Hola, mis companeros y amigos. So this has been the first full week of my last 2nd semester of high school :( But I guess that it's a good thing too, I only have 4 more mounths until out and into the big world that lies ahead for me. On down side most of my friends have already graduated early and so there's only like a handfull of us left in my immediate group of friends. Bummer. I've had a lot a free time on my hands this week so I'm stoked about the update. Hopefully with the lazy semester that I have now I get a little more done, but no promises. Enjoy guy's!
Oh, and someone who's been leaving reviews as 'Guest' to answer your question, no I'm sorry I can't but if you sign up as a menber to FanFiction (It's simple and quick, I promise) there a thing where it will 'Alert' you when I update my story :)
Don't own DP
CPROV
I woke up the next morning from a well needed sleep. Tori and I woke up early, and waited for Aunt Lauren and Mr. Bae to return with breakfast so we could continue on with the story. As soon all of us had eaten Derek pulled me aside back into his room. "Do you want to talk to the others about telling my Dad and your Aunt?" I could tell he was still unsure about the idea. "We'll read for a little while and then we will talk about it over lunch." He nodded and started to head back to the other so we start reading but I grabbed his arm and pulled him down to me. Our lips met in a short sweet kiss that didn't last long because Tori yelled, "Hey love birds get in here." Derek pulled away with a sigh and led the way back to the other room. We all crammed on one bed with a few snacks just in case, so we wouldn't have to get up. "So who wants to read? Anyone?" Tori said dangling the yellow writing pad between her thumb and index finger. Simon who was still half asleep and said something like, "Mmmuuhh… wha-?" I sighed, "I guess it's my turn."
I tossed a pair of underwear marked Liz into her pile, the stopped. Did we wash the guy's underwear, too? I really hoped not. I shifted through the pile, finding only ones for Rae, Liz and Tori, and exhaled in relief.
"As if I would touch their underwear," Tori said crinkling up her noise.
"Girl…" A man's voice over my head. I stiffened but forced myself to keep strong. No one was here. Or, if someone was, he wasn't real. This is how I needed to handle it. Not jump like a scorched cat. Tough it out. Hear the voices, see the visions and ignore them. "… come here…" The voice had moved across the room. I lifted a red lace thong marked Tori n and thought about my little girl cotton undies. "… over here…"
"Nice undies Tori," Simon smirked still half asleep. I could see Tori was fighting the eager to smack him.
I tried to focus on how I could get better underwear before anyone else washed mine, but my hands started to tremble from effort of ignoring the voice. Just one look. Just one-
I glanced around across the room. No one there. I sighed and returned to sorting. "…door … closed…" I looked at the closed door. The one I'd noticed earlier, which was proof that the voice was really just not my overactive imagination.
"Oh, so now you're listening to what Dr. Gill says." Tori said sarcastically. I made a face, "Cut me some slack. We've all believed something that's she said to us a one point." "I haven't," Simon said. Derek frown, "Simon you never had sessions with Dr. Gill."
Why do you need proof? What else would it be? Great. Two voices to ignore. "Open the door … something … show you …" Ha! Now there was a classic movie scene: Just come look behind the closed door, little girl. I laughed, but the sound quavered, squeaking at the end. Get a grip. Toughen up or they'll never let you out.
Tori snorted but kept her comment to herself.
My gaze snuck to the door. It looked like an ordinary closet. If I really believed the voice was in my head, then what was stopping me from opening it? I strode to the door, forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other, knowing if I stopped, I'd lose my nerve. "Good … come …" I grasped the doorknob, the metal cold under my fingers. "… open …" I turned the handle slowly. It went a quarter turn, the stopped. I jiggled it. "Locked." My voice echoed through the laundry room. I jangled it again, the twisted sharply. The door didn't budge.
"I always wondered what they kept in there," Simon said with a yawn. "Dead bodies," Tori said and I shivered. Derek pulled me closer to him while glaring at the others who didn't seem to notice.
"Key … find … unlock …" I pressed my fingers to my temples. "The door is locked and I'm going upstairs," I answered. As I turned, I smacked into a wall of solid flesh and for the second time that day gave a girlie yelp. I looked up to see the same face that had made me shriek the last time. I stumbled back and would have fallen if the door wasn't right behind me. Derek made no move to catch me, just stood there, hands in his pockets as I recovered.
"Dude, you're supposed to catch a girl when she falls," Simon muttered. Derek turned his head away mumbling something under his breath.
"Who were you talking to?" He asked. "Myself."
