Learn To Love Again, chapter 10
A/N: Hey, everybody! Thanks for the lovely reviews for the last chapter, it really was a whirlwind, huh? Lots of love to Lahlahland, potteresque and percabeth1414 for the reviews! I am sorry for any emotional damage I have caused. Warning, there is about five chapters left in this story, just a warning. Sidenote, this chapter takes place a couple of hours before chapter 9, and I thought it fitting to write chapter 9 with the chase, then 10 with the apartment, as a sort of flashback. Just to make it clear
Jane has been asleep for about two hours, when Thalia finally shook Luke awake from his nap. The apartment was bathed in a warm glow from the sole lamp in the room, and the cold that had previously been occupying the room had disappeared. The need for warm, thick blankets was unnecessary, Luke discovers, as he pulls them off his body. His heart was still in an emotional knot, but he forced it to unravel, as he sees a tray on the table in front of him. Soup, again. A glass of water. And when he looks up, an exhausted, emotional ridden Thalia Grace, lying on the couch in front of him. She shivers slightly in her sleep, her shoulders shaking. Under her young eyes are dark circles, lining them and making them older then they really seeem. Luke knows she has too much for the age she was, but there was nothing that could take away those memories. If he could, he would. Able to take them from her brain, takes away her scars, and take away her pain. He would do anything for her to say his name. Say his name with love and compassion like it would be. Could be.
Sipping his soup softly, he watches her slowly breathe in and out, resting for the first time he's met her. Sleeping, she had that air of being able to jump into action whenever she needed to. He supposed it was worked into her, just like it was worked into him when he was in the Great War. At age 15, she had to join a gang with no name. Working her way up the ranks, he could imagine a young, shaking Thalia, pulling a gun on the boss, and her pale finger pulling the trigger. There would be screams. Horrified expressions. Speechless mouths. But no matter what, it was word that once a Boss was gone, the underboss would immediately take over. He had felt the same when he had been Underboss, and then his Boss had been caught by the fuzz. Sentenced to the death penalty. And they had both made the same choices that made them who they were. Leaders, amongst the dirt and the filth of an evolving world. Humans, he realized, did anything they could to survive. The way the human race did anything to survive, as it was their great asset, was also their greatest hubris. He had felt that instinct when he had been fighting for his life in the War.
There wasn't much he could remember after being shot alongside Jason. Half closed eyes could only show so much, as he remembers vague images of doctors, nurses, and his commanding officer. He had only really been shocked back into his body when he was skulking along the streets of New York, and ordered a beer from one of the illegal bars that his gang ran. It hadn't really set itself in stone into his system, until his friends, Percy, Nico, and others slapped him on the back, welcoming him back to their gang of liars and murderers. He was a murderer before joining the War, it wasn't a lie. But maybe even moreso, after coming back from the living hell.
Not realizing it, his hands were shaking, water spilling over the edge of the glass. It took only a few minutes to realize it was spilling over the side of the table, and he forced himself to put it down onto the table. Standing up, he forces himself to stand up, ignoring the pain that shoots through his leg. The bullet no longer lingered there, but that didn't mean pain didn't demand to be felt. Wincing, he slowly walks over, picking up one of the rags on the counter, he wipes up the water on the side of the table, letting it soak the rag. Unsure where to leave it, he places it on the table again, when he hears a cry.
Thalia's forehead was beaded with sweat, a pained expression on her face. Her arms would begin to raise, but fall flat at her side, as though someone was pushing her back, forcing them flat at her side. Her head turns left and right, a tear leaking out from under her eyelids. Legs stayed still, but they were pulled tight together, as though she was trying to shrink into herself, to disappear. Nightmares.
Luke would know. He had them all the time. And still did.
Slowly making his way to the chair next to the couch, he slowly tugs one of the blankets that had been wrapped around him, and around her body. Covering her up to her chin, he has to slowly push her arms down at her side, and tucked the blanket in around her. Her expression relaxes, the taut muscles in her face going slack. He reaches out, his hand brushing some hair off her forehead. The murmurs that have been emitting from her mouth still continue, however. No matter how much Luke tucks the blanket around her body, trying to comfort her, it seems to get worse. The blanket begins to tighten, and the murmurs begin to get worse.
"No..." she murmurs softly, her forehead creasing, "F-Fuck off...j-just..."
"Thalia," Luke whispers softly, giving her shoulder a gentle shake, "Shhh..."
"S-Stop..." she continues to murmur, and the thrashing begins again. Her body begins to turn, and she begins to moan, as though she was in pain. Faster tears begin to run down her face, heat returning to her face, and her arms begin to strike at invisible bodies, as though trying to flee, "St-Stop!"
"Thalia!" Luke finally places his hands on her shoulders, bringing her up to a sitting position, and shaking her roughly, "Wake up!"
With much squirming and whispering, she finally comes to, her eyes flying open. A fist strikes out, and Luke is just barely able to catch it before it comes in contact with his face. Her red face drains of blood, becoming pale. Her bright, electric blue eyes are filled with fear, like something was shattering beneath its icy surface.
"Thalia..." he whispers softly, "It's okay."
