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Chapter Ten: The Angel Without Wings

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EdwardPOV:

Excited. Exhilarated. Tumultuous. There were not enough words to describe what I was feeling at that very moment. It was like the whole weight of the world had been put on my shoulders and it had finally been lifted. Like I had been carrying it for centuries, slave to the guilt I lived off of and with one small gesture Bella had freed me. My heart felt like it was beating again. I could almost feel the blood and adrenaline running through my veins after years of emptiness. She had breathed life into me again. I was alive…at last.

I inhaled the fresh air around me as if I had never breathed before. Everything was so new and bright, it seemed even the weather was following my good attitude. The sun was high with only a few small, white, fluffy clouds floating past it in the pale blue sky. We had not seen such weather before, I thought while lying in the damp grass under the suns rays. I just kept my eyes facing up so not to see the light reflecting off my skin. I was too happy to think about that. I just wanted to feel the warmth of the sun on my cool skin without being worried about anyone watching.

Alice had been more than excited. She, of course, knew exactly what had happened and could not keep the large smile off her lips. It seemed my happiness was contagious. Who knew that one small girl could make someone so happy. Could make me so happy.

Exhaling, I closed my eyes and let the suns rays fall on my skin. Of course it could never make me as warm as being with Bella did but I could substitute until she woke up from her peaceful slumber. I had watched over her, a vampire guardian angel. Well that was a new one, wasn't it? Never heard the damned watching over someone. I shook my head, ridding myself of these dark thoughts. I had to keep them away so I could revel in the intense happiness instead.

I had stroked her hair for hours after she fell asleep, her breathing deep and her eyelashes fluttering through her dreams. How could one look so beautiful yet not be an angel? She had to have fallen on to the earth like the clumsy girl she was. Maybe she was sent here to not be my demon but to be my angel. At the time the thought seemed silly but then she had whispered my name in her sleep, a soft smile spreading across her face. How lifted and amazing I felt just by my name being uttered. It was insane how much of an effect this girl had on me. My Bella had on me.

God I wanted to call her my Bella but just thinking about it I knew I couldn't. She just didn't belong here, in this world, in my world. We were too different. No matter how much I didn't want it to be true, I knew that there was no way for her to stay with me. The night before, biting her had seemed like a good idea but now, looking back, I saw how right I was to stop myself before I did it. Not only could she have died but also seeing her as a dark creature of the night would be impossibly hard for me. No more soul, no more heart beat, no more flushed cheeks. She would change, wouldn't she? But had I fallen in love with her humanity or Bella herself?

Fallen in love. My eyes snapped open at those words. Had I fallen in love with her? Was I even capable of holding such an emotion of love? Lust and desire were apart of the creature of the shadow's history but was love, true love, too large an emotion for their dead hearts to hold? The rest of my family had seemed to find their true loves so why should it be so difficult for me? I had experienced love for my family but never love in way of a man to a woman. Never true love. Was this what it felt like? To feel so happy and amazingly content whenever you were around said person?

I sat up and looked around the small grassy area I had been lying in for over an hour. Alice would know. She would tell me what it really felt like.

I got to my feet and quickly went off at a run through the forest, the wind blowing through my hair and whipping at my face. Everything was still so new and even the feeling of the wind against my skin was a new experience. How odd this feeling was!

I felt even calmer when I came close enough to home so I could hear Bella's steady heart beat ringing in my ears. The relief flooded through my system even though I had no idea I had been worried. Again, that was something to question Alice about.

She was lying upside down in the sitting room, her legs up on the chair but her back against the ground. She seemed to be comfortable as she flipped through the pages of a magazine. "Hello dear brother," she called as I came into the room. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Like you don't know," I chuckled and she grinned sheepishly before rolling over to lie on the floor.

"That may be so," she said as I took my seat. "But I'd rather hear it come from your mouth."

I sighed, shaking my head before grinning down at her. "I need your help with something."

"Ooo yay!" she cried gleefully before sitting up and crossing her legs. "Do go on."

