Chapter 7 (Part 1)
Alec stood on the front stoop, white-tipped fingers shoved inside his jacket pockets. His shoulders were hunched up around his ears to make up for his lack of a scarf, his black hair covered in a thin layer of snow. His left hand was wrapped around a pen in his pocket, his right thumb worrying at a thin slip of balled-up paper. In his haste to leave his apartment, he'd failed to don a hat, scarf, or gloves, which he was quickly starting to regret.
Why am I even here? Alec thought bitterly. Magnus made it quite clear that he wants nothing to do with me. It only took a moment of trying to ignore the hard, cold sinking feeling in his stomach to remember why. Brandon. It was slowly eating away at Alec's insides. Brandon. Even the name brought a bitter taste to his mouth. Should he tell Magnus? After all, if Brandon had no qualms about punching Alec, it probably wouldn't be too long before Magnus did something he didn't like…. but no. He'd hit Alec to stay away from Magnus. Plus, it wasn't exactly like Magnus was jumping at the bit to talk to Alec these days. Alec sighed, deciding that he'd liked it much better when he'd only had one secret to keep from Magnus.
Dejectedly, Alec removed his left hand from his pocket, punching the doorbell once, twice, three times. He shook the snow from his hair, stomping his feet against the pavement to keep the blood flowing. A minute passed, still with no response. Just as he reached out a hand to ring the doorbell again, or perhaps nock this time, the door opened inwards, a very disheveled looking Magnus appearing behind it. He was wearing rainbow pajama bottoms with a gray tank top and bright white, fluffy bunny slippers. He had a long black robe thrown over his shoulders to take off the worst of the chill, though he looked oddly naked without his signature eye makeup. However, his hair was still comfortingly spiked, even though, Alec knew, that was probably due to bed head, instead of industrious amounts of hair gel.
"There is, you know, this thing called a cell phone." Magnus commented dryly. Alec shoved his hands deeper into his fur-lined pockets, fingertips numb and smarting, and remained silent. Magnus stared back at him, his blazing, brilliant green eyes taking in the falling snow flurries. He sighed. "What do you want, Alec? It's late, and I, for one, have a date with my bed." Alec took a deep breath, slightly wounded at how rude Magnus was being.
"I, I just wanted to, um, give you this back." Alec stuttered, reaching into his pocket to pull out the pen, the name of some real estate company stamped onto its body. Alec held the plastic writing utensil out like a peace offering, looking up at Magnus from under his long lashes. Magnus blinked once, lazily, then accepted the pen. He squinted down at the writing on its plastic body, then locked gazes with Alec, green eyes to blue, a quizzical expression on his face.
"Alec. You braved the snow and freezing temperatures at 12:30 at night to give me this?" He asked, shooting Alec an astounded look. "A pen? Alec, this isn't even mine." Alec bit his lip, suddenly self-conscious.
"Um, well, no, actually. I just, uh, needed an excuse to come and, uh, talk to you." He blushed ferociously, astutely aware of how clingy and dependent and stupid he sounded.
"Well then talk." Magnus said coldly, his voice devoid of emotion.
"I-" Alec began, then stopped. He suddenly realized that the icy feeling that had been steadily rising in his stomach was not worry, or despair, or loss, or rejection: it was anger. Frigid, thorny rage hidden behind a fake mask of calm. Alec was not simply mad; he was livid at Magnus, for throwing him to the wolves when he'd needed him most. "I don't get it." Alec finally said, his fingers curling into fists in his pockets. Magnus did not deem this needing of a response, and instead replied by simply quirking an eyebrow. His composed, unruffled placidity only added fuel to Alec's fire; was he not worthy of Magnus' emotions, or at the very least, a reaction? "How do you do it? Just - just stand there and pretend that nothing's wrong? That you didn't just rip my heart out and cut it into hundreds of thousands of tiny pieces!?" Alec exploded. Magnus blinked lazily.
"Excuse me?" He finally intoned.
"No, excuse me, Magnus! Stupid me for thinking you actually cared about anything but yourself!" The look Magnus pinned him with was cold and flat.
"If you have something you want to say, Alec, then just spit it out." He replied, at last.
"Fine. I'll spit it out." Alec snapped, disgusted at Magnus' nonchalance when he was so willing to lay his heart on the line. "I'm not straight, I'm gay. I've beaten myself up over lying to you for hours and hours, and days and weeks, and now I realize that it's all been for nothing because you don't give a damn. Not about being in a real relationship, not about my feelings, and certainly not about me." Magnus pinched his lips together, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I guess that was my fault, wasn't it? My fault for thinking that I mattered, that I was special, that I wasn't just the next self-conscious boy you plucked off the street to be your little play toy. I guess I was wrong, that I'm just too goddamn stupid to see what's right in front of my face." Alec paused, his chest heaving, blinking several times in quick succession to try and clear the snowflakes from his eyelashes. "Because I'm a hopeless fool who obviously can't seem to go two weeks without falling for another bastard who doesn't give a rat's ass about me." Magnus sighed once.
