Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious.
Chapter 10
So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
"I'll always be here," Jade told her as she began to pull away from her embrace. Tori sniffled as she wiped at her cheeks.
"I'm an emotional wreck," she said as more tears welled up in her eyes. "I thought I had cried enough for him earlier but look still more tears." She pointed to her eyes as a few tears escaped her eyes.
"Vega," Jade reached out to grab her hand. "Those tears aren't just about Andre. You feel better that I'm here right?" Tori nodded and Jade smiled happy to see that response. "Well you feel relieved, that someone else is here to be with you. Those tears are for you. You are crying because you are hurting, you are crying for yourself."
She had no idea on how to respond. She was hurting so much and yet it didn't seem right to just tell Jade everything now that she didn't have Andre.
After a moment of silence, Jade sighed. "Do you trust me?" Jade inquired and instantly Tori nodded, she trusted Jade with all her heart.
"Of course," she responded and pulled Jade into another hug. Jade groaned but didn't pull away from the embrace and even wrapped her own arms around the girl. Knowing Jade wasn't a big fan of affection she began to pull away. "Sorry," she mumbled as she moved away but Jade stopped her by tugging at her hand.
"You know I'm not big on hugs but I do care for you," Jade admitted. "I'm here for you this whole week. So anytime you need a hug or anything just know I'm here."
Not trusting anything that might come out of her mouth at the moment and not wanting to sound like a sputtering fool, she kept her mouth shut and just nodded. But the tears flowed freely from her eyes and she made no attempts to wipe them away.
Jade gave her a small indecisive smile. "Well if you trust me," she said as she walked over to the bed and sat down, motioning for Tori to do the same. "Tell me everything."
Tori walked over to the bed and took a seat on the bed. "You know everything," she responded, confused.
For a few seconds Jade said nothing and Tori watched her wondering what her reaction would be. Jade just nodded as she reached down to unzip her own boots and slipping them off.
"I do know everything," Jade admitted. She stood up from the bed and walked towards the nightstand. "Remember last year when you went home for Christmas vacation?"
Tori nodded, wondering where this was going.
"Well I noticed some things when you vacationed back home and spending a few minutes alone in your room confirmed it for me," Jade said as she reached for the small black box on the stand. Tori waited with bated breath for Jade to complete her sentence. "This is a gorgeous box Vega."
She let out a shaky breath before responding. "My mom gave it to me years ago."
"So your mom had good taste before leaving your dad for that asswipe Gary," Jade said picking up the box. "Really question your mom's sanity for leaving your dad for that prick Gary."
"Me too," Tori added.
Jade played with the lock on the small jewelry box. "It really is gorgeous," she said opening it revealing a few of Tori's jewelry pieces. "You can store a lot of things in here."
"Yeah," Tori stammered out as Jade began to play with the lid of the box as she studied the jewelry in the box.
"You have some gorgeous earrings," Jade stated. "When you come to Cali, I'll definitely be borrowing some of these. You can borrow mine as well."
"If you want you can borrow a few now," Tori responded as she pushed herself off the bed. "You can take them back home and you can give them back when I go for vacation."
"I'll like that," Jade responded as she lifted a pair of black diamond studs from the box. "Starting with these. Are these real black diamonds?"
"Yeah," Tori replied. "Andre gave them to me as a gift. So please take good care of them."
"Oh I couldn't borrow them knowing that they mean a lot to you," Jade told her as she placed them back into the box.
"And you mean a lot to me," Tori said as she walked towards her. "I trust you, you can borrow them."
"Really?" Jade's eyes lit up like a little girl on Christmas Day and that made Tori smile.
She nodded. "Yeah," she said as Jade eyed the earrings again. "You can take them when you leave, if you don't wear them before that is."
Jade smiled then her eyes narrowed, her smile turned to frown. "This can't be all the jewelry you have," she said looking around the room.
"You are too smart for your own good," Tori chuckled as she walked over to her closet. "That is the most important jewelry to me but this," she said as she opened her closet door. "Is the rest of my jewelry."
Jade eyes widened as Tori pulled out a big wooden jewelry box. "Wow," was all she said as placed the box on the bed. "Wow," Jade repeated as Tori began to open the compartments.
