Notes: Ahh, all the love you guys have given me is so very, very appreciated! Thanks for your support! I've really needed to hear some nice words lately, and knowing that I'm doing well on a story that has completely dominated my muse helps.
I also want to apologize in advance. I think I mentioned there being longer chapters? ... Er, get some popcorn and a cup of tea, everyone, this one got long, and the next few are going to be longer as well.
Enjoy!
10: Filling the Gap
"He had a concussion and Captain Zaraki didn't send him to me directly?" Retsu Unohana, perched primly on her office chair, pressed her hands to lips in shock. Isane shook her head, glancing to some of the books on the shelf as if ashamed to meet her Captain's gaze.
"I attempted to intervene, but I arrived too late." She laced her fingers and lowered her eyes. "I'm very sorry, Captain. I should have checked your message earlier, but there were so many injuries at the Twelfth-"
"No, it's alright. You had your orders from the Head Captain, and Captain Zaraki acts independently whether he should or not." Unohana sighed a bit and smoothed her haori down, then adjusted her braid where it hung, setting herself right to regain her composure. "I'll contact Yumichika directly. I'm sure he'll make his way here if his head injury is serious, but for someone like him, if he was conscious enough to talk, he should be alright." She folded the file on her desk- Ayasegawa's, a complete record of his visits, with no indicators of any mental illnesses or the like- and folded her hands under her chin. "It's a minor concern in the grand scheme. Nemu has sent me a message indicating that once she can acquire Captain Kurotsuchi's records on his pregnancy, she'll pass them on to me. Even if she can't get them to me, I do wish to examine him. Isane, if you have a chance to speak with Ikkaku, kindly inform him that I wish to see him and his partner here post haste."
"I admit, I'm concerned about that, ma'am," Isane said, then clapped her hands to her mouth. "Oh, not to question you, ma'am! But- they are both from the Eleventh Division."
"Yes, I know." Unohana smiled fondly. "And all the men there are more than a little stubborn about getting the medical care they need. But Yumichika is not unintelligent." She rose to her feet, and held a hand up to summon a Hell Butterfly. "If your report of the incident is true, then he would like his child to be healthy, and I have the same goal."
"And, on the same note, ma'am." Isane looked down and away. "I don't think they're partners anymore."
"Ah." Unohana tapped her lip. "I see." She considered for a moment, her fingertip resting on the dimple in her lip, then dismissed the Hell Butterfly. "I'll send him a message tomorrow. Once he's had a chance to recover. He surely needs some time to clear his head before we get into more serious business." She graced Isane with her usual, warm smile. "One day shouldn't make a difference. Sorry to hold you up. You're dismissed to your daily duties."
"Yes'm." Isane saluted and departed, and Unohana daintily returned to her chair and her daily reports awaiting her in neat stacks across her desk. She paused mid-motion in picking up her pen, held her palm open as if to summon a Butterfly, then laid it flat.
"One day," she reminded herself.
She harbored deep concerns, who wouldn't? Not when so much was at stake. But giving poor Yumichika a little time to settle back in and rest would be good before giving him anything else to worry about. He was surely exhausted from his ordeal, and the stress of his beloved abandoning him, even if it was deserved, had to be taking a toll on him.
"Once he's back on his feet, we can do what's best for him and the baby." She smiled to herself, and flipped into her papers. She did have other things to worry over, and no doubt, so did he. Surely, he didn't need her at his back just now.
Kenpachi found himself staring at Yumichika's back where he stood, motionless, in front of the buffet. Yumichika had served his two days "imprisonment" without trouble, not trying to leave or complaining. He only asked for clean clothes and sheets, and nothing else. Yeah, pretty goddamn weird for the prissy little shit, but he was probably just in an off mood after all the commotion. The Hell Butterflies had stopped swarming, though, so it was probably safe to let him get back into the swing of things. Kenpachi had sent Yachiru to tell him he could come outside and join the squad for breakfast, and here he was.
Not eating. Just standing, staring at the food like he'd never seen it before. Kenpachi glanced around, and realized that there was more wrong than that. No makeup, not even his feathers. That orange thing he wore on his neck and sleeve, that was gone. The only thing that set him apart from any of the other shinigami was the slight outward curve on his sides, the more noticeable curve out front, and that his sash was tied under his breastbone rather than at his waist. He wasn't moving. He wasn't eating. Yeah, that wasn't right at all.
He spotted a few of the seated officers passing him and grabbed one of them by the collar- a slumped-shouldered guy with arched eyebrows and a weaselly mustache- and yanked him around. Aramaki Makizo yelped with surprise, as Kenpachi peered down from above him. "Ah, g-good morning, Captain!"
"'Morning, Maki-maki." That was his name, right? Definitely his name. Didn't matter that the dude's face was turning bright red, he definitely answered to that. "Hey, I need a favor."
"A f-f-favor?" Aramaki blinked a few times, stunned, and Kenpachi put both hands on his shoulders and turned his body towards Yumichika.
"Somethin's up with Yumichika." Aramaki paled, his eyes flashing to Ikkaku huddled in a corner of the room, devouring a hunk of sausage he'd stolen off the tray of the last idiot who'd tried to chat with him, before said idiot got dragged away unconscious by two others, but Kenpachi pushed Aramaki in Yumichika's direction. "I don't get why nobody's talkin' to him, but you don't need me tellin' you all to play nice. Go check on him."
