Hello, lovely readers! Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, and welcome to all the new followers!

So, this is one more tear-jerker chapter and then I SWEAR I will start to lighten things up a bit. The next chapter will finally get Missy to Florida and you will all be introduced to the Abbot family, which I am SUPER excited about. But yeah, I know. This story has gotten pretty fucking depressing. But this is major shit we're dealing with. The end of a relationship and loss of a pregnancy are both beyond terrible, and I want everyone's reactions to feel real. No one gets over that kind of loss in a day, and certainly not people like Missy. So anyway, stay with me through this one and I promise I'll make you smile very soon.

Oh, and for those of you worried that Missy and Jax are going to be separated the entire time, they won't! In a couple of chapters, Miss and Jax are going to see each other and it's going to be…intense…

OK, let's do this. Hope you like it and please review!

Chapter 10

Part VI- The Aftermath…(cont.)

Tacoma, 2000

Missy just shook her head as she watched Kozik check and recheck every inch of her car for about the hundredth time. Two hours ago she had agreed to go and stay with his friend Billy, and since then it seemed like Koz hadn't once stopped moving.

First, he called Billy to let him know that Missy would be coming. Then he told her to shower and pack up all of her stuff while he went out to get some supplies. 45 minutes later, Missy was waiting on the bed in her boot cut jeans and black tank top when he came back to the motel with several bags under his arms. He had bought a can of oil, extra gas, jumper cables, a flashlight, bottles of water, snacks for the road, and a road map on which he highlighted the entire route to Florida.

He had stowed everything away in the back of her Wrangler, along with her two suitcases. Then he'd started his never ending inspection of the car.

Missy watched him for a few more minutes, but after a while she sighed. "I'm pretty sure the car's fine. It's barely three years old, and I've never had any trouble with it."

He glanced in her direction for a moment before slamming the hood down and walking over to where she was standing. "Your oil's good and your fluids are capped off. I checked the tire pressure and filled up the tank…"

"It's all good, Koz. Really."

He just frowned. "It's not too late for me to get you a plane ticket, sugar. I mean, you're driving clear to the opposite side of the fucking country. If you're worried about the money, I'll pay for it…"

She placed a hand on his arm and gently shook her head. "I told you, it's not about the money. I think I could use a few days to myself to think. Besides, I've never really been anywhere. The furthest east I've ever gone is Nevada. I know it's a long drive, but maybe seeing a little bit of the world will do me some good."

He ran a hand through his hair, messing up his perfect blond spikes. "But, shit Missy…Do you even know how to change a flat tire?"

She couldn't help but smile. "Of course I don't. I grew up surrounded by mechanics. Why the hell would I need to know how to change my own tires?"

She saw him try to fight the small smile forming on his lips before he just shook his head. "Fuck it, fine. You win. You know, you're pretty damn stubborn for someone so tiny."

Missy crossed her arms over her chest and look down at her shoes, the corners of her mouth turning upwards in a small grin. "I guess a little bit of Gemma rubbed off over the years."

When everything was packed away and there was nothing left to examine on the Jeep, Koz and Missy walked to the driver's side door and then just stood there for a few minutes, neither one quite knowing what to say.

But after a while, Missy looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Koz, I don't know how to thank you for all you've…"

"You never need to thank me for anything, Missy." He took a hesitant step towards her and placed a large, warm hand on the side of her neck; letting his calloused fingertips barely run over the softness of her skin. "I…I just wish you didn't have to go."

She bit her lower lip and nodded, fighting off the urge to cry. "Me too." But as much as she tried, her emotions got the better of her and her tears began to fall.

As soon as she started to cry, Koz pulled her forward and held her close against his chest; one arm wrapped firmly around her waist while the other stayed tangled in her hair. He kissed the top of her head and then tucked it beneath his chin, swaying her back and forth and whispering to her how everything will be ok, how her life isn't over, and how, as long as he's around, she'll never have to deal with it alone.

After several minutes her cries subsided, and Missy pulled back just far enough to get on the tips of her toes and kiss Koz's cheek, letting her lips linger on his skin for a little longer than she realized. Then she took a step back, turned away from him, and climbed up into her Wrangler.

She put on her seatbelt and rolled down the window before starting the engine.

"Oh, wait a second. I almost forgot." Kozik reached into his pocket and took out a new cell phone. "If you're really serious about starting over, then you're going to need this. It's just a burner like mine, but I filled it up with minutes so you should be good for a while. I programmed in your new number, my number, and Billy's number, in case you need anything on the road."

Missy reached through the window to get the phone, but when she grabbed it, Koz gently grasped her wrist. He couldn't hide the concern on his face. "I mean it, Missy. You need anything, anything at all…I don't care where the fuck you are. You call me and I'll come get you, Ok? Promise me."

She placed her other hand on top of his and gently squeezed. "Promise."

After a moment he nodded, but then seemed to think of something else. "Do you have a gun with you?"

Missy furrowed her brow and shook her head. "No."

She watched as he walked over to his bike and reached into one of his saddle bags, pulling out what looked like a small, holstered handgun, before making his way back to the Jeep. "You know what to do with this?"

