Author- Sorry for breaking my promise, haha. I just couldn't stop watching Supernatural! And the house was crowded over the holiday. And I was going to update earlier today, but I had to flush out my meds with some alcohol, so I was somewhat tipsy XD.

Well, anyways, last chapter, I realize there was SOME confusion, and it was kinda lame. But, I really wanted to concentrate on Mello for that chapter.

I was reading over past chapters, and I'm ashamed to admit that I hardly knew how I managed to write that! I was shocked, and I really hope I haven't lost my touch! I just have to find what inspired me, and fast.

It felt like a rush. As if I were being thrashed around in water, back and forth, back and forth.

I couldn't open my eyes, but I could move my arms, which is exactly what I was doing, searching for something, trying to touch anything.

I had no idea what I could gain from simply gripping something when I had no clue what it was, but I didn' mind, since I was pretty freaked out at the moment.

Sounds that were so distorted started to clear up, and, that's when the wave hit me, punched me in the face, and left me there to painfully drown.

Sirens blared, so loud, I couldn't understand how the people around me were to comfortable with it.

Voices could be heard, either talking to each other, or what seemed like themselves, but, I could be mistaken with their conversation, it could be via phone.

Immediately, I realized where I was. A fucking ambulance.

Fucking surprise.

I have no idea as to why I thought I wouldn't get caught. I mean, not only was I dealing with Mello, but Near, Hal, and Gevanni. And they knew their stuff.

In other words, finding me wasn't as hard as I thought, which disappointed me.

The words that were being traded didn't matter, since I didn't care. This was an embarrassing loss.

Sometimes, I might seem careless, may seem like I really don't care about how people receive me, or that I don't care if I get tossed into the back of an ambulance, or laid out on a gurney, waiting for some doctor to diagnose my condition when I get to the hospital. But I do, every single time, I feel ashamed.

My mind was reeling, and I felt like I was gonna puke. I decided to quickly sit up, but only found that even that simple task was against me.

I cringed my eyes further shut in pain, groaned lightly, and fell back down.

Instinctively my hand searched for the cause of my pain near my abdomen, but someone kept shoving my hands away.

To say I was sober, would be a joke.

Not only was I hyped up with some massively dangerous pain killers, but I was being fed some crap to keep me from moving much, to, you know, not cause a hassle.

I felt like the stupidest person in the world. Like, any words I mumbled, were not mine, but that of a incredibly stupid person. It was rather lame, me talking this way, around people. But, hopefully, they knew what it was.

I tried opening my eye, but that action alone was hard.

My brows knotted, as the muscles around my lids tried to lift, but again, to no avail.

Completely irritated with myself, I let myself release a loud groan.

Somehow, I managed to find my face, and I didn't remember as to how, or why, my hand decided to rub against my hair. But, I couldn't feel it. However, I knew it was ruffling strands, and it probably made me seem like I was having a headache.

Slowly I let my hand slip from my head and onto the gurney, forgetting my limbs. I couldn't feel them anyways, not even my body, or mind. I felt like someone in a body, not the owner of it. Which was rather unusual, since I didn't feel this way when I was on some pretty heavy stuff.

But it's also not something that's new to me, since this isn't the first time I've overdosed.

Knotting my brows again, pursing my lips, I tried to open my eyes again. It felt like something was holding them down, or what I can compare to someone trying to move a paralyzed joint.

It began to piss me off. So, in the end, I decided to just lay there, motionless, and stupid, trying to concentrated on the noises around me.

I couldn't even register or remember most of their words, but I felt as if any exchange of conversation was frightening, giving me little panic attacks every few seconds.

Sometimes I would hear a man instruct me to breathe, and calm down, since, whenever I heard them speak, my body would shut down.

However, most of the time, I didn't follow their demands, and they would have to force me, by sticking some tube down my throat to contract the tight muscles, that remained closed sometimes. But the foreign object acted as a food, and my throat would open immediately, allowing my airways to properly function.

This happened repetitively.

"He's right here,"

I heard someone faintly, wondering who it was. But, no matter how much I tried, I began to grow tired, and nothing mattered, especially the asshole around me, or what was going on, whether I lived or died tonight, nothing mattered.