"M-me, sir?" Aramaki tried to stammer out a protest, but Kenpachi walked away, hulking through the crowd towards the buffet table, only pausing to pat Yumichika's shoulder on his way. Orders were orders, though, so Aramaki swallowed his nerves and approached Yumichika.
He'd heard about what had happened to him in the Twelfth Division. The entire squad had heard, or at least as much as they'd been instructed to hear. Renji, to their surprise, had addressed the squad the night after the blow-up, because Kenpachi wasn't much for giving briefings and Ikkaku had been nowhere to be found. The facts were simple- Yumichika was pregnant. Yes, it was Ikkaku's, and no, Ikkaku hadn't been told. Renji had winced every time he paused for breath. They hadn't been told what sort of "experiments" had been conducted on Yumichika, and Aramaki feared the worst.
"What if he's a bomb?" He squeaked to himself, but tiptoed towards him and tapped his shoulder lightly. "Er, Ayasegawa?"
Yumichika's eyes tipped away from the table. "Aramaki." He returned his gaze to the spread, as Aramaki stood back in surprise.
"Er, yes, well, is something wrong? Are you not feeling well?"
"I'm fine. Thank you." Yumichika wasn't making eye contact, but this wasn't all too abnormal. Yumichika liked to look at things he deemed beautiful, and if Ikkaku were around, that was usually the focus of his gaze. Still, he would flutter his eyelashes at you when he talked to you, if only to show them off, or smirk and mock and call him 'Maki-Maki!' He wasn't at all used to the flamboyant Fifth acting as flat as a doormat.
Aramaki steeled himself, and stood in front of Yumichika so he could see his face. The skin under his eyes and on his cheeks was marred with faint red splotches, and his lips looked bitten, pale and chapped. He looked like linen rubbed raw. "Er." Aramaki cleared his throat. "You should get something to eat, before the cooks stop replenishing the trays."
Yumichika nodded, then laughed under his breath. Aramaki raised an eyebrow, and Yumichika shook his head. "Sorry, sorry, just, it's funny." His hands finally moved from hanging limp at his sides to cup his middle. "In the Twelfth... they just give you what you're supposed to eat. The last week before I got brought back here, they just gave me this nutrition brick, and that was all I got, but I ate it because that was what I was supposed to eat. I just laid down and took whatever they gave me. Now, I'm here, and I can have anything, but..." Yumichika choked, and Aramaki gaped as he saw fresh tears spring to his eyes and the red splotches swelling again. "I don't know what I want."
"Oh, hell, no!" Aramaki lurched around, alarmed, to check if Kenpachi or Ikkaku were watching. They weren't, and Aramaki patted Yumichika's shoulder. "There, there, it's alright!"
"It's alright," Yumichika repeated.
"Yes, it is! You're going to be fine! Come, come on!" Aramaki seized his elbow and led him closer. "See?" He put a tray in his hands. "Just... pick things that look good. You must remember what it's like in our squad, you've been here longer than I have."
It took some coaxing, but Yumichika soon had a reasonably full tray, biting his lips the whole way. Aramaki could tell he was second-guessing his every selection, but Aramaki tugged him down the line. "Is that all you want?" It felt way too weird, talking to a superior officer as if he were a stubborn child. Yumichika nodded.
"I'm hungry, but if I eat too much, I feel sick." There was the faintest note of self-deprecating laughter in his voice then, and Aramaki chuckled and gave him a slap on the back.
"Ah, my sister complained of that before my nephew was born! Then again, all she ate for three months was meat buns and pickled ginger. No wonder she was nauseous!"
"I didn't know you had a sister, Aramaki."
"Nobody's ever asked!" Aramaki laughed, and Yumichika chuckled along weakly. Aramaki managed to take him to a table and convinced him to sit, and the two ate together. Yumichika didn't try to make conversation, and Aramaki kept picking out things that were wrong about Yumichika's appearance, wrong with Yumichika's everything. He was too stiff, too reserved, no snark, no sarcasm, no bruising wit. And strangest of all-
"Aramaki, do you have a napkin to spare?"
"Maki-Maki." Aramaki frowned, and Yumichika blinked, bewildered. "It's... it's Maki-Maki! Everyone who talks to Yachiru calls me Maki-Maki! You've known me ten years, and that's all you've ever called me!"
"Oh." Yumichika pursed his lips, and his eyebrows quirked up. "And, you never minded?"
"Of course I minded! My name is Aramaki Makizo, it's not my fault the Lieutenant either can't or doesn't like to say it! But because you're all so intimidating, I couldn't say anything!"
"Intimidating." Yumichika considered it, then smiled for the first time since coming into the room. "I suppose I'll have to live up to that." He put his napkin and chopsticks down on the tray. "Hey, this might sound like a stupid question, but did your sister ever mention her skin being really itchy when she was, y'know..." He nodded down, and Aramaki's jaw hung open for a moment to take in his meaning.
"Er... she never mentioned it, no. But there are books and such, you know."
"So there are." Yumichika stood up, tray in hand. "Hey, thanks." He smiled directly at him, and Aramaki stuttered again.
