A/N: Okay, so I couldn't resist posting this chapter. Because it's a big one. I am looking forward to feedback on it. I'm probably spoiling every one with these super frequent updates…hope you're enjoying it, haha. Anyway, reviews are great!

Chapter Ten

Scratch

I'd like to know if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
I'd like to know if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

Scratch, Kendall Payne

He was outside her building.

He hadn't seen her for three years, hadn't spoken to her, and suddenly he was outside her building.

Lucas' took out the piece of paper for the hundredth time and stared at the address, unable to trust that he was really there.

His feet pounded the stairs (he was certain he would go crazy on an elevator, and anyway, it was only the fourth floor) and suddenly he was outside her door. Another consultation with the paper confirmed this, and suddenly Lucas couldn't breathe.

He knocked, heart pounding painfully in his chest. Each second was excruciatingly long. One second, two seconds, five, ten….She wasn't home. It was Saturday, why would she be?

There were footsteps and Lucas froze. Then the door was opening, and suddenly Peyton was standing in front of him. She was barefoot, wearing jeans and a black tank top.

Peyton gasped. Her body stiffened and her face went pale. For a few moments, she just stared at him, as though she thought he might disappear if she so much as blinked.

Lucas stared right back, reveling in her presence. Still, he was also bracing himself for the thousands of possible reactions that were coming as soon as her shock dissolved.

"Lucas?" Her voice was a whisper, her tone suggesting that she actually needed confirmation that it truly was him.

Lucas nodded. "Yeah. Hi."

"What…? What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you." He took a deep, shaking breath, her beauty staggering him; all at once, he was assaulted by both his happiness at seeing her again and the overwhelming weight of every moment he had been without her for three years.

Peyton was still staring at him with the same sort of intensity, her eyes asking for an explanation.

"Can I…" Lucas shifted awkwardly. "Can I maybe, um…" he gestured awkwardly to the inside of her apartment.

Peyton seemed to snap out of her reverie. "Sorry, yeah…come in." She stepped back to allow him to come in, swallowing hard, struggling to breathe normally. Her eyes were full of questions. He wanted to answer them, he planned on answering them, but right now he just needed her in his arms.

He tried to smile at her, but it went limp as a sudden swell of pure emotion choked him. "Peyton," he breathed, the only word he could manage.

"Luke…" She took a small step closer to him, and he could see her eyes shining with unshed tears. This was all the encouragement he needed to close the small gap between them. He folded her into his arms and she melted into his embrace.

Lucas could feel Peyton trembling against him, and he was sure he wasn't exactly steady, either. He had needed so long to be here, and suddenly he had the true sense of coming home.

They stayed locked together for a long time, neither willing to let go. Peyton finally moved her head to rest on his chest, letting out a long, slow sigh. Lucas tentatively pulled back slightly to look at her, but he found he couldn't read her expression. "Was that…was that not okay?"

"No, it's not that…" Peyton looked up at him and said in a weak voice, "Lucas, I don't understand."

"I know…but it's kind of a long story…is this a good time?" He felt stupid for asking. After all, it wasn't as though he'd given her much choice in the matter.

But she was nodding, and motioning him to follow her into the living room. They both sat on the couch, awkwardly turned to face each other. She offered him a hesitant smile, which he returned. However, Peyton's soon faded, and she asked in a small voice, "Where's Lindsey?"

"In New York. We…we're getting a divorce, Peyton." She inhaled sharply, her eyes darting, for the first time, the Lucas' bare left hand.

She pressed her lips tightly together, and suddenly she had to look away from him, blinking hard. Finally, she managed to meet his gaze. "Why?"

He had practiced this. "We were never going to work. I'm an idiot for deluding myself for three years…all we did was fight, or exist in silence. We were never happy, and I thought the move would change that, but it just made it worse… but we deluded ourselves, or at least I did. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure out."

Peyton nodded slowly, struggling to process this information. "Wow."

"What about you?" He asked hesitantly. "Moving to Seattle and all…"

"How long have you known?"

He laughed a little. "Since yesterday."

Peyton's eyes widened. "They really kept it quiet for that long?"

"Yeah, they did. I mean, I haven't been to Tree Hill since you left…I guess I was trying to distance myself." She looked away. "Which I guess is what you were doing…?"

"Yeah, something like that," she answered quietly.

"Why?"

Her lips twisted, and she kept her gaze fixedly on the couch, saying, "I thought we were talking about you, Luke. Why are you here?"

He paused, then told her, "Because when Lindsey and I signed the divorce papers she bought me a ticket to Tree Hill. And all I've been able to think about since then was getting home. And that doesn't really mean being in Tree Hill. It just means being with you." Peyton finally looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears yet again. Lucas leaned forward, giving in to his instincts and taking her hand in his. "Because all I have done for three years is think about you and miss you and regret walking away from you."

"Lucas…"

"Because I love you."

Peyton pulled her hand away, and replied in a broken voice, "Luke, it's…good to hear you say, but it doesn't really mean much. You told me that the last time we saw each other, just before you left with your wife, and I'm pretty sure you said it wasn't enough." She drew a deep, steadying breath. "This isn't Tree Hill, Luke. I had to leave there to get away from you. You were there even when you weren't, and every day it hurt a little more. I had to move across the country to get away from that."