"You've been holding out on me," Jade said lifting amethyst pendant necklace out. "And you are distracting me."
Tori looked at her puzzled by her statement. "What do you mean?" she asked. "More than anything you are distracting me and I'm grateful cause I'm tired of crying."
"Then I'm sorry," Jade replied as she placed the necklace back into its place. "I might make you cry some more but that is depending on what you tell me."
"What?" she asked confused wondering what this was all about.
"Remember just a few moments I said I know everything," Jade picked up the big jewelry box off the bed and placed it on the dresser. "Well I don't know everything but I know more than you probably think I do."
"What do you know?" She asked Jade as the girl walked over to her smaller box.
"Well," Jade paused as she picked up the box. "You've hidden a few things from me over the years and I just know a bit but I want you to know that you can tell me the truth."
"Honestly Jade," Tori sighed. "You know everything about me."
"Now, now Vega you are hurting my feelings now," she said as she sat on the bed. She flipped open the box and turned it around to face Tori, who stood frozen. "I know more than you lead on."
Tori gulped as Jade tugged at the corner of the material that lined the lid. "I don't like liars Tori," she said as she pulled back the material which revealed the taped up blades on the box. "I seem to have found something here."
"Jade, I can-" Tori tried to explain but Jade cut her off.
"Stop right there," Jade said as she ripped the blades off the box. "Think before you tell me anything. I'm giving you a chance to be straightforward and answer me with the truth."
She nervously tapped her fingers repeatedly on her upper thighs wondering if there was any way of getting out this. "It's not what you think," she begins and Jade snorted in response.
"I told you to think about your response," Jade frowned. "I came out here because I love you Tori. You are one of the most important people in my life and you get me but sadly I've come to realize I don't get you. I don't know you and that's because you are keeping things from me."
"You know me, you get me," she remarked and Jade let out a bitter laugh.
"No I know the Tori Vega you let everyone else know, I don't know this Tori," she said holding up the blades. "What can drive you to this? How much are you hurting? Why was Andre just the one to know about this? I have so many damn questions but you know I don't think I'm important enough for you to know the truth."
"No!" Tori yelled as she watched Jade get up from the bed. "You are important."
"Nice way of showing," Jade bitterly responded back, throwing the blades on the nightstand. "I need water and a plane ticket back home. This was a waste of airline miles and my time."
Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched Jade walk towards the bedroom door. This is not what she wanted, for Jade to be angry at her. "You are so i-important," she said her voice cracked. "So important I didn't want you worrying about me, I hate knowing that Andre worries so much about me and I don't want to be a burden for you."
Jade turned to face her. "You wouldn't be a burden," she sighed. "I really do love you Tor and you know I barely say it but you are one of the lucky few that actually gets to hear those words from me. So yeah you wouldn't be a burden, I would worry about you and I can't deny that but know I worried about you before knowing this."
"What" Tori questioned. "Why?"
"I worry about the people I care about," Jade admitted. "I mean I do worry about Cat, Beck, Andre, and even Robbie at times but I did worry about you the most. I don't know, but with you I was afraid that something wasn't right. And look how sadly right I was."
Tori didn't know what to say, she thought no one had noticed. "Oh," she mumbled not knowing what else to say.
"Our senior year I noticed the small changes and I thought, hey you are growing up people change. That summer after graduation you became a bit distant and I just pushed it off that you didn't want to be too attached before you moved cross-country."
"I wanted to make the move as less painful as possible," Tori chimed in. "Though leaving still hurt more than I thought possible."
"Whenever you came to visit, there were moments that I could see something I couldn't explain," Jade said as she walked over to her suitcase. "Something I didn't want to question."
"You know when I have to leave to come back here it hurts a lot," Tori told her as she sat down on the bed. "I miss you guys so much whenever I have to come back here. New York is my home away from home, you all in Cali are home."
"Are you really going to move back home?" Jade questioned as she rummaged through her bag.
"I want to," Tori yawned, a wave of exhaustion assaulting her body.
"You can come live with me for a while if you want," Jade offered pulling out a pajama set from her bag. "Until you find a place."
