Never Say I Love You
A/N: I still think Alan Rickman should have been at least nominated for Best Supporting Actor for the Oscars, if not win. Oh well, nothing I could do about that though. But, wow, I'm so overwhelmed by your response to this story. Thanks. And sorry for the long wait. My hand still refuses to cooperate. Well, I hope you enjoy. Longest Chapter Ever!
Chapter 10: Lessons
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(Severus' POV)
I woke up to that intoxicating smell of vanilla and oranges. I inhaled deeply, not wanting the sensations it brought to me to escape my memory. I slowly opened my eyes and was immediately greeted by the familiar deep green hangings of my four-poster. I sighed as I tried to remember how I got here; the last thing I remembered was excruciating pain from the Dark Lord's wand. I felt a slight elation, remembering the reason for that punishment.
Lily is safe.
Still, that doesn't explain how I got here. I closed my eyes once more as I forced my mind to remember. Then, snippets of certain events began to invade my head:
Avery and Nott. I will kill them for manhandling me. Well, at least they did not mutilate me further and dumped me elsewhere. Good thing it was my front door… and that Alana found me before I froze to death.
Alana? She brought me in? In my room? After I expressly told her not to enter it?
A pounding headache came along next as I tried to push away the outrage that I was feeling.
She did tend to me; healed my cuts to a certain degree, my mind tried to reason out.
As I debated in my head whether to reprimand her for her deed or not, I heard a soft moan. Then I felt something shift on the bed. I glanced at where the sound was coming from and was immediately greeted by a cascade of long raven hair.
Alana. She must've fallen asleep last night while tending to me. Her arms were folded on top of the side of my bed; her head was using it for a pillow. I held my breath as I saw her shift her position once more –but she did not wake. She must still be too tired to be in this deep of a slumber.
I had decided not to wake her. I carefully slipped out of bed and got dressed, all the while trying to make as little noise as possible. Before I left the room, I chanced another glance at her sleeping form. I sighed deeply as I turned to leave.
I honestly did not know what to think anymore.
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(Alana's POV)
I woke up with a stiff neck and sore arms. I must have slept on them. My eyes were greeted by a not-so-familiar deep green when I opened them. That was when I remembered where I was.
Oh, God.
I immediately glanced at my master's sleeping form… only to find that he wasn't exactly there anymore. The pillows were stacked neatly, the sheets were folded… even the basin and the flannel cloth has been put away.
Oh, God.
I immediately stood up and ran towards the direction of the door. The moment I opened it, I was accosted by the sight that I had dreaded the most in that particular point in time.
"M-master Severus," He stood by the doorway; his left arm was up against the door frame, his body leaning casually against it, with an unreadable expression on his face. I bowed my head.
"I was wondering when you would get up and out of my room, Alana," he said quietly. I had expected him to yell at me for disobeying his order. He might as well just yell at me –at least if he did, I knew exactly where I stood; his cold, expressionless tone put me on the edge of my seat. I bowed my head lower.
"Fo –forgive me, Master Se –Severus, I –" The rest of my words no longer left my mouth as I felt him grab my hand, rather tightly.
"M-master?" I looked up at him. Was he going to punish me now? I tried to search his eyes for any inkling of what might happen next, but he already had his back turned on me.
"Follow me," he said curtly, still holding on to my hand. He did not drag me like I thought he would but instead, he waited for me to pick up my pace –leading me. He led me down the hall, to the sitting room, down to the kitchens.
"Sit." He motioned for me to take my usual spot at the dining table while he took his. That was when I noticed it.
The table was laden with an inviting breakfast spread: French omelet, forest ham, grilled sausages, croissants and tiny jars of assorted jams and marmalade –just the smell made my stomach rumble.
I looked at the spread then at my master with a confused look. He shot me an expectant glare back.
"Well, are you just going to sit there?"
I flinched as he spoke to me in that cold, biting tone. I could never read this man. He is a constant puzzle. He prepares breakfast for us as -punishment? I sighed as I quietly took a croissant and placed it in the middle of my plate. I glanced at him again; his arms were folded across his chest, his face, expressionless –but his eyes… his eyes continued to look at me expectantly. I took a bite of the pastry and chewed rather slowly. After I swallowed the first bite, he spoke again.
"Will you pass the salt, please?"
I looked up from my seat. His tone could still be classified as gruff… but he did say 'please'.
