A/N: This is kind of an interlude. I know it's been a little while since I've posted anything, but I was having some issues with logging into . Now that that's all resolved. I will continue to update whenever I have a chapter finished. Also, I would like to thank all those who have been reading this fic religiously!
Disclaimer : Selena is mine and that's it. BTW, I support Cullen for DA3 LI option ;)
Chapter 10
It's not easy. Specially not tonight. To sleep, to think, to breathe, to be King. "Damn it all to hell..." Alistair sighs, clutching his hair, resisting the urges to grunt with frustration through his clenched teeth. The thought of making her happy, fills his heart with warmth. The thought of her happiness having nothing to do with him any longer, is gut retching. "Stop this...you're gonna make yourself sick..." He reminds himself. The last time he was upset over her, had left him violently vomiting for an entire day.
Not a moments piece. A knock at his chamber door. "It's Teagan. I need to speak with you."
Letting his arms drop between his knees, he sighs. "I'm sleeping...go away." Can't I ever have a moment to myself?
"Alistair..." Teagan sounds a bit frustrated. "You have guests..."
"What?" The king leaves the comfort of his study chair and opens the door. "At this hour? Are you joking?"
"I'm afraid not." The Bann yawns. "The Couslands have arrived."
The Ex-Templar tries to adjust his vision and train of thought by rubbing his palms against his eyes. "The Couslands? Why in Andraste's name are they here? Now?"
Teagan's turn to now be a bit confused. "You did request that I send word for her to meet with you."
Realization sets in. "Oh. Right." Alistair nibbles at his bottom lip. "I didn't think they would show up in the middle of the night." Again he sighs, annoyed. "Have the guest rooms down the hall set up for them. I'll meet with them in a few minutes."
"Alright." Teagan begins making his way back to the main hall. "Don't take too long." He warns over his shoulder.
A few minutes later as promised, Alistair makes an appearance. "Hello, friends. I'm sorry you've waited so long. You must be tired after your long..."
"Your majesty." He assumes that the brunette dressed in full Rogue armor, interrupting him, is Teyrn Bryce Cousland's daughter. She bows slightly. "We are very tired."
"Well then why don't you all take rest..." Alistair is stunned to see that this woman actually cuts him off again.
"I don't mean to be rude, but we come here with a plea." The woman's blue eyes grow big with worry.
"Go on." Alistair's posture stiffens and he listens attentively.
"Thank-you." She bows her head lightly then stands. "Me and my brother both wish to become Grey Wardens. And seeing how Amaranthine is now under your control, my brother would like to be stationed there, while I back at Highever."
Rolling his tongue over his teething, smiling, Alistair paces slowly before his guests. "So, both of Bryce's children wish to become Grey Wardens? Huh? Interesting." He thumbs his chin. "So I guess you think I don't know of the connections your family has with the Howes? That your family was murdered by Rendon Howe, has nothing to do with you wanting to go to Amarantine? Doubtful."
The Cousland woman glances over her shoulder to her brother. "Sir...I..."
Alistair raises a hand, signaling her to be quiet. "I understand your want for revenge. However, you look for it in the wrong place. Rendon Howe is dead. His family has nothing to do with it. Nathaniel Howe is a respected Grey Warden serving in Amaranthine. I will not send anyone there who wishes to disrupt anything we've accomplished."
A tall dark haired man steps forward. "Your highness. I am Fergus Cousland. I've already dealt...with my grief. I have no ill will against the Howe family. Rendon is gone, justice is done. However, I want to help. I need a purpose. Please, at least consider sending me." Fergus places a fist over his heart and bows his head. "My wife and child...are gone. I need some way to serve, my Lord."
The king sees honesty in this man and actually considers his words. "Fine, I will think it over, Fergus." His eyes land on the young woman again. "However, Miss..."
"Amelia...Amelia Cousland." She finishes for him.
"Amelia Cousland. I am going to advise that being the last of your line that you return home." Knowing that Bryce probably wanted some blood to remain and that 'if' Fergus actually survives the joining, he will more then likely not have children, it may be best that she at least returned.
"Oh...I see..." Amelia sighs, disappointed. "But your highness, I received a letter. Asking that I meet with you."
"Oh. Right." Alistair flushes pink, he had completely forgotten about that. "Well how about all of you get some rest. And Miss Cousland, we can talk about that in the morning if you don't mind." He tries to offer the brightest smile he can possibly force at that moment.
"That sounds acceptable." She nods.