"I was thinking of going to my dad's house," Tori answered but smiled at the idea of moving in with Jade. "But living with you would be better."
"It would," Jade responded as she pulled out her toothbrush. "Alright so we still have a lot to talk about but I need sleep and so do you Vega. So how about we sleep and when we wake up we can talk."
"That sounds good to me," Tori said, nodding in agreement.
"Good, I'll be back," Jade said walking towards the bathroom door. Tori watched Jade as she walked into her bathroom and then quickly went to leave the room herself.
She walked over to Andre's bedroom and paused at the closed bedroom door. Never before has she hesitated entering his bedroom but now she didn't feel it was right. She knocked on the door and waited for a respond back. She heard the slightest of movements from behind the closed-door but got nothing in response.
Knocking a bit harder hoping to be heard this time she waited and a few seconds passed before she decided to open the door. She thought he would have been asleep but he was just sitting in bed watching something on his computer with his headphones on.
He looked startled but relaxed seeing it was just her standing at the doorway. "What's going on?" he questioned as he took off his headphones. "Is everything okay?"
She nodded. "Jade and I are going to sleep now," she told him. "I just wanted to let you know that."
"Alright," he said as he moved the laptop off his lap. "You okay?"
"I'm okay," she answered.
He nodded. "Did you guys talk?"
"We talked," she replied. "But we still have a lot to talk about but we will be doing that after we get some sleep."
"That's good," he stated. "That you have someone else to talk to about things."
"It is," she admitted. "I had failed to realize how much I needed her here til the moment I saw her."
"Yeah I saw that," he sighed. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" She questioned as she walked further into the room.
"For hurting you," he said and as if on cue there were those tears welled up once again.
"Oh," she mumbled then cleared her throat. "No worries, I've hurt you many times before."
"But it doesn't mean I have a right to hurt you," he told her.
"Well it doesn't," she said. "But you are happy Andre and that's all that matters now."
"I am," He sighed.
"Good," she replied.
"But you are not," he responded back.
"Well that's fine," she said sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I haven't been happy in the longest, well truly happy. I've had good moments, happy days but I suffer from depression baby."
"I wish I could make you happy," he admitted and those words shook her core. He was always so loving towards her and she doesn't think she deserves him but she has him, well maybe she should just say had him. He was with Alana now and not her.
"You make me happy," she told him grabbing his hand. "You always made me happier person. With you I had less dark days, I felt the love and it kept me fighting through and it still does. I'm still fighting, I'm still trying to get better. This has not been easy for you I admit it, I haven't made it easy loving me but you've always be here so I can't fault you for wanting to do something for yourself."
"Tor-" He began but she cut him off.
"Don't worry. Just be happy," she said. "Do yourself that favor and just be happy alright? Because when you and I finally get together, it'll be with us knowing that this is what we both want."
He nodded, smiling at her and that made her smile in return. "That's sounds good," he said.
"I'm glad," she said getting off the bed. "I better go now, I know Jade is probably wondering where I am if she hasn't fallen asleep yet."
"Yeah and you need your sleep as well," he said.
"You too mister," she admonished him as she picked up his laptop from his bed. "You've barely slept. Get some more sleep and then you can do whatever it is that you were doing on the computer."
She placed the laptop on top of his nightstand. "Alright," he said.
"Good," she moved closer to him and smiled. "Good night well should I say good morning, hope you have a good sleep."
"You too," he said. She leaned down and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Sorry," she mumbled pulling away. "Involuntarily movement, horrible habit that I need to control."
"I didn't mind it," he smirked.
"Oh, whatever," Tori said as she turned around to leave but was pulled back by Andre. "What is it?" She asked as she turned back to face him.
"Just a few minutes ago you were bawling your eyes out and now you are calm and collected. What gives?"
She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm tired of crying," she admitted. "I won't deny that I feel so bad right now and I want to cry but I'm not crying because it's just not fair to you, Jade or to myself to just keep crying. I'll cry when I can't help myself but I can do better and that's what I want. I don't have to hold it in but at the same time I know I can try my best to not be reduced to tears."
"Oh," he muttered in response and she rolled her eyes again at him.