Slowly my mind drifted, the feeling, hard to describe. I guess I can compare it to the feeling one gets after waking from surgery. That sensation that you're floating over water, lying still, just, moving along with the small waves. It felt relaxing.

There was no way I was going to let go of this sensation. I wanted to carry it within my hands, and embrace it.

No noise or instructions around me bothered me. Nor the yelling as they freaked out about the wailing heart monitor. Or the female voice that indicated that I was here, now yelling through what I believe was a cell phone.

Right now, I was no where, I was in a place I wanted to forever remain.

Not even my depression existed here, or the reality that I had tried to kill myself again.

I was within a shell, so strong, that the voices began to fade again. And his name being called out through her voice, telling him to calm down, didn't phase me. She repeated it over and over, quickly, as if she too would explode in as much worry as he had.

His name was called over and over, Miheal, Miheal, 'calm down, calm down!' over, and over.

I wanted to place a small smile on my lips, but didn't know if I could. Scared that I might destroy this sensation, I decided to remain still, no twitching, no breathing, just, still, like a corpse.

Everything slowed down, as if someone decided to slow-mo this whole situation.

The voices around me cluttered into one, just a light distorted whimper of loud shouting and prayers, that seemed distant.

My body slowly came to a stop over the water, that moved me in a nurturing fashion. I was confused, but decided to remain calm, and still, motionless.

Suddenly, I felt a tug, centering on my back, tugging at me, pulling me into the water at such a fast pace, I felt like my head was being sucked out of its liquids.

Then, as I sank deeper, I felt empty, more then before. There were no noises, or touches. Just, emptiness, and an extraordinary sensation of fright.

But, before I was able to do anything, everything just became darker, if that was possible, and I…

… Was gone.

I gripped the cell phone, pushing my messy blond strands away from my face, irritated, but more than anything, worried.

My fingers tensed, and my eyes shook, as I quietly listened to Hal, Gevanni, and the paramedics shout coherently, detailing the scene that proceeded before them.

I could hear the heart monitor failing, though it was hard to hear, I solely focused on it, my heart beating fast. That's all I wanted to hear, that monitor, as I silently prayed.

Near was silent behind me, listening too the same phone conversation through his head set. However, even though he was tense, his exterior seemed at ease, as he continued to play with his toys, picking at them, refashioning them. It was disturbing, since no one should be so calm in a situation such as this.

I turned to him, ready to snap at the clutter of noise coming from his playing, but he didn't care, even though I knew he could see me from his peripheral vision.

My glare deepened, my lust to punch him in the face nearing it's edge of encasement. I gripped the cell phone that was harshly placed against my ear, my breathing soft in order to concentrate on the monitor. I was growing more concerned by the minute, the voices yelling even more as they demanded more items to use in order to save Matt's life.

There was a sudden shriek, not of human, but mechanic. I flinched, and Near looked up towards me, eyes calm, like always, but his orbs shook lightly. He remained still, as I did, quietly.

His pale hand reached for his head set, adjusting the single ear piece closer to his ear, tilting his head towards it, trying to hear more then he already could- probably trying to hear the monitor over all the yelling.

Black orbs roamed the ground, as his mind was able to interpret the situation only from hearing. Suddenly, they flickered to my horrified face, his hand loosening off the headset.

"Hal," He spoke into the mic, looking away, down towards his toys, where he proceeded to play with them.

Her voice was loud and rough, panicked. "Yes?!" She yelled over all the noise.

He adjusted the mic near his lips, and softly, he ordered; "Hang up…"

The demand was rather blunt, quick, as if he already knew as to why that was a good decision. But his tone was mournful and low, as if he no longer could take what was going on. But that wasn't the true case, was it?

I immediately panicked, my free arm waving out in a lash, angry, as the anger in my face returned. I didn't want her to hang up, I had to keep listening to him! Matt wasn't dead yet! That sound was just a malfunction, he wasn't dead! He couldn't be!

"Near!!" I shouted, angry. "What the hell?!"

