AN:/ I am so sorry this has taken as long as it has! I started school and I have just been extremely busy with everything. I really hope that this chapter was worth the wait. There is a slight sexual situationin this chapter, this is your one and only warning! The little thing at the end is something I came up with myself. The next chapter will not take as long as this one, I promise! Sorry for any mistakes, I really wanted to get this chapter out. I will go back and correct anything if you spot it. Enjoy and thank you for reading :) xox
I could hold you in my arms forever
When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
It's my worried mind that you quiet
-Ray LaMontagne "Hold you in My Arms"
Santana teaches Brittany how to read, slowly but surely, in the corners of the dusty book store. Brittany teaches Santana things on her box spring mattress, listening to it creak along with Santana's heavy sighs when Brittany pulls away: "Soon, soon. " She murmurs, always, and though Santana wants so much then and there, she is thankful for it later. She is waiting for the moment where it clicks and suddenly it's time. Brittany seals each lesson with a kiss. Together, they learn.
"Do you remember how I went to the post office the other day?" Brittany says as they sit on the porch, Santana sketching something she's been working on.
"Brittany, you go to the post office all the time." She says this as nicely as she can, shaking her head.
"But I never get anything." Brittany half whispers, "That day I came back with a letter." Santana thinks about it. She had watched Brittany slip through the screen door staring at the paper in her hands, eyebrows scrunched together as she ran up the stairs. Santana didn't think much of it then.
"What was it?"
Brittany shrugs, "Well, It was hard to read." She reaches in to the pocket of her jeans and pulls out the crumpled letter. There are words circled here and there in red ink, "Those are the only parts I understood."
Santana holds the letter, eyes jumping along the words, and her heart falls and crashes deep in to the pit of her stomach. "Oh."
"So it's true?" She gulps, "I read that right? They want me to-"
"Move back to New York." Santana tries to calm herself down, rereading the letter over and over. "The New York Dance Company saw a video of one of your performances. They want you." Her voice becomes monotone as she tells Brittany everything that it says. She reads the letter twice out loud and they look at each other in silence.
"I'm not going." Brittany says before taking the letter from Santana's shaking hands. "I'll be upstairs." Santana watches her run up the stairs through the window and then she rises and walks inside, pausing in the door frame. She pretends not to hear the scream muffled by a pillow seconds later. There is little air in her lungs, her heart is racing, and everything seems as if it's spinning.
"Brittany!" She yells, running up the stairs, "Brittany!"
"What?" Brittany has a face covered in tears, her hands trying to hide it. Santana pushes them out of the way. She runs a finger over the tear drops, wiping them away, never wanting to see them again. She kisses Brittany, lightly at first, yet somehow it deepens and there's this instant yearning in her stomach. They tumble back on to the bed, Santana hovering over Brittany's shaking figure. They kiss each other over and over, every break leading to another kiss, as Santana runs her fingertips under the hem of Brittany's shirt. "Do you maybe want to…?" Brittany is breathing heavily, cheeks still tear stained. Somehow, she's smiling through it, a rainbow in a rainstorm.
"Yes." Santana says and she means it. She means it because this may be the first and the last time. She may not get to keep this girl trembling beneath her; she might lose her to the New York City lights. This could be goodbye. Brittany slips her hands under Santana's shirt and begins to pull it off, it falls on to the bed beside them. Goosebumps cover Santana's newly exposed skin and she shivers closer to Brittany. Their lips melt together softly, not even pressing, just hovering on each other's as their breath passes in between them. They are so close, that there is no end to their bodies, and everything is just going and going. Curves and lines that never stop, that never cross, but mend themselves together. Brittany strips off her own shirt, wide eyed and wonderstruck, kissing Santana with passion running through her entire body.
"I'm in love with you." She whispers in to Santana's ear as a secret, as words that have never left her lips before now. There is this long pause in the moments. Instead it's all eyes, watching each other in the almost silence, the sound of the waves crashing along the shore faintly audible through the open window.
"I love you." Santana says, kissing Brittany's forehead, "I love you so much." She wants to yell at herself for this. But there isn't time. It's time for kissing, making love, and saying goodbye. Shit. Goodbye. What does that even mean? A shove out the door? A long, lingering kiss in the moonlight? Packing suitcases and running off in to a faded sunset? How do you say goodbye when you love someone?
You don't.
And when it clicks in her head for the first time, it really clicks.
