Time to Heal

Mai woke up. She felt warm and safe. Naru said she didn't hurt anyone, but in her heart she knew she had. Even if everyone forgave her, could she forgive herself? She cuddled closer to the warm spot, only to feel an arm around her. For a moment, Mai pretended everything was all right . . . that Naru was with her because he wanted to be. It wouldn't last long before he'd tell her he was leaving again.

Naru wouldn't tell her why he was back in Japan. He seemed to protect her from everything and everyone. Mai was confused. She confessed and he shrugged it off. Now, he was treating her like she was precious to him. She pulled her arm out of his embrace and put her hand on his face. Naru, she thought sadly while tears started coming down her face. He forgave her. What about the rest of them?

"Mai, what's wrong?" Naru muttered. He could feel her shaking slightly. The need to protect her surged through him. He didn't want her hurt or crying. He wanted to see her smile again.

"How can I apologize to everyone?"

"Everything happened in your head. There is nothing to apologize for."

"It seemed so real."

"It had to for you to break."

"Will I ever feel right again?" Mai asked.

"Honestly, Mai. I don't know," Naru admitted. Mai looked shocked. Naru knew everything. "I think you need to start treating everyone like family again instead of avoiding them. You can't hide behind me forever."

"But I feel safe when you're next to me, Naru. It's the only time I feel safe." Naru felt warm inside from her words.

"I would prefer you to be safe, but if you don't take a chance, you won't truly live," Naru frowned as he remembered someone else saying those same words. Gene had told him that when Naru had initially refused to use his powers.

"Okay, I'll try," she said. "Can I sleep a little more with you first?" Naru smiled and tucked her arm back down before holding her again. He listened as her breath slowed down. He wondered if he'd be able to let her go when she got better.

- x X x -

Mai followed Naru out of the bedroom. She was scared. She hadn't left the room since the demon was destroyed. Naru brought her food and tea. He kept her safe. He said she didn't have to talk to anyone until she felt ready. She didn't feel ready, but knew she couldn't stay in the room forever. Naru had things he wanted to do, she was sure. He didn't want to spend all his time with her.

She peaked around Naru and saw Monk standing there. For a moment, the vision of him getting a knife shoved into his gut flashed through her mind. She pushed it away. Naru had made her talk about everything she remembered, pointed out the inconsistencies and how she had been manipulated. She felt better, but still felt she needed to pay for what she'd done.

She walked around Naru and knelt at Monk's feet, putting her head on the ground. Monk looked startled at Naru who shrugged.

"Mai, what are you doing?" Monk asked.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to get . . . hurt," Mai said. Monk reached down and helped her stand up. He watched the tears flowing down her face. He pulled her into a hug.

"Mai, I forgive you," he looked at Naru who nodded. They agreed that he'd be the first. He was the one she felt the closest to.

"Oh, Bou-san," Mai cried harder as she wrapped her arms around him. Monk moved back to the chair behind him and sat down, pulling Mai with him. Naru wanted to go pull Mai out of his arms, but forced himself to make tea instead. He was the one who had talked Mai into seeing the Monk. Now, he wanted her away from him. Naru frowned. He needed to talk to Lin about his reactions so he could put them into perspective. He'd been unable to do it himself, so perhaps another view would give him the answers he needed.

Naru put three cups of tea on the table. Mai stopped crying and got up. She moved next to Naru and picked up her tea. Monk looked at Naru who seemed quite comfortable with Mai sitting so close to him. Monk wanted to ask what was happening in the bedroom, but felt it wasn't his place. He'd checked on them more than once to see Naru sleeping with her, but they were both clothed. No one had watched them interact since Naru had insisted on taking care of Mai. Monk was finding it interesting how close they had become in the past couple weeks.

"How are you feeling, Mai?" Monk asked, not sure it was the right thing to ask.

"Better now," she admitted, glancing at Naru. She sipped her tea, letting the room grow quiet. She could feel Naru relaxing in the silence. She felt herself relax as he did. As long as Naru was near, she knew she could do anything.