"Huh." "Now if you'll excuse me…" When he didn't budge, I sidestepped to get around him. He moved into my path. "You saw a ghost, didn't you?" he said. To my relief, I managed a laugh. "Hate to break it to you, but there's no such thing as ghosts."
"You should have stopped there wolf- boy," Tori said with a smirk. "Like she would have told you." "I would have," I defended. "Then why didn't you?" Derek asked. I shrugged, "You had to earn my trust first." Tori snorted and Derek scowled at her.
"Huh." His gaze traveled around the laundry room, like a cop searching for an escaped convict. When he turned that piercing look on me, it intensity sucked the back bone out of me. "What do you see, Chloe?" "I-I-I don't s-s-s-"
"Slow down." He snapped the words, impatient. "What do they look like? Do they talk to you?" "You really want to know?"
"Yeah." I chewed my lip, then lifted on my tiptoes. He bent to listen. "They wear white sheets with big eye holes. And they say 'Boo!'" I glowered up at him. "No get out of my way." I expected him to sneer. Cross his arms and say, make me, little girl.
Tori was now laying back on the bed clutching her stomach and laughing. "I wasn't that funny," I complained. "Oh, yes you were," Derek said trying to hide the smile tugging at his lips.
His lips twitched and I steeled myself, then I realized he was smiling. Laughing at me. He stepped aside. I swept past him to the stairs. Dr. Gill was a small women with a long rodent noise and bulging ratlike eyes that studied me as if I were the rat—one whose every twitch had to be scribbled into her notebook. I'd had therapists before.
Tori faked a gasp, "Really? I always knew you were crazy." Tori; having a therapists doesn't mean you're crazy. "Oh, but it does Liz," she murmured as if she known.
Two of them, both right after my mom died. I'd hated the first one, an old man with bad breath who'd close his eyes when I talked, like he was taking a nap. When I complained, I got the second one, Dr. Anna, a women with bright red hair who'd joked with me and reminded me of my mom and helped me get on with my life.
She seems nice. "She was," I told Liz.
After ten minutes with Dr. Gill I knew she was somewhere in the middle. She seemed nice enough, and listened carefully, but she wasn't going to start cracking jokes anytime soon. We talked about how I'd slept; how I was eating; what I thought of the others; and, mostly, how I felt about being here. I lied about the last. I wasn't stupid. If I wanted to get out, I couldn't moan that I didn't belong or complain that someone made a horrible mistake.
"Of course you couldn't," Tori said to the yellow pad. We looked at her like she was crazy.
So I said that I knew my Dad and aunt had done the right thing by putting me in Lyle House, and I was determined to get better, whatever it took. Dr. Gill's rat face relaxed. "That's a very mature attitude. I'm glad to hear it." I nodded, and tried to look sincere.
A snore came from the other side of the room. Simon had got up from the bed and moved to sit in the chair. No his head was thrown back mouth open as he snored. I was wondering why he'd been so quite. I glanced at Derek to see the corners of his mouth twitching up. "Maybe we should let him sleep." He shrugged; but could already see Tori forming a plan in her head.
"Now, Chloe, have you ever heard schizophrenia?" My heart stooped. "Sch-schizophrenia?" "Yes. Do you know anything about it?" My mouth opened and closed, brain refusing to fill it with words. "Chloe?"
"Y-you think I'm schizo?" Her mouth tightened. "We don't use the word, Chloe. In fact, we prefer not to use labels at all. But a diagnosis is a necessary part of the process. A patient must know her condition, understand and accept it before we can begin treatment."
"Treatment. Like we have some form of diseases." She scrunched up her noise, and Derek grunted as if he was agreeing with her.
"B-but I just got here. How c-can you already-" "Do you remember at the hospital? The doctors you spoke to? The tests they ran?"
"They found schizophrenia?" She shook her head. "While scientists are working on a way to definitively diagnose schizophrenia, we don't have anything conclusive yet. Those tests, though, ruled out other possibilities, such as tumors or drug use. Taking those results and combining them with your symptoms, the most likely diagnosis is schizophrenia." I stared at the floor. "You think I have schizophrenia?" "Do you know what that is?" She spoke slowly, like she was starting to question my intelligence. "I've seen A Beautiful Mind."
Derek made a sound between a coughing noise and a laugh. While I on the other hand tried to imitate one of his scowls. "I was in shock okay; it was the first thing that popped into my mind." Before he could respond I continued reading.
More lip pursing. "That's Hollywood's version, Chloe." "But it's based on a true story, right?" "Based." Her voice softened. "I know from your file that you enjoy movies, and that's wonderful. But they aren't a good place to learn about mental illness. There are many forms and degrees of schizophrenia and your isn't the same as that one."
