So I finally finished planning out this fic, and I finally know where I'm going with it. It will have twenty chapters in total. Also, thank you all for the great reviews after the last chapter, it means a lot. Enjoy!
Steven watched him, his fingers drumming against the table, his other fingers in his mouth as he bit the nails from them. He was nervous, it was his first counselling session today. He knew it was hard for him, but Brendan had promised to keep his promises, and yesterday he promised him he'd go to counselling, whether he like it or not. Of course, he didn't like it, and maybe Steven was pushing this on him. The last thing Brendan had on his mind last night was the thought of going to a counselor, to spill everything that was going on in his head. Brendan had hardly slept last night, he spent most of it kicking around and tossing and turning. He could tell from the stress on his face that the anticipation was eating away at him.
''Brendan?'', Steven asked, getting no response from the man who was staring blankly at the wall, fingers still tapping. ''Brendan?'', he repeated, louder this time. Brendan turned his head to look at him, raising his eyebrows. ''I can come with ya if ya like?''.
''No'', he muttered, as if he wasn't entirely sure what was going on. ''No, I need to do this on my own''.
''You sure?''.
''Yes'', he sighed, not entirely sure of himself, and Steven wasn't either, but he didn't want to push him today, not when Brendan was like this. Steven got up and went to the kitchen, and Brendan soon followed, putting his cup in the sink and taking a deep breath.
''Look, you don't have to do this yet if you're not ready. It's just that I want you to get better, and I don't want you walking around with all this pressure on your shoulders''. He approached Brendan, pressing his body against his and wrapping his arms around Brendan's neck.
''I know, and I'm grateful you're here to give me the push I need to do this'', he smiled, kissing him.
''Good. I'm grateful to be the one to push you''.
''Is that right?'', he smiled back.
''Yeah'', he said, kissing Brendan again. Brendan gave Steven a deep look of intent. ''What?''.
''You know? There is one way you can help me calm my nerves''.
''Yeah? What's that, then?'', he asked. Brendan leaned forward to Steven's ear.
''Blowjob'', he purred. Steven leaned back, mock shocked. ''Come on. You wanna?''. Steven's mouth formed the shape of a smile, dropping as he leaned in and gave Brendan yet another kiss, a real one this time, one full of want and need. As their tongues meshed and rubbed together, Steven felt the other man begin to harden in his trousers. His hands felt around Brendan's waist, and Brendan moaned as Steven's hands were soon rubbing against his cock, which was still locked away in Brendan's suit trousers, and that was about to change.
He pulled the zipper down, and opened his button, and in one movement Brendan's trousers and boxers were hanging on his knees. Steven gave him one last kiss, before moving downwards, kissing his chin and neck, and the hairs on the top of his chest. He felt Brendan's hand on the top of his head, pushing him down. Steven bent on his knees, taking a look at Brendan's beautiful and long cock. It was peppered with short hairs, they only shaved it not too long ago, but Steven like it hairy, it felt more masculine.
He took the head in his mouth, and Brendan let out a moan of lust and pleasure. He worked his way down slowly, not wanting to make himself gag. The feel of it made Brendan want more, the feeling of Steven's tongue at the base of his cock, the feeling of being inside Steven, the feeling of pure ecstasy. He wanted to push in deeper, but he knew that Steven couldn't handle it, not yet anyway. Steven had his own boner in his trousers, but Brendan knew exactly how to deal with that after. Steven sucked down deeper, feeling himself adjust to the feel and weight of it.
He pushed down until he could feel his lips meet the very end of it, right down to the base. He worked slowly up and down, until his mouth became used to the feeling. Brendan's pubes tickled his nose, and when he reached the base again he breathed them in, a long, drawn out breath. He quickened the pace then, his movements becoming faster as his lips went down, and then up again. Brendan gripped the edge of the counter, his mouth wide open and eyes rolling to the back of his head. His head tilted back as he began trusting slightly.
