Lament
~-X-~
If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.
—Mercedes Lackey
~-X-~
Hinata gripped her hands tighter and fought a wince as her fingernails inadvertently dug into her palms.
"I am aware that I am asking you to break not only our tradition, but that I am taking a risk." Hinata responded in as tough as a voice as she could manage. "However, it is a cruel and unusual requirement to have this forced upon people who have such promise. No one deserves to not have freedom; to not be able to live."
The elders were all rather angry looking and she could tell by the looks on their faces that they were not going to vote in favor for her suggestion. The younger party, however, looked like they were agreeing with her and Hinata was relieved that her argument had been a persuasive one.
She chanced a glance towards her father and saw that he was nodding his approval. Hinata felt her confidence take a boost from that small nod and pulled herself to full height. She had to end this now; that she knew. She had to end this so that any children that she would have would not be subjugated to this monstrosity. So that her fiancé and love could have the freedom he deserved.
She took a deep breath.
"Now, we take a vote." She said, in a stern voice. "All in favor of abolishing the Curse Mark…"
~-X-~
Hinata quietly slid the door to her room shut behind her and walked over to her bed, sitting down on it and falling sideways. As soon as her head hit the pillow she felt herself beginning to cry. And cry. And cry.
She didn't know why. She had succeeded, and they were no longer going to use the Curse Mark on anyone. Yet she felt as if she had failed. She felt as if she had failed because they could do nothing for those who already had the curse mark marring their proud foreheads. It would stay with them until they died.
The mere thought of this caused the tears to flow faster and Hinata turned her face into her pillow.
No…
"Hinata-sama."
She jumped and let out a surprised shriek at the voice of her cousin. She carefully kept her face away from him, even though she knew that he had to have seen and/or heard her crying before he made his presence known. She viciously scrubbed at her face and tried to make her voice level.
"Yes, Neji?" She answered, squeaking despite her attempts. She felt him move forward hesitantly and, in the mirror to the side, she saw the uncertainty flicker across his face. He stopped his approach and tucked his hands behind his back, straightening.
"Something has distressed you?" His voice rolled over her ears, sweet and sour, as it both comforted and made her feel even guiltier than she already was. She felt her bottom lip quiver as more tears slowly leaked their way from the corner of her eyes and tumbled down her face.
"Of course not." She mumbled, hoping that softer tones would mask her nasally tone. She watched him blink in disbelief. A tear rolled to the corner of her mouth and she tasted salt.
"Hinata-sama…" Neji sounded uncertain yet demanding and she knew that he wanted her to look at him. She didn't want to look at him. "Hinata-sama, don't lie to me. I can tell by the way that you are conducting yourself that you are crying and trying to be stealthy about it, though obviously failing."
Hinata trembled with the force of holding in her sobs. She chomped down on her lips and clamped her eyes shut. She swallowed down a shudder and raised her voice slightly.
"Well, yes, I'm crying but—but you must leave now." She ordered; her tears now evident in her wavering voice and thick tone. It was quiet in the room aside from her gasping and sniffles. Then there was a breeze that ruffled her hair. She looked up at the sudden shadow across her vision and the warm, soothing hand rubbing circles on her back.
Neji watched her as she looked at him with helpless eyes and then made a sort of shrugging gesture. Hinata felt her face crumble and her tears began to billow out at full force. She bent over at the waist and buried her face in her hands that rested on her thighs. Her long hair slowly slipped off of her shoulders in clumps until it all framed her face, hiding it from the world. She made sure to muffle her screams of frustration and sorrow so that no one besides her balanced shield knew her pain.
He simply kept rubbing those slow, calming circles on her back and occasionally smoothed a hand through her hair. He didn't talk, most likely because he had no idea what to do or what was causing her to act as such.
She couldn't tell how long she cried—it always felt far longer than it really was—but she cried until her face was raw and tingly and her throat felt thick. She swallowed and let out a few more gasps and shudders before she inhaled deeply and sat up shyly.
Avoiding the probing stare of her fiancé, she dried her eyes and rubbed at her cheeks in an attempt to get the feeling back into them. His hand was still cautiously moving in circles. She sighed and shook her head.
"I'm sorry." She croaked, and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry that you had to see that." His hand stilled. She glanced at his face. He had a stern expression on his face.
"You should not be ashamed." He told her. Hinata sniffled. His expression lightened and his hand began its steady movements again. "What was that all about?" He asked carefully. Hinata felt a scowl tug at her eyebrows.
"I was frustrated. I'm sorry." She answered, apologizing again for her childish behavior. Neji cocked an eyebrow.
"You must have been very frustrated to warrant such a paroxysm." He said, probing for more information. Hinata wiggled back and forth on her knees.
"I was…am…disappointed." She began, looking carefully at the tearstains on her pants. It was quiet.
"What for?" Neji prompted, an edge of impatience touching his mostly curious tone. Hinata sighed and placed her face in one of her hands again.
"I feel as if I have failed you." She confessed. He stiffened and the comforting hand retracted as if he had been burned.
"Pardon me?" Hinata winced and waited for the whimper that never came. Her body was too exhausted. She drew her face from her hand and turned to him, reaching behind his head to untie his hitai-ate and slowly draw it away from his face. She folded it and laid it in her lap before turning her attention back on his forehead.
The Curse Mark glared back at her.
She lightly brought her fingers up to trace its outline with her fingers.
"I wanted to be the one to help you for once." She whispered, pulling herself closer and using her other hand to trace the other side of the seal. "I wanted to save you. I wanted to release you of this terrible thing…" She felt sad, but she had no tears left.
She fluttered her fingers down from the Curse Mark to cup his face. He was watching her, no expression on his face or in his eyes. She swallowed heavily and blinked quickly.
"I wanted to set you free."
His hands immediately snapped up and grabbed her wrists, yanking them down and pulling her close.
"Hinata-sama—Hinata," He corrected, looking at her intensely. "Do you even realize what you have done?" She shook her head carefully, not exactly sure what he was talking about. He looked very irritated. "You have begun to right the wrongs; something that no other Hyuuga has even dared to attempt." He explained sharply. "You may not have been able to help those who already bare this burden, but you have saved their children, and their children's children, and on and on for as long as whatever higher being there may be sees fit."
His hands moved from her wrists to clasping her small hands in his large and calloused ones.
"Hinata, you have saved so many promising futures. I can live with this,"—He briefly let go of her hand to make a sharp gesture at his forehead—"I already have been and it's not as if anyone will activate it anymore. They will fear the repercussions." He tucked some hair behind her ear. "Hinata, I am very proud of you and you do not need to be frustrated or disappointed or sorrowful."
He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. Hinata kept on blinking like an idiot, unable to come up with anything to say in response to that.
"But," She finally managed to work out, "What about those who had their hopes raised falsely? Or those with such damage due to the Curse Mark that they are unfixable?" Neji cracked his eyes opened and fixed her with a look that had her shivering.
"You weep for those whom tears have already been shed. Their mourning is over and we must move on." He said simply and tenderly kissed her lips, bringing up his hand to cup behind her head when she tried to move back. Hinata relented and leaned into the kiss.
When they were done, he pulled her into his embrace and she leaned her head against his collar bone, drifting off into sleep.
We must move on.