"You're in no condition," He stated, expressionless, unworried, it was frightening. "You will go insane, just as he is, if I allow you to further listen to that. Therefor, since you blame yourself, the recent presentation supporting such theory, I will not allow you interfere any longer."

I growled. "In no condition?! IN NO CONDITION TO WHAT?!" I flung the silent phone against the ground, the insides flying out as the exterior burst. "You're telling me I'm in no condition to hear that?! Matt's dying! I have to know the outcome! I have to!" I paced towards him, towering over the hunched albino, who continued to ignore me as he proceeded to play with his toys. "Who the hell do you think you are?! My fucking parent?!"

My heartbeat accelerated, my breathing labored. I was frightened, and my eyes searched the room for another phone.

Near slowly rose his head, his eyes following me as I scavenged the room. "I'm telling you this as a friend. And as a person who can easily interpret an obvious situation. Your emotional state is weak. If you want to support Matt," He paused, looking down to his toy that was held in his hand. Slowly he placed it on the ground, and put his hand onto his lifted knee. "You must remain calm. If you want to be there for him, you must remain sane."

I stared directly at Near. His lecture, I swear I could've punched him through the metallic ceiling. But I would ignore him instead. So what if I thought he was right? Or if I was surprised because he called me a friend? That didn't matter right now.

I had to check up on Matt's status.

My eyes shook with anticipation as I paced towards the only phone I saw in the room, my fingers tightened against my fist, nails biting into my flushed skin .

"They won't answer the phone," Near bluntly stated, his clatter of toys began to anger me. "Hal is following my instructions, yes," He said, as if I were asking questions. "But she's not an idiot, she won't answer the phone unless necessary."

Holding the phone in my hand, I turned my head slowly towards him, looking at the albino over my shoulder.

That's it.

"I'm leaving." I stated, walking over to the office chair in which I placed my coat on. Pulling it towards me, I put it on, as I raced out.

I could hear Near bicker about how it wasn't a smart idea to leave his HQ at a time like this, because Hal might call back and update. But I didn't wanna hear it, I wouldn't wait.

Besides, I had a good idea of where he was, so, it would be easy to track him down.

To see Matt was top priority, dead or alive, because that way, maybe by a little, I could get past this. And then, if the result where to make me smile or go crazy, I would be the one there, witnessing it first hand, taking it in.

That's the only way I would be able to sit like a moron. Because, I would only sit, after I knew what was happening.

My body went into a full sprint, the lack of sleep finally taking it's toll on my mind, as I felt like a drunk zombie running away from a hell hound; it was difficult. But Matt was all the was on my mind, it became somewhat ridiculous.

At first, me and Matt, we were just buddies at whammy, who hardly depended on each other.

He was always the laid back one, who chewed on straws and played his little games. And I was the up tight one, running against edges as if I were ready to jump.

Now, he was the one I was chasing after, like, ironically, a guardian angel. And he kept kicking me down, like a demon fighting against holy water.

I wondered, could my leave really have done that to him? If I were there, would I have been able to save him? Would I have been able to threaten away those greedy foster parents he once had, and kept him safe in his room?

That story crawled back into my mind, and suddenly, I was running faster then before.

This is my duty now, this is what I have to do, as the person who left him behind to such a world, this is my job. Not as a friend, or a guardian, but…

My fists clenched tighter, the leather fabric covering them from the chilling temperatures outside heating up my hands considerably.

As soon as I caught sight of my bike, I pulled out my keys, and ran even faster, my legs burning.

And I wondered, as my body sat itself into the vehicle, what I was capable of? I am a genius, however, how can I help Matt? I'm not a doctor.

However, as I turned the engine to life, I can pray. Pray to my God more then I ever have before, and hope, with all my being, that when I make it there, he's breathing. And that, if he is at the verge of death, I might be able to help him with whatever knowledge has been absorbed by my brain.

I couldn't remember how long it took for me to make it, but it wasn't a short trip.

To say it was that of a rather calm one, would be a lie. Not only was I worried out of my wits over Matt, but of any lingering cops that would have a thrill to stop my running bike.