His thrusts became more violent, grabbing Steven's head and pulling him closer as Brendan's hips jerked forwards and back. He released cracked words of pleasure. ''Oh, God. Steven. Yeah, Steven. Faster''. Steven took it all, could handle it all, didn't gag once. Brendan felt the pressure rising, the build up to the release. He unloaded himself straight down Steven's throat, Steven taking it all, not stopping. He sucked and licked until he felt Brendan become limp in his mouth. When he looked up, he saw Brendan lying back against the counter, looking like a hot mess.
''You calm yet?'', he smiled, getting nothing in response but an 'O' shape with his thumb and index finger, before gesturing for him to stand. He lay against Brendan, who recovered slightly enough to look at him. Brendan smiled, pointing at Steven's chin.
''You missed a little'', he giggled. Steven giggled with him, raising his hand to wipe it, but Brendan stopped him. He leaned forward, licking Steven from his chin and over his lips, catching his own come on his tongue, swallowing it. Steven's boner twitched at the sight of it, and Brendan pulled him in for another long, lingering, breath-taking kiss. ''Wait here'', he said, running into their bedroom with his trousers around his ankles. ''Your turn'', he declared, returning to the kitchen with a bottle of lube in his hand.
He pulled Steven in for another kiss, releasing him and whispering, ''Fuck me, Steven''. Steven smiled, grabbing the lube from Brendan's hand and squirting some on the palm of his hand. He rubbed his index finger with it before Brendan stopped him. ''You don't need to stretch me out, Steven''. Steven signaled for Brendan to turn, and he did so without hesitation as Steven lubed up his throbbing cock. He bent Brendan forward slightly as he widened Brendan's cheeks, resting his cock against Brendan's hole as he prepared to go in.
Steven pushed in slightly, and slowly, half-expecting Brendan to change his mind. He didn't. Steven pushed further, feeling Brendan squirm slightly. He felt Brendan begin to loosen around him, felt him morph into the same shape. He was warm inside, and Steven could hear the quiet moans escaping Brendan's mouth. He wrapped his arms tightly around Brendan's torso, and Brendan's remained gripping the counter-tops. He felt a lump inside Brendan that made him push backwards, and that's when he knew Brendan wanted it hard and he wanted it now.
He pummeled into Brendan's hole, thrust after thrust, unrelenting force that had Brendan reaching breaking point as he dropped onto the counter, banging his head against the tiled-wall after each pounding. Brendan released his right leg from his trousers, resting it on the counter to allow Steven further penetration. He never thought he'd feel this way about being fucked, but there was something different about Steven, something that made him feel alive. ''Harder'', he demanded, slamming his fist down on the table, immediately moaning loudly as Steven began to follow orders.
Steven was close, he could feel it. The noises Brendan was making were simply spurring him on, adding to his arousal and the build up of pressure. He kissed Brendan's spine as he came, shooting his come inside Brendan's hole. Brendan felt warm on the inside, and he loved the feeling of having Steven's warmth fill him. He continued his thrust until he was sure he was empty, before pulling out and resting against Brendan, kissing the back of his neck.
''You think you're ready for it now?'', Steven panted.
''Absolutely''.
Steven whistled his way in the deli door with a spring in his step. He was almost too wrapped up in his own mind to realise that Doug wasn't alone. His interest dropped however when he realized who Doug was with. That McQueen lad, the one Brendan slept with. He didn't really have the right to hold a grudge against one of Brendan's ex's, if you'd even call him an ex, especially seeing as they weren't even together at the time. But it was the fact that Brendan had chosen to be with him ,instead of telling Steven the truth about how he really felt about him. John Paul turned from Doug with a huge grin on his face, nudging into Steven's shoulder as he walked out the door. Now that was but just one reason why he held a grudge.
''What's going on there, eh?'', he grinned, making Doug blush slightly.
''Oh, nothing. It's just John Paul'', he said, nonchalantly, trying to play it cool. It was also because Doug didn't really feel comfortable talking about this kind of thing with Ste, it was too soon after the break-up.
''No, come on. I've seen the way you look at him. I mean, you've been drooling over him ever since you came back''.
''I have not'', he laughed, nudging Ste's shoulder.
''Doug. Ask him out''.
''We already tried, it didn't work out'', he dismissed.