"You're... welcome?"
Yumichika giggled a little. "See ya 'round, Maki-Maki." With that, he walked away. It wasn't his usual saunter, and his voice still didn't have its usual lilt, but he seemed a little less distant. It was like his feet had touched solid ground again after falling a long, long way. Aramaki set his shoulders back and smirked, feeling just little proud of himself, until he got up and found Ikkaku standing just behind him.
"'Ey, Maki-Maki. What'd he say to you?" The accusing finger Ikkaku pointed at him may as well have been a blade, and Aramaki cringed back, hands up in an instant 'I surrender!'
"Nothing! He was overwhelmed, and he only asked about- n-nothing you'd care about!" Aramaki flushed and rushed past Ikkaku, who glared at him all the way out of the crowded mess hall.
A lot of the whispers about the two had died down in the day after the raid, but that was only because everybody already knew what sat, heavy and fetid and obvious, between them, and nobody wanted to put themselves in that awful spot. Aramaki didn't know much about their relationship, but he knew enough that they wouldn't let a Fourth Seat between them. It might have been that space that Yumichika was trapped in, or falling through, and there simply was nowhere to land.
The division gathered, grouped by squads, for morning exercises. The first squad, the Seated Officers, lined up on either side of him by rank, except for Yachiru perched on his shoulder, and Yumichika, who stood back and stared at the lineup. He knew where he used to stand, when this was his squad. This was his squad, wasn't it?
"'Ey!" Kenpachi's gaze was like needles in his eyes when Yumichika caught it. "C'mon!"
That answered that question, and despite Ikkaku hunching over towards the Captain to whisper what was surely a protest, Yumichika marched up to the line and took his place, leaving a significant gap between him and the Third Seat's space. Ikkaku gnashed his teeth together, but held his tongue, as Kenpachi faced the squad to lead a warm-up kata.
He held it for all of twenty seconds.
"What do you think you're doing?" He growled as he took the first position. Yumichika followed along, settling into horse stance with natural grace.
"Morning warm-ups, Officer Madarame." The word 'Officer' was stiff and harsh on his mouth in addressing him, but Madarame was easier. If that was how he was to address him from now on, as a superior officer, then liking the sound of his surname was a comfort, if a cold one.
"The hell do you think you're playing at?" Bow stance, leg back, arms up, then three sets of punches where Ikkaku couldn't spit fire at him from between his flurrying fists. Yumichika was panting when he finished, but not badly enough that he couldn't answer.
"My health is fine, and I see no reason not to participate." Defensive stance, back kick, twenty on each side, and Yumichika felt the strain in his groin muscles especially, but that was definitely from disuse. He hoped.
Ikkaku growled under his breath as they landed and started a set of back-and-forth punches, chops, and kicks, and he snarled his next between breaths: "You... look... ridiculous!"
Yumichika landed squarely on both feet and fell neatly back into bow pose, blew a bit of hair from his eyes, and glanced at Ikkaku's feet. Anywhere but his face. "I respectfully disagree, sir."
"Both of you, hush!" Yachiru hissed from her place next to Kenpachi, and Ikkaku stuck his tongue out at her. Yachiru stuck hers right back, and Kenpachi bared his teeth at all three of them before facing the squad and bowing deeply at the waist. The seated officers all followed suit, and Yumichika held his breath until he could rise again.
Ridiculous. At least he hadn't called him ugly.
Kenpachi was already barking orders: "Fifth and Seventh squads, you'll be with Madarame today! Ninth Squad, you're with Ayasegawa!" A titter ran through the Ninth Squad, and Kenpachi glared at them. A hush fell over all of them, even as Ikkaku rolled his eyes.
"Captain, with all due respect, that's a goddamn farce and you know it."
"You questioning my orders, kid?" Kenpachi cocked an eyebrow, his fingers itching at the pommel of his zanpakuto, and Ikkaku sneered.
"Yeah. Yeah, I am." Ikkaku rolled his neck and widened his stance, then thrust his hand out towards Yumichika. "Look at 'im, Captain. Ya might as well transfer him to the Fourth for all the good he's gonna do our squad."
"Funny, that." Kenpachi pulled out a wrinkled sheet of paper from the pocket of his hakama. "I already got a message from the Fourth about that. I got a full list of what Ayasegawa is and ain't allowed to do, direct from their Captain. Hands-off, no-contact, kendo or hakuda, anything but sparring." He turned to Ayasegawa. "You got that? I want you to give those guys a good technique demo. The newer guys could use it."
Yachiru chose then to pipe in: "Kenny says if Yun-Yun gets hurt, then Re-chan's gonna be pissed, and if Re-chan gets pissed at him, he's moving to Hueco Mundo!"
Kenpachi turned fuchsia- not a good color for him, so Yumichika thought- and yanked Yachiru up by the back of her shihakusho to tell her off quietly into her ear, as the squads near the front who'd heard her burst into uproarious laughter. Yumichika took the opportunity to approach the Ninth Squad.
It was already unusual. Usually, he and Ikkaku worked with whatever squads they were assigned together, and used one another as demo partners and training dummies as necessary. Now, he stood alone, as they all summed him up, some smirking, some scowling. They knew. Of course they knew. But Yumichika wouldn't let that get in his way.