She looked down at the .380 Smith & Wesson in confusion. "Yeah, of course I do, but…"

He placed the holster in her hand and shook his head. "Don't give me any shit about this. You're a beautiful, 22 year old girl traveling across the country alone." When she didn't immediately reach for it, he tightened his jaw, his voice a little more firm. "Take the gun, Missy."

He let a small, relieved sigh when she took it from his hand and placed it in her glove compartment. "Thanks, Koz."

He just nodded. "You shouldn't stop anywhere that looks too isolated."

"I know."

"And make sure to keep an eye on the gas gauge."

"I will."

"And get to a decent hotel before you get tired at night."

"Koz…" Despite the heartache that she still felt every second of every minute, she couldn't help but grin. "I'll be fine."

He ran his hands through his hair once more. "Just…call me when you stop for the night."

She softly nodded. "I will."

He tried to think of something, anything else to say to keep her there with him a little longer, but after a few more silent moments passed he gave up. He took a step closer to the car and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Missy's ear before leaning in and kissing her forehead.

Then she gave him one last sweet, sad smile before putting the car in drive and heading for the road; away from everything she had ever known and towards a future that she could only hope would help her start over and forget.

Two days later, Somewhere in South Dakota…

Missy had driven close to 14 hours that day, but when the road lines started to blur into one another and she felt her fatigue taking over, she knew she had to call it tonight. She pulled off of I-90 somewhere south of Pierre and stopped at the first budget hotel she could find, booking a single smoking room just like she'd done the night before in Montana.

After she showered, she took a few minutes to stretch out her aching muscles, shocked at how sore her body had become just from sitting in the car. Then she ate the burger and onion rings she'd picked up at a fast food place right beside the hotel before crawling into the bed and flipping on the TV.

She surfed every channel she could find, but unable to find anything interesting enough to drown out her thoughts, she gave up and turned it off. Then she leaned against the fake wooden headboard, closed her eyes, and sighed.

So far, the drive had been long but gorgeous. There were moments when the scenery around her; the lakes, mountains, and big open sky, simply took her breath away. But although those fleeting glimpses of nature at its most perfect gave her mind a brief reprieve from the hurt she felt, they never lasted very long. She just couldn't escape her memories.

It had only been three days since she left Charming, and the ache she felt for home was crippling. She missed Bobby and Piney fighting about which version of Elvis was better; 1950's Memphis or 1970's Vegas. She missed Tig trying to make her laugh by saying the most ridiculous, perverted things he could think of. She missed Chibs winking at her from across the bar and all his stories about Scotland. She missed Donna, and Luann, and Lowell, and the kids.

She missed everything about Opie.

She missed everything about Gemma.

But more than anyone, more than anything, she missed Jax. She missed the color of his eyes and the taste of his lips and the touch of his fingertips against her skin. She missed the sound of his voice and the smell of his clothes and the way his hair would tickle her neck when he fell asleep wrapped up in her arms. She missed him telling her all his secrets, trusting her with his fears, and letting her see the weaknesses that he kept hidden from everyone else. But mostly, she missed the way he used to love her. I've missed that for a really long time.

Missy shook her head and swallowed the lump in her throat as she glanced down to where her two cell phones were resting beside her on the bed. She knew she had to make two calls that night. The first one was easy. She grabbed the new burner and called Koz, just like she'd done the night before. She told him where she was, how the day's drive had gone, and about how far she was planning to go the next day. And to Kozik's credit, he never asked how she was doing, because somehow he always already knew. He just told her to be careful, to stay safe, and to call him anytime she needed him.

Then she looked down at her old cell and took a deep breath, her hand trembling as she picked it up off the bed. When she opened it up and saw all the missed calls, she didn't even check to see who they were from before deleting them. Then she did the same with her voicemails. Finally, she went to her contacts and hovered over the name she knew she had to call. She didn't want to, in fact she was terrified. But she promised Opie she would, and she never went back on her word.

It only rang twice before she heard one of her favorite voices on the other end of the line. "Missy?"

She bit her lip and fought like hell not to cry. "Hey, Gem."

There was a long pause over which Missy could hear Gemma taking a few deep breaths, and she was certain that her adopted mom was just trying to get a hold of her emotions before she unleashed her anger and disappointment.

"Miss, you need…"

But Missy interrupted her, desperate to get out her apology. "Gemma, I'm so sorry! I didn't know…I swear, I didn't know!" The tears came on like the switch of a light. "I can't believe I did that to you. I would never…I would never hurt you, Gem. I love you so much. I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Please…please don't hate me."

"Oh, sweetheart…" Gemma's voice was broken but strong. "Missy, you stop it right now. Do you hear me? It wasn't your fault."

"But…"

"No. Miss, there is nothing you did, nothing you didn't do…there is no possible way that you're to blame for losing that baby." Then Gemma sighed into the phone. "Do you think it was my fault that Tommy died?"

Missy stopped crying, shocked and confused by what she'd just heard. "What? That's…no! Jesus, no! Of course not. Why would you…"

"Because I did." She heard the sound of a lighter and knew that Gemma had just lit up a cigarette. "The whole time he was in the hospital, every surgery that he had, every time he was in pain, and especially when he died, I thought it was all my fault."

