wanted. We knew we wanted a decent size house with enough room for all of our friends to stay if they ever needed a place to crash. I owled my mum to see if she still had all of her old interior design books and just after lunch my owl flew through the open window and dropped a large package on the coffee table. Remus and I looked at each other before I reached over and untied the package from snow's leg and gave her a treat before unwrapping the package and looking inside. Inside mum had packed all of her design books I squealed as I pulled them out. I loved interior design always have. Remus and I looked through them for the rest of the day as we thought about the structure of the house and how many bedrooms we would need.
"Okay so if we counted correctly there is; James and Lily, Frank and Alice, Peter and Sirius so that's four extra bedrooms plus ours. And the baby will be with us for at least 12 months." I rambled as Remus started to sketch out what the outside of the house would ultimately look like. I was mapping out the inside of the house. When I was finally happy with the layout of the house I nudged Remus and showed him the finished product. He looked it over skeptically and made a few changes. He moved the nursery slightly closer to the master bedroom and then added a basement as well. I smiled at him as we finally tied the last of the plans to snow's leg and she took off to Dumbledore. We laid back and relaxed for a few minutes before the front door to our apartment flew open and Lily, James, Frank, Alice, Sirius and Marlene all piled in. I glared at Marlene and shot Sirius a questioning look, he simply shrugged as everyone made themselves comfortable around our lounge room.
"Why is always out place?" I asked the general population of our living room as I started handing out cups of tea to everyone.
"Because you're the only one who's actually pregnant, plus for some reason your apartment is much bigger than everyone else's" James stated placing his arm around Lily's shoulder. I hadn't seen everyone else's places but I'd accept that. I didn't really mind to be honest.
I finally understood why the marauders were such good friends and I admired what the others did for Remus. I stood at the counter as I thought about my life before that stupid end of year party that Sirius threw where all of our lives changed. I looked threw the archway at my friends as they all sat and joked around the fire. A few good things came out of that party though. I had more friends than when I started 5th year. James and Lily finally looked happy together, well she wasn't yelling at him I think she now can see what a good boyfriend he will be. I smiled as I thought about how my little baby would more than likely turn out like his or her father and uncles. I thought about the letters that McGonnagal would be sending us about all, the trouble their causing and Remus would just laugh and think about the good old days with his friends, we would all be one big happy family if this fucking war would just fade away and not take any of my friend away from me.
Suddenly I was brought back into the present by a pained scream then I heard James.
"Holy fuck! Her waters just broke, fuck fuck fuck! I'm not ready to be a father!" Remus turned to him as I waddled into the living room and helped Lily stand.
"It's going to be okay Prongs, you've got us." James visibly calmed down until Lily let out another scream and a groan.
"James, go and get Lily's hospital bag, Alice and I will take her to the hospital wing, Sirius go with him in case he has a meltdown before he gets there." They both nodded at me as they ran out of our apartment and to their own as Alice came over and helped me support Lily. Her contractions were getting closer and closer ad I knew we didn't have a lot of time to get her to the hospital wing. We raced through the corridors, good thing Dumbledore was smart enough to put the apartments close to the hospital wing so that we didn't have too far to go to get there. We got her comfortable on one of the beds that Poppy led us to just as James and Sirius burst through the door with Marlene shortly behind them. James took my stop beside Lily as another contraction waved over her and she screamed in pain squeezing the life out of James' hand. You could see the pain imminent of his face as his knuckles turned white as he lost all circulation in his hand. Madam Pomfry shooed the rest of us out to sit by the door as she closed the curtains around the couple, we sat and listened to the screams and Pomfrey loudly telling her to push.
"Holy shit! We have to go through that too?" Alice asked horror written all over her face. Frank wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her tummy in small soothing circles.
"I will be there with you through it all I promise." He told her and kissed her temple, I instinctively rubbed my tummy as Remus moved closer to me and wrapped me in a tight embrace.
Four hour later James emerged, a big smile on his face. We heard the quiet cries of the baby and the only question on everyone's mind was; whose vocal chords did the baby get? James made his way over to us and the boys stood up.
"It's a girl." He breathed out flexing his hand and wiping the sweat off his brow, "Jasey Rae Potter." We all stood and congratulated him as Alice and I walked in to see Lily and Jasey. Lily was feeding Jasey when we came in.