"I want to make one thing clear to the lot of you." He set his hands on his hips. His thumbs framed the lower curve of the swell at his middle. "Whatever my condition is, I'm here to make you better fighters. If you don't think me capable, then drop your zanpakutos and walk off now. I'm a superior officer, this is my position and my duty, and if you're not willing to take my orders, then you might as well quit." He straightened his back. "So, there's your options, boys. Quit, walk away, go back to the Rukon and pray you don't end up fly meat, or practice hakuda for two hours with a pregnant guy. Your pick."
As surreal as the second option was, every single member of the squad took it. Not a one of them dared to say a word to him throughout, even ignoring when he stopped in the middle of a set for water or to check his position. It was only at the end, after they finishing stretching, that one of them even dared.
"Hey, why're you doin' that with your legs?" Yumichika stopped in the middle of rotating his ankle, as one of the squad members pointed at him. Yumichika scowled.
"Don't be rude. And my ligaments actually kind of suck right now." He took another long guzzle of water, and got to a stand. "See, the ankles, knees, hips, they're all kind of wiggly. Makes it easier to carry a load like this around, but makes it hard to hold positions for long periods or do repetitive motions." He gestured to his middle with an open hand, then went back to stretching. "So, I gotta keep compensating, and I kinda gotta carry my body really carefully." The squad member scrunched his face up.
"That sucks. Why're you still training, anyway? Ain't nobody gonna make you go on patrol." A few other squad members were paying attention now, and Yumichika took another gulp of water and spit some of it out to clear the taste of bile from his throat.
"Cause in about four months, I'm gonna be back on patrol, and I'm gonna have to rebound fast. I'll probably pick up some extra shifts as soon as I'm back to top condition. I've got some savings, but it ain't really enough for a long break." He finished his water, crushed the bottle, then looked over at the four or five squad members still lingering. "You're free to go. Clear off."
"Ch'." Yumichika winced when he heard a scoff from behind him, and turned to see Ikkaku behind him, hands on his hips. "Quit lingering, people got other shit to do!" Yumichika huffed and folded his arms, but lowered his eyes.
"Everyone's dismissed." He turned and walked around Ikkaku, unable to make himself hold his head up and look at him. He only became aware of anything when he passed under Kenpachi's shadow.
"I saw ya. You kept up pretty good." Kenpachi's heavy hand landed on his shoulder. Yumichika held firm under the weight, but spared a timid glance up.
"Thank you, sir." Kenpachi was being weirdly civil, so it only seemed right to be equally polite. "I didn't see my name on the duty sheet for this afternoon. Actually, I didn't see the duty sheet."
"You wrote the duty sheet. Pretty sure you invented it." Kenpachi's eyebrow raised in a questioning arch. "I just tell 'em to do stuff."
"I... guess that's true." Yumichika grounded his heel and faced Kenpachi. "What would you like me to do this afternoon?"
"Not a damn thing." Kenpachi crossed his arms and held his head high, looking right down his nose at him. "You're just getting over some shit. Captain Unohana told me to go easy on ya." He cocked his head to the side. "Actually, you prob'ly ought'a go have a chat with her, what with that knock on your head."
Yumichika felt every muscle seize at once, and he could only rattle out, "Is that an order, sir?"
Kenpachi stared at him like he'd grown a second head out of his trembling Adam's apple. "Does it need to be?"
"No, sir." Yumichika hunched over, avoiding Kenpachi's gaze. Kenpachi grunted and patted his back.
"Take a free afternoon. Just, go, do something else. Maybe outside of the HQ."
"Captain, I need something to do," Yumichika babbled without thinking, and found himself seizing his sleeve. "Some sort of errand, please."
As if on cue, opportunity hopped up and grabbed Yumichika's leg. "Yun-yun!" Yachiru swung around a few times, sending Yumichika stumbling to his hands, but that just let her pat his back. "Kenny said he wasn't gonna make you work so's Re-chan won't hate him! But since you're not busy, take me to get cookies!"
"Aha." Kenpachi's toothy grin spread wide, and he set his hands on his hips as if he were especially proud of himself. "Take Yachiru to the commissary after lunch."
It was better than nothing.
It was scantly a few months ago that Yumichika could strut between the buildings with his shoulders back, flaunting his new look or how bright his skin or how smooth his hair was that day. Now, he trudged with overcast features, hoping none would notice him at all. His eyes and face were clouded, dull from restlessness and exhaustion. Yachiru's little hand wrapped around his was the only thing that gave him the will to walk on. He used to enjoy the eyes of others roving him, admiring him, burning with jealousy at how he could look so much more beautiful than them in the same clothes and wearing the same skin. Looks could be so deceiving, couldn't they?
He saw strawberry blonde ringlets and a pink sash out of the corner of his eye, and turned his eyes down. If Rangiku saw him, she didn't say anything. Yachiru even waved to her, but he only heard her call back to Yachiru. As if he wasn't even there.
"Probably for the best." He cast his gaze at the tiles on the footpath and trudged onward.
Yachiru treated the commissary like her own personal mini-mart, and used Yumichika's arms like a basket. "Usually Kenny sends whoever sucked the most at practice, but this is much better!"