I eyed the salt shaker. Odd, it was actually nearer him than me; he could have just used magic to get it. Sighing inwardly, I reached for the salt shaker. I should be thankful he isn't punishing me for entering his room without permission –yet. As I place the container in his waiting hand, my fingers brushed his palm lightly. I do not know what happened but we both jerked our hands away after that sudden contact as if electricity passed through our bodies. I eyed Master Severus to see if he felt it too. Black obsidian eyes met mine. I looked away, embarrassed. I decided to proceed with my breakfast. As I reached for the jar of orange marmalade to put I my croissant, I thought I heard him.
"Thank you, Alana,"
I looked up at the owner of the voice. The man was already sprinkling some salt on his eggs and did not meet my gaze. I assumed he was thanking me for the salt. But the way he said it… something tells me that it wasn't about the salt at all.
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(Severus' POV)
It wasn't about the salt.
I stole a glance at Alana while I took a bite of eggs. She was at that point, spreading a thin layer of orange marmalade on her pastry. She did not give me any indication that she realized what I had actually meant. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Clever, Severus, really clever.
We finished the rest of our breakfast in considerable silence. When she stood up to rid of the clutter on the table, I cleared my throat.
"Yes, master?" She looked up at me expectantly, still with that hint of fear in her eyes. I sighed inwardly. I'll have to do something about that. I did not answer her; instead, I waved my wand to clear the table and wash the dishes. Her eyes then registered awe. Now that's more like it. As soon as everything was spotless, I stood up.
"You shall start learning magic," I told her quietly, and with those five simple words, her whole face lit up. I thought she'd never looked more beautiful.
"Master?" She looked at me as if she couldn't believe what I had just said. I nodded.
"You have missed your chance at a standard education," I began pacing the room. "Therefore I shall endeavor to act as your tutor. We will start with the basics –those that do not require you a wand yet: History of Magic, Astronomy, Herbology, basic Potions… I will draw up a schedule for you to strictly follow. Once I have deemed you capable of basic concepts, then we will proceed to acquire for you a wand." I looked at Alana. "We shall undertake this Herculean task to prepare you better for the magical world. You will not waste time or efforts. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes master," she said quietly, but then, I saw her face break into a smile. "Thank you,"
I curtly nodded. She should really smile more.
Ugh, Merlin. Why are these thoughts invading my mind? I shook my head.
"Very well, let us proceed to the study so we could begin."
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(Alana's POV)
I had been receiving magic lessons from Master Severus for two weeks now. All I could say was I am grateful for them. The world of witches and wizards are fascinating; they (or should I say, we) had our own history, culture and even our own ministry. I have learned about magical plants and creatures and their uses in potions; About planets and constellations, about wizarding customs and currency. It was too much information when you look at it first hand, but I had a lot to make up for considering what I had missed.
I wish I went to Hogwarts. At times, Master Severus would allude to his former school during discussions and I would imagine moving staircases and living suits of armor in my head. It must have been fun to live in a castle most of the year and meet outstanding witches and wizards and have them as professors. Not that Master Severus wasn't a good teacher himself; he had his way with words that kept you on your toes, hanging on to every syllable. He made boring goblin rebellions sound vicious, ferns and spores, sound fascinating, and potions- Anybody can tell that he was passionate about potions, just by the way he describes it… a subtle art, an exact science… ensnaring the senses, bewitching the mind… He would make a great professor someday.
From dawn 'til dusk, he patiently taught me. Whenever we had these lessons, he would transform into this engaging individual who would encourage me to ask questions and come up with my own solutions. He treated me as an equal and not just a servant. Over time, I found it already hard to distinguish him from being my master and being my teacher –as if he was just one and the same. I found myself no longer flinching when he speaks to me; I no longer bow my head; I found myself smiling more.
I have grown to be more comfortable around him without me noticing it.
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(Severus' POV)
I was to take Alana out today.
No, not that kind. We were to head off to Diagon Alley to get her a wand among other things. She had been a most eager student. I was pleasantly surprised at how fast she picked up material within a short amount of time. If she had attended Hogwarts she would most probably end up in Ravenclaw House.
Or Slytherin, a voice in my head said, reminding me of her less than ideal back story.
Three and a half weeks into our lessons, she was already able to firmly grasp the theory behind most basic spells, hence, our trip today.