It was lucky though, that I was able to dodge so many cars like that; because if I didn't know better, I would have fallen asleep in the middle of it.

The number of times I cursed was exceeding the regular, and I would perhaps save that for Matt as some humor while I yelled at him, if I do, since I was pissed beyond my mind, along with worried.

It was a troublesome mix.

As I parked my bike within the building on the 'Emergency' floor, I wondered how many people where here visiting someone who fell off a building? Got in a car accident? Did something other than suicide to get here?

Then I wondered how many people were here like Matt.

I wanted to do that math, but realized that was pointless, and was just an itch in my curiosity that I would have to avoid.

Rushing towards the sliding doors, I pulled out my wallet, and began to pull out my ID.

Reaching the desk, my fists nearly slammed against the counter, the women looking up to me from her computer with a bit of surprise. Though I expected she was immune to this sort of welcome.

She asked me what I needed, and I told to women at the desk my name, and who I had to see.

Her head nodded slightly, I could care less about her features, as my eyes roamed the frighteningly white surrounding area.

"Sir?" She called, and I looked to her. Her head shook slightly. "I'm sorry, but you can't see the patient right now."

For some reason, that relieved me. This meant he was alive, right? She would know if he was dead, right?

I sighed in defeat, my arms crossed over the counter, my body slightly slouched, head facing the ground. I looked up. "When can I see him then?"

She looked through her monitor again, the documents mirrored onto her glasses. Looking up, she gave me an honest shrug.

Damn it all to fucking hell! I was really about to punch her, although she did nothing wrong.

"Fine," I sighed, standing straight, trying to seem collected. "Tell me what room he's in, so that when I come back I can just tell them the room number and walk in." In truth, that wasn't the plan. Of course, I had to extend the request, as liars do. The only thing I had to tell her was to give me the information, but she would flat out decline.

If I were to give her a reason to my demand, then she would probably fall for it.

I watched silently as she scanned through, the number mirroring her glasses.

By the time she called out the number I walked away, pretending I was heading out. But in truth, I would come in from the main lobby, where she wouldn't be able to see me. I would get on an elevator, onto another floor, ask someone who worked here where the ICU was, and take the stairs towards there.

ICU, for those who are unfamiliar, means Intensive Care Unit, something I had deciphered when I first heard of it as a kid. At first, it seemed rather lame, since most people I knew had fallen into the ICU, but none where in critical condition.

However, as I sneaked my way through the hellish medical halls, I realized Matt's condition, and understood. This must mean he might be dying.

This motivated me, as I neared the nurse on the 3rd floor and I asked her for directions. She seemed suspicious, but I told her that my mother was down there, and I was allowed to visit, only, I got lost.

It was incredible how much these idiots bought it.

I was directed towards the direction, and paced, storming only when I got to the stairs.

Hopefully Near didn't call Hal, or Gevanni, because I wasn't up for punching a girl, or taking the advantage of having children from a man.

I practically shoved the door open off its hinges as I ran past it. I decided to ignore curious eyes, and those of the security guards who cautiously watched me.

As I paced, my eyes watched every number closely, my mind waiting to catch his room number.

My mind wouldn't shut up, as his name was constantly repeated like a mantra, Matt Matt Matt Matt.

Then there is was, room number 201. I nearly ran into the glass window as I pushed it open.

Instantly, I had Gevanni and Hal eyes on me. They stood stiff, though straight and seemingly tense, I could tell they stood in positions which would allow them to launch at me.

But, I walked in casually, the doctor and his bitches staring me down as I walked in and took a seat.

The staring was a bit uncomfortably, and the silence was awkward, but I couldn't fully take that bit in, as I fought away tears that threatened to cloud my vision.

Gevanni have one last long stare, as if observing me, and then turned to Hal, grabbing her shoulder briefly to turn away from me, as he nodded, and whispered that it was alright, I was here because I was scared.

He looked up to the doctor and nurses, then gave them a nod.

They all exchanged looks, but then, shrugged it off, getting back to work, as they should be doing despite my intrusion.

My body slumped against the chairs curve, my hands stuffed into my jacket, as my weary eyes stared at Matt's serene expression the whole time.