Derek snorted, "She is so full of herself."
Wasn't it? I saw people who weren't there, just like the guy in the movie. Dr. Gill continued. "What you are experiencing is what we'd call undifferentiated schizophrenia, meaning you're displaying a limited number of the primary symptoms—in your case, seeing visions and hearing voices. Visual and auditory hallucinations."
"What about paranoia?" "We see on evidence of that. You show no signs of disorganized behavior or disorganized speech patterns-"
"But haven't you always stuttered?" Tori pointed out and I nodded. "If you let me read the next line you'll understand." She shut up but settled on glaring at me.
"What about stuttering?" She shook her head. "That's unrelated. You display none of the other symptoms, Chloe." "Will I? Eventually?" "Not necessarily. We'll have to be vigilant, of course, but we've caught this early. Usually a diagnosis isn't made until a patient is in her late teens or twenties. It's like catching a disease in its early stages, when we have the best chance to minimize its progression."
Funny, that sounds like something she told me. "And I can't believe I fell for it too. Liz said her face crinkling up as she thought about it. I gave her a small sad smile.
"And get rid of it." A moment of silence as she fingered a long corded necklace. "Schizophrenia… is not like the flu, Chloe. It is permanent." Blood thundered in my ears, drowning out her next words. She leaned forward, touching my knee. "Chloe are you listing to me?"
"No, she to busy staring at you like you've grown a second head." Tori said then smirked at me. I stuck my tong out at her, "Oh very mature."
I nodded. She moved back. "Schizophrenia is not a life sentence. But it is a lifelong condition. Like having asthma. With lifestyle changes and medication, it can be controlled and you can lead an otherwise normal life, to the point where no one will realize you have it unless you choose to tell them." She leaned back, meeting my gaze.
I stopped reading and glanced up at Tori who now had the ice bucket in her hands. "I'll be back in a minute." She tossed over her shoulder as she walked out of the room. "This can't be good," I mumbled to Derek who raised an eye brow. Tori came back in with the ice bucket half way full and glanced at the sleeping Simon. "Tori don't-," Too late. She had already grabbed a handful of ice and stuffed it down Simon shirt. He jumped up with a cry of rage and did this little dancing in place thing to get the ice out of his shirt. I was trying to hide my laugh unlike Tori who was rolling on the floor. After they started auguring Derek stood up and told them to shut up so we could get done with this chapter.
"Earlier you said you were determined to do whatever it took to get through this. I know you were hoping for a quick fix, but this is going to require that same level of maturity and determination. Are you still prepared to do that, Chloe?"
I had more questions. Did it usually happen this fast, with no warning? One day you're walking around, totally normal, and the next you're hallucinating and running screaming through the halls? Then bang, you get told you have schizophrenia, case closed? It all seemed too sudden. But when I looked at Dr. Gill, watching me expectantly, waiting to get on to the next phase, I was afraid if I said anything, it would sound like I was in denial; and if I did that, I'd never get out of Lyle House.
"And you wondered why they let Tori out," Simon muttered to himself. Tori narrowed her eyes at him, "Don't make me use the rest of the ice."
So I nodded. "I just want to get better." "Good. Then we'll begin." Dr. Gill explained about the medication. It was supposed to stop my hallucinations. Once they had the dose adjusted, there shouldn't be any significant side effects, but at first I might experience partial hallucinations, depression, and paranoia. Great. Sounded like the cure was as bad as the disease.
"Way to look on the bright side Chloe," Simon said with an amused smile. I rolled my eyes at him, but didn't hide my smile.
Dr. Gill assured me that by the time I left the group home, taking pills would be no different than taking daily medicine. "That's how you need to think of schizophrenia, Chloe. As a medical condition. You did nothing to cause it." And could do nothing to cure it.
Their has to be a cure out there somewhere right? Liz asked Derek who just shook his head, "I really don't know." I stared at him, "What?" "The genius Derek doesn't know?" He rolled his eyes at me and Simon pretended to pass out. "What has become of the world," he moaned.
"You'll go through a period of depression, anger, and even denial. That's natural, and we'll deal with that in our sessions. You'll meet with me for an hour a day." "Are these group sessions, too?" I asked. "No. Someday you may decide you want to explore the dynamics of group therapy and we can discuss that later, but at Lyle House, we believe that privacy is critical. You need to fully accept your condition before you'll be comfortable sharing with others."
