Chapter Ten: Mixed Feelings
I was lying in my hospital bed when someone I didn't want to see came walking in. He also brought something for me. I just stared at him. He came closer to me. I raised my hand for him to stop, but he didn't. He sat down by my bed.
"I saw Embry on my way over here," he said.
"Did he say anything?" I asked.
"Nothing about you."
"He is probably still angry at me," I said.
"I don't blame them for being mad at you," he replied.
"Where's Nessie?" I asked.
"She's out with Emily and Leah," he answered.
"So why did you come and see me?"
"I came to apologize to you."
"Why did you try to scare me?"
"I didn't mean to scare you."
"Well you did." I said, not ready to forgive Jacob yet.
"I'm sorry for that," he responded.
"I hope you liked it."
"I did," he replied with a look of pleasure at the memory. I had a very different reaction to that memory; mine was one of terror combined with nausea.
I looked away from him, disgusted.
"Shelby, I wanted to talk to you," he said.
"Huh?" I ask
"Renesmee and I aren't together anymore."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but I don't see how that affects me at all."
"Will you go out with me?"
"I am still in love with Embry," I answered.
"Yeah, but I still have feelings for you, Shelby." Jake stood from his turquoise-colored recliner and leaned over me. He pressed his lips gently against mine.
I kind of enjoyed it and eventually gave in, returning the kiss.
"Shelby, I love you," he whispered. "Will you go out with me?"
"I don't know Jake," I answered, beginning to regret kissing him back. I really did love Embry; even though he had broken up with me, I couldn't deny the feelings I had. I didn't want to risk something that could be rekindled for Jake. He said he loved me, but I just didn't feel that way about him. Plus, Nessie was my best friend. What would she think if I dated her boyfriend? Even if he was telling the truth and they had broken up, you just don't date your friends' exes. It was girl code.
He gave me the sad puppy dog look. He leaned closer to me and kissed me again. This time I kissed him back more intensely. I didn't know what I was thinking. I had so many mixed feelings about this that I didn't know what I was doing!
"Shelby, I will go now, but I'll stop by tomorrow," he said.
"Okay, bye," I replied.
He got up and walked out of my room. I was about to call Nessie when Embry came walking in. I was surprised to see him. He didn't look happy to see me, though. I looked down at my lap, abashed at the glare Embry was looking at me with. "What was he doing here without Ness?" Embry demanded.
"He wanted to see me. Nessie's out with the girls."
"I came to apologize for my actions," Embry said.
"Embry, I want to forgive you, but what you said was really harsh. It's going to take more than a haphazard apology," I retorted
"Shelby, I love you, I was just angry at what you did."
"I know Embry, I still love you, but I don't want to hurt anymore," I replied.
He sat down and took my hand. I had tears threatening to overflow my eyes.
I didn't want him to see me crying.
"Shelby, please , I love you!" he said.
"I need some time to think thoroughly."
"You hurt me too, when you did the very thing you promised me you wouldn't," he said, and the look in his eyes was one of a man who had been betrayed by the person he trusted the most in the world. I suddenly realized that I had had his trust; I had held it, and then thrown it away like yesterday's garbage.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, but I don't know what I want right now," I lied. I knew what I wanted, and that was Embry. But those two kisses from Jake also had me trying to figure out whether or not he would be a good choice.
"I am always here if you want to give us another try." He kissed my forehead and left.
I was hurting inside and out, I didn't know what to do. I was crying some more.
A few minutes later, Dr. Cullen came in with a cup of something for me to drink. I had no choice but to drink it. My parents haven't seen me since the day I was admitted. Nessie was upset with me for doing drugs so she's probably wouldn't come to see me. I wanted my best friend. I knew if I called her, she make Bella tell me that she wasn't there. I needed to make sure that Jake wasn't lying to me about their breakup. But I decided not to. I was so badly hurt, and I hurt the ones that cared about me. I was about to go to the bathroom when my phone rang.
"Hello," I answered.
"Hey Shel, its Jake."
"'Sup?" I asked, oddly pleased to hear his voice.
"I saw Embry as I walked out of your room."
"Yeah, er, he wants to get back together," I said.
"I thought that he wanted time apart?" Jake asked.
"So did I," I said.
"What did he say?"
"Oh, he apologized and told me that he loves me and wants to be together," I answered.
"What did you say?"
"That I needed time to think about it."
"So, does that mean you're going to go out with me?" he asked; I could practically hear his smirk through the phone line.
"Jake, I don't know right now, I need time to think," I answered.