"L-Luke..."
"Where's Jason?" he asks, trying to calm her down, "I didn't see him..."
"He's meeting some clients," she whispers, still looking away from him, "They're coming here tonight, and I sent him to...get s-some...medicine..."
"I could've gone with him..."
"I didn't want to wake you. And Jason will be fine."
"Thalia, there are other things out there, a bit stronger then your brother."
"I know!" she exclaims, her fear for her brother evident in her voice, "D-Don't...remind me..."
"He might be-"
"Don't!" The tears begin to return, and he is guilty for doing this. He shouldn't have brought it up, but he was being realistic. Soon, she breaks again, sobs coming from her face. She covers her face with her hands, still wanting to hide her weaker side from him.
His arms slowly snake their away around her trembling body. He is able to hold her for a moment, before she recoils from his arms, and turning her body away, staring out the window beside her. He is hurt for a moment, and stares at his hands. Has he hurt her again?
"I...Luke, you know this can't happen. We can't...we shouldn't..."
"We shouldn't what, Thalia?" Trying again, his hand slowly finds its way to her blanket covered shoulder, turning her torso to him.
"Shouldn't be like this!" She says, yanking her shoulder away from him, "We shouldn't because we're...we're fucking poison to each other, Luke."
"I know."
"And we'll just slowly kill each other if we allow ourselves to-"
She is sharply cut off, when he suddenly pulls her into his arms, burying his head in her shoulders, just wanting to be surrounded by her. He didn't let her go when she struggles, threatning to kill him. And he still wouldn't let go once she begins to cry.
"Just let go, Luke..."
"Thalia," he pulls back, acknowledging the tears that are running down her face, and the ones that are beginning to roll down his own, "I need you to know now, and forever, I will never give up on us. I won't let you go, and I don't care if you think you don't need me. You do need me. You can't hide behind that facade forever...and I don't want you, I need you. I need you when I breathe, I need you when I lay in bed, and I need you more then ever now. You...You can say you don't want this, that we're slowly killing each other by being with each other...by being fucking poison to each other...but this time, I'd rather be with you for a second, a milisecond, then spend an eternity without you."
Thalia's mouth is half open with shock, her lower lip trembling in fear. How could poison want to taste so sweet? Her hand slowly raises to his cheek, her thumb running over the large, jagged scar on his face. Her lips close, as she swallows, trying to swallow her fear. Shaking severely, she raises her hand, her thumb running over the jagged scar that went over his eye and cheek. Caressing his cheek with her thumb, she simply stares into his eyes, trying to search for a hint of mischief, that this was just a joke, a lie. That he must be playing with her again, because there was no way he could learn to love her again.
"Luke, this will kill us both..." she whispers, her voice trembling as it came into the silence, existing only for those seconds. The entire world was moving faster and faster, but they were the center points of the world, staying still only for each other. The world could only move faster and faster, spinning even quicker then it was possible, but they would always be still. They were the still points in an ever moving world, staying still for each other, before the world could sweep them away, "Y-You know that...above everything...w-we can't...we'll end each other."
"And I don't care..." he replies softly, "I need you. And even if I die, I will need you. Every second I breathe, I breathe for you, and I will never...ever...stop need you. I love you."
It's without a second's hesistation, before her lips smash into his. Their hands wrap around each other's bodies, and suddenly, just for each other, the world stops. The emotions, the pent up feelings that have been buried have been brought to light, as they pull themselves into each other's arms. Their lips dance on each other's lips, creating sparks in each other's eyes, as they continue to hold each other, like they were the only ones existing in this world. The only ones that could ever matter. The world has finally stopped spinning, but they were moving for each other, spinning faster and faster until they were drawing themselves into infinity.
Their passion for each other does not cease, but they are brought down to earth as soon as their lips depart from each other. They hold each other closer then ever, as Luke pulls her to him, wrapping his arms around her, wanting to protect her from the world. He knew she didn't need his protection, but he would always be there, in case she would ever need him. Laying on the couch, he lays her inbetween him and the wall of the couch, and him on the outside. He pulls her head right on his chest, letting her listen to the heartbeat that lingers in his chest. The one that only lingered for her. Had it always been beating for her, she would always wonder, but in that night, she was assured that he truly did need her. He would always need her. His heartbeat she heard assured her, comfort her, that heartbeat that could only beat from the exhilaration that she gave him. Slowly, they help each other fall asleep, each warding off their loved one's nightmares, protecting each other from the demons that lay inside of them. Her breathing matches his, and for the first time, their smiles are not from crime or deception, but from another human being.
They sleep for hours, letting their other protect them from the nightmares that plagued them every night, from the pain that always demanded to be felt. They were, a once impossible idea that both of them had, happy. They were finally relaxed, finally without worry and finally getting the love they have deserved for ages. And they knew the reason why they were allowing themselves to love again, because this time, they could stand together, and let the world come after them, but all they could ask of each other was more then whatever the world could throw at them. The love they had been denied for so long, and the love they would take until they could choke on it, suffocating them. Love gives them joy, and love would give them undeniable pain, but for now, they would let the poison consume. Till death did they part.