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The Way Life Works Chapter 10-Nerves
James woke the next morning. He quite honestly was nervous. He had decided that today was the day. Today he was going to ask Lily to the Christmas Dance, and to consider being more than just friends. No one knew, and he wanted to keep it that way. This was something that should only be between James and Lily, and if things went wrong for some reason, James would not allow it to mess up their friendship; it meant too much to him, she meant too much to him. With his thoughts organized and his nerves frayed, he got ready for the day and went to breakfast.
He entered the Great Hall in time to see a Seventh Year Hufflepuss walk away from Lily, who was sitting alone at the Gryffindor Table. He looked disappointed and proud at the same time. That fact made James feel a little better. When he reached the table he realized that Lily looked both uncomfortable and uncertain.
"Are you okay Lily?" James asked, he was convincingly casual.
"Yeah I'm fine." She answered, not doing a convincing job being honest.
"What did Stephen want?" Lily hesitated, but then lifted her head and looked James dead in the eyes.
"He asked me to the Christmas Dance." Lily noticed James' eyes flicker with what she thought was a mixture of shock, dismay and sadness, her heart jumped.
"Well…oh. Umm what did you say?" James asked.
" Does it matter?" Lily asked casually, this time it was convincing.
"Well, sort of, honestly, I was sort of hoping to ask you myself." James responded honestly. Lily's surprise was extremely obvious.
"Wh..why would you do, why would you do that?" James sighed.
"I was hoping that would be obvious." James chuckled softly and nervously, then he sighed. The Great Hall was still mostly empty so James couldn't postpone this conversation.
"You always thought when I asked you out in the past that I was trying provoke a reaction. Well that was partially true in the beginning, to be honest, you're even more attractive than normal when your angry, it's your eyes you see." James explained. "But somewhere along the way, I think it was likely the start of sixth year, that I realized that there was a true attraction there. I wasn't just asking to get you angry. The problem was you didn't know anything was different. After that, each rejection hurt more and more and I had to hide my rejection, and the only way I could do that so you wouldn't notice was to act like an arse to you. It got to a point where I just couldn't go through that anymore and I stopped asking." James paused as he took a sip of his pumpkin juice. "This year have been the best year ever at Hogwarts. We started out having a cautious business partnership that has turned into a great friendship, one of my best friendships. And as selfish as it sounds, I still want more. This year I got to know you, really know you, and the more I learned the more I wanted to know. I want to be with you Lily. Ideally, I want us to be a couple. I want to be your boyfriend and you to be my girlfriend because I think we could be great together." James paused again, this time he paused with apprehension. "If you don't want to be with me, than just say so, I swear on my parents' graves that nothing will change with us. All I'm asking for is a chance, a chance to show you how amazing we can be together." James finished and Lily was speechless. No one in her life had ever said something to her like that before.
"No." Lily said. James' heart sank, thankfully Lily noticed and clarified.
"I said no when Stephen asked me to the Christmas Dance. The fact is I'm not going to be here for the dance, my sister's getting married, so I'm leaving the morning of the dance."
"Oh." James said, he couldn't think of anything else to say considering that Lily had made no mention of everything he had spilled to her.
"Are you set on going to the Dance, James?" Lily asked.
"Not really, I was only planning on going if you agreed to go with me." James said.
"Well since I'm not going to be here, would you consider being my date to my sister's wedding?" Lily paused, now it was her turn. "Here's the thing James, it's taken me awhile, by I finally see what everyone else always saw. I can see how charming you are, how genuine you are, how much you care about other people. You didn't always be that way, but all boys grow up, and I finally noticed that you'd grown up. You'd become a good man. I started hoping you would make a move, despite how many times I had rejected you, how many times I sad awful things to you and belittled you, I still hoped you'd ask me again. I had all but given up hope, until this morning. When Stephen asked me out this morning I couldn't for a second consider saying yes. He's a great guy, but he isn't you, and I realized that if you couldn't make the leap and ask me then I had to because it was likely my fault that you couldn't. But this morning you took the leap and you asked me, and on top of all that you made me feel like the most important person in the world." Lily paused. Lily and James were looking at each other intently. "Thank you for not giving up on me James. I would love to be your girlfriend. And since we can't go to the Dance, I figured I would see if you'd be willing to go with me to my sister's wedding. In truth, you'd be doing me a huge favor, because I'm going to have to put up with a sister that hates me, a mom who's in denial about it and a dad who has no idea what to do about it. I need someone on my side."
"I'd love to go with you Lily. I'll be there for you, and who knows maybe I can lighten things up a little." The two were silent for a time neither really knowing where to go from there.
"So what happens now? How does this whole us being boyfriend girlfriend work?" Lily asked.
"I don't know. I think we should take things slowly and just go with the flow, we can do what's comfortable and progress at our own pace. I don't want to screw this up." James said.
"Sounds good to me, what do we tell our friends?"
"We tell them the truth, that we've decided to see each other, that we're taking things slowly, and that they need to stay out of our business." James said and they both chuckled.
"Okay. Sounds like a plan." Lily said and weaved her arm through James', something she had wanted to do for awhile. James didn't seem to mind and instead, scooted closer to her and they continued to talk, mostly about Lily's family and what he could expect while he was with them for the wedding.
Remus, Sirius, Peter, Marlene, Daniela, and Denise all entered the Great Hall to see Lily leaning up against James with her head resting on his shoulder with them talking quietly as if the world around them didn't exist. The friends were all ecstatic and padded their way over to the two.
When their friends arrived at the table James and Lily made no move to change positions and instead just quietly explained that they were planning to see where their relationship could go, but that they were taking things slowly. The girls all seemed really excited when it was revealed that James was going to Lily's sister's wedding, and the four girls sat talking and giggling.
"Good on you James, it's about time." Sirius said.
"You look really happy James, I haven't seen you this happy since before your parents died." Remus said quietly and carefully, not wanting to upset him.
"I know, and to be honest, I don't think I have been this happy since before their deaths. My mum would have loved Lily, by dad too. I have a chance at a relationship as amazing as theirs was, I'm not about to screw this up."
The rest of breakfast passed with the friends chatting happily all the while James and Lily kept physical contact with each other. Holding hands, James' arm around her, or Lily's arm through James'. Up at the professors table, Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall exchanged smiles. Stephen at the Hufflepuff table smiled wistfully knowing he never stood a chance, but proud that he had a least taken a chance, and Severus Snape saw nothing but red. Hatred poured through his veins, but he would rein it in. He could wait and be patient. Potter would screw up and lose Lily forever and he would be there to pick up the pieces.
When the friends left the Great Hall that morning to head to classes, James hung back for a moment to speak with Stephen from Hufflepuff. Stephen was frightened at first thinking James was going to threaten him for going after his girl but he was wrong.
"I just wanted you to know how much I admire you." James said.
"Why?" Stephen asked baffled.
"You went after what you wanted without a second thought, when I couldn't. It took me forever to work up the nerve to finally talk to Lily and to be honest I wasn't sure I ever would. You went right to it. I admire you for that don't lose that. That was truly courageous, and you'll find a girl to take to the dance without a problem. If things had been different between Lily and I, I have no doubt she would have accepted your invitation. So good luck finding a date, not that you need it, and don't change for anyone. You're an okay guy Stephen. Worthy of a Gryffindor if I do say so myself." James said, smiled and then left his hand meeting Lily's as they left the Hall. Everyone who knew Stephen saw how he walked around after that, his head held high and his back straight. That night he asked the prettiest girl in Hufflepuff to the Christmas Dance, a girl he had known and been friends with for a long time, who he had always thought was out of his league.
She said yes.