I suddenly became self-conscious and even a little embarrassed that I was about to ask her this question, my little sister. She was supposed to come to me and ask, not the other way around. Yet here we were. I scratched the back of my neck as her large golden eyes got wider. "Edward," she giggled. "You're not…embarrassed, are you?"

"No," I answered automatically and she gave me a skeptical look. "You already know my question, so why don't you answer it?"

"Yes, but I need to hear it!" she cried. "I need to hear you say those words."

I sighed and looked away. "Fine," I muttered before taking a breath. "I think…I think I might love her."
I swear the whole house shook with her squeal of joy. "Alice!" I hissed and she covered her mouth quickly.

"Sorry! I'm just so excited!"

"I wouldn't have guessed it," I answered sarcastically and she smiled up at me.

"So," she said. "You're wondering what love really feels like so you can figure out if you do love her."

"That sounds about right," I said, sinking into my chair and running my hands through my hair out of a nervous habit.

"I can't believe that you took this long to figure it out!" she sighed in exasperation.

I raised a brow and looked at her. "Did you see this coming?"

She bit her lip and played with her fingers. "Maybe…"

I groaned and shook my head before sinking deeper into the chair. "And you didn't even let me know, Alice?" I asked. "I think I should have been given some notice."

"But if I told you this wouldn't have happened," she pointed out and smiled sweetly at me. She had me there. I wouldn't be as happy as I was at that very moment. Would I really want to give that up?

"Will you just help me?" I asked before rubbing my eyes.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Well from what I've witnessed so far, it's obvious what the answer is." I looked at her, puzzled and she groaned. "Men…" she muttered. "What I'm saying is that you are well and truly deep into the haven that is love." She smiled widely at me before tapping her temple. "Trust me. I know these things."

I stared at her for a moment as I let it all sink in. So I was in love with her? I was in love with Bella Swan? It sounded so odd and foreign to think let alone speak. Would I even be able to say it to her? She had to know, didn't she? I couldn't just hide my feelings for her anymore. It always felt like her doe eyes could see right through me and see even my deepest secrets and emotions. How would I able to hide this from her? That was the answer. I couldn't. It wasn't possible so that meant I had to tell her…

I gulped at the thought of just coming out and saying it. What if she didn't love me? What if she was still scared of me? Could I live with the rejection, especially from Bella of all people, the only true love I had ever had in my whole existence?

I sighed into my hands trying to get rid of this sudden stress that overwhelmed me. I'd never had to think so hard about something. Usually it was a split second decision but Bella deserved to be thought about over and over again. I needed to think hard about her. What would my actions do to her or the people she was close to? Her father was already scared and alone so why should I, the monster from a place deeper and darker than Hell, be able to take her away from him and her life with the normal? Because you love her, a small voice said in the back of my head. Why did this all have to be so damn complicated?

Suddenly Alice's head raised, her eyes wide and far away. It took her a moment before she lightly shook her head and looked up at me with a smile. "She'll be waking up in a few minutes so I suggest you go up there to greet her."

I didn't need telling twice. I'd waited long enough to see her again. I stood and left the room quickly, not even finding my energized speed fast enough, before ending up in front of her door. Slowly I pushed it open and peeked inside to find her small, fragile body in the same place I left her. She had rolled over on to her stomach, cuddled into the sheets like a small child as she breathed slowly. I crept inside, closing the door quietly behind me before hesitantly moving closer to her.

Sitting beside her on the bed I lifted my hand and gently brushed a stray lock of hair from her closed eyes. She inhaled deeply and smiled slightly as her eyelashes fluttered. Then I just had to watch as her brown irises were revealed and she looked up at me. She was surprised at first and her heart beat increased but as soon as I grinned at her she seemed to calm down and she hesitantly smiled back.

"'Morning," she murmured.

"Well I believe it should be good afternoon," I chuckled and that light blush showed her cheeks.

"Oh," she mumbled before hiding her face against the pillow. I grinned before tipping her face back to look at me and leaning in to kiss her forehead softly. She bit her lip as I moved away to brush her cheek with my thumb.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked her.