Hal decided to near me, and tell me what she thought about my doing here, and how it wasn't healthy. But I ignored it, and kept staring.

"Mello," She whispered harshly, trying to gain my undivided attention. "Really Mello," She huffed, standing straight, crossing her arms over her stomach. "This isn't a good idea. Matt's in critical condition thanks to his anorexia and drug use. It's no good that you're here in case he might not make I-"

"Hal," I interrupted, my throat sore, I could hear it as I cleared it. "Listen," I looked up, trying to seem kind in some way when in all honestly, I wanted to kick her head off. "Just… Go away."

We kept staring at each other for awhile, and finally, she looked away. As did I, returning my eyes towards Matt.

The doctor began to collect a few items and place them on a high rolling table. He then instructed the nurses to leave, as he did. "Visiting hours will end shortly." He noted, and left.

Gevanni looked to Matt, then to Hal, then to me. He nodded, a mumbled something, as if apologetic, under his breath, then also, walked out of the room.

It was now Hal and me, in this uncomfortable situation. I really wanted her to leave, but she didn't seem to budge. As if I had some ridiculous plan to take him out of here.

"Hal," I whispered, grunting lightly as I pulled myself into a proper sitting position, only to hunch over as my elbows rested against my thighs. "Please, leave me here alone. I need some time."

"You can do that outside, or somewhere else, truly alone." She spat, looking around as if my behavior irritated her. "Really Mello, I can't trust you here alone with Matt."

I scoffed, and rolled my eyes. "Then stand outside stupid wench." I spat. "You can monitor me from out there."

She gave me a long hard stare, determining whether I was being honest to my hidden words. Then, she stomped away.

I watched quietly, as she walked out, and closed the glass door, watching me the whole time.

Then, abruptly, I stood, and shoved the door within the few inches it had a remaining gap, and locked it in place.

Hal gave me a shocked expression, when in truth, this was to allow me and Matt proper privacy.

Watching her priceless expression the whole time, I reached for the blinds, and pulled them across the rooms glass walls. This place seemed like some research room, all eyes on you the patient.

She banged on the glass lightly, like a child, but then, nothing. Finally, silence, save for the mechanical items attached to Matt. It was chilling, giving the impression that he was truly going to die.

Shaking away these thoughts, I walked to him, my frame shaky, as if I were truly losing him. "Matt," I called out, nearing him. "Mail?" I whispered.

I stood beside him, my hands slowly reaching towards him, eyes narrowed as they kept fighting tears. Come on pull yourself together Mello!

However, as my hand reached for his face, and lay there lightly, I broke down in tears. His flesh was pale, and cold to the touch. It was as if I were touching a dead body. It was frightening.

"Matt," I breathed in a shaky breath, my hand caressing his face. "Matt, you have to wake up." I pleaded. "Please don't give up, please." I sobbed silently. "Matt," I neared my face slowly to his, my eyes closing as our foreheads touched. "Please, for me, I need you." I cried, touch my voice remained strong, as I begged. "You can't leave me here alone. You can't!" I didn't yell, however, I whispered a demand, a beg. He couldn't leave me here, not now, not like this.

"Matt," I sighed, pressing my forehead a bit harshly as I clenched my teeth together, "Please, please, wake up."

My slight sobs became harsh, as if heaving them out in coughs, as I called his name over and over.

But nothing came. No response.

Only the silent tone of the heart monitor, assisted by the loud bangs on the glass door to allow them in.

Author- No this is NOT the last chapter.

I was kinda disappointed with the lack of reviews XD. I mean, I demand them because I hardly have time on my hands, so I need them as a graph, I guess I could say.

In a way, this helps me determine how many people really want me to continue this fic. And, it also helps me with writing it out.

I write for the audience, there for, they need to show me they're reading it, and from their reviews, I can catch a few hints from what they want, or think will happen.

I mean, I'm an open book when it comes to writing. I don't plot before I write, which is why I'll never become an author, since I depend on the reader to also assist me with most of the outcome, get it?

So please please please review! And I promise I'll update faster.