"Alec, not all of us are quite as thick as you make us out to be." Alec squinted at Magnus, incredulous.
"That's all you have to say for yourself?" Magnus licked his lips.
"Listen, Alec, I -"
"Oh, no." Alec snapped. "I know what comes next. You tell me that I made it all up in my head, that we never had anything at all. But we did, and I have proof." Alec dug around in his pocket, then yanked out the slip of paper he'd kept hidden there from the moment Magnus had given it to him in a handshake. Alec flourished the movie stub, waving it right in front of Magnus' face. "What happened to this?" Alec said, holding up the note like an accusation. "What happened to call me, what happened to you're stunning, and you're beautiful? What happened to you're worth fighting for?" Alec spat out. "Or is that just a show for every stupid boy that comes along? Huh?" Magnus watched him with glowing eyes, his gaze level and calculated.
"You have no right to be mad about something that you don't even understand the half of."
"Oh, I have every goddamn right to be mad with you! You played me like a fool! Leading me on, then not calling and hooking up with Brandon, and-" Magnus took a step forwards, over the threshold of the door.
"And what about me, Alec? Do I matter at all to you, either?" Alec frowned, confused.
"Of - of course you do. If you would just listen to me-"
"No, you listen Alec, because I'm tired of being your doormat, always available for you to walk all over." Magnus' eyes were like beacons, snapping green fire. He took a breath. "What was I supposed to do, Alec? Chase after you like a lovesick puppy until you finally deemed me worthy of the truth?" Magnus asked. Alec narrowed his eyes.
"Magnus, you played me for a fool-"
"You've got it completely backwards, Alec. You played me. What's worse is that you can't even tell." Magnus said. The wounded look in his eyes was poking holes in Alec's resolve, and his heart.
"Magnus, come on. You're being completely unfair. I-"
"No, Alec, just stop. I'm tired of being yanked around. Come back when you can see me as an actual person, not just an idea of owning someone." Magnus turned around then, wrapping his black robe tighter around his waist, and walked back through the open doorway. He reached a hand out to snap the door closed. This is your chance, Alec thought. This is the difference between getting the leftovers, and for once sucking up your pride enough to fight for someone you really care about. Magnus began to swing the door closed. Alec made up his mind in a snap decision and quickly thrust his foot out, wedging his sneaker into the thin space between the door and the frame of the doorway. Magnus green eyes blazed from within the thin strip of light between the door and the frame.
"Alec." Magnus ground out. "Move. Your. Foot." Alec clenched his jaw, and put one white-knuckled hand in the gap between the door and the frame.
"No." Alec wedged his foot farther in, widening the space. "We're not done talking." Magnus narrowed his eyes, pushing his arm against the door.
"Yes, we are." Alec cringed at the pressure on his foot, then began to push back with the hand he had on the inside of the door.
"No, we're not."
"Yes, we are!" Magnus snapped, then threw his shoulder against the wood. Alec's foot twisted sideways, then was pushed out of the opening. The door jumped at the sudden lack of resistance, then collided with Alec's fingers, grinding them into the framework. Alec yelped, pushing back against the wood to try and relieve some of the pressure on his hand.
"Magnus, stop! My - Magnus! You're hurting me!" Alec barked, scrabbling to retract his fingers, but they were stuck. The pressure from the other side of the door suddenly diminished, and Alec gasped in relief, quickly removing his mashed fingers from the opening. There was silence for a moment.
"Alec, are you….. okay?" Alec bit his lip and swallowed, trying not to cry like a girl at the throbbing in his hand. The tip of his index finger was leaking blood, and half of the nail on his middle finger had been ripped off.
"Um, kind of." He squeaked out, trying to talk past the lump in his throat. There was a sigh from the other side of the door, before it swung open.
"You'd better come in."
So, um, please don't hurt me =) What has it been… three weeks? Four? I'M SORRY! School started, so I got caught up in that, especially when it got to the week before school and I realized I had most of my summer work still left to do…. so yah. And I'm lazy, so that didn't really help.
But I'm going to try from now on to update every other Sunday. Maybe every Sunday if I don't have much homework that week. So thanks for keeping up with the story, despite the horrendous wait =)
Let me know what you think about this chapter - did you like or not?
Also, let me know what you think is going to/ should happen!
Review if you're glad Alec finally confessed to Magnus! (Even if they're both being poopheads about it…. ;)
p.s. possible plot twist ahead? maybe?
p.s.s I have some cute/funny chapters planned! So don't worry, it won't be all sad & depressing for too much longer. =)