I am not J.K.Rowling or Disney- or anyone working for Disney who may have written or sung this song.
Potions Class (to tune of "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan)-5
Narrator: Various
Setting: Potions class, Harry's 5th year
Snape comes quickly into the Potions room; the frightened and intimidated Gryffindors stare at him and the Slytherins smile knowingly.
Severus Snape: Let's get down to business,
He slams the door.
To pass the O.W.L.s.
The entire class grimaces in fear. A few of them put their hands to their faces and shout.
Class: Ah!
Severus Snape: I suggest you all work hard this year,
Because your skill level smells.
You're the foulest class I've ever had,
So remember, when you study:
To be an Auror, you must pass with an "E."
The students begin to brew their potions as Professor Snape prowls the room, inspecting all of theirs.
Add the powdered moonstone;
Add the syrup of hellbore.
He stops and stares into Harry's cauldron, over which he stands, stirring feverishly.
If you forgot one step in this,
He Evanescos Harry's potion.
Your potion will be no more.
You're in desperate need of outside help,
So remember, when you study:
To be an Auror, you must pass with an "E."
Ron Weasley (his head in his hands): I'm never gonna pass this class.
Neville Longbottom (trying to put out the fire on his desk): Tell Gran I'm just registering "Squibb."
Hemione Granger (stressfully flipping through a Potions textbook): Why was a I fool for studying more for Transfiguration?
Draco Malfoy (smirking and watching everyone else in satisfaction): My dad'll make sure I pass.
Gregory Goyle (tipping some of Draco's cauldron into his own): I think I'll just cheat and ad-lib.
Harry Potter (looking glumly into his empty cauldron): Now I really wish I was Sorted into Slytherin . . .
Class: Potions class!
Severus Snape: Calmly wait for your brew to boil.
Class: Potions class!
Severus Snape: Take a flagon and cork it fast.
Class: Potions class!
Severus Snape: Longbottom, please control that raging fire,
Or you'll be with Potter in Remedial Potions class.
Cut forward to later in the year: Snape stands at the front, and Dolores Umbridge comes into the room, grinning sadistically.
The Inquisitor comes to see us,
As the Ministry bid her do.
Turns and glares down at Harry.
Though I quite detest her,
I like her more than you.
I'll see you after class quite soon;
Leans in to whisper out of the corner of his mouth to Harry.
I will help you with Occlumency.
Stands upright again and speaks out load.
As you will never, in this class, get an "E."
Class: Potions class!
Severus Snape: Calmly wait for your brew to boil.
Class: Potions class!
Severus Snape: Take a flagon and cork it fast.
Class: Potions class!
Severus Snape: Potter, don't bother with that raging fire,
I'll be seeing you anyway in Remedial Potions class.