Kyaah…been a while yet again but school is hectic right now so I can't update as often as before. Anyhow, hopefully you guys will still continue watching for this despite its delay. So, off to the next chapter then.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
She silently held his hands within her grasps, the tears would never stop falling down as she sat with him in his final moments. It had happened sooner than anticipated and there was nothing left for the doctors to do. It was already clear that he is not going to make it by dawn.
Rukia had been called by Starrk after the doctor had announced that Aizen might not live for tomorrow and Rukia, who at the moment had been preoccupied with the thoughts concerning Ulquiorra, had immediately headed there in fear and quiet despair.
And now, here she was, sitting there, trying to stay awake the whole night to keep the dying man company. It surprised Starrk that Aizen managed to stay conscious and engaged Rukia in a short conversation earlier.
His greeting towards Rukia was a faint smile. And when Rukia settled at the seat beside his bed, he spoke in words only she could probably hear. His voice was barely inaudible. "It is time I go," he announced solemnly, as if aware that he really would go any minute. His eyes were glazed and for a moment, Rukia thought she saw in his eyes that same glaze look that Byakuya and Gin had when they were dying.
"No!" Rukia refused, allowing herself to be delusional.
Aizen pressed his hands against hers. "Don't kid yourself, Rukia…you know I have to go," he said softly. He smiled again, a proud smile, and continued. "I'm so proud of you…they would have been proud of you too."
But Rukia would not listen. She just kept shaking her head in denial, not willing to accept that he will go this soon though she was already forewarned about it. "No…you can't go yet…don't leave me," and because both Lisa and Starrk who were present there were intently listening, they have not missed that tone of fear.
His eyes were wistful…
"My friends are waiting for me…" he said more to himself than to her and Rukia's heart felt heavy. He turned to her once more. "Forgive me…but this loneliness and pain…it's finally over…"
Rukia wiped her tears harshly. "Don't make me the instrument of your passing," she pleaded.
Again, his pale lips curved into a small smile. "Ah but you know I have to…" he said in a strained voice. "I want to know Rukia…" his voice was becoming smaller by the minute and Rukia had to lean closer to catch what he was saying. "I want to know…did I do good by you? I need to know so I can have a face to show my friends…they are waiting for me."
Byakuya and Gin were more than Aizen's friends. They were his brothers too even though they don't share the same blood…and the three grew up together, protecting each other and were loyal towards each other…
And when Rukia came into their life, they have also vowed to do the same with her…
For Aizen, he needed to know that he did well…that he had not failed the friends he sorely missed even though the two were almost a decade in the sod.
"Yes," Rukia whispered close to his ear. "And I couldn't be more grateful for that…" she choked…
Aizen managed a weak chuckle. He was satisfied with that. He slowly leaned back on the pillow, the smile never leaving his face. He will be more satisfied if only he could have lived longer to see how Ulquoirra and Rukia would end up together…but that was denied of him and he could only hope that with the move of making Rukia the general head of his company and Ulquiorra's company in charge of construction, he could get the two together…
In his soul, he felt a little regret…if only he had acted sooner then perhaps he would have died to see the result of it…
"Don't go yet…I need you…don't leave me alone," and with that, Rukia had finally voiced her fear, her fear of being left alone and abandoned.
"You're a strong woman…you can manage…" he answered weakly. "And you still have them…"
Rukia did not bother arguing about that part, finding it more important to ask him to stay a little longer. Aizen clasped her hand tightly. "You know I have to go…my friends are waiting…you have to let me go, princess," he said, using the title Gin fondly used on her. Rukia bit her lower lip at the last words… "The time has come for me to depart…and be with them…"
He did not speak any longer, his breathing shallow as he slowly closed his eyes and lay quietly for a long while…then suddenly, a shadow of a smile flickered in his face and he tried to start up from bed, as if straining to reach for someone he alone could see and his hands which he pulled from Rukia's grasps reached for the pale ghostly hands towards the two translucent figures that stood watch nearby, his hand held in that familiar brotherly grasp he had missed his whole life. His last words were for Rukia before he went with tears in his eyes...