I was waiting for her in the sitting room while she dressed. She did not have robes yet so she would have to go muggle; that was another thing we had to take care of. I chalked up a trip to Madam Malkin's in my mental to-do list. It was still early in the morning, but I was getting rather impatient, not being used to waiting for a woman to get dressed.
"Alana," I called out from the cream-colored, stain-free sofa I was sitting on. I heard a cheerful, muffled response –something else that I've grown to appreciate. Alana no longer looked at me with fear in her eyes – not that I ever wanted that in the first place when I took her in. Yes, she still respected me as her master, but that was just that –she no longer flinched when I spoke, she would already converse with me and not just nod her head in approval to everything that I say. Life started to seep back in those emerald eyes… then maybe those eyes would look more like…
My thoughts were interrupted by approaching footsteps.
"I'm ready, Master Severus," a cheerful voice said. I looked up from my seat and my mouth immediately went agape.
Alana stood by the couch opposite from where I'm seated with a pleasant smile on her face. But that wasn't just it. Today she wore her hair down again as opposed to having it usually up in a ponytail or a loose braid. Her lovely waves were parted and pinned to one side with what I recognized as the barrette I gave her on her first day here. And opposed to the tight-fitting jeans she normally wore around the house, she had a pale green sundress on that fitted her nicely and flared around her hips, ending just right above her knees; the color brought out her eyes and the natural flush of her cheeks. Her dainty feet were clad in a pair of plain black ballerina slippers. As an added touch, she had a silver pendant that hung around her neck. She looked lovely to say the least; I had wanted to tell her, but I couldn't even begin to formulate the words in my head.
'But of course, she is no Lily,' a voice in the back of my mind reasoned. I sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry I took a while," she added shyly, the smile on her lips never disappearing. "I –I did not know if I look decent enough so –"
"That's fine," I said quietly. "You –look –nice," I had managed to say. Her eyes lit up at those words but she said no more. I cleared my throat.
"Very well, " I said, offering her my hand. "We shall apparate to Diagon Alley from the meadow we came in from the first time we arrived here. I trust you remember that?" I had taught her the theory of apparition, but she has yet to get to try it, so I had to take her side-along.
"Yes, master," she smiled. Good Merlin, I wish she'd smile forever.
Ugh. I'm really losing it.
About twenty minutes later, after an impromptu early morning walk, we stood outside the Leaky Cauldron in Muggle London. Alana was still holding on to me. At normal days I detested having bodily contact with just about anybody; but I don't know why I found myself not minding at all, not even as her grip tightened as I ushered her inside the pub.
Now, I had always prided myself for being able to walk into a room and get out of it undetected, but the moment Alana and I entered the establishment, I knew right then and there that that was not to be the case today. All eyes immediately went to us, or to be more exact, Alana. I felt her stiffen slightly at the unexpected and unwanted attention. All of a sudden, I couldn't help but feel protective of her. I pulled her closer to me. She gave me a grateful smile. And, to my surprise, I found myself smiling back at her automatically.
I do not smile. Not in public.
Merlin.
We made it halfway towards the bar when Tom, the barman, came out from the back and noticed us.
"Why, if it isn't you, Severus," the man gave me a toothy grin. "With all the commotion, I thought the Queen was here –" the he noticed my companion. " –of course, a beautiful lady would generate the same kind of attention." He smiled at Alana affably. "Hello, young lady, first time at the Leaky, eh? Welcome. They call me Tom." The barman offered his hand to Alana who took it. She blushed when Tom kissed it. I found myself clearing my throat rather loudly. They both looked at me. Tom's grin grew wider.
"Very well, I believe Severus here has some really important business to take care of with you, my lady, you'd best be off. Enjoy!" with that I grabbed Alana's hand once more as we strode out the back door. I remained silent as a wave of emotions crashed all over me. I stole another glance at Alana as we stood in front of the brick wall that concealed the entrance to the Alley. Our eyes met briefly before I looked away.
'I'm just protective of her because she is my charge, nothing more,' I kept telling myself.
'No, that's not it and you know that,' another voice in my head said. I must've conveyed my confliction through my face as I felt Alana squeeze my hand gently.
"Are you alright, Master Severus?" her face was awashed with concern.
I sighed as I nodded briefly. The sooner we finish this trip today, the sooner I could get my sanity back.
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A/N: *Puppy dog eyes* Please? Reviews? -Eastwoodgirl