"Mhm." Yumichika nodded and stacked a few more boxes of sweets in his arms. Yachiru pursed her lips and 'hmmmm'ed loudly.
"Say, Yun-yun, what kinda cookies does the baby like?" She pointed right at him, her little finger jabbing right into the soft center of his stomach. He winced and tried to back up, but she grabbed his hand and yanked, and he stumbled forward, dropping all the boxes in the process.
"Ow, watch it, Yachiru!" Yumichika tried to shake her off. "What makes you think the baby wants cookies, anyway?"
"Well, it's a kid, right? All kids like cookies!" She grinned and held up a box of chocolate chip cookies. "So, if I'm getting some for me, I gotta share!" She put the box in his hands, then patted his sides with both hands. "So, what kind do you like, baby Baldy?"
Yumichika wasn't sure what color his face was, somewhere between blushing from having someone talk to the baby or pale from the rest of the sentence. He recovered enough to point out the ginger snaps just behind her. "The... baby has been asking for ginger cookies. With vanilla ice cream and pickles."
Yachiru squealed with glee and whirled to grab the cookies. "Let's get some ice cream, then!" She seized onto his hand again and pulled him along like a duck on a string, but this time with all the boxes of cookies stacked in her hand or tucked in the belt of her shihakusho.
Walking back, Yumichika only had to carry the ice cream and pickle jar, and Yachiru toted the rest of her chosen treats on her hands and all over the rest of her. Yumichika kept his lip buttoned and only barely tried to hide his little haul. He was sure they'd walked past at least four First Division officers, but not a one had dared to say a word to Yachiru. He got a few sideways glances, but he caught someone from the Twelfth, a girl he'd spoken to once, eye the treats in his hands and turn away to giggle. He sighed to himself, and tried to lose himself in Yachiru's pleased babble. He tried to drift a little into the quiet peace of the blue skies and fresh air, until he heard his own name:
"... Yun-yun? Didja hear me?" Yachiru slowed a step and cocked her head back to meet his eyes. He came up short, and she scowled and stuck her chin out. "You weren't listenin', were you?"
"Ah, sorry, Yachiru." He sighed and tossed his hair back. He was even disappointing her, wasn't he? "What's wrong?"
"I was askin' why you an' Baldy aren't gettin' along. Kenny says I gotta leave ya alone 'cos it's adult stuff, but I wanna know!"
How nice to be young and naïve. It was almost a relief that Yachiru couldn't see how obviously awful he was. Yumichika sighed again and patted her back. "Because I did something wrong. Something very wrong. Something so terrible that it should make it well impossible for him, or really, anyone to like me anymore."
"Well, yeah, sure, I figured one of ya did somethin' bad." She put on a lascivious little grin. "But what'd ya do?"
Childlike curiosity, and she couldn't see that digging deeper only hurt. "I lied to him, Yachiru." He grimaced to himself, and held his treats a little closer. "Let's leave it at that."
"Aww." Yachiru stuck her lower lip out, then pivoted to walk backwards so she could face him. "Have you apologized?"
Yumichika tried to give her a smart answer, but stopped when he realized he couldn't. "No. I haven't. Not yet."
"Then you should! That's what happens when people get mad at me!" She turned back around, smiling as if her idea were the most brilliant since someone first thought to box cookies. "I say I'm sorry 'cause I am and mean it, and soon enough, we can be friends again!"
"Just like that, huh?" He couldn't hide a little bit of amusement from his voice.
"No, not always." Yachiru waved a wise little finger and skipped down the steps to the lower path to the outer divisions. "Sometimes, it takes a little while for it to sink in, y'know?" She smiled over her shoulder again, gathering her boxes in front of her as the stack rattled, and going on with a chirrup, "But once it does, bam! Best friends again! Works on Byakushi and Nana and even Gramps, and they're a lot grumpier than Cueball most of the time!"
"I suppose it's worth a try." He shrugged a little, then glanced down to the treasures in his arms and the bundle they obscured. "Maybe he won't completely hate me forever if I try."
"Hate you?" Yachiru's brow knit up into genuine worry. Yumichika tried to answer, but found, for a third time, that he simply couldn't. Yachiru didn't press further, but she freed up one hand by stuffing a few boxes into the front of her kosode and wrapped it tight around his elbow. "Nobody hates you, Yumichika. You're too pretty."
He wished he could believe her, but nothing, even those words, seemed to fit right now.
Kenpachi found his afternoon nap wasn't quite as restful as it usually was. It was starting to get cold outside, even in his favorite sunny patch on the quad. Still, he had a lot riding on his mind. Training had been rough that morning- the guys were getting lazy without any good strong guys out there to fight, huh? Maybe he needed to send them out on patrols more often. Plus, Yachiru sure was taking her sweet time on her candy run, wasn't she? He didn't feel like trying to explain her off today. And of course, the trouble with his Fifth and Third seats weighed pretty heavily on him too.
He wasn't much for numbers, but he'd known 'em, what, fifty years? Sixty? Longer, maybe. He sort of remembered Ikkaku from way before that, and half-remembered him having a pretty little thing dragging his body off after Kenpachi finished playing with him and gave him the message that kept him chasing his heels all the way into the Seireitei. He and Yumichika got him, and that was cool. He thought he got them, and they were good for taking out the small fry so he could focus on his fight. He didn't like that that just might be changing.