''Yeah, because you had Leanne being a third wheel the entire night. The way you too look at each other, it's clear he wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him''.
''You think so?'', he asked. He didn't exactly have the confidence he used to, not after everything he went through with Ste.
''Yeah, 'course''.
''What should I say?''.
''Dunno, ask him out for a drink at The Dog. Just don't leave him hangin', Doug. He'll get bored''.
''Yeah, right. Like Brendan got bored chasing after you for two years''.
''Yeah, but me and Brendan had a history. This is new, it's different. This is you're chance to find a man who loves you as much as you love them. So go for it''. Doug nodded, suddenly feeling more determined than ever to make this happen, and he would make this happen.
Brendan sat in the waiting room in silence, his face in his hands, listening to every tick booming from the clock on the wall. The receptionist gave him an odd wry smile, looking a bit pitiful at the state that he was in. He tapped his foot against the ground, and his hands were shaking. Beads of sweat poured down his forehead, and he felt like he was going to be sick. He was beginning to forget why he was doing this, who he was doing this for, until an image of Steven became clear in his mind. This could only be good for him, the end result won't be too terrible. He doesn't have to say anything he doesn't want to, or even anything at all. All he has to do is go in, and sit down. For Steven's sake.
There was a man on the chair across from him, feet resting on the coffee table as he read a magazine. He couldn't imagine how anybody could be this calm when faced with such a challenge like this. He couldn't take it anymore. He stood up, grabbing a paper cup and filled it with water from a water cooler. The receptionist appeared behind him, tapping him on the shoulder. He jumped from the touch, almost doing a spit-take from the shock. She just smiled at him soothingly.
''Are you okay, sir?'', she asked. Clearly he was not okay, had she not seen the state of him?
''Yeah, just a bit nervous, that's all''.
''Listen, everybody's nervous about their first session. Nobody really wants to talk to these people, but once the first one is over and done with, believe me, you'll feel relieved that you went through with it''.
''Thank you'', he smiled nervously. He read her name-tag. 'Lindsay Butterfield', it read. ''So, you're a receptionist here, then?''.
''No, I'm a nurse. I'm just helping a friend out, the real receptionist called in sick this morning''. A buzzing noise sounded from behind the check-in desk. ''I've gotta take that'', she apologised, but Brendan simply nodded. He sat back down where he was, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself.
Eventually, Lindsay called his name, and he heard her whisper ''Good luck'' as he walked towards the door. He composed himself before he went in, smoothing his clothes down and wiping the sweat from his face. He took another deep breath to try and calm his nerves.
''For Steven'', he whispered to himself as he turned the door handle. When he entered, the first thing he noticed was a blonde woman sitting in the middle of the room, sitting in a chair that was facing another chair. The room, looked kind of homey, probably done on purpose to calm the patient's nerves. He didn't like to think of himself as a patient. There was a bed situated against the wall, and Brendan didn't fancy the idea of lying down during all of this.
Their was a small window, and a book shelf in the corner of the room next to a plant which was close to dying, a bit like himself he thought. He sat down, looking awkwardly at her as he waited for her to acknowledge him. She sat there, reading sheets of paper from a clip board while Brendan just watched her. She was in her fifties maybe, and was skinny with blonde hair. Eventually she looked up, smiling at him.
''Morning'', she smiled. Brendan was kinda surprised to hear a cockney accent to come from her mouth. He didn't reply. ''My name is Doctor Roscoe, but you can call me Sandy''. Brendan just sat in silence, and she wasn't sure if he was even taking any of this in. ''What's your name?'', she asked, beginning to look a bit worried. Brendan just continued to stare at her, through gritted teeth, and after a moment she started talking again. ''I'm not gonna put any pressure on you, but are you gonna say something at all today?''.
''Brendan'', he muttered. ''Brendan Brady''. She sat back, appeased.
''Tea or coffee?'', she asked, going over to put the kettle on.
''No, thanks. I'm good'', he said, quietly. After a moment or so, he had a coffee sitting in front of him on a small table, and she sat down with her tea.
