If you're reading this, please please review! oh and thank you to the people who are reviewing! I thought a not so dark post would be good.

Chapter 10

"I wish we didn't have to hide us." I sighed placing my hand gently on his chest. Ryan had just shown up at my house. "I thought you didn't have a crush on your teacher." Ryan raised an eye brow at me. His face was serious. "What do you think I was supposed to tell him, Ryan? Did you want me to tell him I did have a crush on you?" I asked stepped away from him and folding my arms across my chest.

"No, of course not! But you didn't have to be so loud about it!" He placed his hands on my shoulders. "I know and I wish I hadn't of but no one knows it's you so you don't have to worry…I promise." I bite my lip. Double meaning there. I'm not sure if I should tell him about Summer or not. Why worry him when there isn't anything to worry about anymore? I mean it's all taken care of. At least that's what I hope.

"ry, you know Summer Roberts?" I ask as he sits down on my couch and I walk over. I sit down on his lap and he pulls me close. He starts kissing my neck before responding.

"I think she's in one of my classes, why?" He asks pulling away. "Well, she's the reason I broke up with Seth." I fidget with my hands. He gives me a strange look.

"Why would she be the reason?" He asked. "Well, she saw us. You and me leaving the storage closet. Ryan, she asked me to break up with Seth and she wouldn't tell about what she saw." I said in a hurry. He let out a small chuckle before kissing me on my neck again.

"Ry-an!" I whine pushing him away slightly. "What? It's a good thing. I don't want you with him anyhow." He shrugged at me. "I know that but what about the Summer thing? What if me breaking up with Seth isn't enough? I mean I don't want to risk anything. Just like we're risking you being here since my mom will be home within the hour. I have to get ready for some event tonight." I told him.

"How about I talk to Summer?" He raised an eyebrow. "Would that be such a good idea?" I questioned. "I don't know but it could work. Or we could talk to her together. I would much rather you be there with me." He smiled wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. "Okay." I smiled resting my head against his as I breathed in his intoxicating smell.

"I should get going. Marissa's making me go to this event too." He didn't pull away. "I thought you two were divorcing." I said confused a little. The last thing I heard she had cheated on him.

"Not until after the baby is born. She thinks it'd be best." He shrugged. "Uh-huh well you don't have to leave this second do you? Because I could really use a kiss." I giggled placing my lips on his.

Ryan was pulling me even closer into him and before I knew it clothes were flying off around my living room. I hadn't really registered in my mind yet that Ryan's shirt was actually off or that I was busy unbuttoning his pants. Or that he had his hands roaming my entire body. When I finally did notice shivers ran through my body. I suddenly got nervous and stopped what I was doing.

"No, I can't do this. I can't. Please stop." I shut my eyes pushing him off of me. All I could imagine in my head were cold hands. Yanking, hitting, bruising. I stood up from his lap.

"Taylor." He called but I was already sitting down next to him curled up into a ball. He went to touch me but I flinched under his touch.

"He ruined you." Ryan said softly next to me. Ruined me? What was that supposed to mean? I couldn't speak though. I just sat there trembling with my eyes shut tightly trying to fight back the tears that were forming.

"Taylor, please look at me." Ryan begged. I decided to open my eyes and look at him. I was afraid I'd get flashes of Seth but I didn't. Instead I saw Ryan. I saw how his eyes looked. I saw care and compassion. I saw everything I'd ever wanted to see in someone.

"Are you scared?" He asked as he reached his hand out to touch mine. I didn't flinch this time. Instead I just nodded.

"Don't be. I'm not going to hurt you, Taylor. I can promise you that." He rubbed circles on my bare leg. "Can I tell you something?" Of course I can. I'm just stalling.

"Yeah, anything." He grabbed me and pulled me into his body wrapping his arm around my shoulder as I rested my head on his chest.

"I've never enjoyed sex. Seth was always so mean with it. I mean I always imagined it being loving and caring. Something that brings two people together but he used me, Ryan. He hurt me and I'm terrified of that happening again. The next time I have sex I want it to be special. I want it to be like I imagine." For some reason I was embarrassed. Ryan didn't laugh at me like I had imagined him. Instead he ran his hand through my hair.

"I'm not saying we have to do anything but if we do I promise I will make it special for you." and that totally melted my heart. I hadn't expected him to say that. I hadn't expected anything from him really. Blame Seth Cohen for me having doubts in people. Oh and my mother, Veronica Townsend.

"Ryan, I want that with you. Just not…yet." I take a deep breath. "You are amazing, you know that? I've never met anyone like you. I just want to be close to you constantly. In class all I can think about is you. All of those other students never matter. Only you and it will always be only you." I can't wipe the smile off of my face as he speaks to me.

"I told Seth that I loved you." I don't know why I told him. It just came out of my mouth. I regretted it soon after of course. "Why would you do that?" He asked simply. "Well, he told me I couldn't break up with him. He said he loved me and told me to say it. I meant to say I loved him. I really did, Ryan. But it didn't come out that way. I said 'I love you Ryan.'" I say wearily.

"You don't…love me…do you?" He asked softly. I didn't want to look at his face. I couldn't. "I don't believe in love, Ryan. But…I think I could." That's when I looked into his eyes. Instead of speaking he leaned his head in and kissed me on the lips. I had to break away when I remembered that my mother would be home soon.

"I'll see you at the party, okay?" I say as he stands up and throws his shirt back on. He hands me my shirt and shorts before kissing me on the forehead.

"Yeah. I want to kiss you again. I'll text you and tell you where to meet me." He tells me. "Good idea. Ryan, do you think you could love me?" I had to know. It was the only way I could keep at this with him. "Yeah, I really think I can and it's scaring the shit out of me." He ran his hand through his hair.

"Did you ever love her?" I ask as he puts his shoes on. "I thought so but it was nothing like this. I never felt the way I do when I touch you." He tells me grabbing my shoulders and pulling me up.

"Lift your arms in the air." I obey. He takes my shirt and slips it over my head. I smile as he takes my shorts and bends down to help me put them on. "I will see you tonight." He kissed my lips one last time before turning towards the door and leaving.

I smile and touch my hand to my lips. I plop back on the couch. I'm seriously in Heaven. Cloud 9. Oh, this is perfect. Ten minutes later my mom is coming through the front door.

"Taylor, go get ready. We have to be there early and you look a mess. A terrible horrible mess so please go and clean up or something." She said with a wave of her hand. "Which dress do I wear?" I ask knowing she'll want to approve.

"That new one I bought you two days ago. Now go." She said firmly walking off. Even my mother was not going to get me off of this high.