"I know. And I don't know what I can say for that, Peyton, except that I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am, for everything. I treated you poorly, and I led you on, and I hurt you…believe it or not, hurting you is probably something I'll never be able to forgive myself for. So just…please know that I am sorry."

"So is that it? You came to apologize?"

"No. I mean, that was one of the things I wanted to do, but there's so much more…" He closed his eyes, unable to find the words he needed. He had come because he needed her, because he wanted them to be together, because he knew they loved each other. But she was correct in pointing that he had once claimed that love wasn't enough. How was he supposed to prove to her that it was?

He blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Did you read the book?"

Peyton nodded. "Yeah. I read it."

She looked at him, challengingly, willing him to admit the truth, out loud.

It was surprisingly easy to say to her. "It was about you."

"Luke-"

"It was. You're the comet, Peyton, and before you…before you I was lost, and when I met you, everything just snapped into focus. And when you were gone before, I was nothing. But you came back to Tree Hill, back to my life, and suddenly I was writing again, and it wasn't even until I was done that I realized I had been writing about us, the same as before."

A few of the tears Peyton had been stubbornly trying to keep back fell, trickling down her cheeks. She let them fall freely as she replied, "And it's a beautiful story, Luke. It's fantastic, and I am so proud of you for writing it but…I'm not sure any of that matters now." These last words hit Lucas like a blow to the chest, but he stayed silent. "Apparently it didn't even matter then, because you still got married and you still left."

Lucas felt sick. He knew she was right, and he suddenly felt like a fool for thinking he deserved another chance. In a soft voice, he said, "I know. I didn't do anything right, Peyton."

"Listen, Luke…" There was a weariness to Peyton's voice, and a finality that stirred panic in him.

"No, Peyton, please! I am sorry! Okay? I am so, so sorry for the way things happened, and I know that's not enough, but I don't know what else to do! Tell me what to do, I'll do it! Please?"

"I don't know what you can do, Lucas! You can't change what happened! I still have not been able to understand why things happened the way they did…everything you did, the kiss, the book, the 'I love you'…yet you still got married!"

"Okay, Peyton, you want the truth?" His chest was heaving, and he was terrified of what he was about to reveal, but she deserved his honesty. "I'm not proud of it, and I need you to know that I know it was stupid but…when I proposed to you, and you didn't say yes…I was just so hurt and disappointed. And I know why you did it, I know you just meant someday, I know that now. But at the time all I heard was a no, and I couldn't take it. I missed you so much when you lived in LA and I was scared for us, and maybe that was me being insecure, but that's how I felt. And then I thought you didn't come to the book signing and just…"

He paused, sighing, bracing himself for the next part. "When you came back to Tree Hill…it wasn't that I wasn't glad to see you. It wasn't that I didn't love you, because I did, I never stopped. I just…I was still really hurt. And I guess I just felt like…like I shouldn't forgive you. Almost like I wanted to punish you." Peyton reeled back a little, as it his words carried an actual physical force. "Which was stupid, and you didn't deserve it, and I know that now. But at the time…it was like I didn't want to make it easy."

Peyton was staring down at her lap, and she said nothing in the pause that Lucas left.

Then he continued, "By the time I stopped wanting to punish you, by the time I realized you hadn't really done anything wrong…I thought I was too late. I was too deep into the engagement, and the wedding and I was afraid of what would happen." He leaned closer, waiting until she looked up so he could meet her eyes. "I did everything wrong, Peyton. If I could go back in time, I would change so much, I swear."

She nodded slowly, leaning forward and resting her forehead against his. "I know. I would, too."

"You wouldn't have to." He whispered. He leaned forward, moving his lips toward hers, but she pulled back.

"Luke, don't-"

"My fault," he said hastily. "I shouldn't have...bad judgment. Too soon. I'm sorry."

Peyton wouldn't look at him. "It's just…this is happening really quickly, and it's a lot to take."

"I understand," he assured her quickly.

Peyton paused, then asked hesitantly, "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Why now? I mean, you said you were never happy with her, but it's been three years. What changed?"

"Well, like I said, it's been a long time coming. And I've been working on my new book, and Lindsey could, once again, see through the story and realize it's really about you. So we were fighting about that for about a month. And then I caught her in her office having sex with another of the editors, and a week later we had divorce papers."

The smile that had spread across Peyton's face at the mention of another book dropped instantly with Lucas' last sentence. "Lindsey cheated on you?"

"Yeah. Apparently it had been going on for a month or so. Classy, right?"

"She cheated on you?" Peyton closed her eyes, her chest constricting painfully. "When did you catch her?"

Confused, Lucas stammered, "It was on Monday. Why?"

"Oh, God…" Peyton stood up suddenly. "Damn Lucas."

"What?"

"I have to…" Peyton shook her head, scared of how close she was to crying, to breaking down over him yet again. "I'll be back." She stood up quickly, turning her face away.

Bewildered, Lucas watched her hurry out of the living room, and few seconds later he heard the click of a door closing. He waited a few minutes, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.