"Ulquiorra is the man for you…" he had said.
For a moment, Rukia stilled before her shoulders shook terribly once more.
"Don't die yet," she pleaded in soft whisper, begging the man not to go. Her request was met with the silence in the room, before she moved her right hand and brushed the silky hair of the man. "I don't know what to do without you."
Starrk was right in his assumption, was right to conclude what Aizen had told him before. About Rukia's fear. He finally understood it all now as he listened once more to Rukia talking with the dead man – the man who stood by Rukia the first few years after Byakuya and Gin went – that was according to what Love had accounted.
"You feel so cold, Aizen," she murmured in a choked voice as she blinked back the tears. "I wish you don't feel so cold." And she hated herself for it. She had been crying lately ever since she found out about a letter which was allegedly sent by her.
When again, Rukia was meant with that deathly silence, she knew he was already gone indeed and she wailed and keened beside him. "I love you so much…you, Byakuya and Gin…" she cried. She had lost all the three men who had protected her when she was stuck in a world all new to her. All those three men who loved and adored her in the short moment that they have met and known each other…
And because she loved Aizen too like she did Byakuya and Gin, she knew she could not begrudge him the request he had asked from her…that she let him go…to allow him to reunite with the friends he had lost nine years ago…
From nearby, Lisa looked away as she heard her boss' words. It tore to the heart – it tore at Lisa to see a strong woman suddenly yielding to her grief, admitting a moment of weakness as she pleaded for the man not to go yet.
She focused her eyes outside the window where the wind lashed heavily, blowing its bitter breath at the window. How very appropriate…that the weather that night looked so dark, as if heaven itself is crying with the Kuchiki woman who threw away all her defenses in this one moment and allowed herself to be weak. It looked like the storm outside corresponded to the storm inside Rukia. The storm which was named grief and it whipped across Rukia's blood.
It was an opportunity to see the Ice Maiden being soft yet Lisa found it unnerving as well and decided to overlook this and not include it as part of her documentary. She'll simply note this in her head, charging it to one of those rarest occasions which Rukia had given her the privilege to have a glimpse of the inner her, the person who hides behind the title of Ice Maiden.
In this moment, Rukia had succumbed to grief. It was clearly seen in those pair of lavender eyes – one which usually was unfathomable – now all but flashed grief. One of the last two people who knew Rukia's secret was fading away and Rukia grieved for him. For the loneliness that she knew Aizen had always been feeling ever since the death of his friends nine years ago. For the loneliness that she too would be suffering from this departure.
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A number of people came to attend his wake and all the while, Rukia stood near the casket, her eyes were already dried from the tears she had shed for him. She entertained guests politely, answered a few questions, then would leave Starrk to entertain them while she moved to another.
And that was when he came…with the others…without Orihime…
One look at them made Rukia's heart heavy again…
It was Ichigo and Renji who came first. Without a word, Ichigo opened his arms and Rukia found herself encircled in the protective arms of one man she had considered her brother. "We grieve with you, Rukia," Neliel spoke kindly from behind Ichigo and the latter released Rukia so she could attend to Nel.
"Nel…" her voice was weak, contrary to the clipped and reserved tone she used on them during their earlier encounters. Neliel made the move and kissed her friend's forehead in a motherly fashion that almost made Rukia cry once more but she tolerated the tears. It was alright to cry last night with only Starrk and Lisa as witnesses but she still could not let herself be weak in front of many people. That thought had always been engrained in her.
"We came as soon as we heard," Grimmjaw said casually, his voice reserved but even though he was being a jerk, Rukia was thankful that he had the tact to be polite and casual at a time like this. At other times, she might lash out at him but not today.