Palms are sweaty. The collar on this shirt feels too damn tight. Alistair tugs at the collar trying to allow blood flow. Still too damn tight. He takes in a deep breath watching his chest heave in front of him, lets it out and watches as his chest slowly falls. Hands are now clasped behind his back, then back to his sides, then rubbing the back of his neck. "Maker what the hell is wrong with me?"
Nervous. "Why?" She's beautiful. "So? I've been around Selena and she's gorgeous." She's new, different. "And?" You're nervous, because you're forcing yourself to try to find someone. You're trying to move on, but don't know if you can. "Wow, I feel like I'm going crazy." Alistair scoffs himself.
There's a knock at the door. Well no time like the present. The king answers the door and allows Amelia to enter his study. "Good morning Miss..."
"Please call me Amelia." She shakes his hand, actually crushing it.
"Ow. Alright, and please call me Alistair." He takes his hand back, shacking it a bit. "Please have a seat." He pulls a chair back for her. "Now, I want to discuss Amaranthine with you."
Amelia nods. "Alright."
"We...as in me, the Hero of Ferelden and a few soldiers were actually on our way there." Alistair pores himself and his guest a cup of tea. "I have some business that needs to be attended to on our borders and I was going to get Selena, the Hero of Ferelden to manage this for me."
"But..." Amelia takes her tea and begins to sip at it.
"Well seeing as how your brother wants to join the Wardens. I might arrange to have him and a few others take care of that instead." Alistair suggests.
"Why? I mean why not get Selena to go with him?" She asks actually intrigued and he finds that he likes her intelligence.
"Ah, well you see, Selena is a mage, which I am sure you are aware of. And what I want is for Ferelden's people to be free to live their lives. All of Ferelden's people." He places his cup on the desk and leans on his elbows. "I think it's time that she too finally gets some well deserved respect. Not just as a Warden, but as a person. She should have the right to live and have a family." Alistair sighs and shakes his head, knowing she probably doesn't share his beliefs. "I know you probably don't understand..."
"I want to help."
Alistair's eyes widen with disbelief. "What?"
The young woman smiles warmly. "I want to help. I had a friend, when I was young. She was taken away because she was a mage. I found out a few months back that she died in the tower...during the...attacks."
"Oh. I'm sorry." The kings shoulders relax, knowing she kind of understands where he's coming from.
"It's alright." Amelia stares into her tea. "It's just sad, you know. To know that she would never be able to feel the love from parents like I did, even though they were taken away from me. That she will never know what it will be like to have a family of her own." She sighs and her frames shakes a bit. "No one deserves that."
Alistair finds himself smiling. Then without thinking he tells her. "I want to get the Chantry to allow Mages to marry whom they choose. I might have to settle for them still living in the Circle. However, even though the Circle is now run by the mages, I want their to be harmony between the mages and the templars." He's shocked that he actually just confessed that. To a stranger no less. But for some reason it felt good, to tell someone what he'd been thinking all these months to himself.
"Really? Do you think you can do that?" Amelia quirks. "Because, wow, that's quite the chunk to try to bite off and swallow."
"Yeah...I know. But I'm King, if they say no I will use the power of my puppy dog eyes and my Kinglyness." Alistair sips at his tea, smiling. Actually, smiling.
"Kinglyness?" The young Cousland woman shakes her head. "Well your majesty I hope you have a better vocabulary then that, because I don't think you will impress the Divine with just your Kinglyness."
"You never know." Alistair shrugs his shoulders.
Clearing her throat, Amelia's eyes meet his. "Now about the letter that was sent to me."
Best sleep ever? That's an understatement. Best sleep in history. Selena Amell smiles against the warm skin of her Templar lover, who's still gently snoring. Turning to face him, she kisses the hollow of his throat. "Hmm..." No reaction? She traces her fingers down the middle of his chest and then rubs them soothingly back up to his shoulders. Still nothing? Her lips form a pout. Then a memory. He's not wearing his trousers, just his under clothes. Brow and lips form mischievously. Licking her lips, her hand begins to make a slow trail down his rib cage.
As if his body felt the impulse to move, Cullen rolls to his back. Perfect. Her grin widens. Cautious not to wake him, she makes her way to his waist line and carefully brings his undergarment lining down. Sliding her hand down his sleeping length, her eyes watch his face to make sure he's still asleep. To Selena's delight, with the sudden exposure of affection, the Templar Commanders anatomy responds.
