"So hehe... what do our travelers do again? I misheard the first time," he asks once more.
"Umm Scott asks 'For what reasons do you protect Princess Dix, be they moral or political?'" You deepen your voice a bit for effect.
Fireram considered Scott's question a bit odd, maybe his drinking problems hadn't been progressing well. "I must admit, I'mma bit worried for ya, Scott. It's not like ya to jus' forget somethin' as important as your royal duties. Being as you're Princess Dix's most noble and prestige, leading knight."
"Oh umm... I have nothing."
Fireram, tilted his head a bit and responded, "That's quite-
"No, I mean I don't have any ideas what to do here, genius," you say, this time it removes him from the trance he was in prior.
"... huh. Oh! Okay don't jus' zone out like that. You gotta actually state when we need a' talk outta context. Next time ask to speak OOC first, and since I'm the DM I s'pose I can help ya start this off since y're havin' trouble," David says before providing the assistance.
Before Fireram can respond his stellar hearing alerts him to the call of a woman near by, he looks down the path to see an Elven maiden running out of the city panicked and carrying a scroll. Once she reaches them she introduces herself, "I am Jaqulyn, I work in a tavern near by but Princess Dix has asked me to deliver this message to ya since I'm one of 'er childhood friends. She was just attacked by a putrid beast of malice and dark intent."
Scott is completely ambivalent to Jaqulyn's introduction, while Firearm pays considerate attention to her as a person and also for the fact she's about to deliver important information. Scott decides he cares just a little bit now and listens in.
"Dearest, Scott. As 'er noblest and lead knight, Princess Dix demands that ya defend her honor and the safety a' the cit'zens by findin' the beast and neutralizing the threat as peacefully as possible. However, if slaying the beast is necessary then she will allow it."
"Oh... that sucks," Fireram sharply elbows Scott for his disrespecting tone, "I mean, we'll accept that quest I guess. That was a quest right?" Scott looks to Fireram, Fireram nods awaiting for Scott to fully catch on already and move this along. "Then we accept. Where will we find this beast of burden?"
Jaqulyn smiles in relief, resting her pristine Elf features and goes on to say, "While we cannot know it's exact location, I believe your best hope is to follow it into the forest where it fled. Just beyond the tallest spire of the castle into our wheat obscuring forests. I pray for our crops safety, hopefully the beast is unaware of it's importance."
Scott walks away without even acknowledging the maiden's help, admitting soon after that he forgot to and that Fireram should shut up about the small irrelevant details. To which Fireram stands up tall and drawls intensely at Scott until he stops acting 'meta'. Where Fireram learned this word, even he is unaware of.
The group continues on into the forest, stopping at a clearing of wheat surrounded by trees as a method to evade the eyes of wheat thieves. Scott nobly decides to... does he have a sword?
You check your character sheet, when David notices you doing this he bears a wide smile. Damnit, he's so happy you're giving an effort now. Enjoying it while it lasts you guess, you're never playing another game of this after today. You observe that your character has a sword and a dagger on him. You also stop to note how attractive David drew him, you just kinda glossed over that before... well if you're giving this your all then you should be as realistic as you can and get descriptive about yourself, err, Scott from now on.
Scott unsheathes his sword from it's scabb- oh he doesn't have a- WHATEVER, Scott removes his golden sword from it's previously secure position inside its SCABBARD! DAVI- Fireram will just have to accept that Scott purchased a scabbard this morning as a result of good thinking on his part. Scott walks through the field with his weapon at the ready. His handsome features set to an expression of concentration and determination while paying close attention for any signs of the beast's presence. The silence builds brick upon brick of intensity to this moment, as only the sounds of the wind blowing his gorgeous, yet wild, blood orange hair can be heard.
The intensity of the moment is interrupted by Fireram's desire to be obtrusively inquisitive, "Y'know, I didn't recall your features to be this allurin', as well as I rememb'red your hair bein' a diff'rent color."
"Well I decided... brass...was an off-putting color and dyed it," Scott responds.
"Whad'ya mean by dyed? Is that the form a' sorc'ry ya used to change your appearance?" Fireram pressed further.
Despite how persistently annoying Fireram is being, Scott responds in kind, "Sorry if you're unfamiliar with the term, it's used constantly where I previously yielded from. It means I colored my hair using the blood of my enemies. The last person who persistently pissed me off is the cause for the bold, alluring color to my hair, you see? Spiffy, so I say unto thee, shuteth the hell upeth."
Scott continued to listen in the field, yet his ears lacked the power, of a potential point system maybe, to hear the beast within the wheat batch to his left. Fireram however, was blessed with tremendous hearing, being of Ramkin, his ears were angled so that he was able to hear the creatures rustling. He decided to take shelter in the branches above rather than warn Scott of the impending danger. The forces at be determined he was able to climb the tree easily, perching himself a top a medium height branch, above the oncoming slaughter.
Scott sought the beast frantically but unfortunately didn't catch sight of it until it leapt in front of him and began pacing slowly, giving a moment notice before pouncing onto him. Scott used the spare moment to charge at the animal with his sword, but since this beast in particular had the skills of something some folks would refer to as a level 10 solo skirmisher. Meaning it was a much higher level than Scott's sword was capable of doing any significant damage to.
Fireram attempted to assist Scott in his effort by aiming his crossbow at the beings head, an odd number echoes from above and the shot is declared a miss. King Fireram doesn't attempt for the fear of bringing attention to himself, after he recognizing the creature as the fabled Displacer Beast.