"Good night," she said as she turned to leave once again.
"Night," he called after her as she exited his room.
She closed the door behind her. "So this is how it is with you two?" Jade's voice broke through the silence in the apartment. "You two fight but somehow a few minutes later you end up in the same room as him no matter how bad the situation is."
Tori stared at Jade who sat on the couch, she watched her with an amused smile on her face. "Maybe," Tori admitted as she moved towards her bedroom.
"Maybe?" Jade repeated and snorted. "More like yes. It's fine, I get it. He gives you a comfort that you can't get elsewhere but I need you to be strong Tori."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
Jade got up from the sofa and smiled. "I have a plan," she whispered as she walked towards her.
Tori smiled, knowing that even though whatever Jade's plan might be it, it could either backfire on her or it could work just as well as Jade hoped. "Tell me," she demanded as Jade opened her bedroom door for the two to walk in.
"Patience," Jade said as she walked towards the bed. Tori rolled her eyes, not amused but knowing that to irritate the woman. She closed the door behind her then walked over to her bed.
Jade slipped herself under the covers and she quickly did the same. "Tell me," she whispered once again.
"Alright," Jade turned towards her. "Andre is dating Alana officially and well you are going to give him the distance he needs. You aren't going to get rides from him to work, you are going to go out without him. You are going to begin to pull away, at first he won't notice because he would be trying to be a good boyfriend to Alana but then he'll begin to notice you not trying to get his attention at times. That you are living your life and then he is going to be missing you, you'll get to spend time together and that's when he will probably know what's best. You."
"Sounds good to me," she paused. "Jade can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, anything," Jade answered, concerned.
"I'm asking this because you are my best friend. You can say no if you want to but can you hold my hand?" She asked, expecting a no from the girl. Jade grunted in response. "It's alright if you don't want to," she added putting it a bit of a distance between the two, knowing that Jade wasn't happy at the moment.
"Oh shut it Vega," Jade muttered as she pulled her closer. Instead of holding just holding her hand, she actually wrapped her arm around her. This move surprised Tori, Jade was never the one to show affection with anyone. Even a hug that last longer than ten seconds was cruising for a bruising with Jade.
"Jade-"
"I said shut it," Jade cut her off. "This is what you really want and well I want you to get some sleep so if I have to cuddle with you I don't mind."
Tori didn't say anything but moved closer to Jade loving the attention she was getting from the sleep deprived Jade. She knew better than to question this.
Just as sleep was about to consume her, Tori turned around in Jade's arms. "Jade," she whispered as she opened her eyes to see if Jade was awake.
"What Tori?" Jade hissed in response and made no attempt to open her own eyes.
"Forget it," Tori responded and closed her eyes.
Jade groaned. "Tell me," she nudged her. "I can't sleep if you don't tell me."
Tori opened her eyes and a small smile graced her lips. "I love you," she whispered.
"Really Vega? I was falling asleep and that's what you wanted to say," Jade grunted but instead of pulling away like Tori expected her to do, she placed a kiss on her forehead. "I love you too Tori."
Tori closed her eyes. "Now sleep or I'll hurt you for not letting me sleep," Jade warned her and Tori turned once again so her back was against Jade's chest.
"I'm surprised you don't have a boyfriend," Tori whispered as Jade's hold on her tightened a bit pulling her closer though barely possible seeing as how close they were already. "Or a girlfriend."
"Vega!" Jade hissed. "What did I say?"
"Sorry I was just saying," Tori said smiling at Jade's response. "You are a good cuddle buddy."
"I've dated but the few I've dated aren't really boyfriend or girlfriend material," Jade muttered. "Now sleep."
"Alright, night," Tori said.
"Good night."
The next morning Tori awakens to the sound of her bedroom door opening. "Well damn," she heard someone mutter. She opened her eyes just to see Andre looming over them, holding his phone over Jade and her.
"What are you doing?" She questioned trying to gently pull herself away from Jade's grip but Jade wouldn't let go of her.
She sighed as Andre chuckled at her predicament. "I was taking a picture of you two," he held up his phone. "I have to show this to the rest of the gang."
