Title: Long Day - Snapshots of a Shared Life
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in posting! Thanks to those who are still interested. This is the last old oneshot I have edited, so I definitely need to edit my other ones to post with you all. Huge exam next week, but hopefully soon! Keep commenting and leave me some love so I am motivated and don't forget ;)
This one's angsty, sorry, but better something than nothing, right? Thanks for reading, and more thanks if you comment. Happy Friday! Have a marvelous end to your March.
They drive home in silence.
Steve unlocks the front door and she slips in behind him, both of them placing their guns and badges on the side table, sighing with relief at being home after the long and horrific day.
But the memories won't leave them as easily. Memories don't politely stop at the doorstep or leave when badges are off; they follow them with every breath and every step, until, finally, hopefully, one day, they fade.
That day won't be today though. Or tomorrow. Or probably even the day after that.
It's nearly midnight and they haven't eaten since noon, but the last thing either can think about right now is something as inconsequential as cooking or ordering in, about such meaningless actions such as chewing and swallowing.
Kono stares at him, her eyes haunted and hollow as they take in the blood stains on his t-shirt.
The good news: it's not his blood.
The bad news: it's not his blood.
It belongs to the nine-year-old boy they couldn't find in time. Instead, they found him in pieces.
"I'm gonna go shower," he says quickly and she nods in relief.
She heads to the lanai and he knows she's gone to take refuge in the ocean. He feels like he should say something but he's at a loss for words himself so he heads to the bathroom, throwing his shirt into the trash on his way to the shower. He allows himself a few extra minutes to try and let the hot water clean off the atrocities of the day, but he knows from experience it doesn't work that way. A long shower may wipe off the dirt and grime of war zones and terrorist camps, but it doesn't do anything for the crucial problems like the demons in your head. He has no choice but to turn off the tap and face what they've seen, what they'd like to forget.
He slips on a wifebeater and a pair of shorts, and heads downstairs to find Kono sitting on the beach as he'd suspected. She looks small as she sits huddled in his old Navy sweatshirt, bracing herself against the harsh night air. He makes his way down to her side, sitting next to her in silence as he joins her at looking out into the ocean, searching for answers Mother Nature won't give.
"Life sucks," she says finally.
He blinks at the sudden sound of her voice and turns to find her staring at him, her big, brown eyes full of tears, her nose red from crying.
"Yeah. Yeah, it does," he says with a nod. "It really fucking sucks."
Kono says nothing as she climbs into his lap, sand all over her hands and cold bare feet brushing against his skin as she makes herself comfortable, but he makes no complaints, only pulls her closer as she hugs him. She buries her head in the curve of his shoulder as her hands wrap tightly around his neck, her hair soft against him as he inhales the familiar scent of her coconut shampoo, the familiar scent of her that grounds him when the world begins to spin.
"I'm sorry you had to be the one to do it, but thank you for doing it," she murmurs, her hands tightening around him as her words brush gently across his skin.
Steve tries to blink back the memory of mere hours ago when the team had arrived at the arranged meeting spot only to discover a blood trail of sawed-off fingers leading to a trash can, flies buzzing overhead. The look on Danny's face was too much to bear, and Chin was a father to twin boys, and Kono... he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he had given her the order to check. So, he'd done what any good leader would do, what any good soldier would do, and he closed off his emotions, he'd put on a brave face, and he'd lifted the lid and done his job. He took a quick and methodical account of what was discovered for HPD and his official report, and assigned the rest of his team to making arrests and canvasing the scene.
Because that's what a man like Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett does. He steps up, he goes where no one else wants to go, he does the tasks no one else is willing to do.
Kono holds his face gently in her hands, her palms warm and soothing as her fingertips brush over his evening stubble. "You are more brave than we give you credit for," she whispers to him, kissing him softly as if this is a dream.
This is not a dream though. This is a very bad day at work.
He wraps his arms around her tighter, swallowing back emotion as he feels the hot liquid of her tears sliding down his neck.
"He was just a kid. He was only nine," she whispers, and he nods because there's nothing more to add.
"I know. I know."
Kono sniffles as she wipes away her tears with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. "It's too scary. To have a baby knowing that somebody can just take it away from you."
Steve only nods because he agrees. It is too fucking scary, and he can't imagine what Danny is doing right now except holding Grace tight, or Chin doing anything but standing guard over his boys sleeping soundly in their beds as monsters exist beyond their window.
"Aren't you scared of that, Steve?" Kono asks, waiting for him to agree as if she needs confirmation that she's not weak, that someone as big and strong and brave as him can be scared of such a thing too.
"Yeah. I am," he admits, his gaze going back to the tumultuous ocean, the waves loud and messy as they crash to the shore, no pattern or sense to the rhythm, no logic to the phenomenon.
"How do people do it then?" Kono muses. "How do they even have kids knowing what a fucked up world we live in?"
"I guess... I guess they try to have faith," Steve says with a shrug. It sounds so simple when he says it like that, but the concept is as strange and complicated to him as it would be to label each drop of the ocean and track its path.
Kono curls into him, her bony elbows digging into his chest and the weight of her knees causing his foot to fall asleep. But he makes no complaints. "I want to have faith," she murmurs.
"Me too," he admits quietly.
"Not tonight though," she says. "Some other time. We can try and be like all those normal people in the world who hope for the best."
He nods at her words, suspecting she's half asleep and has no idea what she's implying because this can't be the conversation about kids they've been avoiding their whole relationship, they can't be having it here on the beach after the day they've had.
That wouldn't make sense.
But as Steve was reminded again today, few things in this world rarely do.
Kono looks to him in silence, assessing any possible reaction to what she's declared. He only nods and tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear as he brushes a kiss across her forehead. Her eyes close as he rubs her back, the tears gone as exhaustion takes over.
"If I fall asleep, will you carry me upstairs?" she asks sleepily.
He nods, then realizes she can't see him with her eyes closed so he says, "Okay," and she opens her eyes for another second to stare at him in gratitude, her faith in him clear at a moment when everything else in the world is unsure.
"Thank you," she replies, her hands tightening around him as he kisses her again, her eyelids fluttering closed and staying that way once sleep kicks in.
He waits ten minutes after she's sound asleep, still staring into the waves. But the beach offers him no answers so he carries Kono upstairs and puts her to bed, prying her hands from around his neck when she refuses to let go.
They sleep restlessly that night, but they sleep tangled in each other's arms.
the end ~