She let out a shaky laugh before answering me. "Yes. Very well."

I wanted to ask her why she was laughing in that nervous way but I decided not to pry. I didn't want to embarrass her again.

She shifted slightly and smiled up at me. Like an angel without her wings. Her smile just radiated happiness throughout the room and I suddenly felt warm by just watching her. How could I have not noticed this sooner? How could I have not noticed how beautiful she was? How could I have not noticed how fast I had fallen for this fragile little human?

I finally realized that I had been looking at her for a few moments so I shook my head to clear my raging thoughts. "Are you hungry?" I asked her.

She bit her lip again with that embarrassed look. "I guess I am," she said in a sort of regretful voice.

I grinned and got to my feet, sad to lose her warmth but ready to start a day with just the two of us together. Alice had spent way too much time with her. It was my turn.

I left her to clean herself up before taking the steps one at a time. Hearing Alice in the kitchen I meandered over there to see what she was doing. By the smell it was obvious she was cooking although I wasn't the best at detecting the scents of human food anymore. As I rounded the corner I found my sister hunched over the stove, flipping something in a pan repeatedly. But this one pan wasn't the only thing she was working on. She had another two pans, both sizzling with some kind of food. I walked closer but she snapped out the spatula she was holding, hitting me square in the chest with it.

"Not any closer, brother dearest," she warned, not even looking at me as she added some kind of pepper to one of the pans.

"Alice-"

"It's Bella's breakfast and I suggest you hightail it down to your lair," she answered, continuing to flip something. My lair was what she now liked to call the basement. Saying these things made me feel like I was some kind of fictional vampire traveling down there to get into a coffin.

"And why would I do that?" I demanded to know, crossing my arms.

She spun around to face me, a little pink apron covering her designer clothes, before speaking. "Because I saw what would happen. Bella is very self-conscious and you watching her eat isn't going to help anybody." She smacked me with the spatula again. "So march, mister."

I held up my hands in defeat knowing now not to bet against Alice. So I did leave the kitchen and went down stairs to my 'lair'. I could wait until Bella was finished and then I would have my time with her, mark my words. Alice would not keep her from me any longer.

The basement looked just the same as the last time I had been in it. But it seemed it was filled with both good and bad memories. Good because I had composed her lullaby here on the very piano my fingers now caressed. Bad because this was the place I had scared her so much that she ran from the house and into the dangerous woods where she was hurt. Even thinking about how pale and lifeless her face looked when I had found her made me sick. How could I have scared her in such a way? Remembering these bad memories made me realize how much of a monster I truly was. Underneath all the flowery human emotions I was and would always be a creature of the dark.

I sat down at my piano, feeling the need to just play and let out my emotions using the keys in front of me. And that was what I did. I let the music flow from my deepest being to my fingers as the feelings that had been stuck in me for who knows how long escaped with every plink of the piano. I could almost imagine the songs writing themselves in my mind. I didn't even need to put pen to paper; it was all right there in my head.

As I played it suddenly changed into Bella's Lullaby, turning soft and melodic rather than harsh and sullen. The notes that rang in the air were somewhat joyful and lilting unlike the songs that I had been playing before which let out the anger and frustration that had flowed through my body. Now I was calm as the gentle music relaxed my body and mind, turning off my raging thoughts and feelings. This was what I came down to my 'lair' for.

The last note rang in the still air as I inhaled deeply. My eyes snapped open when I realized I took in a smell that I knew all too well. Freesia. I turned slowly to see Bella quietly standing in the shadows. She needed to come forward. She didn't belong in the darkness; she belonged in the light that was coming through the small window.

We were silent for a moment, just looking at each other before she spoke. "That was beautiful," she murmured.

"It's yours," I answered and she looked confused for a moment. The darkness the surrounding her was still getting to me. She had to come forward!

"Mine?" she asked.

"You inspired it," I clarified and she nodded minutely. "Please don't stand there."

Her head snapped up and looked at me with surprise. "What?"