"Transfer me."
No goddamn way. He'd seen a lot of things cross the guy's face when he and Ikkaku came to the rescue, but relief was definitely one of them, and not just because he was keeping the blade off of his belly. He wanted to come back, Kenpachi was sure of that. But something was twisted in his head, and Ikkaku treating him like dirt couldn't be helping.
But there was more to it than that. He'd been in a funk even after two days of not getting screamed at.
"Hell," he grunted, and sat up. He let his gaze travel, and spotted a familiar set of slumped shoulders. "Yo! Maki-Maki!" He rested his elbows behind him as Aramaki looked over to him with a stunned, 'Who, me?' expression, and Kenpachi curled his lip and waved him over. Aramaki trudged up to him, clearly doing his best not to tremble, and Kenpachi studied him. "You talked to Yumichika this morning, right?"
"Ah, yes sir," Aramaki stammered. He stammered a lot. Bugged the shit out of Kenpachi. How'd he even get to be a Seated Officer, anyway? Aramaki then steadied himself and continued, speciously, "Though he didn't talk very much."
"Hmm." Kenpachi scratched his chin. "A'right, you got any clue what his deal is?"
"Me, sir?" Aramaki's eyebrows rose, he pointed to his own chest. "I'm no expert, but if you had to ask me, he's... well... displaced."
"Displaced."
"Yes, er, after such a sudden transition to the Twelfth Division and all their strange ways, then a traumatic transfer back here during a period of great emotional stress, he may feel as if he doesn't belong." Aramaki glanced away to a patch of grass beside them, too intimidated to meet Kenpachi's eyes. "I don't like to talk about a superior officer this way, but the man makes me think of a peg in a gap the wrong size. He just doesn't have the strength to make himself fill it right now- not that he isn't strong, of course!" Aramaki held his hands up and stumbled back as Kenpachi lifted his head and growled. "Mentally! Emotionally! I can't even imagine what his internal state is after being tortured by Captain Kurotsuchi."
"Hmm." Kenpachi ground his teeth together as Aramaki caught his breath and settled back down on the ground. "You're sayin' that 'cause his head's messed up, he's feelin' like he don't fit here no more."
"That's... the general gist, sir."
"Yeah." Kenpachi nodded, and brought his fist under his chin. "Yeah, that sounds about right." He jumped to his feet, towering over Aramaki with a wild grin. "What're we gonna do about it?"
Aramaki stammered incoherently and stumbled back into the sunlight. "I don't know, sir!"
"I'll tell ya what we're gonna do!" He grabbed Aramaki's shoulder. "You get the rest of the seated officers, meet me at the Fifth's quarters. We're gonna show that fruitcake he belongs here!"
He shoved Aramaki off, and turned and marched for the barracks. There wasn't much he could do for Ikkaku- the guy was pissed, and had a right to be pissed- but Kenpachi was puzzling out Yumichika bit by bit, and the only corner pieces he had were that Yumichika belonged under his command, in his Division, at Ikkaku's side, and that he needed something he didn't have. He wasn't sure how to fill in the rest just yet, but if he could make the puzzle that was Yumichika fit in his Division, then he was going for that.
"A gap he can't fill. Yeah, let's just change the shape on that motherfucker."
Across the Division, Ikkaku was leading afternoon exercises. Kenpachi had forbidden him from patrols for days now, saying he was "in no state" to have live steel around anything humanoid and alive, and that just pissed him off enough to want to destroy anything close. As it turned out, this meant leading advanced kendo and demolishing their training dummy supplies. He mopped the sweat away just in time to see Yachiru leading a black stormcloud to their pantry, and rushed right back into his work. Better than thinking about anything else, for damn sure.
Yumichika finished putting away the extra treats, except for the three boxes Yachiru was taking with her on patrol that night, and dusted his hands on his kosode where it was tucked into his hakama. Yachiru was, of course, contently and enthusiastically debating with herself over which boxes to take, so Yumichika could slip out of the dim, close pantry and back out onto the field. He observed Ikkaku from a distance for a few minutes as he tore into another dummy with a flurry of blows. Hozukimaru glinted in the sunlight, white, bright, and dangerous like a fang. Yumichika felt a strange pull on his neck and shoulders as he watched it move- anxiety? Why? Had he ever been afraid of Ikkaku? Not even that first day, no...
"Hey!" The fang stood upright, and Ikkaku had turned, muscles taut and jaw tense, and Yumichika swallowed. Even rigid and barking at him like a mad dog, Yumichika could only see the smiling, powerful ally he'd been, and the passionate beast. He still remembered what that taut skin felt like on his tongue, tasted like, the stinging rub of his stubble on his cheek. If Ikkaku had any sensory memories like that, then he was blind to them now, instead glowering at Yumichika like he had blinders on. The other squad members halted in motion to stare at their unspoken exchange, the two meeting eyes across the empty lawn. Ikkaku finally pointed Hozukimaru at him. "What the hell're you starin' at?"