"Oh My God! Shes so cute." I gushed as Remus followed me in and wrapped his arms around me waist. It seemed he was always wanting to feel the baby and now with Lily having had hers he couldn't wait to hold ours. I could see it in his eyes and he gazed upon Lily and Jasey. I knew exactly what he was thinking too, he couldn't wait to see me and our baby laying on the bed as I fed him or her. I was five months pregnant and in just a few short months I would be in Lily's position with Remus sitting right beside me holding my hand and gazing upon our little bundle of joy too. Only difference being we wouldn't have to hand our back over at the end of 7th year. This baby would be our lives from then on.
"Do you want to hold her?" Lily asked as she saw me looking at Jasey, "It could be practice." She urged me. I shrugged and moved over to beside Lily.
"I've had lots of practice with Luke but sure." She tucked herself away and handed a sleeping Jasey to me. It was a different feeling holding one of my friends baby's rather than my own brother, she squirmed in my arms noticing I wasn't mum and her little eyes opened and gazed upon me and Remus. She had characteristics of both James and Lily. She had Lily's bright green eyes but she also had a little tuft of jet black hair, no doubt from James. Remus rested his head on my shoulder as Jasey slowly closed her little eyes once again getting comfortable in my embrace. I could see out of the corner of my eye that James had moved to being back by Lily's side but sitting on the bed next to her she looked up at him with adoration in her eyes and I internally squealed in joy. I looked around the room and noticed that everyone was coupled off now. Peter was nowhere to be seen, surprise surprise, but even Sirius and Marlene were being couply right beside Remus and I.
Sirius made his way over to Remus and I and put his head on my other shoulder to get a better look at Jasey.
"She looks like you Prongs." He said lifting his head slightly and being uncharacteristically quiet as Jasey slept in my arms. I felt Sirius slip Remus something behind my back and turned my head to look at the two boys. Sirius shrugged and Remus whispered in my ear.
"We had a bet if it was a boy or a girl, James owes me 5 Galleons too" he said as he pocketed the money. I shook my head at the two and motioned for Alice to come over.
"Do you want to hold her?" I asked her, she shook her head.
"No I can't, I'd probably drop her." I shook my head at her and passed her Jasey anyway.
"Just support her head, she's fast asleep." I watched in adoration as my friends interacted with one another. I always wished that I could have the friendship that the marauders had all the years going to school with them. It seemed even before they knew about Remus' condition they were all still pretty close. But now I didn't need to worry about having the same thing as what they had, I had them instead, they were all super loyal even to Lily, Alice and I, now all my scars and sleepless nights crying just seemed like a distant memory. I self-consciously rubbed the inside of my wrist feeling the small little angry raised lines on my skin. Remus took notice and gently took my hand and pulled me just outside the curtain away from prying eyes.
"When did you do this?" he asked raising my arm up to eye level. I avoided his gaze but spoke anyway.
"Last year mainly." I looked down at my feet which could only just been seen over my belly.
"Why?" he asked pain evident in his voice as he moved his thumb up and down my arm feeling the angry little lines. I looked at him and I could see the sadness pooling in his amber filled eyes as he studied the scars.
"I have depression Remus, I needed to feel something other than my emotions brought on by depression or anxiety, and did you ever wonder why the only time I ever spoke to you was during potions? It was only because I had to as you were my partner. I can get severe panic attacks when I have to talk to new people, or people I like or even public speaking. Last year was hell for me with Lily still fighting with James which usually caused all eyes to be on them causing people to look in my general direction, did you ever notice that if they were fighting I would always run away quickly? So no one really approached me because they thought they would get their heads ripped off because they thought I was just like Lily." Silent tears rolled down my cheeks and hit my baby bump. Remus pulled me in for a tight hug.
"I could have been there for you if I wasn't so afraid of you rejecting me and leaving me once you found out what I am. I was so selfish that's why I only admired you from afar which probably only looked like I was staring at you, which is also the reason I only really spoke to you in potions as well. I'm so sorry Azelea." I wrapped my arms around his middle as he rested his head on mine. Right now in this moment I held my whole world. I had Remus and I has our baby sandwiched in between us. "just please promise me you wont do this again, you will always be loved, by me, by the boys if I'm not there for whatever reason call James or Sirius I highly think they will understand if you just need someone to take to." He pulled away from me and wiped my tears away before kissing each cheek then my lips softly.
"I love you Azelea Mallory" I gasped slightly but Remus didn't faulter as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I love you too Remus Lupin." He kissed me softly again as we heard a chorus of 'Awe's' coming from the other side of the curtain.