Chapter 10: Alone

Everyone else is at the bonfire. Leo brought his drums out again, and, from where I'm sitting, it looks just as wild over there as it seemed last time.

But this time, I'm not part of it. While everyone else is having fun, relaxing, partying, I'm sitting away from it all. I'm in the Gardens, sitting against an apple tree, just watching them. Nobody seems to notice that I'm not there. And really, in a Glade filled with dozens of boys, it's not all that surprising. It's probably nearly impossible to keep track of everyone.

So I go unnoticed, sitting far away from them all. Normally, I would probably listen in a little bit to the conversations, just enough to know what's going on, but not too much so that I don't invade their privacy. But I can't do that this time. My hearing's still dulled from the siren earlier, so I hear them distantly, as if they're miles away almost. I sigh, hoping that my hearing will come back to full strength by morning.

I pull one knee up against my chest and rest my chin on top of it. For the first time since coming to the Glade, I feel like I normally do. Calm, sad, and alone. Like I don't belong. I honestly didn't think I would feel like that here. Even though I'm the only girl, even though I'm so different from the Gladers. This is the green and the brown, the forest, the nature. Even if I don't necessarily belong with the people, I belong in this land.

I know that in my head, but right now, it doesn't really feel like that.

Someone's coming. I don't know if it's Ben or Leo or someone else entirely. But either way, I don't really feel like talking to anyone. So I crawl into my sleeping bag and turn so that my back is to them, hoping that if it is someone coming looking for me, they'll think I'm asleep and just go back to the party.

It's not though. Whoever it is never comes near me. They stop in the sleeping area, where the rest of the sleeping bags and hammocks are. I can make out the sounds of them sitting down, and a sigh. Someone else has decided to skip the party, but I don't dare look who. I don't want anyone to know that I'm awake. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. Especially not after I realize I can hear them crying. They think they're going to be left alone to cry, I don't want to ruin that for them.

The next morning, it's almost like yesterday never happened. My hearing's come back – although, the opening of the doors did hurt a little more than usual – and unlike the last bon fire, everyone's back to work the next day. The new Greenie, whose name I haven't found out yet, spends his first day working with the Track-hoes. And spends most of his first day gaping at how fast and hard I worked, for being the smallest one in the Glade. This, of course, thoroughly entertained Leo, who loitered around the Gardens all day since he apparently had no work of his own to do.

"You missed one hell of a party last night," Leo finally says to me, taking a break from mocking the Greenie. "Where'd you go anyway?"

"I was drained, I just laid down all night," I say simply. It's not a lie. I was drained. Just not necessarily in just the way that he thinks I mean.

"With that Runner?" Leo asks.

"What?" I stop working and look up at him, completely confused.

"The Runner you pretend you don't fancy. He was at the bonfire for less than an hour before I saw him wander off towards where you sleep."

So that's who came back so early last night. I look over my shoulder, towards the East doors, where the British and the Asian Runners always leave through together. That means it was also him that I heard crying last night. But why would he be crying?

I shake the thought out of my head as I go back to work. Whatever the reason, it's not really my business. We don't even know each other.

"I didn't even know that was him," I tell Leo.

"Really?" he sounds surprised. "Well that means I just lost a bet with Ben. That's embarrassing."