Yumichika's mouth went dry, but he spoke nonetheless: "Just you. Someone I still consider a friend." He took a few shaking steps closer. "Ikkaku, I wanted to-"
"Officer Madarame." Ikkaku slung Hozukimaru against his shoulder, tapping the flat edge of the blade against the round of muscle. Yumichika sucked in a nervous breath, and started again.
"Officer Madarame, I wanted to formally apologize." He set his hands at his sides and bowed at the waist, as deeply as he could. "I recognize that I wronged you, which surely wounded your pride and offended you. For that, I am deeply sorry."
"Crawlin' for forgiveness, huh?" Ikkaku folded his arms. "So, what're ya gonna do about it?"
Yumichika hadn't thought that far ahead. "If you're asking me to make it up to you, I don't believe I can." He lifted back up to a stand. "What's been done can't be undone." He shook his head, because Ikkaku was only tensing further and further, winding like a piano wire, and Yumichika stanced his legs stiff and straight, but kept his head down in contrition. "I only want to say I'm sorry this turned out this way. I lied to you. I wish I hadn't had to. If you can't offer forgiveness, then I-"
"Do you regret it?" Ikkaku's fingers were itching on Hozukimaru's hilt. Yumichika knew he was gunning for him now, and it was only a matter of time.
"I'm trying not to." Yumichika felt his way to Ruri'iro at his hip, fingers resting on the grip and drumming as he paced slowly to the left. Ikkaku matched his motion.
"You'd do it again if you had the chance, huh?"
"Not in this way." Yumichika's thumb touched the side of his belly, but he shook his head. "I wish I had reason never to lie to you again."
Ikkaku growled with frustration, his steps becoming more firm, and he dropped the pace to storm close to Yumichika. "You don't regret it and you'd do it again! Why're you even apologizing?!" He huffed and stomped in, and Yumichika faltered and stepped back. "You're such a stubborn idiot!"
"You're asking me if I regret our child." He felt Ikkaku's everything shudder at the word, but steeled himself and doubled down. "I will never regret that I am having our child, or that I have your child. I only wish I had done it in a better way-"
"You wish, you wish." Ikkaku sneered, twisting his wrist so that the blade of Hozukimaru faced Yumichika. "Yeah, wish in one hand, shit in the other. Why not fucking talk to me?! You're sure full of fucking pretty words now!" He pointed Hozukimaru at Yumichika, the point too close to his nose for comfort. "You ain't givin' me shit! Just tell me why!"
"Why?"
"Why, dammit! Make me understand!"
"Hah." Yumichika turned his face away, and steeled himself. He wouldn't lie to Ikkaku now, but he knew that the answer he would give was sealing his fate. "I'm afraid I can't do that. I don't think you'd understand even if I spelled it out for you. If there was more I could offer you, I would, but there isn't, and for that, I'm so-"
Yumichika raised Kujaku to block just as Hozukimari came down, but in an instant, Ikkaku threw Hozukimaru away and sent Kujaku with it. Then, before Yumichika could recover his sword hand, Ikkaku flew in with his fist up. Yumichika only just ducked under and tackled Ikkaku around the waist, pinning him under his weight. Rage flooded over any contrition he had, lips contorting into a snarl. Ikkaku had committed the ultimate wrong.
"You were going to punch me in the face!"
Ikkaku slid out from Yumichika and pushed him off. "Yeah, well, I missed, didn't I?!"
"You bald bastard, you were going to punch me in my beautiful face!" Yumichika jumped up to his feet, swallowing his nausea as he landed, and barreled forward, fist back, and Ikkaku screamed and rushed towards him.
Then, a whirlwind of black. Kenpachi had caught Ikkaku by the back of his neck like a she-bitch with a snarling puppy and hoisted him off the ground, and all of the squad members who had been practicing with Ikkaku had grabbed Yumichika's limbs and were holding him back. He screamed in futility and lunged at Ikkaku, but with five of them restraining him and him already dizzy, it wasn't happening. Yachiru stood back on the walkway, a box of cookies open in her lap and contently munching, even as Kenpachi gave Ikkaku a shake.
"Didn't you hear Yachiru? If that idiot gets hurt, Unohana's gonna get pissed." He glowered at Ikkaku with a toothy grimace. "And if that lady gets pissed, we all have to move to Hueco Mundo." He pushed Ikkaku down into the ground, digging his heels into the soft dirt, even as Ikkaku tried to take a swing at him. Kenpachi just held him at arm's length by his scalp and rebuffed what few hits landed off the broad side of his arm. "I wanna kick his ass too, but now ain't the time!"
"Captain, the stupid sonofabitch-"
"I know!" Kenpachi shoved Ikkaku backwards to the ground and stepped on his chest as he fell. Ikkaku dry-heaved, as Kenpachi dug his heel into his solar plexus. "But I'm orderin' you not to try to kill 'im before both parties involved here can fight back!"
Yumichika had to shout that time: "I'm not that delicate, Captain! I wouldn't be in your squad if I were!"