"And that's a bad thing?" Tori asked examining her nails. "Well, if Chloe really was schizo, then yeah she would kind of have to come to terms with it." Simon said as he dug through out bag of snacks and pulled out the chips. Derek took them from him, put them back and handed him a orange. He made a face at his brother but didn't complain.
She laid her notebook on the desk and crossed her hands on her knee. "And that leads to our final topic for today. Privacy. As I'm sure you've guessed, all the residents here are coping with mental issues. But that is all anyone needs to know. We will not share details of your condition, symptoms, or treatment with anyone here. If anyone pressures you for details, you are to come to us right away."
"It would have been if someone hadn't blurted out at lunch that Chloe see ghosts." Simon said with a smirk in Tori direction; she glanced down at her lap not meaning any of our gaze's.
"They already know," I murmured. "What?" The outrage blazing from her eyes told me I should have kept my mouth shut. I knew from past therapy that it was important to share anything that was bothering me, but I didn't need to start my stay at Lyle House by tattling. "N-not about schizophrenia. Just … someone knew about me seeing things. Ghosts. Which I never said. To anyone." "Who was it?"
"Dun daunt duh," Simon said making sound affects. Tori glared but said nothing.
"I—I'd rather not say. It was no big deal." She unfolded her hands. "Yes, it is a big deal, Chloe. But I appreciate that you don't want to get anyone into trouble. I have a good idea who it was. She must have been eavesdropping when we were discussing your hallucinations and jumped to her own conclusion about…"
"I never jumped to a conclusion," Tori snapped at the book. I went back to reading but Tori continued to glare at the book as if she could burn it with her eyes.
A dismissive wave of her hands. "Ghosts. I'm sorry that this happened, but I promise it will be handled discreetly." "But-"
"She won't know you told us anything, but it must be dealt with." She eased back into her seat. "I'm sorry this happened on your first day. Young people are, by nature, curious, and as hard as we strive to provide privacy , it isn't always possible in shuch tight living quarters." "It's okay. No one made a big deal out of it." She nodded. "We have a very good group of young people here. In general, they are very respectful and accepting. That's important at Lyle House. You have a difficult road head and we're all here to make that journey as smooth as possible."
That earned a snort from Derek.
Schizo. It didn't matter how many times Dr. Gill compared it to a disease or physical disability, it wasn't the same thing. It just wasn't. I had schizophrenia. If I saw to guys on the sidewalk, one in a wheelchair and one talking to himself, which one would I rush to open a door for? And which would I cross the road to avoid? Dr. Gill said it was just a matter of taking my meds and learning to cope. If it was that easy, why were there people wandering the streets talking to themselves? Crazy-eyed homeless people shouting at thin air? Seeing people who weren't there. Hearing voices that didn't exist. Schizo. Just like me.
"You know Chloe you make some weird but true points." Simon said as he picked a piece of orange peel from his teeth. I blushed, "Thanks I guess," I mumbled.
After my session, I ducked into the media room to think. I was curled up on the loveseat, hugging a pillow to my chest, when Simon sailed in. not seeing me, he crossed the room and grabbed a baseball cap from the computer desk. Humming under his breath, he tossed the hat in the air and caught it. He looked happy. How could he be happy here? Comfortable, maybe. But happy?
"I was happy," Simon said quietly. "As long as I'm on the verge of getting killed, I'm pretty happy."
"He flipped the cap over his hand and tugged it on. He stopped, gaze fixed on the window. I couldn't see his expression, but he went very still. Then a sharp shake of his head. He turned and saw me. A flash of surprise, then a broad grin. "Hey."
"I remember that day," he said with a loud sigh. "Derek and I had gotten into a fight about leaving to go find dad." I eyed Derek out of the corner of my eye. He kept his face expression mutual, a blank mask.
"Hi." He stepped closer smile fading. "You okay?" I'm fine sprang to my lips, but I couldn't force it out. I wasn't fine. I wanted to say I wasn't. I wanted it to be okay to say I wasn't. But the concern in his voice went no deeper than his grin, neither touching his eyes. They stayed distant, like he was making an effort to be nice because he was a nice guy and it was the right thing to do.
I saw Simon cringe slightly. "That's not true Chloe and you know it," He said crossing his arms. Tori snorted at him and rolled her eyes, then snickered at something Liz wrought to her. I just looked at Simon and gave him a forced, sad smile.
"I'm fine," I said. He twisted the bill of his cap, watching me. Then he shrugged. "Okay. But a word of advice? Don't let them catch you holding up in here. It's like going to your room during the day. You'll get a lecture on moping around." "I'm not-" He lifted his hands. "Their words not mine. I'm just warning you. You can get away with turning on the TV and pretending to watch it, but they'll be happier if you're up and about, hanging with us. We're not such a bad bunch. Not too crazy."