"Thanks," she murmured and motioned her hand for them to enter. Toshirou was the first but not after he pressed Rukia's hands warmly in a brotherly fashion. Rukia mouthed her thanks. Grimmjaw followed albeit reluctantly and not long after, Nel went in too. Ichigo patted her. Renji studied her for a moment before he sighed and ruffled Rukia's hair.
"Will you be alright?" he asked worriedly and Rukia nodded, holding to his arm for a second to regain some of her strength. The tears are prickling her eyes but she blinked them back once more. There are still lots of people she had to attend to…she can't be this emotional now…not after being given the title as the Ice Maiden.
"Yes…" she said hoarsely. Renji sighed and angled his head to give the green-eyed a meaningful look, telling him to take care of the things left unsaid. He then proceeded inside to sit beside Ichigo and the two started talking in whisper.
At the moment, Rukia found it awkward to stand in front of him and not be angry…because now, she had no reason to. Because he did not do the things she thought he did. She forced a smile.
He moved with fluid grace, one hand tucked in his pocket. "How are you holding up?" he asked quietly, he too finding it a little awkward after their last conversation. He studied her closely and frowned. She was pale as a sheet. And he found it remarkable that she managed to stand firm while dealing with the people who attended the wake.
"Pretty…good."
The silence between them was filled with so much discomfort. Ulquiorra sighed before he did something which surprised them both. He pulled her towards him and just held her there in his quiet embrace. She was about to free herself from him but Ulquiorra held her even tighter and whispered close to her ear.
"I know we haven't fully resolved things yet…but just this once, let's forget about the nine years that separated us both," he coaxed, his eyes catching both Ichigo's and Renji's. "Don't struggle Rukia."
"Let me go…" she demanded weakly. But he did not heed her. He had meant to have her back but this is certainly not one of his ploys. He simply wanted to hold her there, to make sure she was alright.
"No will do," he said and held her even tighter. "You've been doing fine holding it up for the whole day…" he whispered…she was actually cold…
"Please," she said weakly, not finding the energy to get angry at all. Her eyes welled with tears. He could still read her so well…and he knew…
"I'm here…we're here," he continued in whisper, hoping that he could get this close to her again after all this is over, knowing that their close proximity now is probably temporary, brought about by the grief he read in her eyes.
It was as if those were the words she needed to hear before she finally relaxed against him and her hands moved on their own, hugging him back, allowing herself the warmth of his embrace – one of the things she had sorely missed when she was in America.
She buried her face in his chest and Ulquiorra ignored the curious looks from those who knew them. Because most of the alumni from their school came to pay their respect. He could see Tatsuki and the others giving them the same look they always gave them when they were younger…the supportive look.
Rukia closed her eyes and Ulquiorra knew she was silently crying, allowing the fabric of his shirt to become her handkerchief. She had been holding it up…not wanting to cry in front of other people. Later, Rukia thought, if that man, had been alive, she knew he would chastise her for such weakness.
After all, according to him, to survive in this world, one does not need emotions.
But Rukia's resolve towards that adage had been weakened…
She was tired…
Tired of being the ice maiden and for once, while she's in Japan, she wished she could be emotional…and this was the time that she gets to it…
"Feeling better?" he asked.
"Hmm…" she could only murmur.
Ulquiorra pulled her away from him and supported her weight. "Come, I'll take you to your seat and have them serve you tea. You needed it."
Rukia hesitated but conceded in the end. Just this once, she thought. Ulquiorra sat her next to Neliel before he went towards Lisa and spoke a few words. She dimly recalled how Lisa nodded before leading Ulquiorra outside.
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Lisa watched with reservation as the man moved around the kitchen, checking for anything he needed. Then she cleared her throat. "You seem to know what to serve her," she commented and leaned on the doorjamb of the kitchen.
"Does that come as a surprise to you?" he asked without looking at her.
"Maybe. After all, I don't know what you were to her more than what I had learned from bits and pieces," she said and watched as he stirred the tea. She had been observing him too. Not only Rukia, but he had become part of her recording as well. And she was not sure but she thought those usually stoic green eyes were filled with emotions whenever he stared at Rukia. And there was genuine care that he displayed.