''I prefer tea, myself'', she informed, but Brendan could see through the play she was putting on, trying to warm him to her, but he kept his mouth shut. ''So, Brendan. Why are you here?''. He took his time to find an answer, and she kept eye contact with him the entire time. It put him slightly at ease to know that he wasn't being rushed into doing anything.
''I'm trying to save my relationship. And myself'', he said blatantly.
''So you're in a relationship?''. He nodded in reply, the less said the better he thought. ''What's her name?''.
''His name is Steven''. Her facial expression didn't change, and she didn't look at him funny or make a snap-judgment. Him being gay didn't seem to faze her at all.
''What's Steven like, then?'', she questioned. This is the part of the session he was afraid of. He gave her no reply. ''Brendan, are you uncomfortable talking about your sexuality with other people?''. Brendan stared at her, mouth shut. ''Why do you think that is?''.
''Steven he's... great''.
''Is that all you have to say about him?''. Brendan said nothing in response. ''Do you love him?''.
''Yes''.
''Tell me why''.
''Why are you asking me these questions?''.
''I'm testing the water. I want to know who I'm talking to. I'm asking you simple questions about your relationship. These are questions you should know the answer to, before we dig deeper''.
''I know the answers to the questions''.
''Then why won't you say them? You have nothing to be ashamed of, Brendan. I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to listen to you. So why do you love him?''. Brendan gave an inward sigh.
''Because he accepts me for who I am. I feel like I can be myself when he's around. He loves me as much as I love him and it's unconditional, no matter what happens between us, and it always has been''. He was surprised at himself, didn't know he had it in him to actually tell somebody that. He didn't think he could even tell Steven that.
''How did you two meet?''.
''He catered for the opening of my sister's club, and eventually he landed himself a barman job in it''. He wasn't exactly telling a lie, although he wasn't telling the entire truth either. He was ashamed by that his first conversation with Steven had ended with him knocking Steven unconscious on a table.
''Do you work?''.
''I own the club now''.
''Tell me about that''.
''Well, it's not the classiest place to spend a night out, but it means a lot to me. I love it''.
''Is it stressful, having all the business work to do alone?''.
''No, I like it. It gives me something to do. Keeps me on my feet, I guess''.
''Does Ste still work there?''.
''No. I, eh, sacked him last January. We didn't always see eye to eye when we weren't together. Even when we are together we still don't. All he wanted to do was know how I was doing after the trouble I was going through. Back then I used to push people away if they got too close. I actually owned a different business last year, a deli, but it didn't work out''.
''What happened?''.
''It was rightfully Steven's business, but he couldn't afford it, so I became a silent partner without him even knowing. I just wanted him back in my life again, and when he found out he said we could be together if I signed it over to him, so I did. Later on he left me for someone else, he had scammed me''.
''How did that make you feel?''.
''Angry. Sad. Jealous. I wanted everything Doug had, and they beat me at my own game. Steven eventually let me back in his life, but he had moved on. He even got married last November''.
''How did you two end up together again?''.
''When he got married, I swore that I'd leave him alone and left the village. He followed me to Dublin, after I left, and he convinced me that we could make a go of things again, so I came back''.
''You're from Dublin, then?''.
''Yeah, my two kids live there, too''.
''Kids?'', she questioned.
''Yeah, I took my time figuring things out''.
''I see. Are you a religious man?''.
''When times get rough I turn to God for help, but who knows if he can hear me or not?''.
''Do you have any family back in the village?''.
''Apart from Steven, no. I used to''.
''What happened?''.
''I think that's a story for a different day''. She wrote something down on her clipboard, probably a reminder to ask him about it the next day.
''What was your childhood like?''.
''My Mam died when I was a kid, and my Dad moved us both up to Belfast when he met my step-mother'', he explained, leaving out a few major turning points in his life.
''Do you have any siblings?''.
''Just one. My sister, Cheryl''.
''Good''. Brendan took a mouthful of his coffee, which was now pretty close to cold. He didn't mind, though, he was relaxed. ''You said earlier that you were here because you wanted to save your relationship. And yourself. What did you mean by that?'', she asked.