Never too crazy, Liz agreed. "I know that now," I admitted. The others smiled at me. "Glad to know, Chloe." Liz said with a giggle.
He gave a blazing grin that made my stomach flip. I sat up, struggling for something to say, something to keep him here. I did want to talk. Not about Dr. Gill. Not about schizophrenia. About anything but that. Simon seemed normal and I desperately needed normal. But his gaze had already shunted to the door. Sure, he thought I should hang out … with someone else. He was just giving advice to the new girl.
"Not true," Simon muttered under his breath.
The doorway darkened and Simon's smile flashed fresh. "Hey, bro. Don't worry. I didn't forget about you. Just talking to Chloe." He waved my way. Derek looked in, so expressionless you'd think Simon was gesturing at the furniture. The scene in the basement flashed back—Derek accusing me of talking to ghosts. Had he told Simon? Probably. I bet they had a good laugh at the crazy girl. "We're heading out back," Simon said. "Kick around the ball for our break. You're welcome to join us."
"Wow, Simon I can tell you really met it." Tori said with a smirk. "Shut up," was his only reply.
The invitation came lightly, automatically, and he didn't even wait for a response before he brushed past Derek with, "I'll get Talbot to disarm the door." Derek stayed where he was. Still watching me. Staring at me. Like I was a freak. Like I was schizo. "Take a picture," I snapped. "It'll last longer." He didn't so much as blink. Didn't leave either. Just kept studying me, as if I hadn't said a word. He'd leave when he was ready. And he did, walking out without a word.
"Well I'd say he's being civil for one," Tori muttered but all of us heard her. Derek pretended not to notice and wave for me to contain reading.
When I left the media room, only Mrs. Talbot was around. The other kids had returned to class after their break. She sent me to the kitchen to peel—potatoes this time. Before I started she gave me another pill. I wanted to ask when I could expect them to start working, but if I did, then I'd have to admit I was still hearing voices. I wasn't seeing anything though. Just that hand this morning, right after I took the pills. So maybe they were working. Maybe it didn't get any better than this. What would I do then? Fake it.
That earned yet another snort from Derek and this time I cut him a look. He looked at eyes wide in surprise the grunted a, "Sorry." I kissed his check then patted it, "Its okay." He scowled but tried to hide his smile he can never stay mad at me.
Block the voices and pretend I wasn't hearing them. Learn to—
A scream echoed through the house. I jumped, the peeler clattering into the sink. As my heart thumped, I listened for a reaction. No reaction would mean the voice had been in my head. See, I was learning already. "Elizabeth Delaney! Get back here!" A door slammed. Footsteps raced down the hall, punctuated by sobs. The hairs on my neck rose as I thought of the crying girl at school. But I forced myself to the door and cracked it open just in time to see Liz lurch up the stairs.
I paused, "Sorry Liz." She smiled sadly. "It fine Chloe really," She said so only I could hear.
"Enjoy the show?" I jumped and caught Tori glower before she hurried after her friend. Miss Van Dop strode from the living room into the hall. "I have had it!" The other voice boomed from the classroom. "I expect some behavior problems tutoring in a place like this, but that girl needs professional help." "Ms. Wang, please," Miss Van Dop said. "Not in front of-"
Simon scrunched up his noise, "I never like her as a tutor anyways." Derek grunted in agreement and he swallowed a mouthful of crackers.
"She threw a pencil at me. Whipped it. Like a weapon. Another half inch and she'd have taken my eye out. She broke the skin. Blood. From a pencil! All because I dared to suggest that a tenth grade student should be able to understand basic algebra." Miss Van Dop tugged her into the hall, but the woman broke away and stormed into another room.
I kind of wondered what happened to Ms. Wang. You know; like if they would do anything bad to her just because she quit. There was a pause as we all thought about it, then I shuddered. Derek squeezed my hand and Simon said, "Liz I don't think we want to find out."
A shadow glided past me and I turned to see Derek at my shoulder. As the dining room shut behind him, I caught a glimpse of books and calculator spread across the table. He must have been there the whole time, doing independent work. As he looked down at me, I expected some sarcastic comment about eavesdropping, but he only muttered, "Welcome to the madhouse," then brushed past me into the kitchen to swipe an extra snack.
"Alright, that's the end of that. Who's reading next?" Derek gently plucked the yellow pad from my fingers as his arm went around my waist to pull me to his chest. "I will."
Comments? Concerns? Questions? Please R&R!