When he made no attempt to answer, she continued. "My boss is a strong woman…I don't think I ever saw her break down…"
"Even a strong one can and will break at one point, no matter how hardened," he answered. He gazed at her. "This…is just one of those rare moments for Rukia."
Lisa marveled how this man would have acted if he were there last night, to watch Rukia keen…a shadow of a smile flickered her lips. She knew. He'd stand by her. She may not know him too well but her sharp mind told her that this man would never leave Rukia no matter what…despite what happened to them years ago, he would and always go back to her…
"She's the greatest woman I ever met," she admitted. "I had always wished to uncover the enigma of the Ice Maiden…" she smiled at how his eyes sharpened a little, obviously taking a dislike towards the title dubbed to Rukia. "But perhaps…there was no mystery to uncover…perhaps…this and what she had showed…were the real her, not the stuck-up Kuchiki princess of the household."
He carried the cup and walked passed her.
"I would appreciate it if you could convince her to take a rest," she supplied. "She had not slept the whole night and missed her meals…" and to think it was only the first day.
He nodded. "I'll have that taken care of…" he turned to give her a questioning look and Lisa grinned.
"Yadomarou Lisa."
"I see."
"She needed someone."
He nodded. "I know. That's why we're here."
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"Here," he offered and sat at her right side. She nimbly took it and sipped, finding the warmth of the tea sooth her troubled mind. She gave him a small look.
"Thanks a lot," she murmured.
"Don't mention it," he said. "After that, you should probably take a rest. You look like you have seen a ghost."
She nodded absentmindedly, her mind already too far away. It was just like those days…so many years ago…he knew just what to tell her, just what she needed…and he would always give it to her…provide it for her…
Perhaps the nine years had marred their beautiful relationship and had broken the trust that was not meant to be…still, Rukia thought perhaps there are some things that could be salvaged if only she would allow herself to.
Friends.
Him.
Despite the attitude she had shown them, they still came…perhaps what Aizen said was true…that she still has them…and perhaps he is right…
If only she would allow herself to trust them again…
She glanced at the man beside her…
It may take a while…but it might work…because she knew this man beside her will stop at nothing to help her get all those back eventhough she made it clear she does not want to get too much attached with them yet…
A wry smile curved her lips…
Ah but that was just one of the good points of Ulquiorra, she supposed…
"…wrong?"
She blinked at him. "Huh?"
"I was asking if there's something wrong…you're spacing out," he said with a frown and Rukia shook her head.
"Do you mean it?" she asked instead, her voice soft, so only he could hear. She wanted to make sure before she could start taking them in once more.
"…"
Rukia gave him a blank look and did not speak, their eyes communicated before Ulquiorra spoke with finality. "I do. We're always here even if you push us away."
That was the answer Rukia needed before she shifted her position and made a small move, her tear still in her hands. She kissed Ulquiorra's cheek, her lavender eyes grateful for the first time and it lacked the anger, the pain and even the confusion. Only her appreciation was read in those beautiful eyes.
"It meant a lot," she whispered.
"I know." He gave her his soft smile. A little far away, Orihime looked away, trying to suppress the envy inside her. She came here to extend her condolence but after seeing them act so natural towards each other again, like old times, she could not help but feel resentful and envious yet at the same time, forgiving if that were even possible.
After all, she had no place in Ulquiorra's heart from the get-go. But it still hurts. She turned and walked away.
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Phew…I'll immediately thank the following people:
Yuniee, StarPrincess999, Relya Schiffer, a girl who goes here everyday, buchielle, AnimeFanx3, Alaeamori, kejora, RukiaYouKoMaSaHi, satomika, ninjabunnyoverlord, onlyluna, Hatsune-chan and phobia97…
Thank you guys for the review…
Anyway, I apologize if the characters in this chapter are a bit…OOC…but I feel it is necessary for this part…once in a while…baah…there goes…take care…