Fireram watches the oncoming horror as the Displacer Beast tosses Scott's sword aside and proceeds to stand on top of him, pinning him down beneath its weight. Scott struggles from under the creatures forepaws but his attempts are in vain. The beast constrains his limbs with each of its four appendages, and-
"Okay I really don't like where this is going," you say.
"Announce 'en y're gon' speak out a' context'!" David shouts at you.
"Sorry, really. But it kind of sounds like tentacle porn is going to ensue,"
"Well it's not, so shut up. Besides you'd like that anyways, I saw you looking through Dirk's weird hentai box," David responds annoyed.
"There wasn't even any in there, it's incorrectly labelled," you snap back defending yourself.
"But you admit you read that it said hentai, so you were looking for it," fuddletrumpet, he's got you there.
"... So uh what happened with Scott?" You ask.
"Exa'tly," he says bluntly, "So anyways yeah, Fireram watched in horror from above, blah blah so-on, fast forwardin' for the impatient children' in the room. The ground beneath Scott was moist from 'is tears as he was compr'ndin' the events that 'ad just taken place. Could 'e really raise a child on his own? What wou-"
"Okay what the hell just happened, it sounds like you might have glossed over a good bit of important shit there, mate," you butt in.
"No. Not really,"
"Then bluntly tell me what just happened that was so horrific," you demand.
"Oh, Scott was impregnated as a result a' the Displacer Beast's magic an' sensual prowess, so"
You wish you didn't demand that he tell you, "Woah! Bloody Hell you said there wasn't gonna be any tentacle porn, what's all this then?"
"It wasn't pornographic, it was glorious, noble, and most of all pleasurable for Fireram as he watched it 'appen. Originally he thought the horror would be Scott gettin' disemboweled but luck'ly Scott survived," he confirms.
"Lucky? Bullshit, how is that lucky? You just don't like how I choose to play so you made me get raped by a tentacle panther!"
"ACTUALLY, Scott was the one who was forcibly fornicated with by a DISPLACER BEAST. Just to set the record straight," he says in a know it all tone.
"You know what, I don't even care. Continue the roleplay, I'll make due," you say.
Scott get up from the bundle of dead wheat below him, he notes the pile of missing wheat to his left. Damn wheat thieves! With nothing going for him anymore he picks up his sword that was tossed aside in the earlier skirmish. Holding it up he aims it to his chest and attempts seppeku.
"Woah uh... does really he now?" David asks, hesitation clearly evident in his voice.
"Yes. Roll the die." You say deadpan.
Scott succeeds in his attempt at suicide via self-induced seppeku, he lay slain on the ground.
Fireram cries from his tree.
"Alright, Scott's dead so the game is done," you say in confidence.
"Not necessarily, you can just play anoth-" he persists.
"You told me one round, I think dying marks the end of a round. Goodbye!"
He doesn't try to stop you this time, he just gives you the look of a kicked puppy as you take your leave.
You look back for the last time, "Look, I'm sorry but I give no shits about this game. I'm not creative enough to fully enjoy it, and I'm also very impatient. This game is the bane of my existence. Blame Dave for your crushed hopes, he's the ass that sent me down here despite full well knowing you'd be present." You do pity the fellow but you couldn't survive getting roped into another game session with the bloke so you click the basement light on and begin your ascension of the stairway.
"... kinda surprised Dirk didn't warn ya 'bout me when Dave directed ya 'ere," he says looking down but also a bit surprised.
"Dick wasn't there, he left to pick up his friend for the movie," you tell him.
"Ah...who's watchin' Dave?" He looks up at you immediately.
"No one... I doubt he needs supervision at his age if he's lived this long in the vicinity of so many easily accessible swords," you say casually, before realizing you just glossed over how concerning their collection of artifacts is.
David blows out the candles and shoots up out of his chair, sprinting up the stairs shoving you aside and whipping open the door, delving into the hallway. Once back upstairs you spot David looking around frantically. Ah, glorious light, why is Dave nowhere in sight?
"Something up, chap?" You inquire.
"Where the hell is Dave, why the fuck d'ya guys leave 'im alone?" He shouts back, you notice the couch has all it's cushions thrown askew, you're not sure if that was a result of Dave's work or David's panicked search efforts.
Your thoughts are thrown aside as an abrupt thumping catches you and David's collective attention. You both stare at a door, David opens it revealing a closet, and Dave inside it. There's no possible jokes you could make pertaining to someone being in a closet so you just await what happens next. Dave gets up off the floor spilling crumbs everywhere, you see an empty cinnamon bun 6 pack behind his foot. After observing Dave you understand why your grandmother never let you do anything like that, this kids like 12 and his life already looks like it's in the gutter.
David is quick to respond, "What were you doin'?"
"I was eating all the cinnabuns since you guys always hog them all." Dave responds calmly.
"... That's it?" David's expression calms severely, matching Dave's.
"Yup."
"Oh... huh. Okay um... good then. Y're entitled to cinn'm'n buns whene'er you like, sorry if we've been hoggin' 'em." David responds, deadpanning.
David turns and walk back down the hallway, leaning into you for a moment to whisper, "Don't fuckin' leave him again, I know he's lyin'," then he returned from whence he came, back to the dark recess he broods in.
You watch Dave closely after that. He gets another bag of Doritos and sits down on the couch and you join him. He agrees to let you resume Intermission and you get back to enjoying those numbered felt fellows from before as the two of you sit in silence.
As it was in the beginning, it is in the end; silent and riddled with a perplexing tension that sports sunglasses indoors.