"Don't you dare!" Jade groggy voice warned him as she pulled away Tori and began to sit up. "If you value your life you will not show anyone that picture."
"Come on Jade," Andre groaned. "You two look cute. Cuddle buddies."
"Andre!" Tori and Jade hissed at him. He held his hands up.
"Alright I won't show them the picture," Andre said, smiling at the two.
"What are you doing in here?" Tori asked.
"I came in here to see if you two were awake and if you wanted to eat a late lunch," Andre answered, slipping the phone back into his pocket.
She was about to agree to the lunch but Jade nudged her. "We can't," she told him looking over at Jade who nodded and then looked back to Andre. "Jade and I had plans for the day."
"Oh," he said. "Well alright, I'll see if Mark's free so we can hang out. You girls have fun."
"We'll try our best," Jade said and Tori nodded along as she watched Andre walk out the room.
As soon as the door closed, Tori looked over at Jade. "You know you are a visitor and his best friend, we can hang out with him if you want," Tori told her as Jade threw the covers off herself.
"Yeah, I know," Jade said stretching her arms out. "But I want to spend the rest of the afternoon with you, talking the way I want to talk. I can hang out with him whenever. Today is you and me time."
"Alright," Tori agreed getting out of the bed, just as she was about to walk towards the bathroom Jade zoomed past her.
"Your guest first Tori," Jade said as she closed the bathroom door. She groaned realizing that Jade was probably going to take a shower.
"Whatever," she muttered as she exited her bedroom going to the bathroom out in the hallway to brush her teeth. As soon as she was done with her waking up ritual she went to kitchen as she wanted to make coffee for Jade and herself. She knew her best friend would appreciate the cup of coffee.
She turned on the automatic coffee maker and smiled to herself as she took out two coffee mugs from the cupboard. "You slept well," Andre said from behind her causing her to jump and almost dropping both of the mugs.
"Don't do that," she admonished him as she placed the cups on the counter. "You scared me."
"How did you not hear me? I was even jingling my keys," he held up said keys and jingled them for her.
"Oh," she sheepishly smiled at him. "I guess I was just in my own little world."
"I see that," he chuckled. "I'm leaving now."
"Okay, what are you and Mark doing today?" She asked as she watched the hot liquid drip down into the carafe.
"We aren't doing anything," he answered. "I have plans with Alana."
"Well have fun," she said smiling at him and hoping it was a convincing enough smile so he could just leave.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"You have nothing to be sorry about," she told him, waving her hand dismissively at his statement. "You go enjoy yourself. Don't you worry about me, I have Jade."
"So alright, have fun," he told her as he walked away. "With Jade," he added.
She waited a few minutes after she heard the apartment door close before she growled in frustration. "That bastard," she grunted.
She grabbed the coffee carafe off its stand and began to pour the coffee into the two mugs. "What's got your panties all in twist?" Jade asked her as she walked into the kitchen. "I can hear you from the bedroom."
"Andre," she growled, as she poured two sugars into Jade's coffee then poured herself three sugars into her mug.
"Just the way I like it," Jade said as she grabbed her mug off the counter.
"I know," she paused then looked over at Jade. "Everyone knows."
"That they do," Jade responded grinning before she took a sip. "Love this."
"I know," Tori chuckled before she gulped down a good amount of hers.
"Uh, rebel Tori you might want to slow that down," Jade stated as she pulled the mug away from Tori. "Wouldn't want you to burn your esophagus."
Tor smiled. "I like it hot," she told her. Sometimes she enjoyed having Jade worry over her. The only other person that Jade cared for like that was Cat and well Cat did act like a child at times, well most of the times.
"Well I like you alive," Jade chastised her as she placed Tori's mug on the counter. "So let it cool."
"Okay," Tori agreed, she knew better than to argue with Jade about something so minimal.
"So what did Andre do?" Jade questioned before taking another sip of her coffee.
"He is going to hang out with Alana and not Mark like he said before," Tori grumbled and Jade nodded before she passed her mug.
"Drink," Jade encouraged. "Coffee is good for the soul and yeah that sucks. But you did good, you didn't react when he told you right?"
"Not at all," she said and Jade smiled at that.