- x X x -

Mai stood, looking out the window. She found it soothing looking out at the lights of the city night. She'd talked to everyone and they'd all forgiven her. Naru had something to do with that. Sometimes she knew what he was going to say before he did. Lin had called yesterday and he would be longer than he had anticipated. It would be another week, but he said he had found a way to restore the psychic powers that had been taken from her.

Naru hadn't said anything, but she heard him in her head. He was trying to figure out how to tell her he would be going back to England. He had thought of asking her to go with him, but knew her place was here. Mai wanted to tell him she didn't care where she was as long as he was there. She didn't want him to know she could hear his thoughts, though, so she decided to stay silent.

She felt someone walk in the room. Naru. Closing her eyes, she could see him in her mind. He was still worrying about what to tell her. A tear slid down her cheek. She'd been doing nothing but crying. It wasn't as if he had promised he'd stay. She knew he was leaving to return home. It was up to her to stand on her own feet before he left. He didn't need to worry about her. She knew inside she wanted to scream and cling to him, refusing to let him go. With all that she wanted him, Mai knew she couldn't force him to become someone he wasn't. He'd come to rescue her and make sure she was okay. Naru still considered them friends, so she would too, no matter how much it hurt.

Naru walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. Mai relaxed and leaned into him. Each time might be the last, so she was determined to enjoy the closeness as much as she could. He stared over her head and into the night sky.

Mai, I want to see you smile again, Naru thought. He would never say it, he convinced himself. Naru would never let Mai know how worried he was about her. Mai frowned. She didn't want to tell him, but she had to let him know. I'll try by pushing a thought to him and see if it's a one-way conversation, she thought.

I don't feel happy, Naru. I'm afraid of what happened when I was being controlled. I don't remember all of it. What if I have an STD, or I'm pregnant or he did something else to me that's going to change who I am?

Naru stiffened as if something had caught him unawares. Mai stood still. Did Naru hear her? Was she imagining this?

We'll go to the hospital and get you checked out, if you wish. Lin has found a way to strengthen your psychic powers. When he returns, we'll discuss what we're doing next. Naru waited. He heard her in his head as if she had been talking to him. He wasn't sure he wasn't imagining it.

Will you come with me? I only feel safe when you're near me. I'm afraid this is a dream. Naru pulled her closer. He hadn't imagined it. Even with her weakened abilities, she had discovered a new one.

I'll take care of you.

No, I have to take care of myself. Your strength supports me. I have to build it in myself. I can't depend on you forever.

My happy Mai . . .

Is gone. I can never go back to that person. I haven't been happy for a long time.

Since when?

When you rejected me. Mai didn't elaborate. Hinting at how bad he'd hurt her was enough.

Me or Gene?

Always you, Naru. He never made me feel like this. Mai moved Naru's hand from around her waist over her heart, accidentally brushing over her breast. He was glad she wasn't looking at him as a light blush colored his cheeks. Naru felt her heart beating hard. He kissed her neck and felt her pulse respond as she took in a shaky breath. He groaned in her hair, taking a deep breath. He wanted to say something, but didn't know what. He could feel a variety of emotions, but couldn't nail one down to explain what he felt.

You don't have to pretend you like me like I like you. I know you want to go back to England. I'm glad we're friends enough that you're willing to help me. I don't think I would be here if you hadn't come to Japan. Mai felt the tears coming. There was no way she could hold them back. With a whispered "excuse me", Mai slipped out of his arms and went into the bathroom. He stood outside the door and listened to her cry.

Naru realized she had just told him what he was thinking the last few days. He was torn. His mother was pushing him to give her a date that they'd be returning to England. He wasn't sure he wanted to go. The time he spent with Mai made him want to stay with her more. He knew he'd miss the times they slept together or just stood looking out over the city while he held her. She was growing stronger and overcoming the pain and sorrow that seemed real in her mind.

He looked at the bathroom door. Mai's sobs had quieted down. Naru knew he had to make a decision. Accept that Mai made him feel differently than anyone else and place his future aside hers or return home to make his parents happy and fulfill his responsibilities. Before he met the small girl, there would have been no choice of the path he chose. Now, he wondered what life would be like to wake up with her every day for the rest of his life.