Tilting his head back against the pillows and groaning tenderly, Cullen remains asleep. Must be having a good dream now. Amell snickers to herself. His body now fully aware of what is taking place, the mage takes him into her mouth and begins her motions.
A hiss and then a moan, she feels a hand reach into her hair. "Selena...What are... you doing?" She doesn't answer, but continues to work her special magic. "Selena...really...you don't have to...Maker..." The hold he has on her hair moves to her scalp and she can almost feel his pulse through his finger tips. Hips begin to gyrate as she deepens her grasp on him. She smiles as she allows her teeth to gently scrape him on her way up and his entire body shutters.
Just as he's about to protest once more, she plunges her mouth further down, his hips buck and he murmurs something she can't understand. Finally giving in, his hand finally relaxes and he's massaging her head, guiding her pace. "Amell...Maker..." Hearing his breathing become faster, she quickens her movements, his hips following along. Cullen's grip on her hair tightens once more, his back stiffens, and his hips press forward. Thrusting her tongue against his peak, she feels him poor out as he groans while almost fully pushed up on to his elbows. He then allows himself to relax and fall back onto the mattress.
Covering his face with his forearm, sweating and breathing heavy, Cullen can feel the after affects still shaking him. "Why did you do that?" He breathes out heavily while looking down at her with wide lustful eyes.
"Oh did you not enjoy it?" She asks, truly curious.
"I...yes...it was appreciated...don't get me wrong...but..." The Templar takes another inhale.
Selena studies him. "Cullen. Just because...we lost our child...doesn't mean my desire for you is any less. Even though I can't physically make love to you, right now. Doesn't mean I can't still love you. Do you understand?" She knows that templars aren't exactly experienced in the 'love and how to' area, so she hopes she can help him learn.
"I think so." He nods and rests a hand on his chest. "Wow, I'm actually tired again." Grinning, those lines appear on his face once again and Selena can feel herself melt.
"Really? Because I can do that again..." She jokes and begins pulling at the covers.
"Maker please, no. Thank-you but no." Cullen circles her frame with his arms. "Just be still, for a bit. Would you?" He laughs against her shoulder. "You're always planning something. Just relax, alright?" She can feel him smile against her skin.
"Alright. Just for a bit though."
"So let me try to understand this, your majesty." Amelia wears a face of confusion. "You thought that if you sent me a letter to ask for my audience, that I would show up here, you would somehow sweep me off my feet and then propose we get married?" She crosses her arms, unimpressed.
"Maker." Alistair laughs, feeling his brow dampen a bit he wipes it with the back of his hand. "When you say it like that it makes me sound like some kind of lecher." He rubs a hand over his mouth while trying to think of a way to convey his thoughts. "Let me start over. Hopefully, I clear this up." He runs his fingers over the wood of the desk.
"Hopefully." The king watches as her brow forms a serious expression.
"I was hoping that maybe we could get to know each other, it doesn't have to go further then that. I'm being pressured to court someone, everyone wants to see an heir to this thrown born. That doesn't mean we have to jump into the 'hey lets get married' boat. I'm just trying to show my court and people that I'm at least trying. This doesn't have to go anywhere other then friendship. I'm new at this...I'm just trying to at least look like I'm speaking to women." He ushers out a sigh of desperation, not sure if he sounds crazy or not. "If any of this bothers you...just let me know. I'm reasonable, I can understand if this is a bit...well uncomfortable. I'm not going to force anyone into anything. I know what it's like to not have a say in anything." Taking a sip of his tea, he rolls his eyes at himself feeling like an utter fool.
"I understand...well mostly I think I do." She gnaws at her bottom lip. Clenching her knees, she leans forward. "You know, my dad..." Her eyes grow sad. "Before...all that unpleasantness, he was pressuring me to marry. It's the way of the Couslands to all be warriors of some type. So I was being pressured to be an excellent marksman as well as being pressured into finding someone suitable. He had many suitors for me. I refused them all of course." She laughs lightly at the warm memory. "At least he was allowing me to have a choice." A small hand reaches over and rests reassuringly on the kings forearm and he stares at it like it's something foreign. "It would be an honor, Alistair, to get to know you."
She smiles, and he finds himself hopeful and a bit excited. Maybe, just maybe this could work. Returning her smile with a half grin, he nods.
Selena stares at the flames blazing in the marble fireplace. Contemplating on everything that had just been presented, her fingers play with the edge of her sleeves. "So, we're going to take Fergus to Amaranthine to attempt the joining. If he survives, then he will remain there and help with the rebuilding of the Ferelden Wardens." Her green eyes never leave the flames.