Missy wiped the tears from her cheeks and shook her head. "Why?"

"It was my body that created him, and it was by body that made him sick. My genes, my blood, my family flaw that gave him the damn heart defect in the first place."

"Gemma…"

"You listen to me, sweetheart. I struggled with that shit for a long time. But I finally had to accept that I wasn't to blame…and so do you." When Missy didn't say anything else, Gemma continued. "There aren't a lot of women that can say 'I know how you feel' and mean it, but Missy…I know how you feel. I know the hurt and the loss and the heartbreak. And I wish to God I could take it away from you, but I can't. You have to go through all that. There's no way around it. But I'll be damned if you take on the guilt. I won't have it."

A flood of relief coursed through every inch of Missy's body. "You're not mad at me?"

Gemma scoffed. "Oh, I'm fucking furious that you left without saying a word to me. I've been scared shitless for three god damned days." But then her voice softened. "But about the baby? Of course I'm not mad at you. I'm sad, because all I've ever wanted was for you and Jax to have a family together, and to be a part of that family. But I'm not mad. And sweetheart, I could never hate you. Ever. You're my kid, just like Jax is. And the love I have for you has nothing to do with my son. I'll always love you. I'm your mother, Missy."

Miss could feel a few pieces of her heart being put back together as she sobbed into the phone. "I love you too, Gemma."

Gem took a few minutes to compose herself and then spoke with the controlled, slightly bossy tone that Missy was used to. "So, where are you?"

"I…I can't tell you."

"And why the hell not?"

Missy almost grinned. She could picture Gemma standing in her kitchen with a hand on her hip, angrily tapping the toe of her high heeled boot against the floor. She just sighed. "Because if I tell you, you'll find me and take me back to Charming."

"Damn straight I will."

"Gemma…"

"This is where you belong, Missy."

"Maybe I do…but not right now. I don't belong there right now."

"Is it because of my little slut of a son? Because I understand, I can barely look at him."

Missy frowned. "Gemma, don't say that. Please, don't."

"Missy…"

"I mean it, Gem." She sat up a little straighter in the bed, her voice finding a little more strength. "I know how bad he must be hurting over losing the baby. You have to be there for him. He needs you…"

"He needs you, Missy! It's not just the baby. That's part of it, but…he knows what he did. He knows he was wrong to hurt you. But he loves you. He loves you with everything he's got and he wants you to come home. Just come home, sweetheart."

Missy's whole body was trembling. She tried to process Gemma's words, but found herself floundering. Gem wouldn't lie to her. She believed that. So if Jax really did still love her, then at least she could go through the rest of her life knowing that the person she cared about most in the world didn't despise her. But it didn't mean that she could go back to him.

How could she possibly explain this to someone as strong and confident as Gemma Teller-Morrow? "You've been the only real mom I've ever known and you'll never understand how much you mean to me. But the fact is I spent the first 13 years of my life with a woman who reminded me on a daily basis how worthless I am. I know you tried to fix me, but some things just can't be repaired. Jax may love me, just like Clay loves you. But I'm not you, Gemma. I can't know that my old man sleeps with other women and then be alright with him coming home to me. I'm not strong enough. I'm…I'm fucking damaged. Jax is perfect and beautiful. I don't blame girls for throwing themselves at him. The only reason I handled it before was because I was stupid and naive. It never even occurred to me that he would be with someone else. But now? Gem, if I tried to go back and live that way, it would tear me apart. Questioning what they're giving him that I'm not? Wondering what more I could do to keep him satisfied? And constantly dreading the day when he meets a woman that'smore in his league and decides to leave me behind? I know the rules, Gemma. I've always known the rules, and I'm not going to try and change them. But I can't do it. I can't."

For the first time in as long as she could remember, Gemma was speechless. She wanted to reassure Missy that Jax was done with other women, that he would never cheat on her again, that he would stay faithful to her for the rest of his life. But how could she possibly make that promise when she didn't really believe it?

After a few more moments of silence, Missy sighed. "I should get some sleep."

"Missy…"

"I'm not coming home, Gemma. Not now. And I can't call you again for a while. It's…it's too hard to hear your voice. It makes me miss you too much. After tonight, I'm going to get rid of this phone, but I have a new number for you." Missy gave Gemma the number to the burner phone and waited for her to repeat it back before continuing. "And that number is only for you and only for emergencies. Call me if you need anything or if something's wrong, but that's it. And don't give it to anyone else. I mean it, Gemma. No one else. Don't even tell them you have it. If anyone else calls me, I'll just throw it away and change my number again. Alright?"

Gemma couldn't stop a small grin from forming on her lips. She wasn't used to Missy trying to tell her what to do. You're stronger than you realize, sweetheart. "Ok. No one else."

Neither women wanted to hang up the phone, but after a minute Missy took one more deep breath and summoned the courage to say goodbye. "I'll call you when I can."

"You better."

A few final tears slipped down her cheeks. "Goodbye, Gem. I love you."

"I love you too, Missy. Don't you ever forget it."

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