Chapter 10:

Andrew returns to the same clearing he had found Monica in after her ordeal in the desert. He sits on the same fallen branch, stares over the same shimmering lake, and thinks about time.

He has existed for so many years that time doesn't mean the same to him as it does to humans. God holds all time in his hands, existing in every yesterday and today and tomorrow all at once. Humans, on the other hand, measure their time in years and days and minutes, counting every second as if keeping track of each moment will somehow buy them more. He is caught somewhere in the middle. Time is a linear construct for angels, just as it is for humans. But when you live eternally, time holds a different meaning. What is a second, a day, even a year, when you have existed for thousands of years?

Humans, they fret about how quickly time passes, but now Andrew marvels at how slowly it does.

One month… it's been one month since he last sat on this log, staring over this lake, wondering how to help Monica. A month was virtually nothing compared to all the innumerable months he has existed, but he's sure this has to be the longest thirty days he's ever endured. A month ago, here, it had all started… but not really, he thinks. Maybe this place was the catalyst for certain events to be set in motion, but it was not the beginning. No, this all started years ago.

Years, too, should mean nothing to him. Yet he has loved Monica for years now. He smiles, remembering the first time he met her. Oh, how she had hated him! He had come to see Tess, visiting her for the first time in a long while. He had heard that she had a new caseworker, and as he had wandered through the woods on the way to the wedding and spotted the most enchanting, delicate, beautiful angel he had ever set eyes on, he knew right away that it was her. Even then, in those first few hours, he had felt compelled to help her, to protect her. But she had certainly rebuffed his attempts then, he thinks, chuckling wryly. But he knew that she was so short with him because she was jealous, afraid he would steal Tess away from her. And that was when he had fallen in love with her. She was so jealous because she was capable of such love.

Andrew was extremely old, compared to humans, but he had never had that feeling before. Everything about Monica took his breath away. He had an overwhelming urge to protect her, to help her, to guide her, and something else, something he couldn't describe at the time, but soon came to realize was love in its deepest and purest form.

Those feelings had grown over the years, rooted deeper and blossomed fuller. And though years shouldn't seem any longer to him than months, those years have felt like an eternity, because he almost can't remember his existence before her. It seemed so gray and empty. Then she had entered his life, and like the sunrise breaking through the dawn, had filled his horizon with light. She had quickly become his entire world.

But if these few years have felt like an eternity, his heart aches to imagine forever, laid out in front of him, without Monica.

He is so grateful to God for blessing their love and offering the gift of a life together. It is his dream, his deepest desire. He would do anything for her- including giving her up for her own good. She is too great an angel, and he just can't ask her to become human for him. He can't take that joy away from her. It might destroy him, but it will be his last gift of love and protection.

So now he sits, because he doesn't know what else to do. He swears he's felt more emotions more quickly and more deeply than ever before. He just doesn't have the strength to keep up. He hopes maybe someday he will be numb to all this pain. But right now, he just feels raw, and no aloe in the world can soothe his burning wounds.

***

Tess appears behind Andrew, and for a moment she watches him stare blankly forward, not even noticing her presence. She had only once seen another soul look so lost and dejected- and she had just left her behind on the side of an isolated desert road.

She sits down beside Andrew, and though she knows he sees her, he does not react. He doesn't move at all, his eyes staring unflinchingly out over the water.

She knew what had transpired between him, Monica, and God just a while ago. Before she had left Monica, the haunted little angel had filled her in, and her detached recounting had frightened Tess. Now she had to talk to Andrew and find out what was going on. She could not understand why Andrew had declined God's gift, but Tess knew there had to be a reason behind it. Her Angel Boy loved Monica. Once she had gotten over the initial shock of Monica's confession, she realized that she had known for years. He wanted this so badly. Surely he must have a good reason for turning it down.

"Andrew," she calls softly, but gets no response.

"Angel Boy, I need for you to talk to me. I know you love Monica. I know you've dreamed of a life with her. And I understand you're hurting. But right now I've got an Angel Girl with a broken heart who doesn't understand why you don't want her, and I'm having trouble piecing this together myself. So please, Baby, tell me what's going on.

All is still and silent for several moments, and Tess nearly falls from her perch on the log when Andrew suddenly launches himself into her arms, sobbing out a choked confession.

"Oh, Tess, I do love her, I do! I don't know how to go on without her. But I have to! I love her too much to ask her to stop being an angle, to become human. I can't do that to her, even if it means giving her up. Oh, what am I going to do, Tess?"

Tess rubs his back soothingly and coos words of reassurance, letting Andrew release his tears and his pent up emotions until he is finally calm. She should have expected as much, she thinks. Of course Andrew would be doing this out of love, however misguided his actions. She knows he is hurting and needs to be held and reassured, and she is glad to be there for him. But the time has also come, she knows, to put her foot down and set this misguided angel straight, and she is glad to do this, too.

Pulling away, she grasps Andrew's shoulders and makes sure she has his full attention before going on. "Now listen to me, Andrew. I know you love Monica, and I know everything you've done so far has been out of that love. But you've been so blinded by fear that you've been making a lot of dumb moves, and it has got to stop. Stop running away, stop taking matters into your own hands, and for God's sake, TALK TO THE FATHER!"

Andrew is startled by her sternness, but knows that not only is she speaking out of love and concern, but that she is right.

"You're right, Tess. I'm sorry," he nods his head, his eyes lowering ashamedly.

"Don't apologize to me, Baby. Apologize to God. He loves you. And I love you, Angel Boy. And everything is going to be okay." She pulls him closer in one final embrace. "I'll leave you to it, then, Baby," she says, and disappears from the shore once more.

***

Andrew just sits for a minute, watching the woods around him, trying to gather courage. But Tess is right; he has avoided this for far too long. Maybe if he had turned to God first instead of as his last resort, things wouldn't be such a mess right now.

"Father, I'm sorry," he begins. "I should have come to You all along. I was just so scared. I didn't know what to do. I know You have given us Your blessing, and I'm so thankful for Your gift of a life together… but I know that would mean being human, it would mean we would have to stop being angels, and I just can't do that to Monica. She's such an amazing angel, and she loves doing Your work so much. I do, too! I just can't take that away from her. But I don't know how to live without her, either. Please, Father, just tell me what to do. I'm so lost…"

"Be at peace, my son. I have already forgiven you. But you need to stop being afraid and have trust. My child, you do not have to stop being an angel. Nor does Monica, not so long as either of you wish to be so. My gifts come without strings, because I love you. And I am impressed by your devotion, as well as by the depth of love in your heart."

"I do love her, Father, more than anything or anyone, other than You, of course. She is my everything. I want nothing more than to be with her always, to keep her safe, to make her happy. I dream of making her my wife, to be bound with her eternally, to spend every day of forever showing her how special she is, how much I love her. In addition to serving You, she is my very reason for existing."

"I know this, Andrew, and I had each of you in mind when I created the other, molded your hearts from the same clay."

"But what do I do now? I've hurt her so much already, and I rejected your gift."

"My gift is still there for the taking, my child. And I will help you, but it is up to you to fix this with Monica."

"Please, help me, Father. I'll do anything for her."

Andrew continues to listen to the words of the Father, even as an idea begins to form in his heart and mind. He wants to go back to Monica right away, and it tears at his heart to know that once again he is the cause of her pain. But he knows there is someplace else he must go first, something he must do before he can fix he mess that he's created.

Stealing one last glance at his surroundings, he sets off, having far to travel before he can return to find Monica and beg for her forgiveness.