"Not we, you and some of my men." Alistair answers, also staring at the fire. "As the Commander of the Wardens, you should be there for the joining. After that, I want you to return to Kinloch. I'm going up against the Chantry, my hands are going to be full for quite some time."
"Alright. Fine." She shifts her position in the chair and then turns her gaze to the king. "But Oghren and Anders? Really? That's the part that has me the most confused I swear."
Shaking his head in disbelief as well he takes a seat in the chair next to hers. "Believe me, Oghren as a Grey Warden. I'm just as stunned as you are. Anders, I have only been recently introduced to him...so I have no opinion on that matter."
"Just ask Cullen about him. You'll have a story there." The mage laughs while rubbing her arms.
"I bet." Alistair stares at her fondly. "How is your Templar doing?"
"Alistair..." Selena cocks her head to the side to look at him. "He has a name you know."
"Alright, alright. How's Cullen the Templar doing?" He couldn't resist the easy jab.
"He's fine." Selena finds herself smiling regardless. "Just, well worried...you know." She sees her king nod.
"Right. So it's settled. You will take the two Templars, Fergus, Wynne, Dagna and a few soldiers with you and head to Amaranthine. I will stay here and deal with the Chantry business." Alistair claps his hands together.
"You know, I think we'd travel faster without the extra body guards." She tilts her head again in his direction. "You know I'm right."
"Of course you are." He rubs his hands together, and tries to smile. "But 'I' would feel better, knowing that you have that little bit of extra protection. Please, just do this, for me." His eyes plead with her own. "Please, Selena. I feel bad enough as it is that I can't travel with you. To know that I'm not there in case..." Recent memories of her falling in battle flood his mind.
Selena places her palm on the side of his face. "Fine. If it makes you feel better. But I'm not happy about it."
He takes her little hand into his own and kisses the top of it lightly. "It does. Thank-you." Patting the top of her hand gently, he lets its go.
"So what's this I'm hearing about an Amelia?" This seems to make the King nervous.
"There's nothing to tell...well not yet anyways." He rubs at one of his forearms. "The court has been bothering me. Saying I need to be courting women, finding a wife. There needs to be a Queen. We need the possibility of an heir...you know that sort of thing. So I thought that if it at least looks like I'm looking that maybe they'll leave me alone for a bit. You know? Of course you know. Heh." Alistair clears his throat. "Because I mean who could ever replace you in here?" He grabs at the fabric at his chest. Alistairs eyes dart from her face to his hands, back to her face. "And well how can I ever...you know...with anyone else? That would be...well...and no I couldn't." He's rambling. She knows, he's scared.
"Alistair. Stop." Eyes soft, her hand rests on his shoulder. "It's alright. I know, it's scary, trying to move on. But I won't condemn you for it." Grabbing hold of his chin, she turns his face so that he's focusing on her eyes. "I could never be disappointed in you. I will never stop loving you." She sees his lips attempting to smile, instead they just quiver and stay set in a firm line.
"But I'm scared..." His eyes close. "I don't want to loose my memories of you. I don't want to make new memories with someone else. It's hard for me to think of anyone replacing you...The thought alone makes my heart feel likes it's going to stop." His eyes lower trying to escape the embarrassment he can feel growing inside. "I'm sorry...this must sound..."
"Hey!" Amell jolts his face back up to meet her gaze. "None of that sounds ridiculous! This is hard and scary. We both don't really know what to expect or what to do. But don't ever for a second let yourself believe that I could ever think any less of you. Do you understand?" His eyes close slowly and he nods again. "Alistair, I know what you're feeling. You're right, it's scary, but you got to try. Eventually, things will work out, you'll see that I'm right yet again." She grins and lets go of his chin. "Plus, no matter what, you can always talk to me, about anything. I'll always be there for you." Selena pats his knee then leans back into her chair.
"Thanks. Selena." The King stands and heads for the door. "We should begin preparing for your leave."
Sighing she heaves herself from her chair. "Yes, I guess we should." She watches as he offers a wave and begins to open the door. "You know I love you, right?" Her fingers intertwine themselves behind her back.
Alistair nods, smiling warmly. "Yes, and I you. That's why you better arrive at Amaranthine in one piece." He points a finger in her direction. "Because I swear to the Maker..."
"Yes, yes I know. You're manly and fearsome and I hear your warning." The mage jests.
"Good." Alistair holds the door open. "Now, you better tell everyone what we plan to do, because you're leaving tomorrow morning."