"Good, keep him wondering what's going through that mind of yours. He knows what you feel but he is going to want to get closer to you, just you wait," Jade said.
"Well I hope this plan works," she said then gulped down the rest of her coffee. "Okay so I'm going to go take a shower and then we can talk."
"Okay," Jade responded before she walked out to the living room. "I'll just be watching TV until you get out."
After taking her shower and getting dressed she exited her room to find Jade on the phone talking with someone.
"I decided I was going to take this break now," Jade told the person on the other end. "Well Beck, sorry I didn't realize I had to tell you that I wanted to fly out to New York."
Tori jumped up and down as she motioned for Jade to give her the phone. She wanted to speak to Beck and ask how the show was going but Jade just ignored her. "Tell Cat I'm sorry that I won't be going to the zoo with you guys but I wanted to spend some time with Tori." Another pause. "Yes I'm aware she's going to be visiting in a few weeks but I wanted to see her you inconsiderate bastard. You know flights do fly out to New York, you can come and visit Andre and Tori too."
Now this made Tori frown, she didn't want anyone to feel guilty about not coming to New York that often. She really did enjoy visiting them back home. "I'm just saying they fly out to us a lot of the time, you barely fly out here." Jade groaned. "They didn't tell me that but Beckett it's just a suggestion. Oh suck it." Tori nudged her as she sat down on the couch. "Go enjoy your day at the zoo with Cat and Robbie. I'll talk to you later in the week."
"Alright, bye," Jade pressed the end button on her phone and groaned. "He is so annoying."
"What happened?" Tori questioned as she pulled her legs up on the couch and placed them over Jade's lap.
She waited for Jade to push her legs of her but Jade just looked down at her legs and then looked up at her. "He was just being annoying because I forgot we were going to go to the zoo today with Cat and they went to pick me up. So when I told him that he said it was irresponsible to get up and leave like that without telling anyone of them. I had failed to realize that he was my father, Robbie I could careless if he knew and Cat I would have told but she was have just begged to come with and you know I would have given in."
"You could have brought her with you," Tori said. "I would have loved to see Cat."
"Yeah but if Cat saw you the way you are now I would have had to deal with two crying girls," Jade frowned. "You know I don't do tears. Seeing you cry is bad enough but if Cat started to cry, I wouldn't be able to handle it."
Tori frowned, she realized Jade had made a valid point. "I wouldn't want to make Cat cry though," she scooted closer to Jade. "You wouldn't be able to handle us cause it would hurt you to see your best girls crying."
"Yeah," Jade admitted, she pointed towards her. "Say that to anyone and I'll cause you some bodily harm."
"I'm a vault," Tori said.
"Good, now vault let's have the conversation we have avoided the whole time since I got here," Jade tapped her legs. "Why?"
"Why what?" Tori asked puzzled by the question.
"Why do you self-harm or use to self-harm? When did it start? Why did you start?" Jade questioned.
Tori hated those questions, she's only answered them a handful of times but each time it was hard to admit out loud what she had done to herself so many times.
Her vision blurred as the tears welled up in her eyes, she tried her best to will herself not to cry but seeing the frown on Jade's face made her lose it.
"I'm here," Jade told her as the tears began to freely fall down her cheeks. "I'll always be here."
She nodded knowing Jade meant all that she said but she didn't attempt to speak because she knew anything she said at the moment would just sound like a blubbering mess.
She was going to pull herself off Jade but Jade grabbed hold of her hand. "No," Jade said as she gently moved her legs off her own. Instead of stalking off or yelling at her for being so weak, Jade surprised her. She was pulled into a hug that she returned.
"Nothing you confess," Jade whispered. "Can make me love you less."
A/N: I love that last line, it's a line from a pretty cool song. So tell me what did you guys think of the new chapter? Did you like it or did you dislike it? Tell me what you think of the Tori POV chapter. I do hope you liked it. I just wanted to thank all of you who have left reviews, they really mean a lot to me and also to those that favorited this story or follow this story that means the world as well. I want to wish you all a Happy Holidays and if you don't celebrate anything well happy Friday and I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter. Hope to update soon, take care loves.