They keep going. The rest of their clothes finding their way to the floor as they roll around in the sweat coated bed sheets, as kisses are planted along skin paths. Invisible hand prints are left on their bodies, as Santana finds herself underneath the weight of Brittany. Her blonde hair brushes against Santana's face, reminding her of the first thing she ever noticed about the girl, she gulps. Brittany's hands are somehow everywhere. On her thighs, on her hips, on her stomach, on her chest…Every movement is gentle and slow. It's beautiful, but her body is writhing, wanting so much more than what she is getting.
"Ready?" Brittany smiles in a way that she is nearly shining in the most gorgeous way. Sunlight hitting her just right, beads of sweat running down her back. The world feels empty, with only them in the middle of it, and no one else will ever interfere.
"I'm ready." Santana finally answers her. Then it happens. Brittany's fingers touch her carefully; her mouth parted in concentration, a little gasp escapes her. Brittany presses her forehead on to Santana's stomach, coating it with the sweat that has gathered; as she watches the way her fingers look as they touch the girl beneath her. Santana finds herself grabbing at the sheets when Brittany enters her, a moan rising from her throat. There is nothing like this feeling. There is no bitter taste of lust, but the sweet feeling of love. Love in the way that Brittany smiles as she kisses Santana's stomach. Love in the ways that Brittany lays her head on Santana's shoulder as she moves her fingers inside of her. Love in the ways that they kiss each other senseless, becoming blind to everything but the feelings behind each kiss. Santana feels her hips push up against Brittany's as everything seems to speed up, she becomes aware of the sounds she has been making, harsh in the back of her throat. She comes. Her eyes closed, teeth biting at her lip, as she mumbles through her clenched teeth: "Brittany."
Then it's over. Brittany falls next to her hitting the bed with a thump. They both sigh in content.
"Hey." Brittany says, turning on her side to look at Santana.
"Hi." Santana laughs, turning to look at Brittany, extending a hand to touch her face. "I'm going to miss you."
Brittany shakes her head, "I'm staying here. I can't leave you."
"You didn't let me finish, silly." Santana smiles, "I'm going to miss you on those long days when you work and I sit in our apartment all day."
"Wait." Brittany sits up in shock. "You want to go with me?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
Santana pulls her arm so they're looking at each other again, "Because when you love someone, you don't say goodbye to them."
"We could just stay here." Brittany responds, tears forming in her eyes. "Stay here and grow old."
"No. This opportunity… it's huge. You deserve to be a star, Britt." Santana pulls her in even more, holding her body in her arms.
"I want to go." Brittany finally says. "I'm scared though. What if I'm not good enough?"
"I doubt that." Santana smiles again, "But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. We will figure it out." Brittany wiggles in Santana's arms, smiling at every word she says.
"I can't believe this." Brittany says, "You're perfect." She squeezes Santana closer, breathing in deeply. "I love you, Santana." She gets up excitedly, grabbing her clothes off the floor.
"I love you too!" Santana calls after her, lying alone in the bed. The ceiling becomes suddenly interesting; she stares up at it, thinking. New York. She remembers being a child living in the crazy city, a teenager riding alone on the subway, so dazed and confused. She never hated the city. As much as Santana wanted to hate it, she loved New York. She loved the art and the music, the culture, the way it had so much going on but somehow you could find quiet in the serenity of a library. She would do just that, huddling up with a book in her own corner of the world. Santana turns Brittany's words over in her head. She thinks of her face and everything she has ever done for her. She thinks of a few months ago when she would sit alone in her beautiful home and cry because she didn't know what was wrong. Everything before Brittany felt wrong. She only ever had flashes of happiness, little tastes of it here and there, but now it was just there. It was hovering over her always, ready to be an option. That is why she is doing this. Because if Brittany were to stay, they would always question 'what if' and if Brittany were to leave, Santana would go back to where she once was.
Santana gets up and gets dressed; she stands in front of her mirror, not noticing Brittany standing in the doorway.
"You're beautiful." Brittany walks towards her, wrapping her arms around Santana's waist as she stands behind her. Santana runs a finger over Brittany's butterfly ring; they sway a little bit as they watch themselves in the mirror. Santana loves the way they look together. "I can't wait to be with you forever." Brittany murmurs this in a way that
Santana is unsure if she means it or wants it to be heard, but she can't help but answer back in her own quiet tone of voice: "Me, too."
Soon they'll have to clean out all of the cabinets and pack tons of cardboard boxes, drive all the way to New York with Maggie mewing in the back seat, and start an entirely new part of their life.
But for now, they will enjoy their final days along the shore, basking in the sun and running in the waves.
Location doesn't matter
you have maps along your heart,
with a 'you are here' sign placed right in the center,
that's where I live, that's my home