Kenpachi didn't lift his head from his glare down at Ikkaku, but the low growl in his voice made it clear he was speaking to Yumichika: "Goddamn right. Which is why you two can murder each other when you ain't puttin' someone else in harm's way. Until then, just stay the hell away from each other." He grunted, and stomped hard on Ikkaku's chest. "Goddamn shit, I told you idiots to keep it off the battlefield!" He turned his fierce glower onto Yumichika, and Yumichika's knees and elbows went weak. "You're goin' back to your room for the rest of the day. I'm taking this idiot to lockup." His face relaxed as he craned his neck around. "Yachiru, what'd he do wrong?"
Yachiru waved her little hand. "Unprovoked assault on a fellow officer!"
"It wasn't unprovoked," Yumichika said under his breath, then aloud: "I provoked him. He did nothing wrong." He willed himself to relax, and the men restraining him released him, one by one. Kenpachi released Ikkaku, sneering as he wheezed for air, and hooked Yumichika under the arm.
"What, you don't want him in trouble?"
"I shouldn't have provoked him if I wasn't looking for a fight, and really, when aren't we looking for a good fight?" Yumichika smiled softly, but it didn't spread to his eyes. Kenpachi grunted, but dragged him along in the direction of the barracks between the long shadows of the walls and buildings. Yumichika kept his head low as they trudged past Ikkaku, but forced a stop near where their swords had landed. He picked up Ruri'iro Kujaku and cleaned it on the bottom of his sleeve before he sheathed it, but didn't touch Hozukimaru. Then, he let Kenpachi escort him away. Ikkaku, meanwhile, got to his feet, and caught enough of his breath to yell after him:
"Asshole! Idiot! Stupid, ugly TWINK!" He stomped one step forward, but all the men around him moved in to block him, and he rooted himself down and cupped his hands around his mouth. "Go back to the Twelfth! Maybe someone'll understand your crazy ass there!"
"Enough already," Kenpachi grumbled, and pushed Yumichika forward to speed him up. Yumichika didn't feel it. Everything else just hurt too much.
Ugly, was he? Maybe.
Yumichika limped at Kenpachi's side until Kenpachi shoved open the door to his barracks, and Yumichika froze in horror at the sight of the room. He heard Kenpachi laugh sheepishly above him.
"Right, so funny story."
"I'd really like to hear this one, Captain." Yumichika pivoted on his heel to face him, turning his aghast gaze from the large hole punched through his wall and into the vacant room next to his. It looked to be vaguely Kenpachi-shaped, but wider, and half-sanded on one side. Whatever had made the hole had covered most of his belongings with plaster dust and bits of broken wall.
"'Fore you started actin' up, I thought I'd do ya a little favor, and make a little space for ya." He folded his arms and put on a wicked smirk. "Thought I'd give you and the kid a little extra space."
"Captain, that room's for the Fourth Seated-"
"Yeah, I know." Kenpachi cocked his head, and Yumichika's eyes widened as he got his meaning. Kenpachi's smirk broadened. "Comes right between the Third and Fifth. Seemed right. Me and the guys, we're gonna put a door there so you can get in from here." He lowered his hand and gave Yumichika's midsection a prod. "You're in charge of makin' sure our Fourth Seat's safe and sound, alright?" He set his hands on his hips, clearly proud of himself for this, and Yumichika could only hang his head.
"You said you wanted to whip me into shape, Captain?"
"Damn right I do." Kenpachi crossed his arms again, shoulders back and nearly filling the entire doorway with his dark, cool presence. "You're kind of an idiot. But that'll hafta wait." He waved a hand next to his head. "I get that there's somethin' I don't get goin' on here, and I ain't dumb enough to fight shadows, or anythin' that don't fight back." He heaved a sigh and backed out. "That said, try not to fuck around. I'm gonna ask you to stay in here for the rest of the night, or I just might hafta reconsider not kickin' your ass today."
"Yes, sir." Kenpachi moved to leave, but saw Yumichika reaching for his face with both hands and grimaced.
"Hey, uh..." He looked behind him, then grabbed Yumichika's shoulders. "Look, I ain't good at talkin', but... I'm your Captain, alright?" He gave Yumichika a shake, then backed out and shut the door behind him.
Yumichika lowered himself down to his bed, exhausted, still nauseous and dizzy, his stomach and legs aching. He hadn't thought the fight would strain him so much, but it had, and he could feel distress from somewhere other than his own head. He put his hands over his middle, covering the swell by spreading his fingers. The baby kicked wildly, and it made his bladder and insides all shudder. The baby's reiatsu, too, was frantically pulsing and writhing against his, and Yumichika tried hard to read it.
Pain? No... confusion?
"It's alright," he whispered. For a fleeting second, he entertained the thought of asking to be taken to the Fourth Division, but something inside him screamed back at him that Unohana was the last thing he wanted. He shuddered and rolled onto his side. "It's alright, darling."
Even if Ikkaku thought him ugly. "He's just seeing what's been on the inside the whole time." He curled up, knees to his chest, hand still on his middle, flat in the orange afternoon sunlight and drowned out by the harsh light. He couldn't feel it, couldn't see it. The only light he sensed at all was inside, grabbing at his hands and twining around him. It was enough to make him smile.
"The Fourth Seat, huh?" He gave the swell a slow caress, from the base to his breastbone. "You're going to be born with a promotion."
There might have been a space he couldn't fill, but he hoped upon hope that he could fill it before long. Wasn't that all part of the 'why'?