''In the past couple of weeks I've developed a condition called Vasovagal Syncope''.
''Where you faint regularly''.
''Yeah. My doctor says it's due to stress, and Steven seems to think I'm stressed because I have a lot on my mind''.
''And what other symptoms are there?''.
''Ehm, heat, pain, exhaustion, hunger, thirst... the list goes on''.
''And when was the last time you fainted?''.
''Yesterday morning, and the last time before that was the night before''.
''Is that normal?''.
''Not for me, no''.
''What's it like?''.
''I get light headed, and I feel dizzy, and then the next thing is I'm on the floor. I usually don't feel too well for a day or two after them. I was close to having a third yesterday, too''.
''Why, what happened?''.
''My friend fell down the stairs and went into labour''.
''Oh, God. Is she alright?''.
''Yeah, she's fine, and the baby. If I hadn't have been there it might not have been the case''.
''What do you mean?''.
''Well, I delivered it''.
''You delivered a baby?'', she smiled.
''Yeah, it was nothing, though''.
''What d'ya mean? You're a hero, Brendan''. He felt warmth at the sounds of those words. They talked for what felt like ages after that, until a timer suddenly clicked, and she straightened herself up. ''That's all the time we have for today, I'm afraid. I've scheduled another hour-long appointment for tomorrow afternoon, if you can make it''.
''Yeah, of course. I'll see ye then'', he smiled, standing up and shaking her hand. ''Thanks for the coffee'', he smirked. As he left, she couldn't help but wonder what the story for another day was. She guessed she'll find out tomorrow. Brendan closed the door behind him, and was met by Lindsay smiling as she approached him.
''So how did it go?'', she beamed. He released a sigh of relief, smiling as he did so.
''Great. Really good''.
''Oh, that's fantastic. I told you it wasn't all bad'', she said, rubbing his arm. Brendan walked out of there with the biggest, stupidest grin that had ever graced his face.
Steven sat at the table in the living room, eating a ham sandwich with a cup of tea while reading the local newspaper. When he heard a set of keys being fumbled with outside, he shot up and met Brendan by the door. Brendan met him wit an unreadable expression. ''Alright?'', he greeted, walking into the kitchen. Steven followed.
''So, how did it go?'', he asked softly. He was almost afraid to ask, didn't know if Brendan went through with it or not.
''It went...'', he paused, ''great'', he smiled. Steven rushed to him, wrapping his arms around him.
''Oh, Brendan that's brilliant'', he sighed, relief flooding out of him. ''So what happened?''.
''Nothing much. We talked about you mostly''.
''Me? What are ya talking about me for?''.
''She wanted to get to know me, if I was seeing anybody, who my family were, that kind of stuff. I'm going back for another hour tomorrow''.
''Well, I'm dead proud of ya. So much so, I think you're in need of a reward'', he teased.
''Is that right?''. Steven took Brendan's hand, leading him into the bedroom. They didn't leave the room for another forty five minutes.
Brendan followed Steven to work again today, although, this time he had somebody for company: John Paul. He watched on as Doug and John Paul flaunted the fact that they were together now, kissing and laughing and holding each other. Brendan couldn't help but smile, but he wasn't happy for them, he was happy for himself. The way he saw it, was that this way, he didn't have to worry about Doug being alone with Steven and making moves on him. Everything was perfect, the only thing in their way now was therapy, which wasn't even that bad today.
He was kinda nervous for tomorrow, he knew that today was just a warm up, but tomorrow he was going to tell her everything, because the sooner he let it all go, the faster he could leave. He gave Steven the odd cheeky smile as he worked away behind the counter. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and when he realised who it was, he leaped up out of his seat and out the door. Steven watched him through the window, as Brendan's face dropped. A few moments later Brendan hung up the phone and opened the door.
''Steven, I'm gonna head home'', he chocked.
''Everything alright?''.
''Yeah, I'm fine'', he lied.
Please review, I hope you enjoyed it :) I'm on Tumblr now, the link is in my profile description. You can always ask me for writing requests, I'm always looking for new ideas and things like that, so look me up!