Rey had always looked tiny when she slept. Kylo remembered having to carry her back inside her grandfather's house after a night at the drive-in, and if he strained his memory back even further, he could probably recall what she looked like when she was seven-years-old and came over to see his mother and fall asleep on the couch next to him while cartoons blared loudly from the family television.

She was curled up beside him on the bed now, her breathing was slow and measured, seemingly synchronizing itself with the waves crashing against the shore just a mile off. It was still mid-afternoon, the sun peeking through those ridiculous lace curtains that Maz probably sewed herself, a breeze whispering through the open window. Even though his eyes were heavy and he felt ready to sink into sleep, the man forced himself to stay awake, his hand rubbing Rey's back just as she asked him to at least twenty minutes ago before she drifted off.

Kylo had been in this type of situation before, both this trip and in general. He still remembered how Poe had teased him about it when he dared complain about how one time, after post-work drinks had turned into Rey passing out in his bed with him on the floor, his arm falling asleep as he craned it over the side of the bed because she had demanded that he play with her hair. "Bro, she has you wrapped around her little-inebriated finger. You're so fucked."

Back then, he had insisted that he wasn't, that she didn't have any sway over him, but here he was again, all but cradling her, her breathes gentle puffs on his face. Now he didn't care if he would be considered "whipped" or anything like that, a smile curling on his face as a piece of hair fell against Rey's nose and it wrinkled in discomfort, her furrowed brow smoothing again as he brushed the offending strand out of her face, looping it behind her ear. She looked so peaceful, almost angelic, like this. It made him want to kiss her and also keep his distance. He really didn't deserve her, even if she had forgiven him.

He pushed himself onto his back, the hand stroking his companion's back stilling for a moment as he sighed, considering the ceiling and its little scattered bumps under the light blue paint. His gaze flickered back over, Rey's voice sleepy but amused: "Kylo, close your eyes. You're supposed to be sleeping too."

He chuckled, rolling back over and basking in her sleepy grin as she stretched almost like a cat, toes curling in her socks. "Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty."

"Hello to you, too, dummy." She chuckled as he feigned hurt, his face slipping as he broke into a smirk. "You know, nap time was supposed to be for you, not just me."

"It's hard to sleep when there's a pain in the ass sleeping next to you and begging you to rub her back just because 'it feels nice and you never say no, Kylo'." Rey chuckled at his air quotes, lazily shrugging one shoulder.

"You can't call me a pain in the ass when it's all but scientifically proven that you can't say no to me."

"Yeah, yeah…you're lucky that I think you're cute." Kylo froze, watching Rey's face for any panic, but instead, she hummed, brushing her fingers across his palm and flattening her hand against his. She examined how the clasp of their hands, how tightly he naturally held her hand, squeezing his fingers almost experimentally. It sent jolts up his arm, coloring his face with a dark blush as she slyly looked at him.

"Is it just because I'm cute? Or are there any other things you think about me?" He wondered if he could die, watching the woman scooch closer to him, her lips barely a few inches away from his, her hazel eyes intense on his brown ones. "Anything else at all?"

His throat felt like it was lined with sandpaper as he swallowed thickly, watching Rey's eyes slid down to his throat and slowly drift up towards his lips, her gaze all but captivated as he licked his lips and coughed. "Well, I think you're smart—much smarter than just about everyone I've ever met, even Finn with his fancy-dancy rocket science degree. I think you're strong, both physically and emotionally. You've been through a lot and you're the only one who doesn't need help carrying stock up from storage back at the bar."

She was nodding along, her fingers stroking the center of his palm, making it hard for him to think. "I think you're funny. It sucks sometimes but you always have a comeback." He groaned at Rey's sly look, her smile smug and her eyebrow quirked. Before she could say anything more, he added, "You're also the kindest person I know. You forgive people even when they don't deserve it. You forgave me even though I didn't deserve it."

Rey's face softened, and suddenly, her hand was on his cheek. "God, you're so silly, Ben." He shook his head, peeking back up to look at her as she chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Don't worry about it. Really, Ben."

Her breath seemed to hitch as if she was about to say something but thought better of it, leaning up now. The collision of their lips was soft, and Rey wondered what she was doing, if she should pull back, if she had made a mistake. Her answer came as his hands cupping her face, his lips gentle as he pulled her closer. She couldn't tell if he was smiling into the kiss, or if she was, her heart pounding loud in her ears.

"Rey." His voice was ragged when they came up for air and it seemed to shake her from her stupor. She pulled back, shaking her head, covering her mouth with shame.

"I shouldn't have done that. Oh my god, Kylo, I'm so sorry. What was I thinking?" Rey was on her feet now, looking for her shoes, even as Kylo scrambled up off the bed to follow her.

"Rey, sweetheart, calm down. It's okay. Honestly, it's okay." He tried not to focus how quickly he had gone from Ben back to Kylo for her, desperately watching her pace, her fingers stumbling over her shoelaces.

He wouldn't admit that there was a difference, but goddamn it, with her, there was. There was a difference in tone, a difference in a relationship context. Kylo was just who he was to everyone now—cool, collected, a bit of a hardass. But when he was Ben, specifically Rey's Ben, he was a dork. He was snarky and weird and awkward, with a million and one stories about how uncool he was and how he didn't deserve anyone like her. But as Ben, that's when he had the most chances to be with her.

"It's just no good, Kylo." She looked up at him, apologetic, and he felt as if there was a hole being punched into his chest. "We're friends. We've always been friends. I'm not about to lose that just because I can't distinguish between you being nice and you possibly being interested.

"Rey, I—"

"Really, Kylo, don't worry about it. I'm going to take a walk. Tell Maz I'll be back for dinner. I'm so sorry." She knew that he was ten seconds away from throwing on his own shoes and following her, shaking her head at him. "I really just need to be alone right now, okay? Please." The look he gave her made her wonder if she was the only one panicking over the kiss, but it didn't matter. She couldn't put their friendship at risk just because she was stupid. She couldn't bear to take a risk and lose on two fronts. The door clicked behind her even though the picture frames on the wall rattled by how hard she had thrown the door shut.

Rey's feet pounded down the stairs and the front door flew open as she sprinted out of the house, only making it to Kylo's car before the tears came and she gulped them down, the sensation burning her throat as she shuddered. They had just jumped that hurdle that had been in their way for the past two days. She should be happy, but instead, she was afraid. Still, her fingers traced her lips as if trying to mimic the feel of Kylo's mouth pressed to hers and she bent her head down and cried.