"In the shadows," I said. "I can't see you well enough." The truth was that I could see her quite clearly but I needed her to come out of that dark corner. That place was where I belonged, not the angel I was staring at.

She stepped forward and I sighed in relief as the light hit her pale skin. For some reason it made me feel she was safer.

"Thank you," I said before she shifted uncomfortably under my watchful gaze. "Will you sit with me?" I gestured the place next to me and her eyes widened. There was a small period of hesitance on her part before she came forward and sat at the end of the bench, putting as much space between us as possible. I frowned, staring at her as she looked away. I didn't like this at all. So instead of sitting there I moved closer to her so our arms touched. She flinched and my frown deepened. Not wanting to make her even more uncomfortable I moved away again but she slid back towards me, grabbing my arm.

"No! Sorry," she said quickly before realizing she was holding my arm. She dropped her hands and made to get up but I snatched her hand before she got off the bench. She looked at me but I was entranced by her hand that I was holding. Her skin was pale although against mine she looked flushed and I could feel the warmth coming off her palm. Her fingernails had been chewed on repeatedly giving me the knowing that she was the nervous type but it didn't matter. Her hands were still the most beautiful I had ever seen. I held it tightly in mine as my fingers memorized every edge of her hand before looking back up to meet her curious gaze.

Dropping her hand I moved so my body faced her and I could reach up and touch her warm cheek softly. Our eyes were still locked as I caressed her gently, remembering the first time I had touched her this way and how much I wanted more of her.

But looking into her deep eyes I suddenly had a revelation. Our topic that we had talked about that first night that I touched her face. I drew my hands away and she looked at me with confusion as I stared down at my own hands. "You're a prisoner," I murmured.

She blinked, clearly taken by surprise. "What?"

I looked back into her doe eyes. So innocent and I had taken advantage of her, again. How could I say I loved her but keep her a prisoner? No. I could no longer keep her here against her will. She had to go…home. She had to go back to her father. She had to go back to her life where it was normal and she was happier. Where she could interact with those who couldn't kill her at any moment and not those who thirsted for not only her body but also her blood. If I really did love her as much as I thought I did I had to do this one thing. I had to let her go.

"I can't keep you here anymore Bella," I said, getting up and crossing room to cover myself in the shadows where I belonged. Turning to look back at her and noticed her expressions. She was not only confused but that small bit of hurt shone in her eyes. I was doing it again. "I can't keep you as a prisoner. You don't deserve any of this. You don't deserve to be like a rat in a cage or being taken advantage of by a vampire like me."

She flinched at my words but otherwise didn't move. We were silent for a few minutes before she finally opened her mouth to speak again. "I don't understand, Edward," she whispered.

"I'm letting you go," I answered in an emotionless voice as I could manage. "You're free, Bella." But that wasn't all I wanted to say. Those three words got stuck in my throat and I could not guilt her into staying.

I love you…

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X Author's Note X

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THE CLIFF HANGER QUEEN STRIKES AGAIN!!! Happy Mothers Day! This chapter is not only for my readers out there but for my Mum! It's her treat. Hope you guys are treating your Mom's to a really special day. Cooking or cleaning maybe? Well this is my present to the woman whose had to live with me for over sixteen years. Hey! I'm not that annoying! But anyway moving on. Ooo I'm going to be in my high school's yearbook class next year. Maybe yearbook editor…? You never know. But it's a good class to take since my damn school dropped the animation AND the writer's craft courses! So I'm in yearbook and another history class instead. I guess I can work with that. Annnddd we have another Canadian band on my music playlist. Honeymoon Suite from Niagara Falls. Their song "Burning In Love" has got my Eddie written all over it. "I am still a lonely man. Burning in love!" :D

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X Next Chapter X

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BellaPOV. We figure out what her answer is to Edward setting her free. (I sound like one of those nature guys letting a bird free or something. "Go forth and prosper!!!" Lol) And we've got some very actiony parts coming up so hold in there guys!

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X Music X

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She's So High – Tal Bachman

Don't Stop Believing – Journey

Heavy – Collective Soul

Burning In Love – Honeymoon Suite

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