"I have feelings for you."
"Yes, I know, but Nessie is my best friend. I can't do that to her."
"Think about it," he said.
"Well, I have to do some business," I said, really needing to go to the bathroom. I didn't want him to hear me through the phone, so I had to get him to hang up somehow. This was the best way I could think of without totally embarrassing myself.
"Alright, later," he said as he hung up the phone.
I hung up the phone and went to do my business. Like I said before, I have feeling about all of this. I have too many mixed feelings. I felt like do I do now? I was actually crying. I was done doing what I had to do. And headed toward the bed again. I am still in love with Jake's best friend, and now he was my best friend's boyfriend. I have to think about it. I felt like I was about to puke again. I hope I don't because I just starting to feel better. I was just thinking about them. I turned on the TV. when my phone rang again. I answered it.
"Hey!" I answered.
"Hi Shelby, it's me, Embry."
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I just want to apologize again."
"Well you did earlier." I said.
"I also love you," he added.
"I love you, too, but I need some time to think," I said, repeating what I'd already told him.
"One question: is there something going on with Jake and you? I need to know."
"What do you mean?" I asked, instead of answering his question.
"Are you two screwing around behind my back?" Hm. Well, that question was a little more blunt.
" No way! Why would I do that?" I answered.
"I'm just checking."
"I told you I just need time to think," I replied.
"Well I should go now," he said.
"Okay, bye." I was trying to relax since I couldn't before. And half an hour later Dr. Cullen came in with another cup and told me to drink it, so I would get better.
"How do you feel?" he asked when I'd finished the cup.
"I feel run down," I answered honestly.
"Why?" he asked.
"Oh, it's just personal issues," I reassured him.
"I understand, I'll let you go now, the next doctor will come and check on you later," he said as he walked to the door. Then he was out. I wanted to call Nessie, so I decided to give it a try. I dialed her number; it rang once before someone answered.
"Hello, the Cullen residence!" her dad answered
"Hi, Edward is Nessie there?" I asked.
"Yes, but she doesn't want to talk to you." I had expected this kind of response from Nessie, but I was still a little surprised when Edward spoke those words. He'd always been so nice to me before; it seemed out of character. But, because he was being so truthful, all I could do was accept my fate. I knew that the reason Nessie didn't want to talk to me was of my own making.
"Okay, just tell her I called then," I said sadly.
"Alright, bye," he replied.
Then we hung up the phones. We vampires don't sleep so I tried to relax. I felt so lonely, but at least it gave some time to think about Embry, Nessie, and Jake. How am I going to decide what I want when I can't? I'm starting to have feelings towards Jake. I knew what he did to me, but he did apologize for that. On the other hand, I'm still in love with Embry. I was about to sit up when the next doctor came in.
"Miss MacKenya, how are you doing?" he asked.
"I could be better," I answered.
"I'll be your doctor." he says as he walked towards me. "I'll bring you something in a little while," he went on as he was examining me. He left a few minutes later. What am I going to do? I didn't want to end my friendship with Nessie, but how did I know if they are still together or not! I didn't. About ten minutes later the doctor came back with something for me to drink. So I drank it once again. Then he left. I was relaxing. It was about time I did. No one came in to check on me.
Second day in the hospital
Dr. Cullen came by early to see how I was feeling. I was feeling a little better. He came in with some more blood for me to drink. Then he examined me; then he left. As soon as visiting hours started Jake was here first. He brought me something once again. He sat down next to me and kissed me this time I kissed him back eagerly.
"Shelby, I love you!" he whispered.
I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.
"Have you decided?" he asked.
"No, I have to think about it really good." I answered as I pulled him closer to me so I can kiss him again. When we were still kissing when someone was knocking on the door. It was Embry!
"What is this?" he bellowed.
"It's not what it seems," I answered
He didn't say a word, he just ran out of the hospital. Jake pulled away and ran after him. I wish I could run after them but I couldn't. I just wanted to see what's going on. I had a bad feeling about this. So I walked to the bathroom and threw up again. I hope they wouldn't hit each other. After I was done I went back to the bed and lay down. I didn't know what to do? This might really end Embry's and my relationship and their friendship. The tears kept on falling. I started to feel sick again. My life is nightmare! I couldn't stop crying.
All day I was crying because Embry and Jake were at it and I had no way of knowing what was happening outside of the hospital. What have I done? I don't know who I want plus if Jake wasn't telling me the truth and I am going out and Nessie finds out that would end our friendship. This really stinks!